***Chapter 37 – Germany Can't Change You***

Three more months have passed, and my father is back to see us. This time, I hang around when he starts to talk about Germany. Although Wakabayashi has described most of the details of his life there, I still want to know more.

"So, I've found a nice house in Hamburg. It's small, but it still has two bedrooms. It's close to work. It's also close to Hamburg's soccer training complex," he says, glancing at me.

I take the bait, and give him my full attention.

After a few minutes of silence, he adds, "I was hoping the two of you would visit. Perhaps at the end of the school year? March isn't the best time to visit Hamburg, but at least it won't interfere with school."

Wakabayashi isn't planning on coming home until his year is over, in July. That seems so far away. March would be closer...

"That would be nice. I think I'd like to see Germany. Rai, don't you think it would be nice?" my mom asks, clearly trying to help my father's case.

I give them a small smile and nod, trying not to appear overly eager, even though the idea is beginning to excite me.

Later that night I sit down at my desk as usual. I've finished all my homework, and its just before bedtime. Writing on the stationary Wakabayashi gave me has become a habit now. At first, I wrote to keep him informed about what's going on in my life, but now, writing to him is like thinking to myself which is probably much closer to what we shared, when he was still here. I can hear his voice, talking to me, responding to the emotions I write on the page. I feel him in my room, when it's dark, as if he were sitting next to my bed. Am I going crazy?

I wonder if he hears my voice in his head, at night, when he's alone. Do I say things to him as he writes his letters to me, the way I can hear him so clearly when I write to him?

I flip through my sketchbook as my mind sorts out what I want to write. I happen to find the cartoon sketch of Wakabayashi I drew. It was the first game of the Nationals, he was injured, and I finally decided to go to his house. Does he remember that day? Does he remember my face as clearly as I remember his? I carefully rip the page out of my sketchbook and write a caption at the bottom of it, "Do you remember this day?" I fold it into the stack of papers that will form my next lengthy letter to him.

I think about my father's offer to visit Germany. It means that I can see Wakabayashi again. Though months have passed, I still feel like he's a vital part of my life. Everything around me is the same as when he was still here, and I am reminded of him wherever I go. But I know that his life has totally changed. He's in a foreign country – new people, new places, new things. I wonder how the memory of me fits into his new life.

He mentioned that he's currently having a hard time adjusting to German soccer. The players are so much better, and training is very strict and demanding. I've felt helpless here, so far away from him. He has to face everything alone now, except maybe for my father. But it's hard to see how a man of so few words could offer any encouragement. I can't remember my father offering much encouragement to me. Does he even know how?

There's a knock at my door.

"Come in," I call, from my desk.

The door opens, and my father comes in. I look at him, waiting for him to say something. He rarely comes into my room. If he does, it's usually something important.

He sits on the edge of my bed, facing me, and starts,

"I've been in Germany for a few months now. It's been the longest time I've been away from home. I just wanted you to know that I do feel the difference. Being away this long, not seeing you or your mother, it can be...a bit...lonely.

Your mom has always been very supportive of me and my soccer career. Despite what you may think, I am very aware of it... and I want you to know that I don't take it for granted. But, sometimes, we don't control when things happen to us in our lives. Sometimes, we need to choose to accept what is happening, and decide that we'll make the best of it."

He says all this, very slowly. Like he's having trouble finding the right words. But those last two sentences, I've heard before from Mom.

"...if you really love someone, you will find that you can get through it," I finish the thought off for him.

He looks at me, surprised, and then nods in agreement.

My mom had said that about my father. I'll do whatever it takes to stay in Wakabayashi's life, including accepting that he's in Hamburg. Does that...could that mean...

"So, it would mean a lot...to me... if you could come during your break in March," my father says.

That's why he's in here. He's trying to say that he misses me and mom. Perhaps many months ago, hearing this from him would have made me angry, afterall, he's the one making the choice to make himself lonely. But now, it just makes me feel sad. I begin to realize that being away all the time takes a toll on my father too. I wonder if Wakabayashi feels so alone, in Germany. He must.

I look at my father again. Do I see loneliness? I have to admit that I can't really tell. He's my father, but I can't read the expression on his face. Nevertheless, I thought I heard it in his voice, and in his words. So I nod.

"I'll go in March," I tell him.

He seems satisfied, and gets up to go. As he reaches the door, he turns to me again.

"One last thing. I'm sure Genzo has already told you about what's happening with him in Germany. He's always been strong, physically and mentally. So I'm not overly concerned, but, he is having difficulties facing the German soccer players right now. I don't know how much he's said to you, but he's probably feeling pretty depressed. I am helping him with his training, but maybe I can't appeal to his emotions, the way a good friend can. I'll be going back to Hamburg in a few days. I could deliver something faster than international post..."

I know what he's asking me to do, and I'm more than willing to do it.

"Ok. I'll write something. Good night," I say to him.

When he leaves, I turn back to my desk and continue my letter writing.

"I've told you before that I was proud of you. Like when you won the Nationals.

I want you to understand that I'm not proud of you for being Japan's best youth goalkeeper. That in itself is nothing. I'm proud of you because of your strength. I'm proud of you because you're a fighter who never gives up. You have loads of talent, but that doesn't stop you from working harder, and smarter, than everyone else. Maybe things aren't as you expected, but this isn't the first time that has happened, nor will it be the last. I've always been amazed at your ability to figure out what needs to be done, and then actually do it, no matter how daunting the task.

You look for challenges, conquer them, and come out stronger. That's you, Wakabayashi-kun...and Germany can't change who you are."