Chapter 35 that's not true

Derek froze as he saw Meredith's broken form fleeing before him, his mind a wash with confusion as to what could have brought such a sudden break down, the baby had been ok, the mother had been ok when he had left, and he had to make sure she was ok, he couldn't just leave her.

As he made his way forwards his attention shifted to an apologetic Addison appearing in the door way, and his heart sank at once. What had she done? What had she said?

'What the hell did you do to her' Derek's voice boomed down the corridor as he watched Meredith flee ahead of him, and Addison running out after her from the room.

Addison froze at once as she heard the anger in his voice. Both now rooted to their own spots as Meredith disappeared around the top corner at the end of the corridor. Addison had never heard him shout like that, even when he walked in on her with someone else, he had stayed calm, simply walked away, disappointment written all over his face, but now, the anger this was new, this was different. She was too scared to face him and physically jumped as she felt his hand on her shoulder, pulling her round to face him.

'I said what the hell did you do' he spat angrily in her face as he grabbed both her arms now and shook her to demand a reaction. He couldn't explain what had come over him, but the thought of his ex wife ruining his friendship with his best friend was just about too much to take

'I...I...I didn't do anything, I swear' Addison cried as she tried to remove herself from his vice grip

'Don't lie to me Addison, I had years of that' he shouted as he tightened his grip on her arms as if to demand an answer.

'I swear Derek, please you're hurting me, stop it' she sobbed, a genuine sense of pain in her voice 'We lost the mother, I had to tell Meredith and she took it pretty hard, I don't know what caused it, she just broke down, I didn't do anything I promise you Derek'

He could hear the truth in her voice, she was a good liar, but she did have a heart at times too, and this was one of those times as he felt himself release the hold on her arms, her own hands instantly rubbing along her arms to soothe the pain from his grip.

'I'm sorry Addison, I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to...' he said, his voice breaking slightly as he realised he might have actually hurt her, this wasn't him, and he didn't hurt anyone, only his self...

'It's ok Derek, its ok; it must have looked bad, your wife running after your heartbroken girlfriend...'

'Meredith isn't my girlfriend Addison' he cut her off before she had chance to finish her sentence

'She isn't? But I thought...'

'You thought wrong' he sighed as he started to walk along the corridor beside Addison

'Meredith was a mess in their Derek, you say she isn't your girlfriend and I don't know if you are just protecting my feelings, or protecting the likelihood of a divorce...

'Addison I will say this once, calmly without getting angry and I need you to listen. Meredith is not my girlfriend, she is my friend, a friend I care about a lot, properly more than I ever cared about you, and I'm sorry if that hurts, but it's the truth, I lost all respect for you when I walked in on you with Chris in my bed, but stupidly I forgave you, I lost all respect for myself that day too, I should have just kept on running away from you, I should never have let you back in. You made a fool of me, and I won't let you make a fool of Meredith, ever, do you understand me?' he stopped and faced his wife on the corridor 'I believe you that you didn't hurt her back then in the room, but this morning, the calling her onto her service, the attitude you had with her in the ER, that didn't go unnoticed, the walls have ears, don't forget that.'

'I'm sorry Derek, I'm sorry, I saw you this morning with her, and you just looked so happy, so at ease, and I realised just how much I had lost'

'you lost me a long time ago Addison, and I am happy when I'm around Meredith, she makes things cope able, she understands a lot of what I'm going through, she is an amazing person, a surgeon with so much potential, and a girl who deserves a break in life, so just please, I'm begging you, leave her alone.'

'I'm sorry, about this morning, and about everything, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, and I'm not asking for it, I'm sorry Derek' she sobbed as she walked towards the elevator.

'What happened to the mother? When Mark and I left the gallery she was ok, everything was under control?' he asked as the pair stepped inside the confinements of the elevator.

'Stacey wasn't just any emergency C section, she was fighting her own battle to stay alive from the minute she found out she was pregnant' Addison spoke quietly, the devastation evident in her voice.

'So you expected this to happen?'

'No Derek, she seemed strong, the baby was ready to make an appearance, we were only a few days away from the induce date, the baby had been given steroids throughout the pregnancy to prepare her lungs for an early delivery, we always expected the baby to come this early'

'But why?' he asked confused, trying to piece together the puzzle, to understand what had Meredith so upset.

'Stacey had lymphoma Derek, and when she found out she refused any further treatment, until the baby was born, she wanted the baby to have the chance to survive, she didn't want her husband to be left without either of them'

In that one sentence, the pieces fell into place, Stacey had died, of lymphoma, like William, the same as William, but Stacey had left behind a valuable present, the gift of life for her baby, and a companion for life for husband...Meredith had been left alone.

'Derek are you alright?' Addison asked as she noticed the colour all but drain from his face.

'Yeah, I just have to go, I have to go, I'm sorry Addison, so sorry about before' he called as he fled the elevator as soon as the doors sprang open.

Meredith hardly remembered the journey home, she was just grateful that she didn't live too far away from the hospital as her legs began to run, and her fear took over as she fled the grounds of the hospital and headed for home. Derek had dropped her off that morning, she had no car at work, her purse was upstairs in her locker, her phone too, she just preyed Alex or Cristina would already be home s her scrub clad body sprinted as fast as it could to get away from that place, from the devastation, from the death.

Exhaustion began to creep over her body, but the desire to escape ensure that she kept running, even as the heavens opened and the rain began to pour, she somehow kept going, pounding the pavement as she got closer to home, her heart racing in her chest, begging for a rest, her lungs fighting for oxygen to keep her breathing, the burn inside of her crying out for her to stop, but the emotion running through her body kept her running, relief setting in as she made her way up her street, taking the steps to the house two at a time, her body relaxing as she noticed the living room light on – someone was home.

Bursting through the door, leaving it swaying in the wind, she entered the house and clambered up the stairs before collapsing on her bed. Her whole body shaking, gulping for oxygen, her muscles burning from the sudden bout of exercise they had had to endure.

'Meredith is that you?' she head Alex call up the stairs, her breathing still uneven, unable to muster enough energy to reply.

'Meredith?' he called again, as she heard the door slam and his footsteps begin to creep up the stairs.

'Whoa, Meredith, what the hell happened?' he asked as he took in her dishevelled form laying diagonally across the bed, her rain soaked scrubs clinging to her tiny frame, her sneakers dripping the Rembrandts of rain water onto the carpet, her deep breathes echoing around the room as she fought for oxygen to help her starving lungs.

He crossed the room and sat himself on the edge of the bed, pulling Meredith up into a sitting position, grabbing the small towel sat on the floor by the bed, offering it to her to wipe the sweat and precipitation from her face.

'I...I...ran and...'

'You ran? You don't run? Ok metaphorically speaking you run faster than a speeding express train, but in terms of exercise, you don't run'

'I ran Alex, from the hospital, all the way here, it was too much, it was all too much' she said blankly, staring into space, no tears escaping, she felt numb, exhausted

'What happened?' he whispered as he got up off the bed to fetch her robe from the bathroom

'Not now Alex, please, not now' she begged

'ok, I'm here though, if you need me, I'm here...take a bath, get warm, you're going to catch a cold if you sit around like that, and a grown women sniffling is really unattractive' he winked, trying to raise a smile in his friend.

'Thank you' she smiled as she got up off the bed and headed to the ensuite, desperate for time alone with her own thoughts.

As Alex watched the door close, he headed down stairs and cracked upon a beer from the refrigerator before getting out his phone and calling the one person he hoped Meredith would let in.

'Cristina' he called as he spotted Meredith's friend up ahead reading the surgical board 'have you seen Meredith? He begged, the worry written all over his face.

'No why , should I have?' she asked as she tried to make sense of the emotions on his face 'what did you do?'

'Nothing, I haven't done anything, she had a tough case, and they lost a patient, c section with complications from lymphoma...'

'Oh crap' cristina butted in 'and this was Meredith's case? Why would she be put on a case like that?'

'People don't no Cristina, they can't have her avoid such cases if they don't no' he sighed as he rested his hand on the wall, steadying himself. 'Meredith ran, when she heard the news, she ran, and I was too busy shouting at Addison, that I didn't see where she went'

'Oh I might have known Satan was behind this, I'm gonna stuff her 6 inch heels right up her ass when I see her next' she spewed angrily as she spun ready to head off in hunt of Meredith.

'wait cristina, please, I thought that too, I accused Addison of upsetting Meredith, but it wasn't her, it was the patient, I promise, believe me it pains me to stick up for her on that one, but it wasn't Addison'

'are you sure, she is a pretty convincing liar from what I understand;' she spat back, instantly regretting her words as she saw Derek's face change before her 'I'm sorry, Derek I'm sorry, DR Shepherd, I shouldn't have said that'

He knew she was as upset as he was, she didn't mean to insult his intelligence, for Meredith he had to let it go, 'its ok, its Derek, and it's ok, do you have any idea where she might have gone?' he asked as the pair began to walk slowly towards the locker room

'We can check in here, see if her stuff is here, try her cell, she might answer' Cristina offered,

'I've tried, just rings out' he sighed as he got out his phone to try again

The sound of her ring tone filled the air as they entered the locker room, her coat, her bag, everything sitting in the same cubby she had left everything this morning.

'So she's still here?' Cristina asked as she pointed to the cubby, Derek taking in her belongs 'she can't have gone far.'

He was about to reply as the sound of his own cell filled the air Meredith, he thought to himself, could it be?

'Hello, Meredith is that you' he raced as he failed to even read the display screen.

'Karev? Whoa slow down, she did what? Ok I'm coming, Cristina too, we are coming'

Cristina looked on from the bench worried at the conversation she was witnessing. Meredith had done what? Where were they going?

'We have to go' Derek instructed as he walked over to the cubby to collect Meredith's things.

'Go? Go where?' she ordered, fear creeping over her body 'please tell me? What has she done?'

'We have to go to your place, she is there, she ran...'

'Ran? As in one foot in front of the other human torture?'

'Apparently so'

'Meredith doesn't run, she isn't an athlete, who does she think she is Usain friggin Bolt'

'Cristina'

'Yeah'

'Shut the hell up and let's go' he called as he fled the room, sending a quick text over to mark on route to the car

'Reign check? Sorry...tomorrow?'

'Cant working, no worries man, Meredith?'

'Yeah, explain later'

'I'll have the scotch ready'

'Shepherd, put that phone away before I ensure you are having it extracted from your ass' cristina shouted as she flung open the passenger door and rammed her hand on the horn, as Derek flung himself into the driver's seat throwing cristina a look.

'What? You were the one who said we had to hurry'

Meredith lay back in the bath, the heat from the water warming her muscles, her body relaxing as the lavender scent engulfed her body, and her eyes closing as the events of the day took their hold on her exhausted form. Desperate to forget today's tragic events she couldn't fight the tiredness overcoming her body, as blanketed by the bubbles and the water, she fell asleep.

'Alex?' Cristina called as she ran into the house, leaving Derek in her wake as she sprinted into the hall way 'where is she Alex?' she asked as he appeared from the living room, resting his head on the door frame as Derek too entered the house.

'That was quick' Alex said as he held out a beer to each of them

'Turns out Derek here fancies himself as the next Michael Schumacher' Cristina laughed as she accepted the beer from Alex, forcing the other in Derek's hand to.

'Where is she Alex?' Derek asked the pain and worry evident in his voice.

'She's taking a bath, believe me she needed it, she needs time, I think she will let you in.'

'He can't go in the bathroom Alex...' Cristina snorted at the sheer suggestion

'I know that, I'm not stupid, I meant 'in' as in talk to him 'in' not perve on her in the bathtub in'.

'look I'm just going to go up and let her know we are all here, we don't want to scare her when she gets out' he smiled as he took the stairs up towards Meredith's room.

Steam filled the air in her bedroom, the heat escaping from the crack in the door, the lavender aroma lingering in the air...the room hushed in silence.

'Meredith' Derek called as he took a step closer to the door, nervousness creping in as the room remained in silence.

Stepping closer again he tapped the door as he called her name 'Meredith'

Still no answer.

His heart beating harder in his chest at her silence.

He knocked again louder this time, desperate to raise a response from behind the door.

'Meredith let me know you are ok please' he begged as his fists hammered against the door some more.

Silence

Silence

Silence

Silence

Without thinking any longer he pushed open the door, causing it to bang off the wall to the side of the bath, steam filling the room, making it hard to see past the end of his nose.

'Meredith I could really do with you to answer me now, if Alex catches me in here then I'm pretty sure he is going to throw me out, and kick me ass' he offered as the bath came into focus,

'Derek?' she whispered 'you're in my bathroom?'

'Yeah, which I know isn't quite right, but I knocked and you didn't answer, and I'm not even looking I swear, I'm looking at the door'

'You're here?' she responded, her voice showing clear signs of exhaustion

'I'm here, I heard...and I'm here, except I didn't expect here to actually involve standing in your bathroom' he said, trying to force a laugh to escape his nervous body.

'You're in my bathroom' she smiled, Derek hearing the change in her voice, his body relaxing at her calmer manner'

'I think we have established that' he laughed as he turned to leave.

'Don't go' she offered as he stood still unsure of what she wanted. 'Please, come here, sit on the edge, there is enough bubbles in here to cover the state of Washington, you won't see anything if that's what you are worried about'

'But Alex...'

'Alex won't be walking into my bathroom, I promise you that' she said, a slight giggle to the tone of her voice.

Taking a deep breath he felt his body shuffling over to the tub, his eyes daring to look over the water, relief to see her head poking out of a mountain of bubbles, her face glowing from the heat of the water, her hand resting on the edge of the tub.

She moved her hand as if to offer a safe place to sit, and felt relief wash through his body when he felt her hand take his, her fingers loose in the palm of his hand.

'Thank you' she whispered as she gave his hand a gentle squeeze 'thank you for showing up'

'I'm always going to Meredith, I promised you that' he replied, allowing his other hand to sandwich hers between his.

'Do you think you could pass me my robe?' she asked as silence fell across the room.

'Urm, yeah, hang on, I'll just leave it here so you can get out, and I'll...wait in there, or something' he rambled as he placed the robe on the toilet seat next to the bath and exited the room, giving her the privacy she deserved.

He sat himself down in the arm chair, looking out of the window as the rain hammered down on the glass, a storm brewing as lightening flashed in the distance, his mind wandering a million miles away, he failed to notice Meredith now standing beside him.

'Derek' she asked, trying to get his attention 'Derek' she repeated allowing her hand to rest on his shoulder 'are you ok?'

'I think I should be asking you that, don't you?' he half smiled as he turned to look at Meredith, her body covered in her white towelling robe, her hair wet and tussled hanging loose framing her face, the lavender scent stronger than ever, covering her body in a beautiful aroma that he would never tire of smelling.

'Can I...' she asked looking to the arm chair

'Oh of course, sorry, here I'll get up, this is your chair, sorry' he said as he began to move up off the chair before Meredith's hands on his chest stopped him

'no, sorry I didn't want you to get up' she smiled as she pushed him slowly back to the chair 'I just wondered, if I could share?' she smiled as she perched on the edge of the chair, before sliding herself onto his knee, her head resting on his shoulder instinctively, as his arms encompassed her.

'Today was a horrible day' she whispered as his hand ran over her back, attempting to sooth her from a day of agony

'I heard' he whispered as he ran his fingers through her golden tresses, tucking the stray strands behind her ears,

'Addison tried' she whimpered 'she really tried'

'I know...I know'

'She fought whilst she was alive to make sure her husband wasn't alone, she did everything she could to give her daughter a chance to survive, and she really loved them both'

'She did Meredith, she did'

'She didn't want him to be alone; do you think that's what all people who are facing death in the face think of? That they don't want the ones they love to be alone?'

'I don't know, it must be scary to be leaving them, and you know there is nothing you can do to stop it' he offered as he felt Meredith begin to stand up off his lap.

'William said it.' She stuttered as she walked over to the bedside table and retrieved the wedding photograph before sitting herself down on the bed.

'sit with me?' she asked as Derek got up and filled the void in the bed next to her, his head resting on the head board, as Meredith sat next to him, running her fingers over the glass before opening the frame and passing Derek the letter that rested in the frame.

'What's this?' he asked as he opened the paper, and saw a page of beautiful handwriting before him.

'William wrote it, before he died, he left it for me to find'

'How? How did he know you would find it?'

'It was under the tequila bottle, he knew me well' she smiled as she encouraged Derek to read the letter, for the first time, brave enough to share such an important memory with another human soul.

Derek held his breath as he read down the note, the lump building in his throat, making it harder to breath as he felt the tears begin to prick the back of his eyes, it was beautiful, he loved her so much, and she was his world.

'He doesn't want me to be alone' she whispered as she took the letter from Derek's hands as he began to fold it back into its original shape, 'but Stacey left a baby, a new life for Dan to share, to be with, to dote on, I have...nothing' she sobbed as he pulled her into his chest, a position that felt totally natural to him these days, to be her pillow, to be there when she needed him

'That's not true Meredith, it's not true'