Chapter 36

'Don't think I don't know what you're doing Severus.' Minerva levelled her eyes on his once he had directed his attention from the blank wall holding Amycus prisoner towards her. She had been watching him for some time now, sitting, staring, his face drawn and tired, resigned almost. They had been seated, on opposite chairs, in the staffroom ever since the staff meeting had been called to a close. She had watched him collapse into the chair shortly after they had been left alone. His eyes had darted from the wall, to the place Alecto had stood, to the window and the peaceful, snow-covered grounds below. The speed his gaze had shifted between the spots, forever etched into her memory, had slowed over the last few hours, his mood however, remained unchanged; his brow furrowed, his lips pressed tight, his jaw clenched, he remained the epitome of tense. 'You can't hide in here forever you know.'

'What am I supposed to say to her Minerva?' He shook his head, his eyes dropping back to the floor and away from her compassionate gaze. 'Sorry I almost brought the entire castle down on your head during a tantrum? I didn't get the reputation of unjustified, uncontrolled fury from smiling calmly at everyone.' He spoke the last sentence mockingly, his frustration towards his reputation being taken out on himself once more.

'You were not having a tantrum.' She leant forwards, reaching across the distance that separated them and placed her hand on his knee. 'And nothing that happened in there was unjustified Severus.' She gave his knee a squeeze, hoping her words were sinking in, waiting for him to acknowledge them and turn back to face her. Slowly Severus sat a little straighter in his chair, re-angling his body to sit forwards, her hand never shifting from his knee. She watched then as he lifted sheepish eyes towards hers. She spoke softly, her tone kind but matter=of-fact. 'You have never been unjustified. You're calculated, controlled,' she watched his eyebrow raise as though he meant to interrupt and question her character statement of him. She shook her head, silencing the protest before he could voice it. 'Maybe not right in that moment, control isn't exactly the word I would choose to use Severus, but when people think of you, they don't think uncontrolled or furious. And if they ever doubted they certainly do not now. Now that the truth is out.' She nodded. 'Even before, there was callousness, feigned as we now know, but it was controlled, directed, subtle.' She smiled then, relaxing slighting in her chair as she attempted to ease the tension from his body. 'Nothing about earlier was even remotely subtle, young man.'

'That's my point entirely.' He ran a hand through his hair. 'I frightened her. I almost killed her.'

'You damn near killed me too. I don't hear you regretting that course of action.' Minerva grinned wider, her voice teasing as she tried to break him out of his gloom, coax him back to his usual stoic self. 'I'm far too old to have a table thrown at me.'

'I missed.' He shrugged then, a small smile beginning to tug at his lips as he sparred with his friend, his true mentor, the woman he wished was is real mother.

'Well then I guess you are too old to be hurling tables about too.' She matched his shrug, dismissing the taunt as the apology she knew he was trying to make.

'Some days I think I'm too old for all of it.' His voice dropped to just above a whisper, his eyes losing the joviality she had managed to provoke him to.

'I know.' Minerva grew serious again then too. 'Me too. Sometimes it is all too much. No one should have to live like this.' She brought a fisted hand to her mouth in silent contemplation, chewing the pad of her thumb as she closed her eyes for a second. 'Damn you Albus.' She opened her eyes and locked them on Severus' waiting gaze. 'What?'

'I don't think even our illustrious dead leader predicted the Dark Lord would order me to marry that despicable woman.' Severus smirked.

'But I can hate him none-the-less.' Minerva held her ground, her eyes hard. 'Everything that has happened to you Severus is his fault.' She nodded once to emphasis her words. 'Everything.' She gave his knee another squeeze. 'And I will spend every damn day making it up to you.'

'It's not your burden Minerva.' Severus spoke softly.

'Maybe not.' She matched his tone. 'But I was unknowingly a part of it. And I'll be damned sure you know how much I care for you…' her throat closed, her words choking off as the emotion caught up to her. She watched Severus blink, clearing his eyes, her words and the emotion behind them not lost on him either. 'I will make it up to you.' She finished more calmly, 'just as you will make it up to the young woman in your chambers.'

'Very well.' He stood, using his hands on the arm rest to heft his body from the chair. 'But when this ends badly...'

'You have spent months together now.' Minerva interrupting him as she stood too, feeling her bones crack with the movement after sitting for so long. 'That girl adores you. You need to give yourself more credit.' She grinned then. 'You may want clean up a little bit first though.' She gestured towards his cheek. 'You've got a little something…'

'Like you can talk, old woman.' Severus matched her smile. 'You're practically covered in Carrow.' He uncharacteristically flapped his hand about as he waved his hand across her torso and face, indicating the dried blood, the bits of skin that they both were seemingly covered in but until this moment had been too preoccupied to either notice or care.

'This,' she cocked her head to the left, her brow raising, 'is the only way I would ever let a Carrow on me.'

'That is a very good point Madam.' Severus nodded his face solemn for a moment as he considered. 'This, however, is still too close to me than I ever cared to let her get.'

Minerva gave a flick of her wrist, vanishing the remains of the Carrow sister from the both of them. 'A shower will actually make you feel clean, but right now it is imperative that you don't make that girl wait for you and your explanation any longer.'

'Indeed.' Severus gave a brief incline of his head before he stepped towards the floo. 'I may need luck.' He muttered as he took hold of a handful of power and threw it into the fire.

'You will need nothing of the sort.' Minerva informed him. She watched as he stepped into the green flames and was pulled from view. 'She loves you. Perhaps even more that I do.' She told the now empty room.

Severus straightened as he stepped out of the fire and onto the hearth. His eyes darted about his chambers, widening as he took in the lack of debris. He had been expecting to return to a full blown disaster zone, but everything was in order, his furniture righted, his belongings repaired. He crossed the room, his eyes still tracking for remnants of his loss of control earlier, for his use of unrestrained old magic to stir up a tornado of destruction. He stopped dead in his tracks as his reached the archway entering the kitchen, his eyes widening at the sight before him, at the vision she provided; her back to him, her trust in his return and her safety breaching the wall he had tried to bring up to shield himself as he gave his explanation. It all fell. At the sight of her leaning on the counter, a book in one hand, the other idling stroking his cat as it lounged on the marble bench. A bowl sat to her right, a small spoon handle visible as it stirred whatever it was that she was preparing. For them. For him. The action, its significance not lost on him. 'Hermione.' He spoke softly, lest her startle her.

She spun quickly at him voice, her hand still wrapped around her book. 'You're back.' She breathed, her eyes roaming over him, taking him in.

His lip twitched as he controlled the urge to smile at her blatant stating of the obvious. 'I am.'

'Are you ok? Are you hurt?' She took a step towards him before she faltered, pausing her approach, her brow furrowing as her eyes dropped from his. 'I don't know what to do.' She whispered, her book falling to the floor as it slipped from her fingers.

'Oh Little One.' He took the remaining steps to close the distance between them. He wrapped his arms about her small frame and pulled her into his chest, his lips dropping to brush against her hair. 'I am so sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. You did nothing wrong.'

'I am not scared of you Severus.' She encircled his body with her arms, pulling herself closer still. 'I just don't want to add to your distress, your feeling of powerlessness, of helplessness.' She loosened her grip and took a small step back to allow her to look into his eyes, her hand resting loosely on his forearms now. 'I can even leave. If it gives you space. Choice.'

He swallowed then as his eyes searched hers. 'I don't want space Hermione. I just didn't want her.' He reached up and smoothed his hand over her head, running his palm gently over her hair, to tuck a few strands behind her ear. 'I did not want her to destroy what I have with you.'

'What do you have with me Severus?' She all but whispered.

'Everything.' He matched her volume, his tone worshipping. 'I have everything.'

She saw his eyes go glassy as the tears welled. She knew hers matched. So, she smiled then, willing the tension to ebb from the room. 'Well, that's informative.' She teased.

'Do you doubt me?' His head tilted as he looked down at her smiling, upturned face.

The smile fell from her lips at his words. The teasing left her voice at the seriousness of his question. 'Never Severus. I have NEVER doubted you. I was terrified when you brought me here.' She shook her head, her eyes dropping to look directly at his chest in front of her. 'Terrible things had happened. My emotions were all in turmoil. I was torn between my resolve that you were to be trusted and what had happened to me at the hands of your supposed conspirators.' She brought her eyes back to lock onto his. 'But I never doubted you.' She let her smile return to her lips then. 'But I doubt that you and I have everything.'

He let her words register, her reassurance wash over him. He let the return of her grin, her teasing tone guide him in his next response as he let the fear of her rejection, of her distrust evaporate from his very being. 'Hmmm?' He raised a brow in question, his voice deepening even further, growing silkier as he pulled her closer again. 'And just what am I missing?'

She caught the corner of her lower lip in between her teeth as she stared, wide-eyed up at him for a second, before she smiled once more, her teeth ever so slowly releasing her lip. Her hand sliding up his arms to his chest, her palms now flat against his pectorals, her right hand directly over his heart. 'I'm missing it too.' She whispered as she raised herself up on her toes, her hands continuing their journey, after their brief pause, to behind his neck. Her fingers twisted into his hair as she brought his face gently towards hers.

He caught the way she looked at him before her eyes fluttered closed. He felt her lips touch his softly, tentatively. He felt her hands tighten their grip on his hair slightly as he pressed harder, as he let his mouth move against hers. He heard the small intake of breath, the soft little gasp she let out as he deepened the kiss. He fought the urge to grin as she opened her mouth to his probing tongue, as she pulled her body flush, hers wiggling in his grasp as she rubbed against him, as she tried to get even closer still. He lost his internal battel then and let the grin spread across his lips as he lifted his mouth from hers, as he looked down at her slightly flushed cheeks, her bright, wide eyes. 'Hermione?' his tone was one of awe, of adoration as his large hand cupped her cheek. 'I will give you anything, everything you want Little One.'

'I want more Severus. I want more with you.' She watched as her words registered. She saw his hesitation flash in his dark eyes. 'I do.' She placed a hand over his heart again. She smiled gently as he shifted a hand to cover hers, to hold her in place. 'It just took an extreme weather event,' she smirked then, her smile morphing somewhat at his chastised, embarrassed expression at her indirect mention of his minor melt-down. 'It took your hurricane to make me realize that I could have lost you. I forgot, being secluded in here, for a moment, that a whole other world fraught with danger lurked out there. I forgot that I could lose you.'

'You will never lose me. I am yours. Whilst ever you want me.' He spoke softly, his expression open and sincere, his embarrassment replaced. 'I am yours to command and control.'

She shook her head then. 'I don't want control Severus.' She saw him nod accepting the truth behind her statement, her implied sentiment of equality, of freedom, his freedom of choice remaining unspoken but fully understood. 'But I do want to be closer.' She dropped her chin and glanced at up at him through her lashes as she spoke her desire.

'I'm not sure you can be any closer if you tried.' Severus smirked then, relishing the feel of her pressed so tightly against him, only their thin layer of clothing separating him from her warm skin.

She slapped her hand gently on his chest in admonishment of his teasing. 'That's not what I meant and you know it.'

He let the smile leave his lips, its hint still lying deep in his eyes. 'Do you, Little One, know what you meant?' He kept his voice low as his hands splayed across her back.

'Yes.' She answered her expression defiant, before she shook her head, her confidence slipping slightly. 'No.' She caught her lower lip between her teeth as her eyes dropped to his chest once more. 'Not really. I haven't had the best introduction…' her voice faltered then as she closed her eyes, remembering.

'Hey.' He placed a hand gently under her chin and directed her eyes back to his. 'It's ok if you don't…'

'Stop. Severus.' She interrupted, her fire returning. 'What happened was not your fault. And it doesn't change how I feel about you. What I want. From you.' She lowered her voice again as she glanced away. 'But I am going to need to you to help me get past it.' She brought her eyes back to his, her expression determined once more. 'Will you teach me?' Her hand found his chest, his heart once more. 'I want this, you, more than you can possibly imagine.'

'I can imagine. The feeling is more than mutual Hermione.' He cupped her face in his palms. I will help you.' He smiled gently as he looked down into her upturned gaze before dropping a quick, chaste kiss to her lips. 'Because I love you.' He spoke the words quietly as he lifted his head to watch her.

She grinned widely, her eyebrow raising in insinuation. 'Now?' She practically bounced in his grip.

He rolled his eyes, his expression now one of feigned boredom. He sighed dramatically before he broke into a huge grin, as he swung her into his arms, pulling her tight against him as he cradled her against his chest. 'Oh if I must.'