A/N: Sorry about the wait. I've been so busy with work - it's all crazy right now, but that's a diff story. Any then I was sick and I couldn't eat for 4 days Go me. ANYWAYS Sorry for any errors, for some reason I couldn't focus on this chapter (I reread it 5 times over on two diff days). Enjoy!

Tori decides they are in dire need of a break - and calories - after going through such heavy emotional experience. Jade doesn't object one bit. Especially when Tori passes by the whole grain bread that she keeps mostly for Tori's benefit anyway. "If we're making French toast," she announces, "we're gonna make it right."

Jade honestly doesn't care if Tori serves her an empty plate as long as she stays with her like this. Smiling like this. Joking like this. Looking at her like this, with calm, muted adoration that feels - confident. Whole. Just like her.

"Aren't you going to help me?" Tori asks, one eyebrow raised teasingly as she glances at her.

Jade pretends to think about it. "I'm good." She barely manages to catch the towel Tori throws at her, laughing. "Really? Resorting to domestic abuse?"

At that, Tori scoffs. "You haven't seen anything yet. That was nothing," she says, pointing at Jade with a spatula. Jade hums.

"Maybe you could... educate me sometime," she tells her, coming up to Tori and leaning against the counter while she watches her whip the eggs. Tori doesn't falter as she replies with an amused chuckle.

"Is that your delicate way of asking me to punish you?" She flashes an exaggerated suggestive smirk, and Jade is about to response, but the smile quickly fades as Tori drops her gaze to the bowl in front of her, slowing her movements down until she's completely still. The suddenly tense silence falls over them. And Jade - Jade doesn't know how to break it.

They may have made it out, but not without scars. Each one different - each one still painful.

"It's not like…" Tori's lips twitch in a brief, sad smile. "I think I've made a great contribution as it is." She sharply snaps her head up to look at Jade again when she reaches out and lightly touches her arm, but other than that, she doesn't move.

Jade doesn't speak right away. For a moment, she allows herself to enjoy the feeling of Tori's skin. "I don't think you realized that's what you were doing. Honestly…" She raises her hand to softly cup Tori's cheek, ensuring she doesn't turn away as she stares her in the eye. "I don't think that's what you were doing."

"But it was," Tori says quietly. "Your letters - they took me back to that time, and I - I wanted to hurt you, Jade." She reaches up to place her hand on Jade's that's caressing her cheek, and closes her eyes for a second. "I wanted to cause you pain. As much pain as you caused me. More, even."

Jade tries to swallow the bitter lump in her throat. She takes a deep breath, to try and calm herself down. To think rationally. She's had plenty of time to do that before. She wants Tori to do that now. "Okay," she says slowly. "Okay. And what did you do to retaliate?"

At that Tori blinks. Frowns. "I…"

When it's clear she's not going to continue, Jade speaks again. "When we had sex," she pauses, thinking of a way to phrase her question better. "Did you think of it as punishment? Were you so detached intentionally?"

Tori's eyes flash. "No," she says. "I didn't think about it. I just couldn't… I couldn't stay away," she finishes quietly. Her fingers curl around Jade's, and Jade lets her take her hand off her cheek, smiling when Tori doesn't let go.

She takes another deep breath. "And when you didn't let me touch you," she says, softly, slowly, "did you think of it as punishment?"

It takes Tori a bit longer to reply. "No. I was… too hurt to let you do that. I was - afraid."

Jade nods. "And when you wouldn't talk to me, or stay with me," she thought the reminder wouldn't hurt this much after all the progress they've had, but it still does, and she struggles not to let tears fall. But Tori gets closer to her, and glides a thumb over her cheekbone before resting her forehead against hers, as if telling her that it was okay. That she should let go. And so she does, feeling them slowly slide down her face. "When you didn't want anything to do with me - did you think of it as punishment?"

"It was, essentially," Tori says, but Jade shakes her head.

"Did you think of it as punishment? Did you do it to punish me?"

Tori lets out a shuddering sigh, and her warm breath hits Jade's lips, making her shiver. "No," she says. "I was trying to protect myself."

Jade's not surprised to find Tori's lips salty and wet, too. When they part, Tori lets out another breath, this time with a shaky chuckle. "One time, though," she says, "one time I did do something on purpose. When I came to the gala with that girl."

Jade remembers, and winces. That seems like so long ago. Her conversation with Bird is, however, etched in her memory for all of the eternity, most likely. She doubts she'll ever forget it - but she can learn to remember it without pain. "Right. That was pretty uncool," she tries to joke.

But Tori's tone is serious when she speaks. "I'm sorry," she whispers. "I'm sorry for that, and for all the heartache between us." And Jade sobs at her words, because none of this is Tori's fault and she's the one apologizing and feels so, so wrong - and so she presses closer to her before taking a step back and looking her in the eye again. Hoping she's able to convey everything she's feeling.

"Tori," she breathes out. "I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am for all the things I've done."

Tori whispers 'I know,' and holds her close. It's not complete forgiveness. Not yet. Jade's still not sure if they'll ever reach that. But it is acceptance, and it's so much more than she's ever hoped for.

They finally have their breakfast that's more of a brunch now after they wipe each other's tears off. Tori doesn't even comment on the amount of syrup Jade pours onto her toast.

She's not surprised when Tori can't finish her own, and only laughs when she brews herself some green tea, grumbling about way too much sugar.

She can sense Tori wants to talk about the letters again. And she understands - it was a huge piece of information that they uncovered today. There must be more questions burning at the tip of Tori's tongue. It's clear that she's not sure how to approach that topic again. Jade's not sure, either. Not sure whether she'll be able to handle more of that today, too; but she wants everything to be out in the open.

Tori's gaze is warm, but careful. She knows she won't bring it up herself, so she sighs and pushes her empty plate away, focusing on Tori's pensive face. "Whatever it is, you can ask me," she says gently. I won't break.

"It's not really a question," Tori replies. "I just thought that there might be something that you might want to ask me about. Or - I could tell you about." Her gaze searches Jade's face, as if trying to gauge her reaction.

"What is it?"

Tori clears her throat. "It's about Kate."

She keeps saying this, but - the sharp, breathtaking pain that the name brings isn't something she's prepared for. Then again, is it even possible to be ready for any kind of pain?

Especially not this one, she thinks bitterly. When the one you love is with someone else, it's - excruciating.

She tells herself, not for the first time - because there have been plenty of occasions when she would remember about the woman, the other woman Tori had in her life - that Tori's with her. Here, right now, working through their problems and yearning for a happy ending just like she is. For their happy ending.

She blinks when she feels Tori's hand on hers. The worry in brown eyes tells her it's been there for a while, and she simply hadn't noticed. "Hey," Tori whispers soothingly. "We don't have to talk about it."

"But I want to." She's a bit taken aback with how strong her voice suddenly sounds in the quiet room.

Tori nods. Her thumb caresses Jade's pinkie as she watches her take a deep breath.

"Was she…" Jade swallows, painfully, not knowing what word to use. "Were you dating?"

To her surprise - relief - Tori shakes her head. "No. We were never anything more than - anything more." She doesn't miss the way Tori stumbles, but her not saying it doesn't mean it's not there. Heavily hanging between them. Fuck buddies, bed partners, casual hookups - whatever the name that Tori swallowed is, it all means one thing. Tori shared her bed and her body with someone who wasn't Jade.

She thinks back to her and Beck, and turns her hand palm up, entwining their fingers and squeezing. "Okay," she says, her voice cracking. "I don't really know what else to ask," she tries to smile, feeling her lips twitch and seeing Tori's curl up in reply, briefly, weakly.

Tori looks at their joined hands resting on the table for a couple of seconds. "I met her at a business gathering," she then says. "She came home with me." Jade lets out a quiet, shuddering sigh, and Tori's nose brushes against Jade's hair as she leans in, breathing her in, fingers squeezing her hand. "And she was... honest. I'm still not sure how it happened, but we came close to being friends after a while."

Jade picks up on her wording. "But you weren't friends? You didn't cross that line?"

She feels Tori's lips curl against her temple. She knows it's a sad smile when she hears her speak. "She couldn't be friends with me."

Jade pulls away so she can look at Tori. "Why? Because of me?" She remembers the night she barged in on them and met Kate for the first and only time. No one wants to be a replacement, even if it's mostly a mindless hook-up. And especially not when you start to care about the other person.

"Partially." Tori swallows. "I didn't want to be anything else but friends, and Kate… She didn't want to stop at friends."

Jade tries to ignore the sudden hot fire in her chest at hearing that. "Oh," she manages.

"I understand why you are, but," Tori chuckles, "you don't need to be jealous. I won't lie - the thought has crossed my mind. Once," she hurries to say when Jade's face changes. "That ship has sailed the last night I spent with her."

Jade carefully considers if she really wants to know what happened that night. If she wants to think about that night and have any knowledge that would make that night real - would make it a thing that has happened, would etch it into her brain. "Why?" Apparently, she does.

Tori searches her face before answering. "That was the night I came to you drunk to the point of passing out."

Flashes of memories flood Jade's mind as she blinks, flushing with realization.

"I called your name when I was with her." Tori briefly looks away. "I felt - terrible. I knew about her growing feelings for me, and I knew it must've felt awful. I thought - if you had called me some other name in bed-"

"Tori," Jade chokes out, immediately reaching out to her, but Tori meets her halfway, their foreheads touching.

"I know," she says. "I know. But I didn't know back then, and I couldn't help it." She half-smiles. "You were kind of my point of reference to everything, whether I wanted it or not. And so I thought that, and I felt sick to my stomach. I knew then that I wasn't much better than…"

"Than me," Jade finishes for her when Tori falls silent. "You can say it."

"I was using her," Tori settles on saying. "While knowing perfectly well what I was starting to mean for her." She lets out a breath. "We didn't talk for several weeks after that, and then she called me, out of blue - right after Andre and I tore each other a new one and he stormed out." Her brown eyes find Jade's, and she sees an apology shining in them. "I didn't know how to act around you, and the conversation I had with Andre opened up some wounds. Kate seemed like a perfect escape."

She catches Jade when she recoils, as if slapped, shaking her head. "No, I didn't sleep with her. I couldn't do it to her or myself - and at that point, I also couldn't do it to you. Not anymore." Her fingers draw soothing circles on Jade's forearms as she relaxes, slowly.

"Sorry," she croaks out. "I didn't mean to-"

"Don't apologize," Tori says. "I get it. I'd have the same reaction. Probably worse," she smiles. "She invited me to her lake house, and we spent the days talking. Sometimes it's good to have a second opinion."

"Yeah." Jade lets out a huge breath. This was - a lot. "But I'm glad you had someone to rely on." She watches plump lips curl in a soft smile as she reaches over and tucks Tori's loose curls, still wild from sleep, behind her ear. "Speaking of Andre. How is he?"

She's grateful when Tori doesn't comment on the abrupt change of subject. This really has been a lot. She thinks she'd need a few days to process everything. And, frankly, she doesn't want to talk about Kate anymore, even though she is genuinely glad she was there for Tori when she couldn't.

Tori's smile fades a touch. "We're… dealing," she says slowly. "He's doing better. Coming to terms with the fact that he did fuck up and it's not just me being weak for you." She visibly hesitates before continuing, and when she does, Jade understands why. "I was thinking of approaching him about having dinner with us. Relatively… soon."

Jade fights against the urge to hug herself. "How relatively soon are we talking?"

"Next week?"

"Okay."

Tori raises one eyebrow. "Okay?"

"I trust you," Jade shrugs. "If you trust in him, then I do, too."

"Thank you." The sincere gratitude in Tori's voice makes Jade's smile widen. "I don't think we have much to worry about. Bird's been helping with him, too." Her eyes crinkle when she smiles. "Surprisingly, she's taken quite a liking to you. Even though she's trying very hard to hide it."

Jade highly doubts it.

"Oh," Tori's eyes widen as she remembers something. "I will talk to Bird about Cat tonight."

Jade tries not to let disappointment wash over her. She's concerned for her friend, still. It's just - tonight means Tori will have to leave, and she's not ready for her to do so. Yes, she's aware Tori will need to go home at some point, but would it be too terrible if she stayed for a little longer?

Cat is more important, Jade thinks. Her chest feels a little lighter. "Thank you," she says, earnestly, and Tori nods with a smile. Sometimes, Jade finds herself caught off guard - and in complete disbelief, still - at seeing her being so… open with her. So at ease.

She doesn't know if it'll wear off. She's not sure. But she's sure she'll try her damn hardest to cherish it as much years from now as she does right now.