The Uncanny Kid Razor
To marco carbera: Hey there, marco! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I do plan for a crossover in another one of my fics. I'm not a fan of Ranma myself. I prefer Dragonball Z and the Transformers shows. Enjoy the new chapter!
To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Oh yeah, Longshot does rock. Thank R-Man. He brought Longshot back from limbo in "Uncanny Excalibur". Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Gifts and Curses" and "Fourteenth Century Man"!
To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Oh, man! I completely freakin' forgot about Ozzy and Sabbath! Man, do I feel embarrassed and stupid. Yeah, the interview was funny. You really believe that Razor would keep his mouth shut about that whole Paige-Warren-cowboy hat thing? Winger was another fun idea that popped into my head. As for the attacks, think about something a certain medieval sorceress had said earlier… Anyway, enjoy the new chapter!
To mattb3671: Hey there, matt! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter. Yup, just the random insanity that seems to follow Razor everywhere he goes. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to read more from you!
To Aaron: Hey there, Aaron! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, I've been toying with Winger for a while before I thought of introducing him. Oh yeah, Razor on the radio is guaranteed insanity. Well, since Razor's not really part of the established teams, he's looked around for new heroes to team up with. Since he came about, a lot more heroes have appeared on the scene, protecting their home cities, and they're all called "Local Heroes" or simply "Locals" for short. Actually, Spencer has sorted out that problem with Amora in "Uncanny Excalibur". Enjoy the new chapter!
Disclaimer: "Spooooooooooon!" - The Tick
Chapter 37: What's Going On Here?
London, England
"Well, that went very well." Mark Raxton, the golden-skinned heat-generating scientist/part-time superhero called the Molten Man, sighed. He was sitting at a café, alongside Longshot.
"Ah well." Longshot shrugged, biting into a donut and reading a magazine. "At least it wasn't boring. With Kid Razor, nothing ever is."
"What I can't believe is what he said about the She-Hulk!" Raxton groaned.
"What?" Longshot blinked. "I always thought she had great legs, too."
"Yeah, but does he have to act like such a rude letch?" Raxton sighed. Longshot shrugged.
"It's Razor's thing." Longshot shrugged. "Razor's a superhero, but he likes to do it his way. I think it's just that Razor enjoys having fun. I've done this superhero stuff for a long time. And so has Razor. There are times when the business does get very tense. I think Razor's a breath of fresh air. He's a born showman. He makes the superhero life into an event. A battle between him and an opponent is like a match at WrestleMania." The extradimensional stuntman chuckled. "And you had to admit, he did have a point about the fashion industry."
"Yeah, I admit that." Raxton nodded. "I do think it is all a bunch of BS, the whole obsession with what people wear."
Seattle, Washington
"Oh, my aching head…" Winger moaned as he got to his feet inside the office building he was blasted into. "Man, that was some hit. Luckily for me, I had my good ol' fashioned forcefield…" He looked around. "That looked like a repulsor ray that hit me. But, that's impossible. The only two people I know of that pack that kind of heat are Iron Man…"
"And me." An electronically-sounding voice finished. Winger looked up and saw what appeared to be a man dressed in black-and-grey Iron Man-like armor, only bulkier, and possessing a shoulder-mounted missile launcher and machine gun. Winger's eyes widened.
"Hey, you're War Machine!" Winger realized. "You're one of the West Coast Avengers! What're you doing here in Seattle, man? Something big, I bet."
"Yes." War Machine nodded. "Something big." He pointed his open hand at Winger. "Like clipping your fancy wings…permanently." He fired his repulsor at the young winged hero.
"Holy-!" Winger barely managed to roll out of the way of the repulsor ray in time. He immediately responded with a laser blast from both of his arm blasters. The beams hit the armored Avenger right in the chest, knocking him right out of the building. What the hell? Winger thought. What's going on here? Why is one of the Avengers attacking me? Something weird is going on here! He took to the air, flying after the armored hero. "What the hell, man? WHAT THE HELL, MAN?" He yelled angrily at the armored West Coast Avenger. "Do I look like the damn Mandarin or the freakin' Crimson Dynamo to you, you psychopath?" War Machine only opened fire on the young hero with his shoulder-mounted machine gun.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Meanwhile, while Winger was facing his own problems in his native Seattle, Cincinnati's own local heroes were relaxing. They were Spencer Burton and Eugene Patilio, known to the world respectively as Sonic Blue, the blue-armored Iron Speedster, and the Fabulous Frog-Man. The two guys were busy throwing a football in a park.
"Hey Spence, how's things between you and Amora?" Eugene teased, throwing the ball. He was clad in a New York Giants jersey and black shorts.
"Fine." Spencer groaned, catching the ball. He was dressed in a blue t-shirt and blue jean shorts. "I'll have you know that Amora is not chasing after me anymore."
"Trouble at home?"
"No, Gene." Spencer grunted. "She removed her enchantment over me and I think she turned herself mortal. (1) Now, I gotta help her adjust to it."
"Wonderful." Eugene shrugged. "I see you're one of those people that when you're an old man, you're going to look back on life, and see how crazy it was."
"Look who's talking." Spencer chuckled. "You're the one who claimed that you were fabulous even before you got a rep. How many times did Spidey pull you out of the fire?"
"Not my fault. My old outfit screwed up a lot." Eugene rolled his eyes.
"And let's talk about your Rogues' Gallery." Spencer laughed. "I mean, I got Redfoot, Coldheart, Reflector, Mr. Fahrenheit, the Weatherman, and heck, I've faced off against that Aussie assassin Boomerang, and that green spinning Wasp-obsessed nut Whirlwind." (2)
"Yeah. That Mr. Fahrenheit has some real issues." Eugene nodded. "And that Weatherman is a real kook. The nut actually believes that he speaks for nature."
"And what does your Rogues' Gallery have?" Spencer continued. "A kooky woman who looks like a Playmate, a moron with walrus powers and a matching costume, and…" (3)
"Hey, I took on the Yellow Claw and won once, huh?" Eugene muttered. "Besides, no one's perfect."
"Hey! Did you hear?" A kid ran up to the two heroes. "Something's going on downtown!"
"No problem." Eugene chuckled. "I'm sure Sonic Blue and the Frog-Man can handle it."
Downtown Cincinnati, some time later
"I don't get it." Spencer, in his Sonic Blue armor, muttered to Eugene, dressed in his Frog-Man costume. "According to the bank owner, no one has tried to rob them."
"Why would anyone want to report a false robbery?" Eugene blinked.
"Get down!" Spencer snapped. He threw Eugene down to the ground, as a car flew into the wall behind them. "What was that?"
"Isn't it obvious?" The Sensational She-Hulk appeared. Alongside her were her Avengers teammates, Iron Man and Yellowjacket. "We're putting you local heroes out of business."
Cleveland, Ohio
"Ahhh, it's good to be home." Razor smiled to himself as the Ultimate Rockstar flew toward the Cleveland Mall. And about damn time, too. Ol' Bobby Parkins promised to accompany Joanie to that new store. Razor's face formed a scowl. Joy. Razor was about to land out at the back of the wall, when something big, and powerful, slammed into him in a football-style tackle. The impact sent Razor flying through a wall, landing in the lobby. "Holy Bon Jovi…" Razor muttered. He got to his feet, and saw the man who tackled him. The Ultimate Rockstar smirked.
"Ya owe me fer crashin' my wedding." The Thing growled.
The Hellfire Club building, Manhattan
Morgan Le Fey smirked as she watched the action on her crystal ball.
"It has begun…"
Next: Hero Brawl! While the local heroes find themselves under assault from the New York heroes, the New York heroes find themselves under attack by…the local heroes? What's going on here?
(1) - See "Uncanny Excalibur"
(2) - Some ideas I've been working on for Sonic Blue villains. You can probably guess what inspired their creation.
(3) - Spencer is referring to respectively, the White Rabbit and the Walrus, minor Spidey villains that were really more of a joke than a threat.