High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

This chapter is dedicated to CrAzEe AlPhAbEtIcA, lesharostormraven, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, bella-cullen1989, SarahB0B, k-pattttttttz, cool-gal95, sailorjupiterox, ashleyahh, Plate Captain, twilightfanpire1023, Kari Twilight Mist, Rachh93, Twilight Awesomeness, Mangobunny255, rach, Edwards Twilight Princess, emma-luvs-emmett, k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, StantonDimitriCullen, simply-dazzling001, mandi, .Twilight., Vampire Note, angel368, Abby-Whitlock-Hale-Cullen, madeofawesome22, kissanddazzle, Ilove4everJasperHale, justanotherditzyredhead, Canet, VampiricMirth (2), Saadhana, Briony97, Frizwizz, Volteri Vampire Slayer, annabethchase45, A reader, leopardspotz17, Lady Saruman, jalicecullen, Bethan, darkphoenixsoul, maddyy, bellaedward8142, Ella, z10soccerstar, YetAnotherEdwardCullenFan, JenniferDylanCox, laughing bubbles 18, AnNaLeE m O'bRiEn, and dimple.

Volturi Special

Third Person POV

Aro sniffed loudly as he adjusted his spectacles on his nose. Then he frowned, pulled them off, and wiped the lenses clean, and put them back on. He coughed quietly, and then straightened his spectacles again. He noticed yet another microscopic speck of dirt on it and pulled it off once more.

Caius gritted his teeth, snatched the spectacles, and crushed them in his hand.

"What was that for?" Aro whined.

Caius rolled his eyes. "SILENCE!" he shouted. The entire Volturi guard that had been gathered into the room quieted instantly. "Thank you," he said more pleasantly.

Aro cleared his throat and shuffled the papers in front of him. "Very vell, then, brother Caius. Velcome, everyone, to the first ever –"

"Aro, why are you speaking like that?"

"Like vhat?"

"With that stupid German accent." (No offense to Germans. You guys are pretty awesome.)

"Because it's fun!" Aro protested in his normal voice. "Isn't it, Marcus?"

Marcus merely stared back at him emotionlessly.

"See? He agrees with me!"

"Back to business!" Caius barked.

Aro chuckled.

"What?" Caius asked, irritated.

"You barked," Aro snorted.

"What about it?"

"Werewolves bark. You hate werewolves. You know…" Aro trailed off when he noticed that no one was laughing. "Okay, whatever, just forget it." Aro turned back to the group and cleared his throat again. "Alright, everybody! Please repeat after me." He cleared his throat. "Humans are food. Not friends."

"Humans are food. Not friends," the guard intoned.

"Very good!" Aro beamed. "So, what is on the agenda for today?"

"Demetri keeps stealing all of the humans that I want during feeding time," Felix complained.

"If you weren't so slow, then you would be getting to them!" Demetri shot back.

"Chelsea never returns my makeup!" Heidi whined.

"Well, you should keep track of them more carefully!" Chelsea snapped.

"Jane is always taking my robes," Alec yelled.

"What? No way! I only use my robes! I wouldn't touch your stinky robes with a ten mile long stick!" Jane sniffed.

"Order! ORDER!" Aro shrieked. "Thank you. Felix, work on getting faster. Demetri, work out a schedule or something with him for the days when you can take his humans. Chelsea, write on your hand with Sharpie to remind yourself to return Heidi's things. Heidi, get a specially-created vampire safe-box for only $29.95 from the Volturi catalogue. Jane, Alec, write your names on the labels in the back of your robes. Anything else?"

Jane and Alec glanced at each other, then shouted at the same time, "FELIX NEVER LETS US USE HIS HEAD FOR PLAYING BASKETBALL!!!"

"Hey, my head, my rules!" Felix yelled back.

The twins let out a high-pitched samurai shout as they jumped onto him. There was a loud screeching of metal as they tore of his head.

"SUCCESS!" Alec cried, holding it up. "Come along, sister, let us go brush up on our basketball skills." He began to bounce the head up and down the stone floor.

"Hey, hey, watch the goods, WATCH THE GOODS!" Felix's head screeched as its face was slammed against the floor repeatedly. "Oi, body, over here! To the left!" Felix's huge body stumbled around blindly, colliding with Demetri. "No, the other left!"

Demetri cut in on the game and passed the head with Alec. Heidi and Chelsea had forced Jane down and were braiding her hair, tying little bows into it as she huffed and crossed her arms.

"You broke my spectacles!" Aro wailed, pointing at Caius.

"You'll live," Caius muttered.

"I haven't lived in three thousand years! TREACHERY!!!!!" Aro seized Caius's head and slammed it down onto the table, thus breaking it.

The table. Not the head.

Caius yanked Aro's hair, as Aro screamed, "NO! NOT THE HAIR! NOT THE HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Marcus was quietly sitting in his seat, eyes flicking around the room, bored. He silently got up and headed out through the door. As soon as he was out of vampire earshot, he raced to his room, where he plopped down in front of his desk.

He reached into his robe to pull out the camera that had been hidden in there and plugged it into the computer. As he headed for his Youtube account, he muttered to himself, "And this is what the greatest vampire clan in the world has advanced into."

MEANWHILE, IN THE CULLEN HOME

"Heeeeeeeeeeey, look at this!" Emmett exclaimed, staring at the computer.

"Emmett, are you looking at porn again?" Edward sighed.

"WHAT?" Rosalie shrieked.

"WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT IS THIS PORIN THING YOU SPEAK ABOUT?" Emmett said loudly. "MOVING ON… no, it's Youtube. MizzleisdaBomb uploaded another video!"

The entire family gathered around the screen.

"I swear, that looks just like the Volturi," Carlisle muttered.

"But that can't be them," Jasper protested. "They're all acting like five year olds!"

"Yeah, they act just like you guys," Esme sighed.

Emmett nodded vigorously. "Yeah, they act just like we –" He paused. "Hey, wait a minute…"

Edward patted his shoulder. "Don't try to think about it, Emmett, please. It won't hurt so much."

"Okay!"

"So what other videos does this MizzleisdaBomb have?" Bella asked.

"Well, besides this one, What Really Happens in Da Meetings, he's got Girls Force Guys Into Makeovers, Lip-Synching Britney Spears, A Jolly St. Marcus Day Celebration…" Emmett stopped again. "Wait a minute." His eyes lit up. "I know! I've pieced together all of these clues, and have come to a conclusion!"

"What?" Alice sighed.

"MizzleisdaBomb is really… CARLISLE!" Emmett pointed an accusing finger at him.

"What? That's ridiculous, Emmett. I don't even go on Youtube."

They all gasped. "What? Carlisle doesn't go on Youtube? Scandalous!" Rosalie muttered sarcastically.

Emmett laughed. "Hey, the dude in Lip-Synching Britney Spears looks a lot like Aro dressed up as a girl!"

They all fell silent. "That's really disturbing, Emmett. Really…"

I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT UPDATING IN FOREVER!!! But I just couldn't find a decent idea. Sorry about that. And yes, the Cullen kids will be going back to school soon. Just toss me some ideas that are SCHOOL-RELATED. This message especially goes out to those people who've told me in reviews that they want them back in school. This IS for you guys.

In other news - my other story, Alice, has only 32 chapters and has over 1000 reviews, WHOO!!!

I will be working on other chapters, just in case no one gives me any ideas to work with, but remember, I only update on this story when I have time and inspiration. I mentioned this somewhere way back in chapter 20 or something.

I've finished reading Vampire Academy, so keep an eye out for any fanfictions or crossovers I may post about that.

I have another story, Out of the Shadows, Into the Light. Yeah, I haven't touched that story in forever. I'm sorry to those of you who might like it, but I'm considering dropping it. There's just too many of those "another vampire joins the Cullens" stories, and OSIL was one of my raw stories, from a long time ago when I couldn't write anything. If anyone wants to, they can adopt it, just credit me, but unless I get a sudden burst of inspiration of whatever, please don't expect me to update on that.

I love you all, and I apologize again for the delay. I've been busy, but a lot of people have, too, and I've been concentrating on other stories. Without you guys, I would've dropped this story a long time ago.