Ch. 37 Happy Birthday Princess
(DALLAS)
We lie on the ice for a while longer, I'm enjoying the feel of her in my arms and the sensations that I can still feel from making love to her. When the ice starts to make my back go numb I sit up and look at the clock on my phone. We have a just under an hour before the cleaning crew gets here and I need to clean up our mess. I look back to tell her as much but stop when I see her. She's biting her lip, looking somewhere between sad and scared and definitely lost in her head. Not exactly what you want to see on a girls face after she gives you her virginity.
Clare's not my first obviously and I have taken the virginities of two other girls; to be honest I don't remember much about the look on their faces after. The first was at a party, It was pretty dark and I left the room right after, yeah I know I was a jerk and I'll probably never admit that to Clare. The second was on a vacation, I remember the girl being in pain some but she was smiling. I liked the girls but that was it, I was more concerned with myself than them, the difference between then and now aside from the fact that I've grown and I'm not a total jerk anymore is I'm in love.
I care about Clare and I don't ever want her to be in pain of any kind. Thinking that I may have caused her any of that pain stabs at me. I know what she went through with Asher, what that bastard did to her and how he violated her and I'm sure that has something to do with her demeanor right now. Still I'm afraid I might have pushed her, done more than she was ready for despite the fact that she told me she was ready. I lie down on my side next to her, brushing a curl behind her ear and she looks at me.
"Talk me Princess; tell me honestly are you alright? Did we do too much? Did I go to fast? Did you…" she holds her finger to my lips and I stop.
"I'm alright Mike it's not you or anything you did. It just brought back the memories that's all." She puts her hand on my shoulder and uses me to pull herself up. "There was a lot of pain still, more than I was expecting but it felt amazing too. It was a lot of…everything I guess, I'm not sure I can describe it well and we should start cleaning up I'm sure the cleaning crew will be in soon." She tells me.
"You sure?" I question.
She smiles just slightly, leans forward and kisses me softly. "I love you Mike and I loved making love to you." She assures me.
She moves grabbing her clothes and starts to dress, I stand and start dressing as well then put my skates back on. Then I pick Clare up in my arms and go skating around the rink at top speed one more time before skating to the edge of the ice under the archway to the locker rooms and setting her down.
"You stay here Princess, I'll clean up." I tell her cupping her chin and uniting our lips for an impassioned kiss.
She smiles at me and I turn skating back to our picnic. It takes me about twenty minutes and two trips to and from the locker room and trash cans before I have everything cleaned up. I skate back to Clare and she follows me to the locker room, I go in and sit on the bench to take off my skates and put on my shoes.
"Ooh it smells like testosterone in here." Clare states lingering in the doorway.
"You didn't mind it the other day when you came in to give us our pep talk." I laugh.
"I was angry at you all for being distracted, I didn't smell it then." She tells me.
I laugh and get my shoes on, taking the blanket, cups, picnic basket and left over food we start walking out but I notice that Clare's walking slow and carefully.
"You really hurt don't you?" I ask.
"I'm fine." She says but I know she's lying.
I stop, kneeling down and putting the cups inside the picnic basket and the blanket on top of it. Then I hand it to Clare, she takes it and I scoop her up in my arms, carrying her all the way to the car.
"Here put the stuff in the car, I have to go lock up." I tell Clare, she gives me a nervous look. "Just get in, put the stuff in the backseat and lock the doors, I'll be back in a minute." I promise her giving her a soft and loving kiss.
She nods unlocking the door, and I turn walking back to the arena doors. I look back to see she's in the car now and I lock the players entrance doors. When she sees me at the driver's side door she unlocks it so I can get in. I drive us home and we go in through the basement.
"You want to watch a movie?" I ask.
"No I'm pretty tired I'm going to get ready for bed." She replies
"Okay," I say slowly knowing something's bothering her. "I'm gonna take this stuff upstairs I'll be back in a minute." I tell her.
She bites her lip, nods and starts heading for the washroom, I turn and start going up the stairs when she calls to me.
"Mike," she calls and I look back at her, "don't be too long." She says.
"I'll be right back Princess," I assure her and go upstairs.
I go up to the kitchen and start putting away the stuff from the picnic basket when Adam comes downstairs.
"Hey how was the date?" Adam asks me.
"Great, the date went really well." I tell him.
"Where's Clare?" Adam questions.
"She's getting ready for bed; I told her I'd be right back down." I reply.
"Get down to Clare I'll finish emptying the picnic basket." Adam says.
"Thanks bro," I smile patting Adam on the back and going down to the basement, closing the door behind me.
Clare's already in bed so I brush my teeth real quick and then undress and change into clean boxers. I switch off the light at the bottom of the stairs and go to the bed, sliding in next to Clare. She's laying on her side as usual so she doesn't hurt her back but normally she's facing me and this time she has her back to me. I put my arms around her and kiss her neck; I'm worried that she's not telling me everything. That we went too far too fast and she wasn't ready, that it affected her more than she's letting on and she's not telling me. My suspicion appears to be confirmed when I think I hear her sniffle a little.
"Princess what's wrong? Talk to me please." I request.
"I'm fine," she insists.
"No you're not Clare, I can hear you sniffling." I tell her.
She sighs and puts her arms over mine that are holding her and interlaces our fingers, I kiss the back of her neck gingerly.
"Making love to you was wonderful, nothing at all like Asher and it's nothing you did but it brought back all the memories and sensations of that night. I tried not to think about it, I did my best to stay in the moment and just feel you and be with you but it was sort of like being in two places at once. No that's not quite right more like being in one place then ripped away to another. If there was pain at all then I was suddenly taken back to that cold night in the alley on the chilled hard cement with Asher. There was a lot of pain, not nearly as much as the rape but it was significant." She tells me.
I wrap my arms around her a little tighter, and kiss her temple.
"Do you regret it?" I ask her.
Now she turns to me placing her hands on my chest her lips gently touching mine.
"No not at all. I love you and I wish the rape hadn't tainted our first time and I could have stayed in the moment with you." She apologizes.
"I don't care Princess, I do care that you were hurt by Asher. That he put you through that and you were ever subject to that. I wish more than anything that you had never gone through that or that I could go back in time and stop it from happening, walk you home that night so Asher never would've attacked you." I admit to her.
"Mike you couldn't have known, no one could have. I've walked home from the Dot hundreds of times before perfectly safe." She contends.
"But we knew Asher was out there, we knew he was harassing you. We should have been on alert; I should have been more protective. I wanted our first time together to be perfect." I confess.
"It was perfect Mike, it was wonderful and I want to make love again but it's going to take some time for me to be ready again. Everything hurts, not just physically but there's an amalgamation of emotions inside me, good and bad. As much as I loved making love to you and as blissful as it was in a lot of ways…" she pauses biting her lip as if searching for the right word.
"It hasn't been that long since the rape, maybe you weren't ready. I didn't except you to be ready this soon. I have no idea what's normal but I can't imagine most girls are ready to have sex so soon after being raped." I remark.
"I don't think there is a normal, it's different for every rape victim I imagine. After Darcy's rape she went into herself and came out this totally different person, just sort of all together reckless. Once she started remembering the rape she wanted to have sex with her boyfriend, she was almost desperate to. Like she was hoping having sex with Peter would erase the rape and take it away. I get it you know, that need to make the rape vanish, erase the feel of the attacker but nothing can take it away. It will always be there, the memory and the feelings and sensations they're always going to be there nothing can take it away." She tells me.
She stops for a deep breath and I kiss her forehead, I wish I could do something or say something to make her feel better, take the pain away but there just isn't.
"You know I don't think Darcy even knows; about my rape I mean. I didn't tell any of you until a couple days after and I didn't tell my parents Jake did. I think in all the chaos of talking to the police and dealing witj Asher and the impending trial no one thought to tell Darcy. Funny thing is I'm not sure I want Darcy to know, I wouldn't want her to come home or feel like she had to and I wouldn't know what to say to her. She was raped too and I'm sure it sucked but it was nothing like mine. I don't want to compare notes with my older sister on our rapes." She confides in me.
"Is that why you're so resistant to go to the rape support group?" I ask.
"I know I'm not the only girl to ever be raped, my older sister was raped believe me I know the statistics on rape but that doesn't mean I want to talk about it with other victims. We may have all been raped but none of us will have gone through exactly the same thing, it's all going to be different circumstances. I don't want to sit there listening to some other girl tell me about her rape while I compare notes, thinking well at least you were raped in a bed or god at least I didn't have to go through that. I just don't think talking to a bunch of other rape victims is going to make me feel better. Anyway I have you, Adam, Eli, Alli, Drew, Bianca, Owen, Jenna, Jake, my parents and a few others to talk to if I need to." She says.
"Yes you do Princess." I agree and kiss her forehead again.
"Tonight really was wonderful Mike thank you." She breathes against my skin.
"I love you Princess." I say before finding her lips to kiss her softly.
"I love you Mike." She smiles.
She nuzzles into my chest and I feel her breathing become deep and regular after a few minutes and I know she's asleep. I kiss her head and feel her heart beat against my chest and soon fall asleep. I wake up sometime later feeling her thrashing in my arms, she's sort of talking but I can't make out what she's saying. I do know she's having a nightmare and I have a pretty good idea what it's about.
"Princess wake up you're safe." I insist in a soothing voice, brushing some hair from her face and kissing her head.
She gasps and her eyes flutter open, I know because her eyelashes tickle my skin. She makes a sort of choked cry and then her head falls to my chest.
"Having a nightmare about the rape Princess?" I question rubbing the one unscathed section of her back. She replies by nodding her head against my chest. "You're safe, I have you and I'm never leaving you again." I assure her.
"What did I say about promises?" She questions softly so that I almost don't hear her.
"It wasn't a promise it was a statement." I argue. "You want to watch a movie, since I'm guessing you can't sleep now?" I ask.
She nods her head again so I get up and pick her up carrying her to the sofa and setting her down. I turn on the TV and Blu-Ray player and put in a movie, sitting on the sofa and placing her on my lap. We watch through one movie and then most another before she finally falls asleep again. I turn off the TV and stuff, picking her up and moving us to the bed again. Pulling the blanket over us I'm asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.
(CLARE)
"So it's Friday which means it's your birthday are you excited?" Dallas says as we're getting ready for school.
"I am now, we've been talking about my birthday for two weeks but the party isn't until tomorrow night." I reply.
"I know but today is your birthday, do you want your present now?" He asks.
"What present?" I ask.
"The one from me of course Princess," he replies.
"Okay I'll have my present now then." I say slowly.
He takes my hand and walks me to the sofa sitting me down then he walks to his dresser and pulls out a small box and a card. The box is the size of a ring and as much as I love Dallas I'm not about to get engaged.
"Mike you're not about to propose are you?" I question a little anxiously.
"No Princess," he laughs a little and hands me the box first.
I unwrap the box and open it to find a silver band that has PRINCESS engraved into it capped on each end by a gemstone that looks like a diamond but is probably glass. I don't care one little bit though, I think it's very sweet and I love it!
"I thought you might want something to replace your purity ring." Dallas says as he takes the ring from the box and puts it on my finger. "It's kind of corny but…"
I cut him off with a passionate, loving and grateful kiss. "No it's absolutely wonderful, I love it and I love you Mike." I tell him.
"I love you too Princess, now you can open the card." Dallas says handing me the card.
"Airline tickets?" I question pulling the tickets from the envelope.
"One for you and one for me, the Saturday after school lets out for the summer. You're coming home with me for two weeks. I already discussed it with your parents, Audra and mine. My family can't wait to meet you and your parents are okay with it." Dallas tells me.
I lean forward, putting my hand behind his neck and pulling our lips together for a fevered kiss. It's several minutes before we break apart, if we didn't need to get to school we could've continued. We finish getting ready and eat a quick breakfast and it occurs to me I haven't seen Adam this morning.
"Where's Adam?" I inquire.
"He left while you were in the shower, Eli picked him up I think they're planning something for your birthday and I swear I know nothing about it so don't even ask." Dallas insists.
I grimace at him a little but don't ask; just as we finish breakfast I hear a horn from the driveway.
"That would be Owen, let's go." Dallas says grabbing our backpacks and we leave the house.
"Happy Birthday Clare!" Owen and Tristan say simultaneously from the front seat.
"Thank you," I giggle.
"Here it's from both of us but you have to wear the cheesy crown all day." Tristan informs me handing me a purple gift bag.
On top of the bag is one of those plastic tiaras that has a headband attached so you can wear it and says Birthday Princess with purple fluff on it. I put the crown on and pull some tissue from the bag revealing a black leather jacket with rhinestones along the collar and Ice Hound's Princess on the back red lettering.
"It's great I love it! Thank you both." I smile taking the jacket; I take off my denim one and putting on my new leather one.
When Owen parks at school and we get out of the SUV I hug Tristan and Owen to thank them. We begin walking to the school and we're joined by Alli, Jenna and Dave.
"Happy Birthday Clarebear!" They squeal together and hug me carefully.
"Our birthday gift for you is being delayed until just before spring break when your scratches heal a bit more." Alli tells me.
"We're going for a full spa day, massages mani-pedi's, aromatherapy, facials, the works." Jenna says.
"Sounds fantastic," I smile.
"Sounds girlie," Owen gripes.
"Duh Owen we're girls." Alli retorts.
Dallas puts his arm around my shoulders and we walk in the front doors and to my locker, where we find the other misfits and they have decorated my locker.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They shout together.
I smile and hug both of them, kissing each of them on the cheeks.
"This is from us," Eli says handing me a heavy box.
I open the box to find a first edition of my favorite book. "You guys this is awesome thank you!" I gush and kiss their cheeks again.
I get lot's of Happy Birthday's for the rest of the morning but no more gifts until Drew comes at lunch.
"This is from me and Bianca," Drew tells me handing me a small gift bag.
"I love it thanks you guys," I smile looking at the picture of the entire group of us in the meadow the day we went for a hike.
I hug Drew and Bianca and pass the photo for everyone to see before putting back in the bag for safe keeping.
"I gotta work tonight so I won't be at the game but I got tomorrow night off for your party." Drew tells me when lunch is over and he's getting ready to leave.
"That's okay Drew I'd rather have you at my party anyway." I reply and hug him.
He kisses Bianca and we wave to him as he walks back to his car. I get more Birthday wishes during the afternoon. Right after school our very large group leaves for the arena, we have an hour until game time but we'd rather wait at the arena. We don't even bother with the line going in the side door and finding our seats behind the Ice Hounds bench of course.
"Are you glad the play's over?" I ask Eli and the others that worked on the play as sit in our seats waiting for the Ice Hounds game to start.
"Yes and no, it was a lot of work but it was fun to do." Adam says and the others agree.
"Are you excited about your birthday party tomorrow?" Adam asks.
"I am now, after talking about it for two weeks especially having such a good birthday." I smile.
"I'm looking forward to spring break," Bianca says.
We all start talking about spring break, the seats quickly fill up and soon the music starts and the team skates out. Dallas blows me a kiss of course and I wave to the others. I spend most of the first period standing simply because it's more comfortable. Dallas made sure they announced it was my birthday on the LED display above the ice. Actually it read: Happy Birthday Ice Hounds Princess! I would say only we knew that was me but anyone that saw my jacket figured it out and wished me Happy Birthday.
By the end of the first period the Ice Hounds were ahead by 2. As always we got snacks and drinks while waiting for the second period to begin. In the end the Ice Hounds won 4-2 and Dallas scored the winning goal. As soon as the team was out of sight we all got up and started making our way out of the arena. We have to take four cars to Little Miss Steaks there's so many of us. Marisol just waves to us and we start putting tables together, between our group and the team we're going to take up almost the whole restaurant this time.
We sit down and order dessert, Marisol says mine's on the house because it's my birthday. We're almost done eating by the time the team comes in and sits down with us. Their pizza comes to the table and everyone eats and talks, spring break is the most popular subject but my party tomorrow night is also a main topic.
"I'll be over with Jenna and Alli at four to help you guys decorate and the party starts at 6." Bianca tells me.
"I'll be over at four to help decorate too," Eli comments.
"Mom and Dad agreed to stay out until one and then we have to send everyone home and strictly no alcohol but we have lots of food." Adam says.
"I have music covered," Dave adds.
"I've never had so many people work so hard to throw me a birthday party." I remark.
"You deserve it Princess." Dallas smiles and ensnares my lips for gentle kiss that is also full of fervor.
We stay until the restaurant closes of course and Owen takes us and Adam home. I sit on Dallas' lap and Maya sits on Cam's until we drop her off. Owen takes Cam home next and then the three of us, Dallas get's our backpacks and my birthday presents from the back, we go in through the basement and I say goodnight to Adam before he goes up the stairs. He closes the basement door as he leaves and Dallas closes the blinds as I begin changing for bed.
"Did you have a good birthday Princess?" Dallas asks me when we're lying in bed together.
"I had a wonderful birthday, thank you." I reply putting my arms around his neck.
"And it's not even over, you get a whole birthday weekend." He tells me.
"I've never had a birthday celebration last a whole weekend before," I say.
"Well you are a Princess," he replies.
"To you," I respond.
"Not just to me, you have a jacket that proves it." He says.
"I love you Mike, despite everything that happened this has been the best birthday ever." I smile pulling myself up a bit to join our lips.
"I love you too Princess." Dallas smiles.
I smile back, give him a soft kiss and lie my head on his chest, falling asleep quickly.
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