A/N: One chapter left after this!
Chapter Thirty-Six.
I wake up to pure white.
There's snow piled up so high on my window that I can't see outside. I know I'm on the first floor, but I wonder how much higher that snow goes up.
I make my way into the lobby and even though I know it's a hopeless cause, I have to ask, "Any chance of me getting out of here today?"
The desk clerk just laughs at me. I'll take that as a no then.
And then the power goes out shortly thereafter. How freakin' wonderful. I mean, sure they've got generators, but that's still not a good omen for the weather.
Guess I'm not going home anytime soon.
----
Four days.
That's how long it takes for the storm to end and to clear the snow away from the hotel. And I have to wait one more day to actually leave the freakin' place. And the only channel on my TV that works is MTV.
Life's just wonderful.
----
When I wake up the next morning, I hear a familiar voice speaking. It takes a few minutes to register it, but then I realize who it is and my eyes flutter open.
I know I'm either losing my mind, or he's in my hotel room right now going on about a new album coming out.
When I sit up, I see the TV's still on and sure enough there they are, talking away. Or they could be on the TV, dumb ass. Since when is McFly on American TV? I turn up the volume and listen closely.
"We're wicked excited to be here right now," Tom tells the interviewer, a young looking blonde girl who wears way too much makeup. "We've always wanted to break America and we made some last minute plans and now here we are."
Remy's words ring through my ears. "The band's planning some sort of last minute thing." Damn it Remy, why couldn't you have said something?
The interviewer smiles slyly and then says, "Well I've heard from some sources in the UK that you have a special someone here in the states."
The crowd does a sort of "oooh" and some girls just look plain disappointed. Tom turns a light shade of pink, smiles widely and says, "Yes, I have actually."
The interviewer then asks the rest of the group, "How about you boys? Any American girls catch your eye recently?"
"Well, we've only been here two days," Harry remarks. "Haven't really done much…'sight seeing.'"
The interviewer laughs but it sounds a bit fake. "So no girlfriends back home then?"
"Not anymore," Harry says. "And Danny's completely screwed up anything even resembling a relationship since we've been a band."
The camera turns to a close-up of Danny who puts on a fake smile and hits Harry in the arm. I see Harry wince and start rubbing his arm.
The interviewer raises an eyebrow at this and looks curiously at Danny. "I sense some drama here…?"
Dougie pipes in with a, "You have no idea."
"Oh, my God," I say under my breath. "Dougie, if you utter a word…" I'm threatening a TV screen. I've truly lost it.
She's intrigued now. She leans in a little closer to them all and says, "Do tell."
Dougie opens his mouth but Tom cuts in. "It's a long story," he says. "Trust me, you don't want to know."
I love Tom.
"Yes, but---" Dougie starts and Tom steps on his foot, causing Dougie to let out a yelp. "You di---" Dougie starts, but he puts his lips together and sits back on the couch, rubbing his foot.
The interviewer just looks puzzled. "Um, so anyway, thank you boys for joining us today. You're going to give us a special performance later, yes?"
All of them nod in unison with muttered yeses tossed in between. Then it cuts to a commercial and I'm left sitting on my hotel bed, confused and weirdly annoyed and confused and ecstatic and freakin' confused.
Where are they in America anyway? And Remy didn't actually care to mention this little fact to me at all? Is this another one of her tricks?
I want to turn off the TV, but something stops me. They're going to be back on later, so maybe I can get some sort of hint as to their location. If it's anywhere near me, it has to be a set-up.
I call Remy who doesn't answer; I don't leave a message. Her not answering is enough for me. She'd answer her phone if she was in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and someone was on the verge of killing her.
After what feels like ten minutes of nonstop advertising for things I'll never want, the show comes back on and the interviewer from earlier answers my question when they say, "…and live from New York City, here is McFly!"
The crowd cheers and just Danny enters the stage with an acoustic guitar. I notice the other three standing on the sidelines whispering something to each other.
Danny sits down in a chair set in the middle and brings the mic to his level. "I've got something I need to do," he tells the audience. "Y'see, there's this amazing girl out there and I mucked things up." Oh God. My stomach drops completely. He starts strumming and says, "I apologize straight away for the rubbish quality of these lyrics. I wrote them in ten minutes."
He starts playing a beautiful sounding melody and he's concentrating on something straight ahead, like he's afraid of looking someone in the eye in case he screws up. And then, his hypnotizing voice starts singing:
"Hey Lucy
What have you done to me?
You leave me breathless
Anything but hopeless
You are so much more than
I ever could've dreamed
Hey Lucy
What is it about your smile?
It makes my heart want to burst
And I know I can't be cursed
'Cause I've found you
And you're beautiful
Hey Lucy
What did you see in me?
I'm just a stupid boy
Used you like a toy
You deserved so much better
Oh, way better than me."
He breaks into a mini-solo and then starts up singing again. The crowd is completely entranced, just like me.
"But I still want you
Don't know what to do
Can't look you in the eye
'Cause your pain is all I see
And it's all my fault
Yes, it's all on me
And I'm so sorry."
I have to turn off the TV now and I run my unsteady fingers through my hands absently. Having a song written about me always seemed like it'd be cool. Till it actually happened. "That son of a…" I whisper so quietly under my breath that it's practically inaudible.
He had actually gone out of his way to go to America to sing a song about me to the public apologizing for being an ass. But does he really think I'd just want him back just like that? Is this is master plan?
"Hey Lucy, what did you see in me?" That line's stuck in my heead on repeat and I don't even know how to answer that question, honestly. I don't know what it was that drew me to him anymore.
I bite down on my lip and run a hand through my hair again; guess it's become a nervous habit. I'm sitting down on my little hotel bed for what feels like hours before something in me just brings me up and I'm heading out the door.
Maybe what I'm doing is nuts---definitely a great possibility for me---but I don't care. I need to do something. Because if I don't, I could regret it.
And maybe it won't change anything at all, but I'll be damned if I wake up twenty years from now wondering, "What if I had taken that chance?"
Maybe Remy's right; maybe there is such a thing as fate. Maybe there was a reason that storm kept me here in a hotel that's much closer to New York City than where I actually live. And maybe it's finally going to work in my favor.
----
Danny
After New Year's…
Lucy hates me and I know it.
I can't say I blame her at all. I mean, I've spent all this time trying to get her to fall for me and then we wind up in a closet together and then we snog and it almost leads to more and she blames herself for it completely. But she wasn't the only one involved; I wasn't exactly saying no either.
I want to go right up to her, grovel, and then have her just forgive me for all the shit that's gone on between us and then we can just live happily ever after. Course, even I know nothing's that easy. Especially not when other people are thrown into the whole mess.
That night after I came out of the closet---not in that way of course---with Lucy, Tess was still around. She seemed really confused about the whole thing and I had to explain it to the best of my ability (I was still a bit drunk). She seemed like she totally got it---not that Tess and I were exactly in love with each other---and we said our goodbye's and parted on pretty good terms.
But then Catherine waltzes into the studio when I'm all by myself the next day, completely narked and ready to skin me by the looks of it. "You bastard," she sneers. "Why would you kick my sister to the curb?"
I set down my guitar. "I told her why," I say. "You don't need to know."
She raises an eyebrow and places a hand on her hip. "Oh? I do believe I'd like to hear it actually."
I roll my eyes. "I'm sure Tess told you all about it," I say. "Besides, she didn't care. She said she fancied some other guy anyway." I won't mention that it's Dougie she was speaking of.
"Oh, sure," she says, "but she's going to be with you."
"Me?" I repeat. "What are you going on about?"
She rolls her eyes like I'm stupid for not getting what the hell she means. "You'll date my sister or I'll make sure you never sell another CD again."
I laugh. "And how would you have the power to do that."
She holds out a photo of her from last night with a big hand mark on her face from where Lucy had hit her. "What---"
"I can easily say that Harry got completely pissed one night and started hitting me," she tells me so casually as she waves the picture around. "Who would listen to a band that has a woman beater in it?"
"Why?" I ask. "Why do I have to date your sister so badly?"
"What can I say?" she says. "I like fame."
"You're demented and mental," I tell her. She thinks me dating her sister is going to make her famous? What the hell?
She just shrugs off the comment. "Go ahead and think on it, Jones, but I think you know what the right choice is."
She slips the picture into her coat pocket and saunters off, leaving me completely baffled.
So much for making things better with Lucy.
----
I don't tell the guys about the blackmail. Maybe it's a stupid thing to do, but for some reason I don't want them to know about it.
They know I'm "dating" Tess now and they think I've lost it. Harry's about ready to kill me, saying things like, "I wore a dress so you could get that girl and you're just giving up?" but I just ignore him.
I want to be with her, I'd like to tell them, but I'm trying to save the band.
The deal is I date Tess, showing up at events with her and doing things with the papparazzi present. And Tess isn't supposed to know that any sort of set up is going on.
It was tough to convince her to go on a date with me, especially after I said all of that stuff about Lucy and she said she thought she might like Doug, but I eventually got to her. I feel bad about this because I'm not just sacrificing my happiness, but I'm sacrificing hers too.
But I can't let Harry be branded as a woman beater either.
God. Why do I always get into the most fucked up, complicated situations?
----
I'm in the studio, fooling around, when I get a sudden inspiration.
Lucy's crossing my mind. No, that's not true. Lucy's stuck on my mind all the time, right in front of my face constantly, and I start fooling around with chords and I make up some lyrics on the spot.
"She never bites her tongue when something should be said
She's a sweetheart that will tell you to drop dead
She's contradicting
Yeah, she don't mean it
Don't take it personal when it's said
Hey, I don't mind
She's who I've been hoping to find…"
And that's when I stop abruptly, seeing her reflection in the glass. I hesitate walking over there, afraid that someone will walk in---like Catherine---and then I'm completely screwed.
But I can't stay away.
I'm rounding the corner when we crash into each other. We both regain our balance and I see that she's blushing and I smile at that. I like that I make her blush.
"Hey, Dan. How's it going?" Her voice sounds like she's trying hard to sound calm.
"It's going," I reply. "How's everything with you?"
"All right," she says and things feel so awkward between us right now. "Can I, uh, ask you something?"
I lean against the wall, sticking my hands in my pockets, completely nervous. "Shoot."
"Did you happen to stop by Mitchell's Inn recently?"
I look at her, confused, and say, "No." Where did that question come from?
"Oh," she says, looking disappointed and maybe even a little confused herself. "Um…"
There feels like there's this long silence between us and then she breaks it when she quickly says, "."
I have no bloody clue what she just said. "Sorry?"
She looks embarrassed. She bites her lip in concentration and looks down at her feet as she says softly, "I said I love you."
My heart is beating so hard and so quickly right now that I'm afraid she might be able to see it. She's just said the words I've wanted to hear.
I make her look me in the eyes by lifting up her chin and I give her a smile that basically means, "I feel the same way, but I can't do this and I'm sorry." She doesn't know what I mean and she's looking at me, a bit lost.
I start stroking her chin with my thumb. "Oh, Lucy."
I start reaching for her wallet that has been in my pocket almost every day since that night and when she says, "I---" I stick it in her hand. The wallet was my last hope, the one thing that kept me holding on, and now I know it's too late. It's time to let it go.
She turns it around in her hands, looking at it and wondering what the hell it's supposed to mean. "I'm sorry," I say, "but this---us---it's just never going to happen. I think it's obvious it wouldn't work."
Every word stabs into me because I know every word is a lie.
"Right," she says quietly. "You're completely right. I'm sorry I wasted your time."
I see the tears in her eyes and I think I feel some coming on in mine too. I have to say something true. "I think you're amazing, Lucy. Really."
Turns out, this is the wrong thing to say. "So then why'd you spend all that time trying to get me then?" she snaps.
I'm taken aback a bit and I don't have a good enough answer for this so I eventually just say, "Dunno. False hope, I guess?"
I know it's a stupid answer that makes no sense and so does Lucy. "You think I'm going to take an answer like that?"
"Lucy, please---" I begin, but she cuts me off.
"You know what? Forget it. Maybe you're right. I'd never want anything with someone who makes up shit just to spare my feelings or something."
"I'm not---"
"Shut up." She sounds so sad when she says it. "Have a nice life with Tess, Danny Jones. I won't be there to fuck it up anymore, so don't worry." And then just like that, she's gone. And she's taken my battered heart right along with her.
----
This time, it's Tom that wants to kill me.
"You idiot!" he says. "You love her and you told her that you didn't?"
"No," I say meekly. "I just said we wouldn't work out."
He rolls his eyes. "You might as well have said that then."
"You don't understand…" I mutter and he's looking at me expectantly now for me to explain.
I don't say a thing though and he eventually gives up and walks away from me.
My God, I suck.
----
"Danny freakin' Jones," I hear Tess saying like she's scolding me. "You've got some explaining to do."
I'm sitting on my couch when she just bursts in and I'm completely lost. "What?"
She throws a picture at my face and I notice that it's the picture of Catherine. The blackmail photo.
"Where did you---?"
"Catherine fessed up the moment I told her that I was dumping you," she states in a matter-of-fact way. She's dumping me? Meh, whatever. "Why didn't you tell me, Dan?"
I shrug. "I was afraid Harry would get into trouble and then the band would go down the drain and then I'd have nothing."
She sighs. "If you told me, I would've made sure to destroy this bullshit," she says, motioning to the picture. "Cat has no right to do this."
"Yeah, I know," I say.
"Do the boys know?" I shake my head. "Are you going to tell them?" I don't do anything. "Danny, you've got to say something about your behavior recently!"
She sits herself down right next to me. "And about you and Lucy…"
I groan. "Oh, please, don't bring that up," I beg. "I've already screwed that up royally."
"Yes, but there's one way to win her back," she says knowingly.
I look at her curiously. "How?"
She smiles. "Serenade her."
----
"Mate, don't do this," Tom begs me. "Please."
"Why not?" I'm heading for Mitchell's Inn to take Tess's advice and win Lucy back with a song. One that I threw together in ten minutes, but she said it's good so I'll go with it. I just told Tom everything (minus the blackmail) and I thought he'd be a bit more supportive.
"I didn't want to tell you this, but…" Tom hesitates and I tell him to spit it out. "Lucy's on her way back to America right now."
I stop what I'm doing. "What?" Are you serious?
"Remy just called and told me," he says. "She's fed up with London, I guess."
My heart just sunk. "Well, hell," I say. "Now what am I supposed to do?"
Tom shrugs. "Perhaps if you hadn't gone off with Tess and said that you loved her when you had the chance, you wouldn't be in this position."
I sigh. "You don't get it, Tom," I say.
"Then explain it," he retorts, "'cause I'm lost."
So I do without any hesitation. And Tom looks at me with complete shock. "What a cow," he says. "Fucking hell."
"I know," I say. "Everything's just working against me and Lucy," I tell him. "Maybe we shouldn't have had anything."
"Yeah sure," he says. "Do you want to believe that bullocks or do you want to get the girl, Jones?"
I smile. "What do you have in mind?"
----
A last-minute trip to America. And we're going to play a few gigs. I'm not sure if Tom is more brilliant or mad.
We've always wanted to play in America and I guess now we have an excuse. And if it gets me the girl then so be it.
Tom's told Remy the whole thing but Remy says her lips are sealed on the whole thing. We've got an interview and performance (courtesy of Harry and Tom's persuation skills) and Remy's going to get her to watch it (since Lucy's going to be home by then). I'm going to serenade a girl over the telly and it's going to be awesome.
----
The plan falls through.
Weather gets in the way, so Lucy doesn't get home. She's deserted in Massachusetts until the weather clears up and our gig in New York City is tomorrow. Remy says there's no way she'll be home by then. And Remy can't just call her up and say, "Watch MTV," because there's no way she will.
Why is it that there's always something standing in our way? Every time I try, something blows up in my face.
Tom's telling me not to give up and who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky; maybe Lucy will magically land on MTV at the same time we're on and she'll hear the song.
Fat chance, Jones.
----
The interview is going just fine, the girl asking the same questions they always do, but then she drops the relationship question on Tom and I know Lucy's going to have to pop up somehow.
Tom admits to dating an American girl while blushing like a fool and then the interviewer asks the rest of us, "How about you boys? Any American girls catch your eye recently?"
Harry saves me from stuttering and stumbling on how to explain the Lucy situation by saying, "Well, we've only been here two days. Haven't really done much…'sight seeing.'"
"So no girlfriends back home then?"
"Not anymore," he says. "And Danny's completely screwed up anything even resembling a relationship since we've been a band."
I put on a fake smile and make it look like I'm play hitting him and put my whole body into it. What the hell does he think he's doing? Doesn't he realize what kind of questions that's going to bring up?
"I sense some drama here…?"
"You have no idea," Dougie replies with a small smile.
"Do tell."
Tom saves me. "It's a long story. Trust me, you don't want to know."
"Yes, but---" Dougie starts, but Tom stomps on his foot. Tom's great.
"Um, so anyway, thank you boys for joining us today. You're going to give us a special performance later, yes?"
We all nod and then we're told they're cutting to commercial.
"What the hell, Doug?" I say as I hit him on the arm.
"Ow!" he yelps. "Jeez, dude, relax."
"Relax?" I say. "Do you really think I want all of America to know about my Lucy situation?"
He rolls his eyes. "Sorry, all right?"
I sigh. "Sorry, mate," I tell him. "I'm just wicked…wound up right now."
"I'll say," he mutters and he rubs the arm I hit. "Next time though, don't hit me okay?"
"Deal," I say. "And next time, don't you go blabbing all my dirty little secrets. And same goes to you, Judd."
Harry looks at his feet and starts whistling innocently. I roll my eyes and then get ready to go on stage and put myself on the line.
----
I'm nervous.
I'm never nervous to go on stage and yet here I am, shaking and sweating.
"Breathe," I tell myself. "Just breathe."
Cheers from the crowd are drowned out from the thoughts in my head. What if she never hears this?
I say some things that I barely remember saying now and then I start playing, my fingers suddenly steady.
I'm singing the words right and playing correctly, but the whole time I'm thinking, Please be listening. Please be listening.
The song is over and the crowd is cheering again and I force out a nervous smile and step off the stage, but not before tripping over my own feet.
"Nicely done, mate," Tom says, giving me a pat on the back. "Hope she heard it."
"Me, too," I say, but there's this bit of doubt in my head that's whispering, Of course she didn't, you delusional idiot!
"Oh!" Tom says suddenly, pulling something from his pocket. He sets it in my hands and I know all too well what this is. "I found it on the floor of the studio a few days ago." He knows it all too well, too.
Lucy's wallet. This has to mean something. I smile and give Tom a pat on the shoulder before heading off to our hotel room.
"Where you going?" Dougie asks curiously.
It's a ridiculous idea, really, but there's always that hope that this wallet makes me feel. I slip the wallet in my pocket and say, "Gonna go walk Bruce."
And hopefully walk into someone else.