But I'm Moving On, My Heart Has Grown (XXXVII)

Silas had been called out to a killing in Jersey that night; a little boy, about five years old, found buried in a shallow grave. This was the fourth killing like it in the past six months.

While he stood there looking at the dead boy, he was thinking about everything; How it was getting harder now to keep the horror out of his head, even with Casey and Gillian's help, Alex and their conversation, and now this little dead boy, who looked like his son, and how he was going to fill his nightmares tonight.

He got back at about one in the morning, opening the door trying to making as little noise as possible, stepping on the floorboards that didn't squeak, and then slid into his and Casey's room.

She was sleeping peacefully, the faint light from the moon illuminating her porcelain skin. He quickly and quietly stripped down to his boxers, and slid into bed, staring at the ceiling, hands folded over his chest. Casey rolled over and snuggled close to him. "How was Jersey?" she asked sleepily, without opening her eyes.

Silas didn't say anything at first. "White male." When he spoke it was almost robotically. "Late thirties, early forties." Casey opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbow. "He has a typical low paying, white collar job, office worker maybe. Methodical."

"What?" Casey was confused; it sounded like he was giving a profile or something…

"He cares for his victims; the way he places the bodies shows this." Tears were leaking out of his eyes; Casey had never seen him cry before.

Casey was getting worried now. "Silas, come back to me, please…" she started to shake him a bit.

"God, he was only five years old." Silas choked out. "And he looked just like…" Casey didn't need him to finish the sentence.

She pulled him up and wrapped her arms around him.

"Casey, you need to know, Alex Cabot and I… we were… a thing, a very long time ago." tears were rolling down his nose. "And looking at that little boy in the shallow grave, it made me think of how grateful I was to have you and Issac and not her."

Casey was shocked at this revelation and even a bit angry that he hadn't told her before; she had told him about Charlie, she expected the same kind of honesty. But then as she looked at the shaking, crying mess in her arms, she finally saw just how broken he was, how much he had been hurting in such a short life, and how she needed to be there for him now.

"When?" Was all she wanted to know right now.

"2000 to 2003."

"And you haven't-?"

"No, no, no never." He wrapped his own arms around her. "I love you." The sadness in his voice broke Casey's heart. "And it blows my mind that you put up with me, my problems, my job, everything. You could have had any man you wanted…"

"But I wanted you. I still do." She stroked his hair. "You need to get that through your thick skull."

"I'll try." He said with a weak smile.

XXX

Alex Cabot heard a knock on her door of her office. "Come in." The door opened and she looked up, surprised to see and exhausted looking Silas Shag. They said nothing.

Silas pulled out his wallet and took something out of it, as he crossed the room to her desk, where she was seated. He handed her a picture; it was of a smiling young boy who looked just like him.

"That is my son, Issac." Silas said, voice low. "He loves to run around the house, his favorite movie is 'The Princess Bride', and he asks every day when we're going down to New Orleans. I say he has Casey's eyes; Casey says he has my smile."

Alex examined the picture. "He does." She handed it back to him.

After a few beats of silence, Silas spoke. "I told Casey."

Alex didn't say anything at first. "What did she say?"

"She was just angry I didn't tell her before. But she doesn't care what we did before she and I met; she just cares that I love her now." Silas' expression softened. "I want my son to know who you are; one of my best friends who helped me through some very hard times, because before we were whatever we were, you did just that and I will never be able to thank you enough." He held out his hand. "I'm ready to try again if you are."

Alex looked at his hand, and then shook it. "I think I am."

XXX

Sorry it took me a while to update, I've been mad busy. Also sorry it's kind of short.

Review! Or Else! Because I think you'll enjoy the next chapter…