Chapter 35: Litany of Peace
The healers offered to look over any of Alphinaud's injuries as well, but he shook him off, just replying that it was Estinien who needed their full attention now; he even asked if there was aught he could do to help. But he was politely denied, being reminded that he barely knew any healing spells, and now wasn't the best time to learn with Estinien in such a weak condition. Forced to agree, he put that on his mental lists to learn for later as he only watched on and waited. After what felt like years, Estinien's ashen face suddenly had a hint of color return and his breathing eased up.
Captain Abel, the head healer, was just informing him that this was a good sign when Estinien suddenly let out a low groan. Alphinaud, barely breathing, was on his feet as they leaned over his still form… and at last Estinien's eyes, which once shone with a deadly red light, were calm and of the deepest shade of silver blue when they blinked open.
"Estinien!" Alphinaud gasped out as the eyes flickered and winced slightly at the bright light before he was forced to shut them again
"I will be back in a moment," Captain Abel said at once, "I must alert Ser Aymeric."
He then went straight to the door, where there was a guard and was quickly informing him to get Ser Aymeric here as soon as possible. Alphinaud barely paid him any attention as relief flooded his body, and combined with the exhaustion and stress from the last few days, finally caused him to collapse to his knees. He broke down completely, resting his head and forearms on the bed as he cried… feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders.
He heard the door open behind him and a pair of footsteps entering, but he didn't pay much attention as he continued crying.
"Oh... Estinien..." he gasped out in relief.
"What happened?" Claire's quiet voice asked from behind him.
He supposed that he shouldn't be surprised for her to be here, even though he had hoped that she would be back at the manor getting some well-deserved rest. Alphinaud tried to answer, but he couldn't muster it at that moment.
Estinien opened his eyes once again and turned his head on his pillow to look before growling out in that familiar voice, "Cease your mewling, boy. It grates my ears."
At those words, Alphinaud realized how he must look and quickly wiped his face as he stood back up, though he was unable to hide the smile.
"Forgive me," he said, "When I saw you awaken, I could not ─ It was such a relief! We feared you might never wake up!"
"Now, now, Estinien," Ser Aymeric's voice said, sounding like he was scolding a child for being rude. "If Master Alphinaud thought any less of you, you would still be Nidhogg's plaything ─ or dead."
Estinien's eyes suddenly lit up and he actually gave a genuine smile at Ser Aymeric for that remark.
"Aye, aye. 'Twas but a jest," he said, his tone much lighter than it had been. Estinien moved his hand up to rest on his chest before he looked over them all as he added in a much more appreciative tone, "I thank you, Alphinaud..." And it truly sounded like he meant it before he looked to his left and added, "and you too, Warrior of Light. Quite how you managed to persuade Hraesvelgr to aid in his brood-brother's downfall, I cannot imagine ─ but full glad am I that you did. 'Tis an honor to share the mantle of Azure Dragoon with one such as you."
"I'm just glad to see that you're alright," Claire answered gently and Alphinaud knew that she was smiling. "I didn't take you for the type of man to pass away in bed."
He grinned back at the teasing before Alphinaud heard Ser Aymeric give a small sigh on his other side.
"I for my part owe you an apology," he said, his voice just dripping with remorse. "When last we met, I did willingly loose an arrow at your heart. Can you forgive me?"
But Estinien didn't seem to be the least bit angry as he countered, "There is naught to forgive, Aymeric. You but acted in defense of Ishgard, as is your duty." He then laid his head back on his pillow and shut his eyes so that it looked like he was sleeping, "Were you any less single-minded about it, I would not follow you into battle ─ nor trust you at my back."
He then looked back at him and added, "Besides, I had come to the selfsame conclusion ─ that I would have to perish for Nidhogg to be stopped. So let us dispense with the hand-wringing. I have heard enough mewling for one day."
His gaze then looked pointedly at him, and Alphinaud and he felt his face grow hot from annoyance and embarrassment.
"Oh!" Alphinaud said in frustration. It seems that his possession by a vengeful wyrm did not cost Estinien his fondness for teasing him. For one moment he almost wished that they left him for dead.
Estinien continued to smile when they heard Claire chuckling and Alphinaud was really wondering why he wanted to save him so badly. But then Estinien slowly shut his eyes again and turned his attention back to the ceiling. He was silent for a moment, almost causing Alphinaud to believe that he had fallen asleep, but then his eyelids opened again and when he next spoke, his voice sounded like he was somewhere far away from here.
"The tendrils of Nidhogg's foul presence bound up every fiber of my being, usurping my senses, but I yet retained some trace of awareness," he said softly.
"The wyrm's mind was as a vast and tumultuous sea," he explained softly, a little more to himself than speaking to them. Like it was easier to speak of it when he was addressing the ceiling.
"Endlessly its black waters churned, his grief and despair at Ratatoskr's murder never calming, never receding," he went on. "And driven by this surging current came wave upon wave of unrelenting rancor." He paused there for a moment before he frowned and confessed, "It was the very image of my own heart. There I saw the dark reflection of the hatred I felt after Nidhogg slew my family, when no path remained save vengeance against dragonkind."
Neither did Alphinaud, nor the others, make a sound as they let Estinien find the words that were troubling him so greatly. He had never heard the man sound as he did here, almost as if he were a child who had a terrible nightmare and knew not where to look for comfort.
Estinien looked back down at them as he finished, "Neither one of us had a choice. But I was blessed with something Nidhogg was not ─ comrades and teachers to console and admonish me."
Now Alphinaud was really starting to worry about him. He wasn't the type to talk about such things in such a gentle way. Estinien then gave them all a warm smile as he added, "Had I not had them to gainsay my obsession, it would surely have consumed me, as Nidhogg's did him, and we would have been in all respects alike."
Would they? Did Estinien really see himself no better than Nidhogg? He traveled with Estinien for some time, and he remembered that there were times that he laughed and joked with the rest of them. He was always teasing him, as well as arguing with Ysayle, with Claire it was always a silent kind of respect… at least when he wasn't relishing the thought of slaying dragons. But that was proof that there was more to him than just the idea of retribution on his mind.
"Though his shade is banished, his spirit scattered upon the Sea of Clouds, I feel no joy at his passing," Estinien went on, his voice sounding so thick that it was as if he was fighting a sob. But Alphinaud was sure he just imagined it for when he spoke the next sentence, he sounded more exhausted than anything else. "Where once I craved vengeance, I now crave rest."
Estinien looked up to the windowsill, and at first Alphinaud thought that he was looking out the glass at the bright, sunny morning. But no, his gaze was on the broken, blood-stained helm that had been set there. Estinien did not answer for a long moment before he looked back at Ser Aymeric, saying rather formally, "Lord Commander, my hunt is at an end. I would lay down the mantle of Azure Dragoon."
They all looked to Ser Aymeric, whose face held nothing but sadness as he looked down at him.
"My friend…" he whispered softly.
Estinien had made his mind up… he did not wish to fight anymore. Alphinaud knew that no matter how much time will pass, he knew that he would never fully comprehend what it was like for their friend to be under Nidhogg's control for so long. This was something that they could only help support him with… but knowing him, he would carry on once he fully recovered.
A silent understanding passed between Estinien and Ser Aymeric before the former Azure Dragoon's lips curled up into one last smile and he shut his eyes again. For one fearful moment, Alphinaud thought that there was something wrong, and he reached a hand out, Estinien's name halfway out of his mouth when…?
"He has tired himself with too many words," Captain Abel answered him gently. "I doubt not that he will make a full recovery, but he must be allowed some few days of quiet."
Yes, of course. They couldn't expect him to be able to get up right away after all that had happened. Content that their friend would survive, Alphinaud nodded, now thinking longingly of that spare bed back at the manor. And it seemed that he wasn't the only one.
"Come on," Claire informed him. "Why don't we return to the manor now? I'm sure that Tataru's wondering if we're alright. We will have time to take care of things later."
Even when she was the one that needed rest the most, she seemed more concerned for his well-being than he was. He would need to work on that if he didn't want her to worry over him. She's the type who rather faint than let anyone know that she was tired.
The two of them left, with Ser Aymeric staying for only a moment longer before joining them outside. He humbly thanked them one more time, promising to meet with them once they rested, and reassuring them that any political matters that must needs be addressed, he would handle for them. That was a relief to hear from, and soon the two of them left the Congregation—all the while ignoring how the people were continuing to congratulate them and let out cries of thankfulness when they were spotted.
Right now, all Alphinaud could think of the unbearable sadness inside him at all that had happened and the lives that were lost, as well as the joy that they did no lose more of their friends to this war of hate and punishment.
"So, even after all that's happened… travelling up to the Churning Mists, undertaking Hraesvelgr's trial as well as battling the great wyrm himself, before rushing here to defeat Nidhogg… and you're still not badly injured?" he found himself saying to her, half relieved and half amazed.
"Is that a problem?" she asked casually.
Alphinaud couldn't help but smile. "It does make one wonder," he confessed. "Keep this up, and people may start to think you're secretly a goddess in disguise."
He suddenly remembered that night they spent at the gazebo and her words…?
"But… if it does turn out there's something different about me. Would you be afraid of me?"
Were it anyone else? Mayhaps… but she wasn't like anyone else… that was probably why he was so drawn to her in the first place.
As exhaustion quickly settled in on him as they walked, he found himself leaning his head against her shoulder, taking her by surprise. He couldn't help it. He wasn't sure if he could remain on his feet for too much longer. Thankfully, she seemed to understand and led the way back up to the Last Vigil. He didn't pay too much attention, simply trusting her to guide them back safely, until he heard the sounds of the knights outside Fortemps Manor welcoming them inside. His vision was growing blurrier with every moment as he felt the cold winds die down suddenly, knowing that they must have made it inside.
He wasn't sure how long it took, but it felt like days before he was being brought to his room. His vision already starting to go on him before he felt himself sitting down on the bed..
"Alphinaud?" Claire's voice asked him softly, though it sounded like it was being spoken from far away. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine…" he reassured her as he laid back. "I'm just… tired…"
"You must be," she said with a light chuckled as he felt her hand on his shoulder and softly rubbed it to help him relax more. It worked for he felt himself start to drift off and it was a struggle just to keep his eyes open. He wasn't sure why, but for some reason he suddenly did not wish to sleep just yet. He dug his fingers into his palms, wincing in pain when he felt the damage that had been done, but his vision cleared enough for him to see slight concern on her face.
She noticed his wince and her hands went to his own, causing that familiar blush to creep into his cheeks when she pulled the gloves off to see what was wrong. His hands were all still scratched, bruised, and cut where he had done the damage to them. She shook her head at him, silently chiding him for not having this taken care of before he felt a warmth run through his body, the pain slowly fading away before he realized that she was healing his hands.
"Don't," he said, trying to sit up. "You're the one who…"
"I'll live," she reassured him, focusing on healing, and he suddenly felt stupid for having done this to himself. He reached out and took her hand to stop and he felt her freeze when he held on tightly.
"Claire… I…" he began slowly before his voice caught in his throat. He could feel the callous blisters and burns on her own palm and fingers as he looked at her own exhausted face. That was when he came to the realization that they were alone right now.
Alphinaud's insides were raging an all-out battle. His mind was yelling at him to just let it go while his heart was beating so hard against his chest that it was as if it wanted to burst out, screaming at him to say something. And, at that moment, his heart was most certainly the stronger of the two.
"What is it?" she asked softly when his voice trailed off.
Should he tell her? After all that had happened, was it right to confess something like this now? He could have lost her out there today… she could have died without him ever being able to tell her how he felt.
He just looked at her expectant face and felt his mouth move.
"I wanted to tell you that I…" he spoke out a little hurriedly as the red in his face burned and his heart was now so painful that he felt as if he was being punched from the inside. "After all this time of getting to know you… and travelling around to help but an end to the war… I feel like… that I've fallen…?"
But before he could finish his sentence, there was a knock at the door and they both jumped at the sudden noise as it creaked open to reveal face of a young girl poked her head in. She froze at the sight of them there, having been thinking that it had been empty or something before she stuttered out, "M-Mistress F-F-Faye?"
"Yes?" Claire asked, turning her head to look at her, causing the girl to blush red. "Is there something wrong, Saulette?"
"Y-Your room is s-set up for you," she informed her nervously, unable to look her in the eyes before she opened the door wider and pointed down the hallway.
"I see, I'll be there in a moment, thank you Saulette," Claire told her kindly, causing the girl to become even more flustered as she backed away and disappeared around the corner.
"New servant," Claire chuckled lightly to him as she explained, "She's barely been able to look at me. Like she thinks I'm someone famous." Alphinaud chuckled back, his foggy mind nearly unable to handle it anymore before she asked, "What did you wish to tell me?"
He had been so close that he had given in to his desire to tell her the truth. If only Saulette had waited another minute…? But now that they had been interrupted, that desire to speak had faded and he instantly kept those feelings locked up inside.
"It's nothing," he reassured her. "I was just telling you that I'm close to falling asleep."
"Close to?" she teased lightly, and he was relieved to see that she seemed to accept his change of subject. Why though? Why was he so afraid?
"Alright," she told him softly as she got to her feet. "Get some rest, we all need some."
Alphinaud could only nod as he laid back and watched as she turned and walked to the door. If only that little girl didn't find them… though he wasn't sure what it was he would have said next.
He tried to speak again, to figure out what it was that his mouth wanted to tell her, but it was as if he was stripped of his voice. She paused, only giving him a smile before she left, shutting the door quietly behind her, and leaving him alone with his thoughts.
He fell backwards, his head hitting the pillow and he was almost out at that moment. But his mind still went on a little longer…
He wanted to see her happy, he wanted to see her laugh a lot more than she had done for a long time. Most of all, he wanted to do whatever he could to help her. Fighting the urge to scream into his pillow, he rolled over and curled up… allowing himself to finally drift off to sleep.
*Two days later*
Following the battle with Nidhogg on the Steps of Faith, Ser Aymeric called an assembly that he might make his final proclamation as acting head of state.
'Twas there, with one decree, that the thousand-year rule of the archbishops was ended, paving the way for a new republic. The governance of Ishgard would now be placed in the hands of high and lowborn alike, their ranks represented by the newly founded House of Lords and House of Commons.
As for the church, it was also separated from state, and any new reforms that Ser Aymeric proposed were accepted without incident. With the joy and relief of Nidhogg's defeat that the war was over, now was the best time for new beginnings, especially for Ishgard's new government. All people were given a chance to speak for Ishgard and help was finally being given to those who needed it most. The four High Houses were doing what they could to help rebuild the parts of the city that were destroyed, as well as being generous with the supplies that they brought in for those less fortunate as everyone celebrated the end of the war.
Once this was done, Ser Aymeric was only too glad to step down from the acting ruler of Ishgard… only for the people to cry out for him to take the highest seat of the House of Lords, and take up rule again… permanently.
Naturally, he tried to refuse this honor, but after some pleading from all sides, especially from the unexpected Count de Durendaire, Ser Aymeric felt that he had no choice but to accept. It was for the best, for Alphinaud could not think of anyone better to continue to guide the people towards a brighter future.
After a thousand years, much needed change had finally come to Ishgard. After some more peace talks with the Dravanians, an investiture was to take place that day, and the ambassadors of dragonkind, Vidofnir and Vedrfolnir, would be the guests of honor.
On the day of the inauguration, early that morning, Alphinaud and Claire paid a visit to the infirmary once more and were glad to see that Estinien was sitting up in bed, looking out the window at the sunny day—without a snowflake in sight.
"You both going to Aymeric's investiture?" he asked when they came in to greet him. Alphinaud was pleased to see that his health was making quick improvements since he was first brought here.
"It is being held this afternoon," Alphinaud said as they joined him at his bedside. "We felt that we should just check in on you and make sure you haven't been driving the poor chirurgeons to want to kill you yet."
Estinien grinned slightly as he confessed, "Not yet, but their patience with me has grown very thin. I'm in half a mind to just leap out the window so that I don't have to deal with them fussing over every time I want to move."
"Too bad it will take a lot more than a fall out a window to finish you off," Claire pointed out and he chuckled at that. "You're too stubborn for that."
Alphinaud's relationship with her hadn't changed in the slightest. At first, had been worried that she would've asked him about what it was that he wanted to tell her, but she did not try to bring it up. So like her… if he didn't want to mention it, she wasn't going to press the matter.
She was as she always was around him, and the way that she spoke with Estinien, you would think that nothing had happened with him and Nidhogg. Estinien was much the same, wanting to hear details about all that transpired while he was… 'away'.
Claire liked to gloss over more of the exciting parts like it was nothing, but it did cheer him up as she told him about the many pains that she had been going through as she hunted about Eoreza. Apparently, some sort of salesman had recently come to these lands with a large group of creatures and strange weapons that he was willing to sell to her. But he refused to take gil, instead asking for these things called Yo-kai medals.
And to make matters worse, he kept increasing the number of medals needed to buy his weapons. Recently, she needed 15 very special types of medals that could be found, albeit very difficultly, around Eoreza, and she was having a hard time getting her hands on them.
"So now that you've bought all but three of his weapons, he's jumped the price up to 30 of these legendary medals?" Estinien sniggered.
"Yes, and it was hard enough trying to find just 15 of them," she told him as she rolled her eyes. "I'll have to find a total of 90 more if I hope to get the last three."
"You think that he'd be less obviously greedy," Estinien said with a shake of his head. "Jumping up to double the price? That's just cruel."
"I agree," she sighed with a rather ironic smile. "When he told me that I wasn't sure to cry or punch him. I've been fighting all sorts of problems all over the lands to find them, but it could take days just to find a couple."
"Damn, these weapons better be worth it," Estinien said as she showed him some of the little creatures that she managed to get from the many ordinary medals that she collected—which were in no short supply. They were some of the strangest creatures Alphinaud had ever seen. Such as a poodle with a man's face, which gave him the creeps… a couple cats with two tales… and even a cat that seemed to be completely robotic. He had to admit that he was curious as to what these weapons looked like.
"They remind me of those damn moogle creatures," Estinien said as he looked down at them.
"You really hate moogles don't you?" Alphinaud couldn't help but ask.
"Two-faced, little bastards," Estinien hissed. "Annoying and pointless."
But one of the Yo-kai, one that had dark eyes and his face was mostly covered with a strange scarf, floated upwards until he was eye level with Estinien and the ends of the scarf shifted so that they looked like dragon mouths that snapped at him for that comment.
"Well, this one I don't mind so much," Estinien said as he watched the creature. "He's not so pathetic."
Claire chuckled a little as she admitted, "This one is Venoct, and to be honest, he does remind me of you from time to time."
"I take offense to that," Estinien retorted as Venoct flew up a little higher and got so close in his face that his dragon scarf really did bite him hard on the ear, which caused Estinien to throw him off and across the room. Somehow the whole thing ended with all of them laughing at the incident, which he had to admit that it was good to hear again. After all this, they all desperately needed something to laugh about.
It went on for some time before it finally died down and they were left in silence. Soon, Clare got to her feet.
"You leaving?" Alphinaud asked her.
"Yes. I wish to see how Hraesvelgr is recovering," she told him. "His wing was damaged in the battle, and I believe I heard that he was resting at Anyx Trine. If he had recovered enough, I wish to escort him back to Zenith."
"Of course," Alphinaud said in understanding. "But are you not coming to the investiture?"
"I might drop in before I go," she answered, though knowing her wanderlust, there was a good chance that she might just leave before it finishes. "But I'll stop in tonight at the manor."
"Alright, take care," he said softly, not noticing how Estinien was looking at him with a curious expression. He just watched as she held her hand up in farewell before she left them alone. Alphinaud didn't realize that he was staring at the door even after she left; at least not until Estinien spoke up.
"So," he teased, "You still haven't told her yet?"
"Told who what?" he asked in confusion as Estinien chuckled.
"Come on, don't play games with me," he told him. "I saw how you looked at her the whole time that we were sitting here. Like you couldn't look away for long. It wasn't that hard to tell before, but now you're making it so obvious that I'm astonished that she doesn't already know. Or maybe she does? She's the type who's too polite to say anything.
Alphinaud felt his face burn at the thought. Was he really that obvious? So obvious that she already knew, or at least suspected, how he felt about her? He really hoped not, otherwise he was just making a bigger fool of himself than he already was.
Estinien kept his eyes out at the sky, it was the most perfect day, without any hint of a snow in sights.
"Adventurers are able to see the world very differently from their long journeys," he said softly to himself, like he forgot that Alphinaud was there. "I'm thinking… that maybe I should give it a try."
"You want to become an adventurer?" Alphinaud asked in surprise.
"Have to find something to do with the rest of my life," he said. "And maybe… maybe I could also learn to see through unclouded eyes as well."
"I see," Alphinaud said after a few seconds of silence. "Well, we can talk more about it once you fully recover."
"Yes, enough about me, what about you? Just what has happened since I last saw you with her?" he asked shrewdly. "Who finally got you to realize that you're acting like a boy in love?"
Alphinaud glared at him, but he knew him well enough that he wasn't going to let this matter drop until he told him and he sighed out, "Count Edmont." Though now he suddenly remembered that Count Edmont would soon be passing on the title of count once the investiture was over.
"Ah, that explains it," Estinien smirked. "Figures he would've knocked some sense into your head. After all, he had three sons he had to keep on a leash just to keep them under control. And most of the time they broke free."
When he put it all together like that, maybe it wasn't such a surprise that Count Edmont had figured it all out long before he did.
"So, did you ever tell her?" Estinien asked, "Or are you still the maid who was fretting for her sweetheart to come back?"
"Why is it that everyone thinks that I can come out and say anything like that to her?" he asked with a bitter shake of his head, cheeks burning at the remark. "I can't do it."
"Why not?" he asked curiously.
"Because!" Alphinaud snapped before he sighed. "I don't know anymore! I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside from how much I don't know! There are days that I wonder if it's a miracle that I made it into the Studium from how stupid I feel!"
"You're not stupid," Estinien said. "Just that it's only natural for a man to worry about his woman. Didn't I tell you before?"
Alphinaud blinked before he said, "I thought you were joking about that!"
Estinien chuckled.
"Only partly," he smirked back. "The entire journey you were constantly worrying about her. If nothing else, it was fun to tease you. If you don't tell her how you feel soon though, perhaps I'll tell her the next time I see her?"
"You wouldn't dare!" Alphinaud retorted coldly, just remembering what he hated about having Estinien around.
"Wouldn't I?" he asked shrewdly.
Alphinaud felt his eye twitch as he hissed, "I'm starting to wish that we left you with Nidhogg."
Estinien chuckled at the threat.
"Now, now… if you meant that you would've done so," he said before he saw his eyes flicker to the window a second time and added, "You better be going if you don't want to miss the ceremony."
Alphinaud was still glaring at him. "You're right," he answered as he stood up. "I'll come check on you again later when it's over to tell you how it went."
"Oh, I'm sure that it will be very different from the peace conference," Estinien said, waving his hand as if getting rid of a fly. "I, for one, am not going to be there to interrupt this time."
Remembering how well that his last 'interruption' went, left an awkward silence in the room.
"Are you sure that you're…?" Alphinaud began nervously before Estinien grunted in annoyance.
"Why doesn't everyone insist on asking if I'm alright?" he demanded irritably. "Do I look like I'm suffering to you?"
To be honest, yes… he just remembered the defeated look that had been in Estinien's eyes when they first opened up and told them about his experience.
"Is it wrong to care about your well-being?" Alphinaud asked simply.
"It is if they don't stop bugging me about it," Estinien said firmly. "I admit that I've had better days, but I'm not fragile."
No, he supposed not. Still, he had spent a large amount of time trapped someplace where Alphinaud wouldn't wish anyone to be. However, for now, he let the matter drop as promised to see him again later before heading to the door.
"Alphinaud…" Estinien spoke up suddenly as he just was about to shut the door behind him. When he glanced back at him, Estinien was looking at him with a strange look in his eyes. "You want to live a more meaningful life than I have? Then don't waste your time anymore. If you love her, then you should tell her… all this tip-toeing around won't change anything."
Alphinaud thought that over before he confessed, "I almost did the other day… I was so close to saying it… but then my courage faded me in the end."
"Well, you best find out where you misplaced it," Estinien said before he chuckled. "Going into dragon-infested territories and doing deadly trials with no guarantee of survival, you have no problems doing. Telling your woman how you feel about her? And you are suddenly as meek as a lamb who had gotten separated from its herd."
"She's not my woman," he answered back wearily.
"Then what is she?" Estinien asked curiously.
"She's…?" Alphinaud began before his voice faded again. What was she to him? He wasn't sure he knew anymore. Alphinaud hated fighting, preferring to be someone who could solve things with discussion and reason. But at the same time, he wouldn't leave her to fight alone if he could help it.
He was clueless in love, despite how hard he tries to hide it. Their relationship was, at first, simply companions working in the same organization for a common cause. But as he came to understand her quiet nature, reliable strength and surprisingly gentle side, he admitted that feelings of love began to grow inside him which only grew stronger over time.
Yet he could not seem to bring himself to tell her any of that despite how much he wished he could. He was constantly torn between his heart and mind… yet despite all this, he could not bear the thought of being separated from her. He understood now it was because he loved her too much to be without her, despite how painful it could be from time to time.
Even as friends, he wanted to stay by her side.
"I'll think about it," he said and then he left.
*Estinien POV*
Estinien looked to the door for a long while before he swung his feet out and over from the edge of the bed so that he could get to the window. Leaning against the wall, he gazed out at the city below him as he waited. Soon enough, he spotted a familiar head of white hair tied in a ponytail walk out from below and was soon heading through the crowd.
He kept watch over a distance until the boy was out of his sights, yet even then he continued watching, his mind began to wander.
The boy reminded him so much of his own little brother. He remembered that horrific day so clearly… it haunted his mind for so many dark nights that there were times where he just blinked and he saw it.
He had been out tending a tiny flock of sheep when he saw the sky turn dark by the beating of dragon wings. He remembered the fear in his heart as he went running forward to his village, to try and warn them of what was going on. But a lone boy running to his home while the dragons flew overhead? He didn't stand a chance.
He just prayed over and over that his family would survive. Even if his house was destroyed, so long as his mother, father, and brother lived, then he would have been thankful. He remembered how he ran through the destroyed village… Piles of splintered wood and rubble lay where houses had stood, while haystacks, sodden from the recent rains, spewed forth plumes of white smoke. Though his chest was ripe to burst from his headlong dash, seeing the carnage imbued him with a desperate energy, and he broke into a run once more. Though the acrid fumes choked his lungs and stung his eyes, and when he saw the remains of his home… he saw how the roof had fallen in on itself and crushed down the wall.
He remembered seeing the bodies of his parents on the ground; how father had laid there as if trying to protect mother from the attack. When he ran into the house, he remembered finding his beloved young brother having been killed when the roof and wall had collapsed. His face was untouched by the violence, his expression serene. At a glance, it appeared as though he was simply asleep and would open his eyes at any moment. Estinien would have given anything for it to be so.
All hope extinguished, his strength had finally deserted him, and he fell to his knees. With a trembling hand, he reached out to stroke his sibling's snow-white hair, tears drawing pale lines upon his soot-blackened cheeks. But the sorrow soon gave way to rage. He cursed Nidhogg and his brood for taking from him all that he held dear. And he cursed fate for condemning him to live on.
Alphinaud reminded him greatly of his brother… in fact, he liked to think that was what he would have grown up to be like… had he had lived. Estinien smiled, glad that the little Lordling was safe despite all the trouble they were dragged in.
Soon, his memories carried him away again. He remembered just sitting there crying, holding onto his brother's body until the wounded Ser Alberic stumbled into the house, having heard his cries.
Ser Alberic then cared for him for those next years, with Estinien coming to love him like a father… he had always believed that the injuries he suffered from were what prevented him from being able to use the Eye ever again and that was the reason he gave up the title Azure Dragoon. When he discovered the truth in how he chose to give up that power… letting his village burn in the process, he felt rage all over again.
Thinking back, there was no doubt in his mind that he would've killed Alberic that day had a friend not stood in the way… a friend…
He could remember the first time he fell victim to Nidhogg's fury… he felt the wyrm's power in him… maybe that was what left the seed for Nidhogg to take over him a second time.
He faced off against her, her own lance in hand as she stood against him to protect Ser Alberic… before she dealt the winning blow, for that moment he could have sworn that he saw Haldrath there…
Was it just some part of him losing his mind? Or was it truly the spirit of the first Azure Dragoon who appeared before him?
To think that one of the very knights who slew Ratatoskr all those years ago… the spirit of one who would one day be consumed by the very power he once sought to gain, would choose someone like the Warrior of Light to lend his strength…
Though thinking about it now, maybe it wasn't strange.
Mayhaps, Haldrath wished to make amends and chose someone who could finally bring an end to the war. The very first Azure Dragoon… would chose the last Azure Dragoon. For now that he, himself, had laid down the mantle, the Warrior of Light was the only one left… and with Nidhogg's eyes now gone, there would not be another.
He was furious at his friends for trying to save him at first, hearing them scream as they all felt the pain. He didn't remember the battle completely, but somewhere near the end, he became aware of what was going on around him. How it happened, he did not know, but somehow he woke up and the first thing he saw was the faces of his comrades. Once he realized what he was doing, he had to do something to make things right even if it meant his death. He knew that she could stop him… he wanted her to do so.
Estinien let out a rough sigh. He had to admit, she was beautiful and he could see why Alphinaud had fallen for her.
He then looked to the azure skies and wondered what to do next. It seemed so long ago that he first joined the Temple Knights, and then later the dragoons—eventually becoming strong enough to be chosen by the eye not long after he made a habit of killing dragons.
He smirked as he remembered the first time that he ever slayed a dragon…
*Flashback*
Half in a daze, Estinien took in the sight of the first dragon he had ever slain. He had relentlessly pursued the creature after it had killed off all but him and one fellow knight while they were on patrol. He did feel great satisfaction as he gazed down at the dead creature, knowing that he avenged the deaths of those who were slain today.
But there was something off… the dragon had him cornered and it could have finished him off but didn't. Because of their battle, they caused part of the cave to fall in and boulders rained down on him without warning. Though he had managed to escape before he was crushed, he was hit in the chest when the dragon's tail came whipping out of nowhere and rammed him to the cavern wall. With the breath knocked out of him, he was unable to move as the dragon appeared over him.
He watched as the beast reared his head back, his lungs filling, about to breath fire and engulf him… when all of a sudden, the foul beast's head lurched sideways and spilled the fire away from him. He did not know what the cause of that was, but he was grateful for it… for that extra moment was all the time he needed for him to get back to his feet and deal the killing blow.
It was only when he finally noticed the arrow that was protruding from one of its eyes did he understand what happened. A moment later, he heard footsteps and he turned at once to see a familiar knight appear, emerging from the shadows with a longbow in hand.
"This is not the way to the Holy See," Estinien informed him.
"I know," the knight said good-naturedly. "But I thought the journey home would pass more swiftly in good company."
Estinien looked at him suspiciously. Did he really expect him to believe that?
"You have my thanks, Ser...?" he began before trailing off, already forgetting the knight's name.
He gave him a dry smile as he answered, "Aymeric. And it shall be thanks enough if you remember my name. ...Though I shan't object to a tankard of ale back in Ishgard."
In spite of his exhaustion, Estinien could not help returning his grin, deciding that this guy wasn't so bad.
*End of Flashback*
That had been about ten years ago. And ever since then they had been fighting and training every single day to try and protect Ishgard. But now that his life's purpose was over, Nidhogg was dead and the war was over… something that Estinien never actually thought that he would live to see. Now that it was here, he did not know what left to do with his life.
But he knew one thing… he wasn't getting any answers by sticking around here in a sickbed.
He left the room to head to the dragoon's barracks so that he could grab a set of clothes—now was the best time to go, since everyone was going to be at the ceremony. Like he thought, the Congregation was almost empty, and it was easy to grab a set of clothes before returning to the room to change. He looked down at whatever was left of his blood-stained armor before shaking his head. No, he no longer needed it and would be leaving that behind. But he did end up reaching for his lance, having fought with it for far too long for him to lay it down now.
Once he was ready, about to head outside… his eyes caught hold of the vase of Nymeia lilies that had been brought in for him. He never understood why someone would want to bring flowers in for someone like him. What need would he have for it? But as he looked at the flowers, an image suddenly came to his mind of a woman clothed in frost.
*Later*
Estinien had been there for the investiture, watching how Ser Aymeric greeted the people of Ishgard and spoke of a new future that they would lay down for their children. That they would begin the foundation that new generations would build tall spires that would reach ever heavensward. Estinien smiled as he remembered how words were always Aymeric's greatest tools, having won over loyalty of the Temple Knights because he always spoke from the heart.
He used to make fun of Aymeric that politics weren't in his future because he was so openly honest.
'Look at him now, you bastards,' he thought scathingly of the archbishop and those cowards of the Heavens Ward. The people all gathered together, every single face smiling as he spoke to them all, and then finally cheering when they saw the Lord Commander climbed up onto the back of one of the dragons, ready to take the skies.
He smiled, knowing that they couldn't have a greater symbol of a bright future than this. The people cheered, the children running underneath and waving like they hoped that they would also be given a ride, all of them hailing him as a new Azure Dragoon for the new Ishgard.
A new kind of Azure Dragoon.
A good title for this nation reborn.
Estinien was glad to see that the future was in good hands. He was about to leave when he noticed a familiar figure in the crowd and paused.
The Warrior of Light…
She was watching the whole thing too… but she was standing off to the side, as if afraid she would be recognized if she got too close. He watched her for a moment before she turned and disappear through the crowd, heading off in the direction of Falcon's Nest, and he knew where she was heading.
He smirked as he decided to go the opposite way. As fond as he was of his friends, he had no desire to see them right now. He would miss them all, of course, but now was the time for him to stand on his own two feet and look to his own future.
He gazed up at the sky once more to where his old friend was smiling warmly down at the people. He would be just fine… he had people like Lucia, Claire, and Alphinaud here to take care of him after all. There was no need for him right now.
He held the bouquet of lilies in his hand to his chest before he thought to himself, 'Lead them well, Lord Commander.'
Ishgard still had a long way to go before it would fully be at peace, but he firmly believed that they couldn't have a better leader. With this comforting thought, he followed Claire's example and left without a glance back.
He went to where he kept the Manacutter that the Ironworks workers gave to him when he first journeyed to the Aery. No one saw him, and was more than able to fetch it and prepare himself for this new adventure. He really meant what he said to Alphinaud before. Whether he would become an adventurer or not, he didn't know. But he would see more of the world himself; learn to see with eyes unclouded and find a new purpose… maybe a sense of peace one day.
But there was one place he needed to go to first… to pay tribute to a fallen… friend.
He left the city, not even glancing back as he took off, heading straight off to Azys Lla. He reached it soon enough, yet he couldn't bring himself to go far in. Truthfully, he had no desire whatsoever to ever return to this place with all the bitter memories that it held. So he wouldn't stay for long.
He landed on the platform that he last stood with all of his comrades, his friends, and remembered all that happened the last time he had been here. He gazed about, just staring out at the edge of the floating isle for some time… in the direction where fire had once exploded around them and an unexpected savior had come to their rescue in their time of need, giving her life for them.
"I know that we didn't always see eye to eye," he finally said to the air, speaking out loud for the first time since Alphinaud had left his sickroom. "But we both desired a way to put an end to the war. At long last our wish is fulfilled…"
He sighed as he knelt down low and set the bouquet of flowers at the very edge of the platform.
"If things had been different, if our lives weren't pulled into this ridiculous war… mayhaps we could've been friends for a lot longer," he sighed as he looked at the fragile petals. "I don't know if what I saw was a dream or a trick… but for that moment, I could have sworn that you were there… helping to save me. All four of you…"
The little Lordling, the bastard son of House Fortemps, the Warrior of Light and second Azure Dragoon… and Lady Iceheart—no, Ysayle. They saved him from a terrible fate and he was not going to waste his second chance.
He stood up once again and stared out at the endless sky as he gave a silent prayer to Halone… and even one to… Saint Shiva. Now that the truth was known, Saint Shiva was at last getting the recognition that she deserved. Already, there were those who were praying to her that these peaceful days last.
"I don't know where I'll go or what I'll do next, but I'll find something to keep me busy," he went on. "No longer will I think of revenge. Instead, I will do all in my power to keep this peace. Maybe someday we will both be remembered for more than what we are."
He sighed once more before he turned and added, "What else can I say? But… thank you… Lady Ysayle." He turned and was about to head back to the Manacutter when…
"Take care…" whispered a voice on the wind and he stopped dead, turning back around.
But he smiled as he nodded.
"Don't worry. I'll return to Ishgard one day, and maybe here… just to let you know what happened," he said gently, this softness on his tongue felt so foreign to him. "Goodbye," he finished as he reached the Manacutter, the weight of what was now open hitting him all at once. He no longer was bound by duty, and the world was free for him to explore. He would see all he could until he found the answers he sought.
He grinned a little, excitement rushing through his veins as he took off to the skies.
While trapped under Nidhogg's control, throughout the bitter hatred and lust for blood he felt, there was one small feeling that he did end up gaining even after being set free. Loving the feeling of soaring through the skies…
He took off, leaving the isle far behind him as he felt the wind hitting his face, no longer being blocked by his helmet and letting his long hair fly freely. With a laugh, he spun the wheel around and chose to just let the wind carry him off and see where he landed next.
*Alphinaud*
"Where once I craved vengeance, I now crave rest."
The sickroom was empty when he returned from Ser Aymeric's investiture, save for a vase of Nymeia lilies and the crimson armor Estinien had forsworn. He had been surprised to hear that Estinien had left his sickbed… but only a little bit. Now that he knew that he was free from Nidhogg's control, he saw no need to worry for him when he saw that he had left.
When he last saw him in the infirmary, while Estinien was in full possession of his senses and even feeling well enough to mock him for crying, Alphinaud sensed that he was a changed man. He wasn't sure how much of him was different now, but he had faith that he would be alright out there on his own for now.
He wasn't one for tearful good-byes.
While he knew this fact, Alphinaud couldn't help but feel sorrow that he, once more, failed to say what was in his heart. He had wanted to thank a man who cared not for fame or glory, one who always treated him harshly but fair. Like how a brother would….
He supposed he would have to tell him when he next saw him, believing that Estinien would return when he was ready. And when he did, he would tell him off for his poor manners then as well.
He was out late that evening, gazing up at the starry sky and wondered just where he would go from here. Now that the war was over and Ishgard was well on its way to a bright future, what road was it for the Scions to walk along now?
Speaking of which…?
He glanced down when he heard the slight rustle of armor and was surprised to see that Ser Aymeric was directly below him, leaving up against a wall, his eyes closed and he looked closed to falling asleep right then and there. Alphinaud was in half a mind to call out when they heard the sounds of a roar and looked up to see a familiar figure flying towards them.
Claire was once again atop of Midgardsormr's back, who was bearing her towards the city. She had been changed out of her armor, and into lighter clothing that were more suited for traveling and knew at once that she was planning on leaving for the road again. Alphinaud smiled as he leaned on the railing and watched as she came ever closer and landed with practiced ease.
He wasn't the only one who heard her either, for Ser Aymeric had pushed himself off the wall and was strolling towards the landing, a big smile on his own face, as she bid Midgardormr farewell. It didn't take her long to realize that she wasn't alone.
When he saw the two of them standing together on the platform, he felt a slight frown tug at the corners of his mouth. While, he did see Ser Aymeric as a friend, he wasn't sure how he felt when he saw him interact with Claire.
He chose to just watch, and he even managed to catch wind of their conversation.
"I was gazing out at the Sea of Clouds, in an all too rare moment of idleness, when I chanced to behold a certain hero wending her way towards the city on dragonback," Ser Aymeric informed her warmly. "Welcome home, Claire."
"Thank you," Claire answered with a polite bow of the head before explaining, "I borrowed Midgardsormr's wings to escort Hraesvelgr back to Zenith. It seems that he has already fully recovered from the damage to his wing. He will be just fine." She then tilted her head and asked, "Is aught amiss?"
Alphinaud really hoped not. He didn't know what they would do if another incident arose now after all of this. He prayed to the gods that they would wait until they all had a chance to recover from the last battle at the very least before something else happened.
"Nay, 'twas no grave matter that moved me to greet you in person," Ser Aymeric response and Alphinaud sighed in relief. "Between you and me, I merely sought respite from the pressures of office... No sooner do I surrender my role as temporary head of state than I am burdened with a position of more permanent responsibility!"
He had a feeling that had been the case. Ser Aymeric was going to be having his hands full for some time. Fighting Nidhogg would be nothing compared to this, wouldn't it?
Claire was looking on kindly he heard Ser Aymeric sigh, "I fancy that it echoes in some small measure the way you must feel when your improbable feats of heroism are rewarded with still more impossible challenges..."
Yes, it was almost cruel how that happened. No sooner do you finish one impossible task than you are given dozens of other greater ones. He wondered how people like Claire and Aymeric always took it with such grace and stride.
Ser Aymeric seemed a little grim as he went on, and Alphinaud suspected that he was saying some of the problems that had been on his mind for a time.
"The myth which guided our society for generations lies in tatters ─ am I then to be scorned for building upon the system of nobility that I once sought to tear down?" Ser Aymeric sighed. "And what strange jest is this that places me at its pinnacle? An archbishop's bastard at the head of the House of Lords..."
"Do you wish for me to answer?" Claire asked suddenly and Ser Aymeric chuckled.
"...Ah, but these questions are for me to answer," he decided. "It is not in man's nature to change overnight. This I learned through painful experience. And it was this hard lesson which convinced me to take the path which we now follow. Even as we rebuild the bridge between man and dragon, so must we reimagine Ishgard ─ one carefully placed stone at a time. We must remember that it is not for us that we lay this groundwork, but for the men and women that our children will become. May their towers rise proudly from the fundament of our legacy."
His voice was now ringing with excitement at the thought of what the future would hold, and Alphinaud couldn't help but grin at the thought as well. It was truth that change, proper change, couldn't be forced overnight. They all learned this lesson one way or another. The best kind came naturally, and while this way was very different than what Ser Aymeric had been hoping for, it was a good start. Ishgard was well on its way.
Claire was nodding to his words as well.
"I know you can," she said. "Also, the moogles up in the Churning Mists now have a teacher to teach them about stonemasonry and they will start to work on the ruins there. Maybe someday, there will be even grander sights that stand with Zenith." She was silent for a moment before she added, "And how is Estinien?"
"...I hear word from Captain Whitecape that Estinien has vanished from his sickroom. His willfulness survives undiminished," Ser Aymeric said, not sounding at all angry or upset at this.
"Good to hear," Claire answered back shrewdly. "If he had still been resting in bed when I got back, then I would've been feeling concern."
Ser Aymeric laughed in full agreement before he made a humble request.
"Should you ever happen upon our unmannerly friend on your travels, pray assure him that I shall keep Ishgard safe until he deigns to come home," he asked her.
"I'll be sure to do so," she answered.
Alphinaud nodded, wondering just when they would next see their 'unmannerly friend' again.
"Thank you, Claire. And please, convey my warmest regards to Master Alphinaud," Ser Aymeric said and they parted ways.
Alphinaud left as well, heading back to the manor where he could greet his friend in person.
As he walked back on his own, he had noted how tired that Ser Aymeric seemed. This new position was clearly a burden on him, but he wasn't the type to complain. He would have to step in and see how he fares from time to time… just to make sure though.
There would forever be scars of course, and he knew that they would all be long gone from this world before there would ever be true peace between man and dragon. But there was no doubt in his mind that Ser Aymeric would make good on his promise and lead ishgard safely along their chosen road, though the way be choked with debris of history.
With the Dragonsong War finally at its end, they had much to celebrate and be thankful for.
He reached the manor, where Tataru was already waiting for him. As soon as she saw him, she began giving him an earful about not letting her know right away that he and Claire were alright. She had been doing this a lot lately, ever since he woke up a few days ago and saw her there staring at him. As soon as his eyes opened, she began crying in relief as she also yelled for not being the first one they told that they survived the battle.
He had a feeling that she was going to be lecturing him on this for some time.
Thankfully, rescue came in the form of the doors opening and their own Warrior of Light stepping inside. Tataru let out an excited squeal and went running up to Claire as soon as she saw her enter the room. She then went and hugged her knees, unable to reach any higher as she cried out, "You've saved the day again, Claire! ...Not that I ever doubted you would!"
"Did you now?" Claire asked, amusement in her voice as she returned the hug.
"Yes, and I do wish you would stop making me worry about you!" she added crossly before going on, almost motherly, "Are you feeling alright? You look rather pale. I could make you my special brand of tea if you'd like…?"
But Claire merely shook her head. Whether it was she didn't want any, or simply didn't wish for them to worry about her, she wasn't going to let them take care of her.
She suddenly glanced at him and added, "Ser Aymeric sends his warmest regards."
Alphinaud blinked before he remembered that Ser Aymeric did say that, but pretended to ask, "You spoke with Ser Aymeric?"
"Yes," she answered back. "I happen upon him when I returned to the city. He seemed to have been trying to have some time to himself before he saw me."
"I do not envy him his new position," Alphinaud agreed. "Ishgard has chosen a new road, but one littered with the detritus of a thousand years of broken faith. Yet though her people may stumble from time to time, I know of none better than Ser Aymeric to lead the march of progress."
He knew that the Scions, too, have a difficult path ahead of them. After their journey here in this land of ice and snow was but a small stroll compared to bring a new dawn to the world in the shadow of Ascians and primals, as well as the looming threat of the Garleans.
"As for us, there remains the small matter of ushering in a new dawn in the shadow of inscrutable Ascian machinations and a seemingly endless procession of primals... But we too must walk our chosen path ─ no matter how treacherous the footing!" he told her.
"Yes, I foresee all of this being a mere warm-up to the difficulties," she answered back, though he knew she was kidding, he could see the seriousness behind her eyes. "We shall be needing you both before long so you should enjoy this brief reprieve while we can."
"Shouldn't we be saying that to you?" Tataru asked worriedly. "You've hardly had time to rest since we first arrived in this city! You know what? You should take a few days off! Just rest and relax! We'll be able to take care of everything."
Claire patted her gently on the head.
"I appreciate the thought," she told her. "But you don't need to worry about me. I'm just fine. I'll find my own way to spend time."
Alphinaud couldn't help but wonder just what her idea of 'relaxing' was since she was hardly able to sit still for longer than a few minutes. Claire just went on to tell them that she had wanted to see them before she took off again, and that they shouldn't worry about her. Tataru was looking a little sad at this, but she accepted it, merely telling her to dress warmly and remember to eat more often for she noticed that there were days that she would go without food.
As she was leaving, for another wild moment he felt the strong urge to tell her how he felt here and now… but with Tataru here? He knew that he could ask to see Claire in private… but…?
He gave his head a shake. It seems that any courage that he had miraculously gained the other day had left him and he knew not when he would, if he could, ever regain enough to try again.
Yet, in the wake of all that had happened, he did not believe that it mattered just at this moment. They were all still alive, and the war was over. That, alone, was enough for him. He looked up at her and added, "I heard that there is supposed to be the Moonfire Fair happening in Limsa very shortly. Why don't you go there? If nothing else, it should be entertaining if you are in need for something to do."
She thought that over for a moment before she smiled brightly.
"I may just do that," she said. Was he imagining it, or was there something different in her eyes as she looked at him? He wanted to ask, but wasn't sure how to put it into words. Yet she just gave them a slight wave, shutting the doors behind her and leaving him lost in his thoughts.
All he wanted was for her to be happy, and he was starting to wonder if he was the only one who had such thoughts about her. She was a wanderer, always passing through… it was like it wasn't in her nature to remain in the same place. He knew that that was what made the Warrior of Light such a figure of hope to many, but he was unsure of how much he liked it anymore. If he had to be honest with himself, he liked having her nearby…
Somehow, without him ever realizing it, it felt so natural to have her near. He felt content… wanted… needed…
Home.
*The next morning*
Alphinaud left early that morning, merely leaving a message with one of the servants to inform Tataru and the rest of the household that he would be back in a few days. He would start off a new journey on his own. And while he knew that it would be lonely on his own, and nowhere near as exciting as the last few adventures, he felt that he needed it… for closure if nothing else.
He set off with his grimoire and a journal in hand as he set out on a pilgrimage to retrace his steps throughout the north. As he left the manor, he couldn't help but be reminded of his travelling companions.
We four, each from different walks of life, who took to the road on an impossible journey... Whatever else we may have been in the beginning ─ in the end, we were friends.
And we will meet again.
(So now 3.3 is done! I don't know about you all, but I just loved how it went. I actually shed a tear when I saw Haurchefant and Ysayle there again! If I have only one complaint it's that it was too short. Well, I added the part with the Yo-Kai because I've been doing that a lot recently and wanted to tell someone just how I felt about getting those medals. We have to keep doing Fates, but the problem is that it's on a 25% chance of dropping one of those legendary medals and that can take a while. And I just found out that near the end, they jump the price from 15 to 30! That is just cruel! Why would they do that? Well, I only have three more weapons to get, so hopefully, it won't be as brutal as it has been in the past. And before I go, I got good news. You don't have to wait for 3.4 for another chapter either. I just read the latest chapter of 'Tales from the Dragonsong War' and I was smiling the whole time. It's called 'Words, Deeds, and Beliefs' and it centers on Alphinaud. I always try to stay as true to the character as I can when I'm write a story, and I was so happy to see how close that they were to each other. I actually started work on a couple bonus chapters now, and I'm thinking about adding a bonus at the end of each patch from now on. Hope you're looking forward to it.)