In his bathroom, Severus Snape was rolling up his left sleeve. He took his wand to his arm and murmured a spell. Suddenly, a tattoo appeared on his arm- the Dark Mark. How he despised that mark and how much he wished he had not taken the oath to receive it. He covered it while Nathalie was around, and this was the first time since they had gotten together that he let it show. She was having a blast at her baby shower, so he finally had some peace to think about his life. Major changes had over come it and he had never taken the time to think about them, privately.

If he had never gotten this stupid mark, he wouldn't have to do this. He wouldn't have to look back at his life, before having his child, to remember that there is no turning back. If he would have known that the Dark Lord was only lies, he would have never joined the Death Eaters. He was promised anything if he joined and to him anything was the main people in his life. Lily and Nathalie. He had confided in the Dark Lord, telling him about his past with them. The Dark Lord had promised Severus that if he could do the Dark Lord's bidding, he would get one of them. He did every single thing the Dark Lord asked. He would kill, raped, spied and almost lost his life, for them.

Years later, the Dark Lord was finally happy with his work and granted him one of the girls. Severus took Lily even if she was married. The Dark Lord asked him one last favour, but it only resulted into the death of Nathalie's father. All he had to do was bring the Auror to his master but it became a blood bath. Severus would never forget the night it happened, he saw it. He remembered the shock face he had when John McGonagall noticed it was him.

"Severus…how could you?"

But Mr. McGonagall had died a few minutes later. Severus would never forget the moment when he performed the Cruciatus curse on him. He had killed him. John McGonagall had lived to his last breath for Nathalie and now Severus felt like he didn't deserve anything. But it was all for Lily even if she was already taken, he tried his best. Since the last favour didn't work he had one more chance to redeem himself; all he had to do was listen into a conversation with Dumbledore and some seeing hag and it was done. He had been loyal, trustworthy and most of all attentive; he did everything the Lord said.

The night where he spied, he got caught but his information was worthy in the Dark Lord's eyes. He was granted Lily, but only one thing wasn't right. What he had heard, or mostly heard, was to become the death of Lily. Even if the Lord said he would bring her back for him he knew it wouldn't happen. He knew Lily was going to die and pleaded the Dark lord. The Dark Lord promised he would do his best but couldn't guarantee anything. That was when Severus realised the Dark Lord was a filthy liar, that it was no use to try and save her. His love for her had saved him for a total destruction of himself and he was thankful. Now, all he had to do was to get her out of this, so he turned to Dumbledore.

Dumbledore had been a great help and had trusted him and his secrets. Even if Dumbledore didn't see the light in Severus at first, he ended up seeing it and saving him. Only he knew what Severus' real intentions were and he promise that he would never tell a soul until his death. He tried to help the Potters, while Severus became a spy for him. He took all the information the Dark Lord gave him and told them to Dumbledore. It became easier when the Dark Lord put him in Hogwarts, because he was closer to Dumbledore. Pretending to be a spy and being a real spy at the same time was dangerous, but he did it, because he could never forgive himself of what he did. He would never forgive himself and he had tried so hard to redeem himself but only Dumbledore really knew.

He loved Lily ever since the first time he saw her; she was the object of his affection. He would watch her from afar as her sister and her go play at the near by park. When he finally got the courage to talk to her it ended up being a mess, but it was forgivable. He spent the rest of his summers talking to her about the magical world until they both received their letters. They went to school together and even if she only considered him her best friend; she was the world to his eyes. Nathalie had joined their group and she was a very nice girl. He always had high respects for her and couldn't deny; she was very pretty. But Lily was the one he wanted and Lily was the one he was getting. But, time passed and they grew apart. She had made nice girl friends and he was more friends with the older and darker Slytherin. He would always regret not having listened to her and stop seeing them. But, the thing he regretted the most was the fact he had ruined their friendship that could have eventually turned into something else. If that one word didn't split out of mouth…would have everything been different?

Sometimes he would get lost in his thoughts just thinking about what would have happened. Would Nathalie be with Black? Lily with him? Would they be married? Have kids? So many unanswered questions that could never ever be answered because of his lack of choices in life. He fought for his love until he couldn't fit not more. Nathalie maybe wasn't Lily but she was good as and he would never forget Lily and Lily would always be in his heart. Always, even if he tried so hard, Lily had died and slipped away from his fingers. He felt as much anger, failure and sadness as he did when his mother got abused by his father, when Nathalie had left him, when he called the love of his life a Mudblood, when Nathalie's father died and when he realised that it was too little too late. It all changed when Nathalie came back and now, he would do every little thing it took to make it last. So many times since she came back, had he been foolish, had he acted stupid or did he believe that he didn't deserve this. He had lost count. Now she was his and a baby was on its way.

A father was the only thing he had never envisioned himself as being. He never wanted to have children after his own childhood terrors. His child was going to bare all of his shame and sins, and that was the last thing he wanted. He was going to change, just like his father did and make his child's life hell. He wasn't ready to ruin somebody's life…again. He knew deep inside he could do it, Nathalie even told him. He wanted this child and he wanted it to have a happy life.

"I guess I will just have to keep it a secret from Nathalie and the baby forever…" he said out loud.

He was done. He had decided that he would be a father and try his best at being a great one. He decided that under any circumstances, Nathalie or his children would never know about his past. It was his past and he had to move on. Even he bore this mark on his arm, he didn't care anymore. He would hide it and Nathalie would forever be clueless of it. He was at a happy place in his life and for once he was going to let go of everything that was bad and concentrate on the good.

That was Severus Snape's verdict.