A/N: Thank you for the reviews on the previous chapter. I thought I would spoil you with another one this weekend.

Important: I do not own the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters. They belong to the very talented E.L. James.

Still Ana POV:

Dinner with Ros is pleasant and surprisingly we all refrained from discussing anything to do with business which thankfully included the upcoming trip. I had this sick feeling in my tummy all day that had absolutely nothing to do with my pregnancy. I'm dreading the unavoidable goodbye and it somehow makes the time just go by that much faster… the sick feeling in my tummy growing with each passing minute. It feels like the air is being sucked out of the room and my head is beginning to spin.

I excuse myself just before dessert to go to the ladies room. I need to get myself under control. Christian has been watching me like a hawk as he can probably feel the tension radiating from me… and feeling utterly helpless to make me feel better.

I sprinkle some cold water onto my face and stare at myself in the mirror with my hands on the counter.

Do you really want to spoil the last couple of hours before he has to leave?

"You're not spoiling anything, Ana" I jump and turn around with a hand on my chest.

"Shit! You scared the crap out of me, Ros." She walks in cautiously and watch me with that same look Christian has been watching me… like she is seeing right into my soul.

"Sorry, Ana. I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." She comes to stand next to me with a caring hand on my shoulder. I remember not wanting to see her a year ago, until the week before the memorial. I hated that she was rescued and not Christian. I hated seeing her and thinking she was the last person to see him alive. After the memorial, she became my employee, teacher and ultimately my friend. I told her that I believed in my heart he was still alive, all my hopes and dreams for the future and she was there in times of absolute grief.

"I didn't realise I said that out loud." I say mostly to myself and she gives me a genuine smile.

"Your fears are understandable, Ana. None of us expects you not to break down, least of all Christian. I've known that man for years and I can tell that his afraid too." I feel my eyes grow wide and she quickly continues, "He's not afraid for himself, he's afraid for you. Scared of what this will do to you and angry because he won't be here to comfort you." I haven't given that any thought and that just makes me feel like shit. How could I not consider how this is affecting him? I've been feeling so sorry for myself that I haven't given any thought to his feelings. What kind of wife am I?

Ros probably saw the war inside my head and she pulls me into a comforting hug. I try my absolute best not to cry, but fail and silent tears starts to stream down my face.

There is a soft knock on the door and I pull away, we both know who that is. I quickly clean my face and touch up my makeup, which I luckily keep in my purse since the crash for moments like this. When I'm confident that all traces of tears have been covered, I smile at Ros and we walk out to come face to face with a worried Christian pacing in the hall. He pulls me into his arms and hug me as close to him as possible.

"Baby, are you okay?" There is no way that he could hide the worry in his voice.

"I'm fine."

"I'm starting to hate the word fine. You always say you're fine when you're everything but." He's right. That is what I say when I'm not fine.

We decide to skip dessert and leave after paying the bill.

In the car, Christian takes my hand in his and rubs the back of my hand with his thumbs. "You don't have to be strong for me, Ana."

He's staring out the window but I can see his expression in the window and he looks so miserable.

"I don't want you to worry about me. You should focus on getting the issues sorted in order to get back to me as soon as possible. I'll look after myself, I promise."

The rest of the ride was in uncomfortable silence. There is very rarely an uncomfortable silence between us and I hate it… hate it with everything in me. He can't control our current situation and it is killing him. I can't control my emotions and it is killing me. We are both a mess and we need a distraction. Luckily I'm married to the master of distractions.

We get back to the penthouse and Luke excuse himself to go to the servants quarters. I feel bad because we are chasing him away, but that only lasts for about a minute. I want to be alone with my husband. Christian gets a bottle of wine, sparkling water and two glasses and then leads me to the patio. If I were expecting a discussion about our current circumstances, I would have been disappointed.

I was looking over the spectacular view, waiting for Christian to pour the drinks. He comes to stand behind me, his rock hard erection pushing into my back, obviously he has been thinking about ways to distract us and it is turning him on. He hands me a glass of mint flavoured sparkling water with that look in his eyes that tell me that I might be in trouble.

"Don't drop the glass, baby." Huh?

Safe to say, it didn't take long to figure out why I shouldn't drop the glass. Christian is slowly stripping me until I stand only in my high heels. I'm still staring at the view, breathing heavily and gripping the glass so tight that it might just crack. I grab onto the railing with my free hand and drop my head to his shoulder while he massages my breasts. He removes his hands and runs it gently down my back followed by his lips.

"So beautiful," he murmurs against my skin and I feel the shiver running down my back all the way to the apex of my thighs. "And all mine."

I'm trying to enjoy the feeling while still concentrating on not dropping the glass. I'm sure that from this height, it could cause some unfortunate person bodily harm. The lust and desire is fighting the fear of dropping the damn glass, making me feel tense and relaxed at the same time… weird does not begin to describe the mixture of these feelings.

Christian moves away and when he's back, he is rubbing ice around my one nipple while rubbing the other with this thumb and finger. He moves away again and then back with ice on the other breast. He pulls my back to his front and he has removed his shirt, but not his pants. His one hand is protectively on my pregnancy bump while the other is now roaming over my sensitive skin with his mouth kissing, sucking and licking everywhere he can reach.

"You should drink your water before it gets warm, Anastasia." Oh yeah, I forgot about the water.

I bring the glass to my mouth and as the refreshing water runs down my throat, I feel two fingers entering me.

"Always wet and ready for me, you have no idea how much I love that… how much it turns me on that you want me… that you need me to relieve this ache between your legs… that you need me to make you feel good." He moves his fingers and is gently rubbing the front wall of my sex and it feels oh-so good. I push back against him and moan softly, but full of need. "You do need me, don't you, Anastasia?"

"I always need you. I will always need you." For so much more than mind blowing sex. I need his touch, his attention, his love, his control, his possessiveness and most of all; I need him next to me. Overall, I just need him in every possible way.

"I need you too, baby." He passion in his voice combined with the effects of him pushing his talented fingers into me, makes me close my eyes and that's when it happens.

I drop the glass.

Faster than I can blink, Christian reaches over and grabs the glass. He walks over to the table and puts down the glass before turning back to me.

"Baby, you dropped the glass."

"I didn't really drop it. My fingers just forgot that it should hold on to it." It's not really the same as dropping it, is it?

"No harm done. You held on to it a lot longer than I thought you would." He walks back and turns me to face the view again. "I needed to get you to focus your attention on something else, and I think it worked." He puts each of my hands on the railing and then moves my feet back again. "Hold on to the railing, baby."

I feel really exposed. I'm naked on the patio where anyone can see us. Somehow, that turns me on more. The thought that we might get caught. That thought didn't last long as I feel Christian push into me.

"Look at the stars, baby." I look up at the sky and stare at the millions of stars above us. "Every time you miss me… every time you need to be close to me… every time you need me… you come out here and look at the sky… the stars will comfort you a little bit." He whispers in my ears between each trust and I lose myself. I can't think about anything but his touch.

Christian pulls out of me too soon and I moan my disapproval. He smiles as he picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He enters me again, but starts walking into the penthouse to the breakfast bar. He puts me down and pushes my chest until my back is on the cold breakfast bar.

He moves again at the same torturous, pleasurable speed as on the patio. My climax is starting to build again and I'm hoping I will get to come before he decides on a change of location again.

I'm on the edge and Christian is loving me with his erection, hands, lips, tongue and teeth. It didn't last long before I was having an orgasm that nearly made me pass out. I'm spent. Christian is bending over me and kissing me softly on my chest.

"I love you, Anastasia Grey."

"I love you, Christian Grey."

Christian carries me to the bed where he gently puts me down and pulls the covers over me. He stands to walk away. That instantly wakes me up and I sit up straight.

"Where are you going?"

He turns around and lifts my head with his fingers. He kisses me softly and his lips twist into a small smile.

"I have to pack, baby." Oh yes, with no Gail that knows exactly what to pack, he will have to do it himself. Again I wonder what kind of wife I am to him to forget this.

I get out of bed and walk over to the closet, "I'll do it for you."

As I reach for the clothes he told me is for Darfur, he grabs me by my wrist. "You don't have to, Ana. I can take care of this."

I pull my hand out of his and put it to his cheek, "But I want to."

He leans into my touch for a while and then kisses me on the forehead.

"Thank you. I will go pack my things in the study."

Christian leaves the room and I concentrate on the task at hand. Once his clothes and shoes are packed, I go to the bathroom to pack up his toiletries. When everything is in the small leather bag, I look at the vanity and it seems so empty without his things.

My chest gets tight and I feel my eyes sting with tears. He didn't take his personal things to Portland as it was only for a couple of hours… that turned into eight fucking months. One of the things that kept me going every day was that his things were still in the bathroom. Now, there will be nothing. There will be nothing in here to remind me that his coming back. Funny how such a small thing can affect me this much.

Christian will be back soon, so I pull myself together, wash my face and walk into the bedroom. I put the shaving bag in the suitcase and carefully close the zip. I lift it off the bed and put it next to the chair with his suits lying over the back of the chair in the protective covers.

When Christian walks back into the room, he looks at me sitting on the bed with the covers pulled up to my chin. With a sigh, he joins me on the bed and pulls me to his chest. He is running his hand up and down my naked back, not saying anything for a long time.

"I can see you've been crying. You should know by know that I know your body better than you do." Maybe honesty will be better right now and as I think about how to form the words, I feel the tears running down my face.

"It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I started crying while I was packing up your things in the bathroom. When you left that day, you didn't take your things with you because you thought you would be back by the evening. I looked at it every day and reminded myself that you would come back to me. Now, it's just my things in there and it will remind me that I'm here alone." He pulls me closer to him, but says nothing so I continue. "I keep thinking about what I would do if you don't come back on Thursday. What I would tell Theodore about his daddy? How he would never know his daddy. All these fucked up things are running through my head and I can't do anything to stop it. The fear is making me physically sick and I feel like I can't breathe half the time." Now he sits up and pushes me away in order to look me in the eyes.

"Anastasia, please, don't think shit like that. Nothing will happen to me. I will be back on Thursday and I will correspond with you so frequently that you won't even have time to miss me. I wish more than anything that I can take the memories and the pain from last year away for you, but I can't. I can't make this go away for you and it's killing me that you have to go through this." He wipes the tears away with his thumbs and kiss me on the nose, "This is part of being who we are, baby. We have to travel and we won't always be able to do it together, even though I would do everything in my power to ensure that we are able to travel together most of the time. Darfur is different, baby. Please tell me you understand?" He looks at me with pleading eyes and now it's my turn to smile.

"I understand completely, Christian. I understand that travel is just a part of who we are. I understand that Darfur is not a place for your pregnant wife and I understand that you would not go if you could do anything to avoid it. That is the logical side of my brain however. The emotional side as well as my heart is aching and I will have to deal with that. I will have to put the hurt and memories to rest and focus on the bright future we have together."

He pulls me back into his embrace and I silently cry myself to sleep. In his arms I feel protected, cherished and loved.

Christian POV:

I'm holding my sleeping wife that cried herself to sleep. I'm so angry at that fucking Elena and Jack fucking Hyde that I swear I would kill them if they weren't in prison. How could they put her through this amount of pain? What the fuck has she ever done to them to deserve this? I probably deserved it for all the shit I've done in the past, but not Ana. She is loving, caring and compassionate and would never hurt another human being intentionally. She has done nothing but love me and I indirectly brought this down on her.

I know she should deal with this on her own since she refused therapy, saying she doesn't need another Flynn in her life or another person thinking she was obsessed and the cause of her own misery. How anyone could think that is beyond me, but then again, very few people can understand the level of love and devotion we feel for each other.

Sleep would probably be a better option for me, but I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to miss the opportunity to watch her sleep. I have to leave in three hours anyway, so I might as well enjoy the last couple of hours of having her in my arms and watching her sleep. I've even switched of my phone to prevent it from disturbing her peaceful sleep.

Just before one pm, I get up to go to the bathroom. When I'm done with my business, I wash my hands and splash some water on my face. I would definitely need to get some sleep on the jet.

As I walk into the bedroom, my heart almost comes to a completely stand still when I see the empty bed. I run out of the bedroom and come face to face with a hysterical Ana.

"Fuck Ana, what is it?" She jumps into my arms and I have to grab the doorframe in order to keep us from falling to the ground. What the fuck happened in the last five minutes? I pick her up and walk back towards the bed, but instead of putting her on the bed, I get onto the bed with her in my lap.

"I thought… I thought you left… without saying bye to me…I woke up and you were gone" She's hyperventilating and starts to sob again and all I can do is pull her tighter to my chest. I've never seen her like this and it's breaking my heart.

"Baby, I would not leave without saying goodbye. Why would you think that?" She points to the chair where she put my things earlier and I can see where she got her ridiculous idea. "I had Sawyer take my stuff to the foyer before he went to bed. I thought it would be easier for you if you didn't see me leave the room with my things in my hand." Ana nods her head and grabs hold of my shirt. She is still struggling to control her breathing and her heart is beating so fast that I think it will just stop any second now. I push her away a little bit and take off my shirt. I pull it over her head and she pushes her arms through. Seemingly satisfied, she crawls back onto the bed and pull me with her. It took an hour for her to calm down and go back to sleep… just in time for me to leave. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I fucking hate this.

I pull out my phone and switch it on. As soon as I see the signal flash, I dial Ros and she picks up immediately.

"Christian." She knows something's up.

"Ros, there has to be another way. Please, tell me there is another way. I can't do this. I can't leave her like this." She has never heard me like this and at the moment, I don't give a fuck.

"Christian, Ana will be okay."

"Fuck, Ros. She won't. She won't be okay. You didn't see her just now. She thought I left when she woke up alone in bed. Fuck, she was crying so much. And her breathing, she couldn't breathe and…"

"She was hyperventilating, her heart beat so fast that you thought it would not be able to handle it and her sobs are so heartbreaking?" Even she sounds sad right now.

"Ros, how did you know?" I look over to Ana sleeping and I can tell it is not a peaceful sleep.

"I've seen it before the memorial. It's heartbreaking. You feel helpless and you just watch this woman break down. At least you are able to comfort her and help her calm down, Christian. Imagine her in that state and there is nothing anyone can do to make her feel better. Imagine standing there and she won't let anyone near her. She's having trouble breathing and won't let your mom near her to check her out. Fuck Christian, I cried for days after the first time and I can promise you, it doesn't prepare you for the second time. There is nothing that can prepare you for that amount of heartbreak." Silent tears are running down my cheek for the pain my beautiful baby went through. "She made it then and she will make it now. She knows you are coming back and as long as you keep in touch, she will be okay. You have to do this, Christian. Not only for the guys in Darfur, but you also have to do this for yourself. Most of all, you have to do this for Ana. She has to go through this to let go, Christian. She has to see that if you leave, you will come back. I know, Christian. Fuck, believe me, I know how hard this must be, but you have to do this." I don't think I've ever heard Ros cry, not even when we thought we were dying right before the crash. Now this strong, confident woman is crying for my baby. I wipe the tears away and decide to be strong for Ana.

"I'll be at the jet in forty minutes." I end the call and if I didn't need to keep in touch with Ana, I would have thrown the damn thing against the wall.

Deciding to let Ana sleep until the last possible moment, I get up and start to get dressed… keeping an eye on Ana the entire time. When I'm ready to go, I go over to the bed and sit next to her, gently running my hand up and down her arm.

"Baby. Baby, it's time for me to go." Her eyes open slowly with the smile forming on her face, I don't think she knows what time it is right now. After a second, the smile begins to fade and reality hits her. I can point to the exact second it did by looking into her eyes. Shit, this is not going to be easy. "It's time for me to go, baby." I say again and wait for her to respond. She is battling with herself and she's struggling with choosing the right response. The rational side of her is trying to stay strong for me and the emotional side is struggling not to break down. It takes everything in me not to break down myself.

"I know." Her voice is tightly controlled and I'm amazed that she even has this amount of control.

"I love you, Anastasia Grey. You are everything to me. Please know that this is killing me. I hate that you have to go through this. Please don't hate me for this." Maybe in time that is exactly what will happen. She will hate me for everything that happened to her and I will lose my will to live. That can't happen. "Please, don't hate me for leaving you here alone. I will be back on Thursday. I love you." I'm rambling and Ana puts her fingers over my mouth.

"I cannot ever, ever hate you. It is simply not possible. I don't blame you for leaving now. I told you before… I understand that it's part of who we are. I love you. I. Love. You." She crawls onto my lap and puts her arms around my neck, "I will always love you." I smile and she returns it with a genuine smile.

"You're staying strong for me again." I kiss her from her jaw to her ear and feel the shiver run through her.

"Did you expect the crazy woman from earlier?" Does she honestly think that?

"Don't talk about yourself like that, baby. You're not crazy, you're simply working through some issues." I glance at my watch and see that I really need to get going. Reynolds should be waiting downstairs already.

"It's time?" I nod and she starts to get up.

"Let me walk you to the door." She is too calm, Grey. She is way, way too calm.

"Just to the bedroom door, baby. Sawyer is waiting in the great room." He is definitely not seeing her like this… dressed in only my shirt. She is not buying it and I quickly run to the bathroom to get a robe. I drape it over her shoulder and tie the knot. "Okay, to the front door it is."

We walk hand in hand to the front door where Sawyer is waiting and he is following Ana carefully. Trying to determine her mood in order to prepare himself. Ros's words of earlier comes back to me, "There is nothing that can prepare you for that amount of heartbreak." I walk to Sawyer and shake his hand with Ana a few feet behind me where Sawyer put my things.

"Take care of her Sawyer and call me if needed. I don't care if you think you are over reacting. If you think she needs me, you call me." He nods and looks over to Ana again.

"I will take care of her, Sir."

"Thanks Luke."

Sawyer goes back into the great room and I walk over to Ana who is standing next to my things.

"I. Will. See. You. On. Thursday. Do you understand? Do you believe me?" She nods and I pull her to me as close as possible. "I love you, Ana. I love you so unbelievably much. Please take care of yourself and Teddy." She keeps onto me like her life depended on it.

"I promise to take good care of myself. I love you, too. I love you with everything in me. Please take care of yourself too." I kiss her gently on her soft lips and like things are with us, it turns passionate in a heartbeat. We pull away reluctantly and we are both breathless.

"Goodbye, baby." I put my hand on her cheek and she puts hers over mine and leans into my touch.

"Goodbye, Christian." I give her a kiss where my hand has just been and bend to pick up my things. I put the bag over my shoulder and close my eyes for a second, praying for strength to go through with this. When I turn around, her eyes are closed and she is probably doing what I just did.

I pull her to me for one last kiss and close my eyes as I turn around in order not to see the pain in her eyes. I will definitely not leave if I look into her eyes right now. I get to the door and glance over my shoulder to see her still standing with her back to the door.

"I love you, Anastasia." I whisper as I close the door behind me.

Ana POV:

"I love you, Anastasia." I can hear his pain in his voice. He hates this and I'm trying so hard to be strong and not let him see me break down… again. I can't turn around. I can't see him leave.

"I love you, too." I'm not sure if he heard me, but I take comfort in the fact that he knows just how much I truly love him.

I'm not sure how long I stood there, but the next thing I know, I'm on the floor and Sawyer is holding onto me. The cut-wrenching sobs feel like it will break me apart and I'm glad that someone is holding me in one piece. I just cry and cry, but it is not making me feel better.

Out of nowhere, I hit Sawyer on the chest with my fists over and over again.

"Call him! He can't leave me! He can't leave me here alone!" Oh, where is Grace and her magic medicine when you need her?

"Ana, he will be okay and I will take care of you." I just cry harder.

"I don't… want you… to take care of me… I want Christian… he can't leave me again… call him please… he can't leave me here alone." My chest feels like it is being ripped to shreds and I can't take it anymore. Now I know why Grace kept knocking me out and I actually love her more for it. I would not have survived four weeks of this. "Please… call him… please… I can't lose him again…he can't leave…"

A/N: Please don't forget to review.