Disclaimer : I own nothing, but the typos. Oh and the OCs.
Warnings : Rated T for language.
Author's Note : Thank you to everyone who's read, favorited and followed. Extra thanks for the reviews. I truly appreciate them.
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Suspension Week 6, Day 2 – 9:52pm –
Long after the girls are in bed, Zoe comes to Tony. He is lying on the couch, half-asleep, half-watching a baseball game. The Orioles are playing the Pirates. At least, he thinks.
Zoe plops down by his head. "Who's winning?"
"The Orioles." When he squints at the television, he notices the Pirates are crushing the Orioles.
Thankfully, Zoe doesn't notice. Her only reply is a breathless, Ah.
He glances up with half-lidded eyes. Her features are as tight as her muscles. Panic edges into his heart as he suspects she might've just figured out her secret. How will the oh yeah, I'm an interdimensional traveler from a parallel universe who's pretending to be your husband go over?
Because that doesn't sound like Twilight Zone at all.
And what happens to me? Can I go to jail for impersonating myself?
"Is everything okay, Keates?" he asks, knowing he sounds a little hysterical.
"I think I'm pregnant," Zoe blurts out.
Instantly, he is wide awake and on his feet. That was so not what he expected her to say. His heart threatens to hammer out of his chest as he stands in front of her. While she stares in his direction, she seems to look right through him.
"What? What?" he manages.
"I just noticed that I'm three week late," she says simply.
While he has never heard the words before, it is enough to ignite the fire in the pit of his stomach. Panic burns through him white hot, adrenaline coursing through his veins, preparing to run for the hills.
Tony's cheeks pale. "How did – "
"Really? You know how it happened." When he stares at her blankly, she makes a face. "There were more than a few nights that you and I…" she licks her lips, searching for the right word "…enjoyed each other's company."
"Yeah, I know that. But…"
His knees suddenly feel like they're about to give way, so he sits down on the edge of the couch. He presses his hands against his face, stares at the television. His mind whirls at a thousand miles, unable to land on a coherent thought. It bounces from How in the hell did I get Zoe get pregnant? to I'm going to get to be a father! and back again.
"Spider?" She puts her hand on his shoulder, squeezes until he comes back to the moment. "Are you okay? I know we said no more kids after Phoebe, but you're acting the same way you did when we found out about Riley. Like you've never heard this news before..."
"I just didn't expect it. That's all." He lets out a strangled laugh. "Can we…" he searches for a plausible excuse for his near hysteria. "Can we afford another baby?"
Zoe half-shrugs. "We'd make do. Just like we did with Phoebe."
Tony nods like a broken wind-up toy.
"Do you mind running out to store to get a pregnancy test?" she asks, glancing down at her faded pink terry cloth shorts and spit-up stained T-shirt.
"Yeah," he says, still nodding. "Sure. Yeah, I'll be right back."
On auto-pilot, Tony points the van to the nearest all-night drug store. He ends up in the family planning aisle, staring blankly at the pregnancy tests. They all look the same, but they're all so different. Blue dye. Pink dye. One boasts finding out extra early, while another promises results in under a minute. He grabs a couple boxes at random, pays for them, and heads straight to the house.
As soon as he enters the house, he silently passes Zoe the boxes. She disappears into the bathroom.
And he is left alone with his thoughts.
He once heard someone say that your life can change in the blink of an eye. For Tony, it takes exactly ten minutes. Ten long, agonizing minutes. He lives more than one lifetime during those minutes.
Closing his eyes, he pictures how Zoe would look over the months as her belly grows. He pictures himself feeling his child's kicks and reading movie scripts to them. He would start with Casablanca because well, that always was his favorite.
I'd love to see Riley's face when we tell her that she's getting another sibling. At least we let her keep Goliath. She got the puppy she always wanted and a bonus sister. Who knows? Maybe she'll get a little brother too. Or another sister.
He steeples his hands to his face, sighing.
But I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here.
At that moment, it doesn't matter. However long he has, he wants it.
Days, weeks, months, or even minutes.
He wants to know what it feels like to be a father.
Aren't I already to Riley and Phoebe?
And that's when Zoe heads back into the living room. Her body is relaxed and she wears a smile that takes over most of her face. Whooping, she pumps her fist.
Oh my G-d, I'm going to be a –
"It's negative! I'm not pregnant!" she says, her grin broadening.
Tony's heart drops straight into his stomach.
"Oh," he says disappointedly, sinking onto the couch. "Huh."
She is by his side, her brow furrowing. "What's wrong, Spider? I thought you'd be as happy as I am. I thought you wanted to be done after Phoebe."
"I did." Swallowing his disappointment, he flinches. "I do. Just when you said you were…it got me thinking. It might be nice to have another."
After squeezing his shoulder, she rests her head against it. "Phoebe is still just a baby. You work long hours. I'm alone with the girls a lot. Two is manageable, but three would be almost impossible. It might be easier if we just…"
He takes a hitched breath, nods.
"How about we talk about it in a couple of days?" She glances up at him, dark eyes burning. "If you still feel that strongly about it, we can try again when Phoebe gets a little older."
"I think that's fair," he says quietly.
She hugs him tightly as though she'll never let him go. He collapses against her, lets himself melt into her and for a moment, they are one. He pictures everything that he could've had if he hadn't packed up in the middle of that night in Philly and ran. If he hadn't just fucking run, he could have had all of this.
The wife.
The children.
My girls. They could've been my girls.
His eyes find a picture of them on the wall. It's a Christmas one from a mall photographer with everyone in the formal wear with forced smiles in front of a fake, plastic tree. They all look stiff as statues and just as miserable. He smiles at the thought of just being there…with them.
In a way, they are my girls. In a way, they are my family.
He doesn't sleep that night. Just lies awake next to Zoe, staring at the ceiling. He counts sheep, counts heartbeats, but nothing helps. His mind whirls with what could have been and what will be.
He reminisces about his time with Riley and Phoebe, his relationship with Zoe, his friendship with Tim and Delilah, his partnership with Sparr.
He doesn't even think about Gibbs. Or the former team. Or NCIS.
And for the first time, he has no regrets about his life.
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Suspension Week 6, Day 3 - 10:11am –
Standing in front of the stove, Tony works on putting the finishing touches on a Mickey Mouse shaped pancake. Ever since they returned from Disney World, Riley has been obsessed with them. Now, he makes them on special occasions like weekends and Wednesdays and like today, when Matty joins them for breakfast.
As long as Phoebe doesn't see them, everything is right with the world. Since Zoe took her to WalMart to go shopping, they should be just fine.
"Hey Mr. D, can you make mine with chocolate chips?" Matty shouts. By the sound of it, he and Riley are playing in the garage.
"You got it, Matty McMatt!" Tony replies.
He flips the pancake over, careful to avoid crushing the ears like he always does. By now, he is pretty much an expert at Mickey Mouse-shaped pancakes. He tried to make Minnie the other day, but the bow ended up looking like an extra set of ears. Riley ate it anyway with a laugh and a Nice try.
Suddenly, he feels a set of arms latch around his waist. He glances back to find Riley hugging him as though she hasn't seen him in forever.
"Daddy, you're back," she whispers, barely able to contain her excitement.
When Tony turns around, her broad smile and eager eyes greet him. He crouches down and she grabs him with a death-like grip. The force of her embrace knocks him on his butt, but he just hugs her back.
"Dad, I can't believe you're back! You came back." She makes a face, schools her expression into a serious one. "I know you didn't leave. But I'm so happy to see you."
His brow furrows, unsure how he will explain that he is still him. Not the man who fathered her. But Tony, just alternate-reality traveling Tony.
"I love you, Daddy," she whispers.
The only way he knows to respond is with "I love you too."
At that moment, Matty heads into the kitchen. "Hey Riley, look what I found in your dad's car. He's got some really cool stuff in there."
In his hands is the hot pink noisemaker that could send Tony home. Back to his old life.
The world hangs around him and if Tony could just move fast enough, he could snatch that damned noisemaker away from Matty.
But he isn't quick enough.
He doesn't even move more than a few feet before Matty whirls the noisemaker. This time, it works. When a rattling noise echoes from it, Tony gives Riley one last hug.
In the blink of an eye, the kitchen is gone.
Tony suddenly finds himself in a white room that stretches to infinity in every direction. He climbs to his feet, surprised to find a solid surface beneath them. He feels as though he floats with every step he takes. The air is cool and crisp, the freshest he has ever breathed. It looks a lot like every movie scene he has watched involving the afterlife.
"Fuck me," he whispers, "I really am dead."
"I already told you that you aren't. You are very much alive," a voice says behind him.
Whirling around, Tony ends up face to face with Terrence. In his stark white suit, the ragtag—worthless, Tony decides instead—guardian angel carries a sense of authority. His dark hair is styled to perfection and a new soul patch claims the air below his bottom lip.
Tony manages to find his voice. "Where are we?"
"The in-between," Terrence says as though it explains everything.
"What does that even mean?"
"You are at the edge of your glimpse." When Tony doesn't reply, Terrence sighs. "The place you pass though before you return back to your old life."
Tony tilts his head. "What happens to Zoe and the girls?"
Terrence dodges the question. Instead, he says: "You learned your lesson, Tony."
"Oh yeah? And what was that?"
"That you have the capacity to love and be loved." Terrence looks at Tony meaningfully. "If you just let yourself. That you could be a good father, despite the lies you told yourself over the years."
"So you showed me a family that I can't have in order to teach me that?" Anger bubbles up inside Tony, finding the only target available in the space: Terrence. "What the fuck? You really are the universe's worst guardian angel."
"Not at all, Tony," Terrence says, devoid of any emotion. "You had to interact with the inhabitants – "
"My family," Tony interrupts.
Terrence sighs languidly. "Fine, you had to interact with your family in order for you to become the man you are supposed to be. Not the one that Leroy Jethro Gibbs turned you into."
"So that's it? That's all it was?"
And with that, the guardian angel snaps his fingers.
There's a flash of white so bright that Tony thinks he might've gone blind.
Then a barking dog pulls him straight out of his damned mind. It takes a split second for his mind to catch up with his body.
Where the hell am I?
He stands on Jackson Mulroney's porch on that hot as hell Wednesday afternoon. The same one where Mulroney tried to turn him into roadkill. He is staring at his reflection in the grimy window.
Christ, I'm home. I think. Did I leave? What the fuck is going on? What the…
He swallows hard.
Did I just get lost in a daydream?
Another bark.
I had a wife and two daughters. I was happy. It was so real.
"Suck it, cop!" Mulroney yells.
Tim is by Tony's side, cheeks pale and features tight. The first thing Tony notices is how much less his friend weighs here. Then, he notices the worry lines permanently etched into Tim's brow and around his eyes. Gone are the smile and laugh lines from the alternate world.
I forgot just how little Tim smiles here.
Here. There. The in-between…
There's another bark and crazed laughter from inside the house.
"Tony," Tim says, "that's a Bull Mastiff."
Now I know I've heard that before…