Sam and I sat in silence in the cold Impala, waiting for Dean to come out of the bathroom. Cas had taken off a long while ago, claiming he had unfinished business to complete. I rolled my eyes—how cryptic of him. Sam shifted uneasily in the front seat, obviously having something very important on his mind. I rubbed my shin as another jab of pain plagued my bone.
"What's wrong?" Sam asked, turning back before I could pretend that I was fiddling with the strings on my canvas shoes.
"Nothing, I'm fine." I claimed indignantly. My brother sighed pathetically, still watching me with a dewy eyed sadness that made me groan in hopeless opposition. "Sam, aren't you a little too old to be playing the puppy-dog-face card?"
"Is it working?" Sam inquired with a small smile. If he meant is his puppy-dog-face breaking my heart? Then, yes, but it wasn't going to make me talk about the shrapnel I took for my buddy. He'd never take me alive.
"Do I really look like Dean to you, Sam?"
"Is that a trick question, Max? 'Cause you do look like Dean."
"I still can't see it." I mumbled, sitting up to retie my long, dark brown hair into a ponytail.
"Dean isn't going to let the whole Ash thing go, you know."
"I don't know why," I rolled the window down to squint at the billboard at the other end of the street.
"He's just doing what dad would do. He's looking out after you." Scoffing, I smiled sarcastically, turning back to my little brother.
"I think me dating Ash would be the least of dad's worries."
"What's that supposed to mean? I don't understand why you're still bustin' on the man. He's dead, Max, show some respect. Don't—Don't walk away from confrontation, Max!" Sam screamed as I angrily got out of the car and followed me out into the crisp wind. Dean was just walking out of Subway, eying us like nothing could get any worse.
"What do you know about our dad, Sam?" I growled over the top of the Impala. "He was obsessed with finding the demon that killed mom! He was too bent on getting his own revenge than he was on protecting his children!"
"Awesome," Dean muttered to himself as he stood beside me.
"He loved us, Max. You believed that once!" Sam barked, throwing an accusing arm out in the air.
"Oh, put your money where your mouth is, Sam!"
"Dean was right about you—" Sam walked around the car to stand over me menacingly.
"Hey, Sammy, leave me out of your chick flick, would ya?"
"—You only leave the people who love you. You're no better than dad."
"You know what, Sam?" I smiled, flooding my face with impudence though my words were still harsh and very upset. "It's ironic, because you're the one who left first."
"Alright, ten paces you two." Dean stood between us, daring either of us to oppose him. "Let's just get to the Roadhouse, okay?"
"Why the hell are we going to the Roadhouse?" I asked, panic starting to overwhelm my being. I had just ruined a perfectly good relationship with my brothers and now Dean was just pushing it too far by going all the way to Nebraska.
"You're going to fix all this shit with Ash, you hear me, Max? Whatever is going on between you two is ending today."
"What the hell, Dean? Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do? And how many times do I have to tell you that Ash and I dated, as in e-d? We're not dating anymore. And even if we were, who do you think you are?"
"I'm your older brother, Max!" Dean boomed, staring me down with a stern glare.
"Go to hell, Dean. I don't have to fix anything with Ash because there's nothing to fix. We're going to Bobby's."
"Max," Dean growled rapidly coming to the end of his rope.
"Dammit Dean! I broke up with Ash so I could spare him from this whole Shining crap, okay? He was just stupid enough to come looking for me and got picked up by Ellen. And while we're at it," I shrieked sarcastically. "I took some shrapnel to the knee in Iraq a year before you found me. So, don't you dare judge me, Dean! I would do anything for you and Sam. You two have had me wrapped around your finger since the day mom died." I looked back at Sam who stood awkwardly still.
"This isn't about mom or dad or Ash, is it Max?" Sam spoke with a sudden, subtle realization. "It's about Adam." I sighed helplessly, looking up at the dirty gray sky, hoping that my life was but a passing shadow. And I, a poor bastard, fair in luck but distrusted in body, stood aloft upon my own tower of guilt and damnation—staring out over a blue ocean just as a large wave enveloped my soul with Poseidon's fury. What more could I possibly do but blame myself for the misfortunes of the family I held so close to my ragged heart?
"It's never gonna go away, Sam." I wheezed gently, compressing the painful sobs which fought to escape my throat.
"Damn it, Max," Dean growled, wrapping my arms about his waist just as those dreaded waterworks started. My older brother—one of the only men I could count on, patted my back, holding me as if he'd never let me go—as if I was leaving on a jet plane and he didn't know if I'd be back again.
Oh, babe, I'd hate to go…
...
"I'm always here for you, you know that right Mackie?" Sam asked, looking back at me while Dean had stopped for a snack refill. I nodded; smiling fondly at my little babushka…Sam was most certainly the mother hen of this relationship as far as I could tell.
"So, you're not mad at me? About Ash or Cas?" He sighed, tapping uncertainly on the back of the leather upholstery.
"I don't know, Max. Sullivan has always been the guy for you, in my opinion. But, if you're happy with Ash or Cas then…then I'm happy too, I guess."
"Thanks Sam."
"Just don't make a habit of it." I laughed.
"I promise I won't, Sammy. I promise I won't."
*November 1997*
I stood outside of Sam's sixth period class—Bio G/T—waiting for him to get his ass in gear and get out so we could find Dean. He finally walked out of the lab with his dark haired friend who wore even darker rimmed glasses.
"Dude, Sam, who's that? She's hot."
"Thanks kid." I beamed.
"That's my sister," Sam answered blandly, waving to his friend before following me out to the side entrance of the school building. "Do you think Dad'll mind that we left Dean?" He asked hesitantly as we walked along the side of the road. The school was only two or three miles away from the motel room Dad had us living out of. I looked back at him, stumbling though the uneven ground with his backpack slung over one shoulder.
"Naw, I think we'll be safe...if dad doesn't find out." I smiled reassuringly, adjusting the old rucksack that hung off my own aching shoulders and remembering Dean's face when some cheerleader led him into the janitor's closet. "Don't worry, Sammy, I'll take care of you."
"I can take care of myself, Max," Sam groaned, obviously embarrassed that he needed his sister to look after him when he was a grown up fourteen year old.
"I know, but you don't have to when I'm around." Slowing down my brisk pace, I fell back to Sam's easy going speed, brushing against his arm every time I took a step just to make sure he was still beside me.
"I'm not a kid, Max, and neither are you. We should have stayed with Dean like Dad always tells us to."
"You know you just contradicted yourself, right?"
"No, I didn't."
"Uh huh, yes, you did!"
"You're so immature, Max." I grinned ear to ear as Sam smiled softly to himself. "How was school for you? Dean said that you sang him some German song."
"No, it was a way to remember German prepositions or something. Want me to sing it for you?"
"No!" Sam nearly shouted. "Your singing makes my ears bleed."
"My singing isn't that bad."
"Tell my ears that."
"You're such a smartass, Sam." I laughed. "I think Dean's finally rubbing off on you. I'll sing the prepositions for you." I started singing the five German prepositions to the tune of Happy Birthday.
"Make it stop!" My little brother covered his ears with his palms.
"You're a jerk!"
"Thank you." He replied, as I pulling out a paperclip from my pocket and began picking the lock to the motel. There was a click from within as I finally twisted the paper clip out from the easy device that secured our belongings within. Sam dropped his back bag on the bed as I suddenly felt an aching regret that I had just gotten into big trouble by leaving Dean back at the high school. Dad had always been very strict that the three of us had to stick together but now...I was half tempted to leave Sam here so I could go back just to drag Dean. I knew that if dad figured out what I did, it would be on Dean's account. But I guess that was all drowned out when I saw Sam beating a kid up near the outdoor picnic tables. I was so proud of him. I always was and I always would be.
Just a heads up: I'm probably not going to upload a new chapter to this story until Friday because I think I'll need a few days to calm myself due to the new season premiere...so, I just want to wish you all a Happy Supernatural Season 8 Wednesday!
The Road So Far...