I'm starving by the time we get back to Bobby's house. Sam and Dean are being so quiet like we didn't just win a huge victory tonight. We killed Zachariah, escaped Michael, and lived to tell the tale. I'm happy about it even if they won't be.

When Bobby sees us all in one piece he seems happy at first but that changes really fast.

"Where's Cas?"

"He didn't make it" Dean says

"Adam?"

Sam shakes his head solemnly and Bobby's eyes find their way to me. I don't like it. I stare back at him.

"What happened?" Bobby asks without braking eye contact.

"We tried to get him, he just didn't make it out." Sam says to himself.

"I feel horrible." I say to Bobby with my eyes still locked on to his, "I did everything I could to save him. I don't know what happened."

It's amazing how many expressions can run through a person's face within a matter of seconds; terror, disbelief, rage, denial, nausea, grief, denial, and even loathing before settling on this last one I can't really place because I've never seen it before. Whatever it is, I feel strangely thrilled by it.

I feel Dean rub my shoulder and give it a squeeze.

"Why don't you head up to bed, kiddo? Try to get some sleep. You had a- you had a rough day."

Actually, no, all I want to do is eat and not have to pretend to be sad over a whiny spoiled brat who was a stranger to me and almost got everyone I cared about killed because he was an idiot; but that's not in the cards for me tonight. I grit my teeth and nod.

Dean ruffles my hair and nods towards the stairs. Bobby watches me as I go and now I begin to worry about what he'll say to them. What if he makes them think that I've done something wrong? What if he makes them hate me? Suddenly I wish Bobby were dead somehow. He was going to ruin everything and take my brothers away from me.

My hands are fists by the time I reach the top of the steps and I kneel down so I can listen.

It's hard to hear over the murmuring and clinking of glasses at first but after a few minutes it gets louder.

"-Sam, looked back and he was gone."

"He was gone? What do you mean 'he was gone'?"

"He was gone, Bobby. He fell. He tripped."

"On what? His shoelace?"

"What are you saying, Bobby?" Sam asks quietly

"I think we should take this into another room."

"No. Whatever you're trying to say, say it because I am tired, Bobby. I am tired, and I am not in the mood." Dean snaps

"You want me to say it?"

"Yeah I do"

"Fine, I'll say it."

I grip the bars on the staircase and lean the top of my head against it. I'm listening closely but I still don't hear what Bobby says next, only my brothers' reactions.

"What the hell did you just say to me?" Dean snarls

"What?" Sam breathes in disbelief

"You heard me." Bobby says in a voice so low and grave I can hardly hear him.

"Bobby, how could you say that?" Sam says

"Because I saw it with my own eyes, that's how! The boy almost blew a hole through his chest this afternoon!"

"That's crazy, Bobby, you know Evan" Dean says

"That's how I know it ain't so crazy. Think about it, Dean. Think about the kid's track record. Is it that far fetched? I mean you've said yourself that he's killed before with no sign of remorse. Humans beings!"

"Yeah. Human beings like the dick who killed his mother or he caught trying to hurt little girls! Not his own brother!"

"He hated Adam, Dean. He wanted him dead whether you want to believe it or not. Evan's a killer and he does it in cold blood. Now, I love you boys, you two are like sons to me; but your brother and me don't exactly see eye to eye and I am not about to end up dead at the hands of some adolescent sociopath in my own home."

I hear some chairs being moved around. Slammed around. Dean.

"You're wrong." He growls. I spring up from where I'm hiding and bolt for the bedroom. It's not long before I hear Dean's footsteps pounding up the steps and into the room after me. He walks over to my bedside; car keys dig into my shoulder as he shakes me. He reeks of hard liquor.

"Get up. We're checking into a motel for the night. Let's go."

Sam and Dean sit on the same side of the booth at the pancake house where they take me in the morning, I sit on the other. I don't mind it because it's the first time I'm having pancakes from somewhere outside of a diner in a really long time and I can taste the difference. It's delicious. But as I dig into my chocolate chip buttermilk pancakes with drowning in maple, I can feel my brothers' eyes on me, watching my every move; Dean's eyes burning holes through me. Finally I look up at him; he wipes his mouth on a napkin and throws it down next to his now empty mug of coffee. I look to the jug that the waitress had left for us and reach for it.

"Want more?"

"No, I'm good." He squints and covers his mug with his hand.

"Sam?"

He shakes his head. He's sad.

"No."

"I want to talk." Dean says

Oh no.

"About what?" I ask casually as I pick up a bacon strip from my plate and bite it in half.

"About last night, Evan. What happened with Adam?"

"I told you, Dean. I helped him up and we both ran for the door. He just fell. Why are you-"

"Come here" He says, pushing his plate and mine to the side and leaning across the table towards me. I shoot a hesitant glance over at Sam before obliging Dean's request, leaning in so that our elbows are touching. I can feel the warm wetness of spilt coffee soak through my clothes and touch my arm. That's a stain I'm going to have to work out later. Great.

Dean's eyes lock in on mine. He's not angry with me. I can see that clearly now. He's in pain. He wants to trust me so desperately that he's begging me with his eyes to lie to him right now before he even utters a single word.

"I have to know the truth, Evan. Did Adam really just trip all on his own back there, or did he trip over you? Even accidentally? We won't be mad at you. Accidents happen. We just gotta know."

"He just fell, Dean." I glare back at him, "maybe I should've stopped to get him like you or Sam would've, but I'm not that brave. I'm sorry."

I lean back in my seat with a thud. "If it was me left back there in that room, I wonder if you'd all be questioning him right now. What is it about me in particular that's so hard to trust?"

"We trust you, Evan." Sam says

"I'm sorry, I must've just misread the last couple of minutes of Dean's suspicious questions over whether or not I killed my own brother as mistrust. Silly me."

Dean looks over his shoulder frantically to see if anyone heard us and then shoots me a look. I poke my hash browns with my fork.

"Bobby said you almost shot him yesterday, Evan." Sam says, "We just had to know the whole story."

"Well, number one Bobby hates me, and two I wasn't going to shoot him. I just wanted to scare him into listening to me. I thought if I had a gun on him, he'd do what I say. He wasn't an easy guy to handle."

Dean and Sam look at each other and I know that I'm okay now. They trust me. Bobby tried to take them from me and he lost. I don't like him at all.

Fortunately for me, my brothers decide to avoid all things Bobby for a long time for my sake. Unfortunately for all of us, we land ourselves in a gift box just in time for it to be packaged and bowed for Satan the next time we check into a hotel. Gabriel is a surprise.

"And you're still toting the kid around everywhere because? Seriously, don't you have school or something?"

"Gonna tell on me?" I smile

"Well I can see that brains obviously run in the family." He quips, "as if trying to sneak you two mooks outta here wasn't going to be hard enough."

"No, no. You're forgetting about the uh, d'oeuvres in the freezer. We're taking them with us." Dean says

"Forget it."

"They called you Loki, right? Which means they don't really know who you are?"

"Told you. I'm in witness protection."

"Okay, well then how about you do what we say, or we tell the, uh, legion of doom about your secret identity. They don't seem like a real pro-angel kinda crowd."

"I'll take your voices away."

"We'll write it down."

"I'll cut off your hands."

"Well then, people are gonna be asking, 'why are you guys running around with no hands?'"

"Fine."

I can't believe that last one worked.

We usually have better luck than this during a rescue, but we're captured again before we can get the hostages out of the freezer.

I start to lose hope in Gabriel's big rescue plan when Kali stabs with his sword and he dies. Now it's just my brothers and me against a room of monster gods and the devil when he shows up. I wonder what Haydn is doing right now. It's late at night; maybe she's in bed reading a book or sleeping. Maybe she's dreaming. I wonder if she ever dreams of me.

"First you let those main courses go. Then we talk." Dean says. "We can either take on the devil together, or you lame ass bitches can eat me. Literally."

Sam and I wait inside with the monsters while Dean takes the hostages out of the freezer. I don't like this idea. I don't like our chances and I really don't like teaming up with these murderers.

"Sam, don't." I hiss at him and clutch on to his arm

"We don't have a choice."

"That's bull. We always have a choice. He's going to kill us, Sam. He's going to kill everyone."

"We're going to bring him here and leave. That's it."

"Do you really think it's going to be that easy? A hotel room full of pagan dicks, a half cocked plan, and determination? That's the magic formula to kill the devil, and then we're just going to go?"

"What's taking so long?" Kali asks, appearing over my shoulder. Sam pushes me behind him.

"Nothing."

"So you're going to summon Lucifer."

"Sort of. I just need you to squeegee some stuff from my ribs and he'll come running."

"Breaking them would be easier."

"Don't." I hiss

Dean barges in and tells us that Gabriel is alive. He's outside.

"It's him." Sam says

"How?"

"Does it matter? Shazzam us outta here, would ya?" Dean says

"We can't." One of the dicks say

Lucifer walks into the room. The skin on his face looks almost like it's dissolving. We're trapped now and I'm afraid. My brothers keep tugging me behind them, but I

"Of course you can't. You didn't say mother may I." He says, "Sam. Dean. Evan. Good to see you again."

Kali's dick boyfriend tries to take a run at Lucifer and is immediately killed by him, which of course, enrages her but more importantly, distracts Lucifer. He kicks her ass and Gabriel shows up just in time to save her. He hands Dean a DVD and transports us all to the parking lot so he can deal with his brother alone.

Gabriel's dead. The only chance we have at stopping the apocalypse now is by collecting the last two rings from the two remaining horsemen and trapping Lucifer back in hell.

"All we need is Pestilence and Death" Dean says

"Oh, is that all?" Sam snorts

"It's a plan"

Sam and Dean both look at me. Gaging my reaction. They knew I was afraid last night. It's embarrassing. I grin at them.

"Let's go raise some hell."

If this is what it'll take to save my brothers, I don't want to waste another minute. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm so tired of being afraid. Fear breeds hesitation, sloppiness, and mistakes. I never want to let myself be that weak again.