Jimmy held Lou's hand as he sat by her bed waiting for her to wake up, his thumb absentmindedly running back and forth across her knuckles. Just outside the bedroom door he could hear the others arguing in low tones. If Cody'd had his way, Jimmy would be headed out of town right now. Teaspoon would likely have him locked up in a cell. And Buck, well even though he seemed a bit more reasonable, Jimmy suspected he might well find himself covered in spiders if he didn't explain himself soon. And while Rachel was barely civil, Theresa had hugged him tightly and announced that she knew he'd be back all along.

He had almost broken then and there. He wanted nothing more than to tell them all the truth, but he felt very strongly that Lou should hear it first. He prayed she would forgive him for all he'd put her through in the last week. In hindsight, he could see that waiting until after he had a real chance to talk to Lou wouldn't have hurt anything. But after she'd laid her heart out to him so bravely and completely, he was moved to act with true urgency.

A soft knock on the door interrupted his reverie. The door opened to reveal the one person who didn't seem to want to inflict intense and immediate pain on him: Theresa. She offered a fragile smile that didn't quite make it to her eyes. Though he most regretted causing Lou pain this past week, it broke his heart to think about how Theresa had also been hurt. She seemed to put such an innocent faith in him and his intentions. She was his most outspoken champion, believing in him even when he doubted himself. Her big sister had always believed in him with a sort of quiet, steadfast faith. Lou wasn't afraid to stand up for him, but Theresa was always ready to pronounce her confidence in him without any prompting.

The possibility that he had somehow damaged her belief in his goodness was hard to contemplate. The confusing part for Jimmy was that he never really agreed with the McCloud sisters' good opinion of him. Sure, he tried to do the right thing. But he never felt that he was meant for much in life other than his name and his ability to draw fast and shoot straight. And he always scoffed at those foolish enough to think he would ever be more than 'Wild Bill.' Yes, he had known since his time with the Judge that he was nothing more than a dead man walking in an unforgiving land. Someday he would be a split-second too slow, and he would become another fallen legend. A notch in someone else's gun belt.

But almost from the first time they'd met, Lou had seen something in him. She was immensely loyal. When he had staged that fight with Teaspoon to go work for Grace, she and Cody were the only ones to come after him. And where Cody had snuck into Grace's building under the cover of darkness, Lou had walked bravely through the front door. He remembered the pleading expression in her large, brown eyes. She'd looked at him with such an intensity that he couldn't believe anyone had been fooled by her men's clothing.

And Theresa, from the time he first met her in Bogg's fortress, had always believed in him too. She'd literally leaned on him when Boggs confronted them. That night, as they'd made camp, she'd watched him with those big, brown eyes so like her big sister's. And when they'd prepared to leave the orphanage, she'd hugged him tight and asked him to come visit. She still trusted him, even after the world started calling him "Wild Bill." Theresa was a rare gem indeed. She still believed in him and saw the best in him. No other, aside from Lou had such devotion in him. And so he firmly believed that with the McCloud sisters in his life he really could be more than what the world expected of him.

He held out his free hand to Theresa, who had been studying him from just inside the door. She, at last, gave him a true smile and hurried to his side. Throwing her arms around his neck, she sniffled.

"I knew you'd come back, but ya had me a little worried." She pulled back and dabbed at her eyes. "Why didn't ya say anything about your plans?"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he began, "but I had to take care of somethin' before I could talk to your sister. It was too important to wait. And it's somethin' that I should talk to her about first. Then I promise I'll explain everything." He pulled her in for another hug.

Over the next several minutes Theresa filled Jimmy in on what he'd missed that previous week. He felt a growing sense of unease. Lou clearly hadn't been herself while he was gone. She was taking advice with no resistance and even following the doctor's orders. It was worse than he ever thought possible. He'd suspected that she would be upset with him, but he hated that he'd so shaken her blossoming faith in herself. He was no longer certain of his reception once she awakened.

Jimmy had never really thought of himself as a man of prayer, but it seemed like ever since Lou came back into his life he'd become one. She was the only person he'd ever felt was worth showing humilty enough to beg the Lord for something. And yet she never made him feel like she wanted or expected him to do such a thing. Maybe that was why it felt so right.

Again he found himself alone with Lou. She'd awakened briefly after her faint outside, but asked for medicine. He wasn't sure if she was trying to escape pain or talking to him. She'd been sleeping for over two hours, and he'd spent a good deal of that time thinking about what he would say when she finally awakened. Watching her face closely, he saw her eyelids begin to flutter. He squeezed her hand in anticipation.

At long last he was drowning in her deep chocolate eyes. "Hey there, sleepin' beauty."

As she became more awake, her gaze turned wary. "Why, Jimmy?"

"Ya never were one to beat around the bush." Jimmy fought the urge to squirm under her scrutiny. "Look, Lou, I know yer upset with me. Ya got every right to be."

Interrupting his practised words, she sighed. "I ain't upset with ya." At his pointed look she acquiesced, "Alright, I am upset with ya… But I'm more upset with myself. I feel like such a fool."

"Lou, don't. Please don't ever regret a single word ya said to me that day." He clutched her hand in both of his, marveling as always at the strength to be found in such a small form. Impulsively he raised her hand to his lips and brushed a kiss onto her knuckles. Noting the hitch in her breathing, he continued, "I ain't never had no one who loved me like you do. When ya told me how ya felt, I just knew then that I had to do somethin'."

"Yeah, and run away? Pardon me if I don't feel better about it." She tugged on her hand, embarrassment written all over her face.

He held firm before turning her hand over to drop a kiss on her palm. The corners of his mouth tugged upward when he realized she had ceased her struggles. Releasing her hand reluctantly, Jimmy continued, "I had to go see Celinda."

"Me tellin' ya how I felt made ya need to see your sister?" Her face was a study in confused frustration.

"Yes, and this will be a whole lot easier if you don't interrupt. Alright?" At her nod, he continued, "Ya see, when ya laid your heart bare to me… I knew. Oh I knew it before, but your words and your heart were like the north star leadin' me out of the dark."

Uncomfortable with what he was about to admit, he stood and began to pace. "Ya see... I've loved ya, almost since I knew ya. When you confronted your father, I began to look at ya different. You'd already earned my loyalty, but then I knew ya were more than just Lou. And when Emma had your 'comin' out party'... Well, let's just say my thoughts weren't of a brotherly nature. And then there was that time we spent in Willow Springs and with Elias. I loved ya, and I wanted ya... But I was scared."

Jimmy returned to his chair and grasped her hand again, holding it as if it were a lifeline. "I was afraid for you and for me. I knew that me bein' Wild Bill would put you in danger, and I thought needin' someone would put me in danger. So I pushed you toward the Kid, even though I desperately wanted ya for myself. I was so sure he'd make ya happy and give ya what ya deserved." He laid her hand aside his face, holding her palm to his cheek.

"I know now that I was wrong. The only real danger I've ever faced was bein' parted from ya. You don't know how many times I thought of ya, how many times I'd wished ya were by my side. I always thought lovin' a woman would make me weak, but when the Turner brothers took ya and I thought we wouldn't get to ya in time, I understood. Lovin' ya the way I do… It made me stronger." He could barely see her eyes through her tears, or were those his tears? "I know I acted plumb crazy when we got ya home. I ain't proud that I had doubts, but ya gotta know that I never doubted you or your love for me. I doubted whether or not I could be everything you need or deserve."

He gave her a wobbly smile. "But I've decided that I don't care if you deserve better than me, 'cause you're stuck with me. There ain't anyone on this earth who can ever love you as much as I do. I need ya like I need air in my lungs, and I wanna spend the rest of my life breathin' ya in."

"Louise McCloud, I hope you'll agree to make me the happiest man in the world. I want to hold your hand walkin' down the street, and hold your body to mine every night. I want to have babies with you, beautiful little girls who look just like their mother. I wanna watch your hair turn gray. I want to have ya by my side no matter what life throws at us. Lou, will ya marry me?" He couldn't believe he'd managed to get it all out. He studied her face, reaching out to wipe away a tear with the pad of his thumb.

"Of course I will!" She reached out to pull his face closer to hers, setting her lips to his with a warmth that soon exploded into frenzied need.

He kissed her so thoroughly that she could barely open her eyes when he drew back. She raised her hands to her mouth, her slightly swollen lips a testament to their passion. Jimmy always thought her beautiful, but she had never been so lovely as she was now. Taking a deep breath he pulled a small velvet bag from his pocket.

"Do you remember, back when you was tellin' me how I should follow my heart with Sarah Downs, also tellin' me about what you really wanted? Open this, and you'll see why I had to go see Celinda." He put the bag in her trembling hands and watched as she opened it gingerly.

Lou gasped when the beautiful cameo and gold chain slid from the bag. "You, you remembered?"

"How could I forget? There was such longin' in your voice when ya told me." He took the cameo from her hand and placed the gold chain around her neck. She immediately reached for it again and turned it to study the engraved image.

"That's Aurora. She's the Roman goddess of dawn, so she's sort the protector of new beginnings. This was my mama's cameo. Celinda had it, so I went to ask her for it. I thought it would take a lot of convincin', but she was just so happy that her brother's settlin' down. She gave it to me on the condition that we invite her to the weddin'." Jimmy smiled as he recalled his sister's initial disbelief and subsequent joy at this news. He kissed Lou again, feeling her lips smile against his. "I thought you might like this more than an engagement ring."

"Oh, Jimmy, it's so lovely! I do love it, and I love you." She gave him a quick, fierce kiss. "But if you ever pull something like this again, I might just have to kill ya."

I hope you can all forgive Jimmy for running, it was for a good reason after all :) Back in Season 1 in the episode "Blind Love" Lou tells Jimmy that she wanted a "beautiful cameo on a long gold chain." I think Jimmy is a detail man, so he would remember... Especially since she sounded so wistful talking about it.

Thanks so much to Beulah for her help and suggestions :)