I do not own The Outsiders. All characters used are borrowed with much respect to S.E. Hinton. A big thank you to those that continue to follow; and special thanks to those kind enough to review and reach out. It's always very much appreciated.
"Darry, what's goin' on?"
Soda's gentle pleading made me look up from the blood and tissue hanging off the knuckles of my right hand, and up into a pair of soft brown eyes—our mother's eyes, drenched in love and concern. It kills me a little every time; reminding me how much I miss her, but even more, it reminds me how much I've missed him.
"Don't worry 'bout it. It was nothing." I shrugged a shoulder loosely as I nodded in appreciation when Soda brought the pack of ice up to my hand and held it gently.
"You kickin' the piss outta Shepard ain't what I'd call nothin', Darry."
I brought my less injured hand up and let it drag over Soda's cropped hair. His hair was shorter than I remember it ever being; even shorter than mom made him keep it when he was little. I wondered how he felt while sitting in that barber chair while they took the clippers to him. Soda had always loved his hair.
"I know, it looks lousy."
Soda became self-conscious as my fingers played around in the short strands. I would've laughed at him if I weren't so bloody tired. I'd never once seen Soda self-conscious about his looks. He knew damned well what he looked like and the effect it had on most people that were around him. My brother could be bald, and he'd still have all the good looks and charm of the family. Soda would always be beautiful.
"Like you've ever looked bad a day in your pathetic life. Besides, it'll grow back," I mumbled absently, thinking back on the day Soda decided to get his hair cut short for Ponyboy. But even then, it hadn't been quite this short.
Soda grinned, maybe thinking back on that day too. Life wasn't simple, but we had our brother, and we had each other. It was the three of us against the world, and although we'd already been to hell and back together, it didn't matter because we were together. We had hope.
"What are you even doing here?" It still hadn't hit me. Seeing my brother sitting on the bathroom floor in front of me was so surreal, especially after everything that had happened that week.
"I got special leave. They were ready to send me overseas. I called…I told ya I would…I called to let you know and Two-Bit said you were gone…you were missin'. Darry, what's goin' on? I was so scared somethin' happened to you. Where were you, Darry? Where the hell were you?"
I shook my head speechless—ashamed. I didn't know where to start. I didn't know how to start that conversation we needed to have. I didn't know how Soda would react knowing the shitload of trouble I'd gotten myself into, and that scared me. It had been easy avoiding my own reflection in the mirror these past six months, but I knew avoiding Soda wouldn't be as easy.
"I guess it's a long story." I tried to smile, but I knew it didn't turn out that way.
"Darry…" Sodapop cocked his head, urging me on but I couldn't just yet. We had a lot to share; a ton to discuss, but it didn't feel like quite the right time. There was something more important needing our attention.
"C'mere," My voice was hoarse as I grabbed Soda's wrist, forcing him to drop the ice pack that he was holding to my knuckles.
I just wanted to hold him. I wanted to hold him without the shock and surprise of his unexpected arrival. I wanted to hug my brother and not take it for granted. Sodapop had always been more than just my younger brother; he'd been my best friend. Even with the pains of growing up in the same small house and the close proximity where we'd get on each other's nerves about a hundred times a week, I loved my brother fiercely because of that friendship we shared. He always had my back even if we were at odds with each other, and I always had his.
His head rested on my shoulder after I'd pulled him in, and I let my hand curl around his neck to hold him there. I felt myself relax when he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed; a feeling I hadn't felt in months if not years. For once I didn't feel on edge. I had my family, complete and under the same roof.
"Sorry, guys." Two-Bit and Tim Shepard were in the broken doorway looking down at us. "Was gonna help Tim clean up."
"First aid kit's in the medicine chest." My voice was thick as I closed my eyes and felt Soda squeeze me harder.
My hand fell from his neck, and stroked up and down his back before squeezing him in return. He pulled away slowly, and I noticed the tears that spilled from him. He started wiping his eyes impatiently, looking at me apologetically. I smiled at him, wondering if the army would ever be able to beat him down enough where he'd stop wearing that big heart of his on his sleeve.
"Need any help?" I looked up as Two-Bit eased into the bathroom.
I felt like I should've been the one to fix Tim's nose, or at the very least grab some ice for that swollen lip of his. I managed to make it to my feet so I could help, but my brother whom I thought I'd never see again had followed my lead; holding my hand in a vice-like grip with his. He started tugging on my arm.
"S'alright, Darry. I knew what I was doing. I just didn't think your little brother packed as big a punch as you did." Tim grinned ruefully.
"He's my brother," I gave Tim a grin back. "Of course he does."
"Stupid me," Tim shrugged, turning his attention to Two-Bit who'd found the kit from where I'd directed.
"When you're done with that half-pint, I'm next in line for a hug, Soda." Two-Bit sounded wistful, but started laughing like a hyena when Soda blew him an over-exaggerated kiss.
"Just keep your hands off my ass this time, ya pervert." Soda grinned which only served to egg Two-Bit on even more.
"Now Soda, y'know my momma taught me never to make promises I couldn't keep."
"Yeah? Well your momma told me if you start gettin' fresh, I should kick you in the nuts."
Tim looked on in amusement as two friends started to laugh at each other.
I rolled my eyes, trying to hide a grin. "I thought I missed this…"
It took three seconds for things to seem like they were back to normal. Except some things weren't back to normal. Steve was still gone, I still wanted a drink, and Ponyboy had no idea that his brother had come home and none other than Soda knew for how long. But I felt Soda tug on me again, and for that moment things felt alright.
"Darry, c'mon." Sodapop urged quietly; giving my hand an affectionate squeeze while pulling me along with him down the hall and interrupting my thoughts.
"You sure you want me here? You two need some time alone."
Soda shook his head knowingly. "I dunno why I didn't listen to you. I should've. If I'm the reason he looks like a bag of bones…"
Soda stopped at the door to my room and covered his face in his hands, trying to summon up his courage. My heart ached for him because I knew what he was feeling; I was just as guilty if not more. There was so much to figure out between the three of us, but it would have to wait. Right now, it was time to reunite these two brothers.
"C'mon, little buddy. He needs you." I rubbed Soda's shoulder, urging him to take another step.
He nodded and seemed to shake off what ever it was that was holding him back. He tiptoed back over to the bed, but took my usual side instead; peeling off those blankets before laying next to Ponyboy. I shut the door behind me and cautiously made my own way to the bed, but I sat back down at the foot of it; facing my brothers. Supporting them and bearing witness to the fact that these two just couldn't function properly without the other.
"Pony…" Soda's voice was soft as he ran his fingers through his brother's hair. "Hey, sweetpea. Wake up for me, 'kay?"
Pony didn't even stir until Sodapop placed a gentle kiss on his brother's temple and held it. Pony shook his head weakly before prying his eyes open like his eyelids weighed a ton. They closed again. Soda grabbed Pony's hand and kissed it firmly.
"C'mon, Pone. Ain'tcha even gonna say hi?" He was crying.
"Soda?" Pony's expression was confused as he groaned.
"You go 'n get yourself a girl while I been gone, Pony? Baby, who else'd be kissin' on ya?"
Pony weakly pulled his hand back and let it drag across his face; rubbing his eyes half-hazard in an effort to get them open. I could see every movement Pony made took about everything it had in him; he was weak enough that it scared the shit out of me. I realized then that I'd have to swallow my pride and keep my promise to Beth. My brother needed a doctor, and there was only one good enough to help my brother.
"C'mon, honey, come say hi to me. I missed the shit outta ya, Pony. Wake up! C'mon, please!" Soda sniffed back more tears while he kissed his brother's face again, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Soda?" I could see Pony struggle, and I was ready to make the call.
"Yeah, Pony it's me. I miss ya; come say hi."
"You two stay put." I ordered knowing neither of them were going to move.
"Where ya goin'?" Soda turned his head, watching as I eased up from the bed.
"Making a quick call. I'll be right back."
My chest hammered as I made my way for the phone in the living room. I grabbed the cradle and made my way for my chair where I let out a huff of resignation as the receiver was pinched between my shoulder and my ear. I sunk into the chair and dialled; part of me praying that Greg would be able to answer my plea to help with Ponyboy, and part of me still wanting to knock his block off for interfering in family business.
I knew deep down that I was being ridiculous and unfair. Sodapop choosing to confide in Greg instead of me was still burning, and I knew I was jealous of their friendship when I shouldn't have been. Greg saved Pony's life. That was all the reason Soda needed to stay connected; look up to, and admire Greg.
"Hello?"
A groggy voice spoke on the other line, and I'd almost forgotten who I'd called.
"Yeah, Greg?"
"Mmmhmmm."
"You awake?"
"Yeah, I am now. Who's this?" His voice sounded beat, and I figured he may have just gotten off a shift.
"It's Darry. I…I'm…I'm sorry I woke you." I stammered, starting to change my mind and back out of my promise to Beth.
"No, it's okay Darry. What's going on?"
I could tell from his voice that he was wide awake now, and I rolled my eyes at myself. Greg was a great friend to have for my family, and I was stupid to ever think otherwise. But I also felt a sense of guilt for bothering him while he needed to rest. He lived with his own set of burdens that were placed heavily on his shoulders. I knew saving lives for a living came with its own costs to him.
"Darry, are things okay?"
"No. I'm sorry I'm waking you up."
"Is it Pony?"
"Yeah." I sighed, not bothering to get into any details. Greg would figure things out soon enough on his own.
"I'm on my way, Darry. Hang tight."
"Greg…" I didn't know what I was going to say, but another apology crossed my mind.
"Darry, it's okay. I'll see you in a bit."
I placed the receiver back onto the cradle when Greg hung up, and I sighed. I could hear Tim swearing at Two-Bit in the bathroom, and I thought to check in on them when my stomach gave that old familiar pull that took my breath away, and I thought about Ponyboy. There were so many things that had happened to him, and just like his big brothers he was trying to deal with everything on his own. I winced and my stomach twisted as I thought about him pressed up against the corner wall of my bedroom. We did that to him, and I wasn't sure how to make it up to him but I did know one thing…
… "Darry, come quick!"
The desperation in Soda's voice broke me out of my thoughts and I was on my feet, making my way back to my room. Shepard and Two-Bit were blocking the doorway, and I shoved my way through to find that Soda had hauled Ponyboy up into what looked like a hug, only Pony's body looked limp and lifeless.
"Dammit, Pony! I hate it when you do this. Breathe, Pony! Come on!"
"Holdin' his breath?" I quickly made my way around the bed, already reading the tell-tale signs.
I could see Soda start to panic as he nodded his reply. I could see how scared he was even though he'd been right there with me the first time we'd seen Pony do this. Unfortunately, there was no hospital with it's doctors and nurses to back us up this time, and I knew the only way to get Pony through this was to keep a level head and slowly guide him out of his episode.
"Holy shit," I heard Tim say under his breath, and when I looked up towards the door, I noticed that Two-Bit was holding him back to give us room.
"Pony, stop it! You're scarin' me. Come on, now." Soda was dragging his hand over the side of Pony's face as it rested against his shoulder, and looked at me when Pony gurgled.
"Okay, you two. Take it easy. It's gonna be alright."
I tried to keep my voice steady as I sat down with my brothers. It was hard to see Pony with his face tucked into Soda's neck, but a quick glimpse of the pale but pink tinge of his mouth told me all I needed to know. His breaths were shallow, but they were still there. I started to rub his back and shoulders roughly, and caught the relieved huff that Soda let out before planting another kiss to the side of his brother's face.
"I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry." Soda's voice was hushed as he chanted between breaths.
"Easy, little buddy." I offered what I could for comfort as I ran a hand through Soda's hair; not wanting my brother to carry the same guilt that had slowly been killing me.
"Soda? Where's Darry?"
"He's right behind ya, kiddo."
"Darry?" Pony tried, but he couldn't lift his head from his brother's shoulder.
"Shhhh…" I scooted closer, huddling in behind Pony and leaning my forehead against his shoulder.
"Don't go. Please, don't go." Pony started to cry, and I reached around making sure my arms encircled both of my brothers.
I wasn't sure which one of us he was pleading to; probably the both of us. My eyes shifted and made contact with Tim Shepard's. He nodded calmly, somehow knowing my struggle. I felt the sweat break from my forehead and thanked whoever was responsible that Shepard was there. He was the only thing keeping me from drinking. I choked down a sob when I was able to swallow my truth.