Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. Also thank you to everyone who sent condolences for my brother-in-law and uncle. Your words were very kind and helpful during such a difficult time. However, the story must go on and writing is how I get through everything.

I apologize that we are getting chapters out of rotation. You really should be getting an update for The Idiot's Guide to Family Bonding right now. However, I'm just in the mood to finish Dear James as quickly as possible as well. I promise to focus more on the idiot's guide to family bonding after I finish Dear James. We are only a few chapters from the end. Also, the Muse wants what the Muse wants. I've decided it's just better to cooperate with it right now.

Now you have something to read during the blizzard, if you happen to live on the East Coast like me. You would've got this chapter earlier this morning, if I didn't have to shovel 2 feet of snow off of my deck. I'm still only halfway done, but I took a proofreading break.

From: UhuraNX

To: Jim_Spock-Kirk

Time saved: 7/15/2259 9:01:45

Time sent: 7/16/2259 06:00:01

Subject: Be careful what you wish for.

I would write this to Spock, but I just have this feeling that you did not have time to fix your special email glitch. On the off chance that this message will actually be forwarded to one of you guys, I'd rather you be the one to read it. I definitely can't say this stuff to my boyfriend because everything is fucked up at the moment.

Because it's been a lot longer since you buried a parent, I think you can handle this better. Although you did scatter Pike's ashes last month, so maybe there isn't a good person to address this email to, but since you're the one who created this stupid glitch you're the one who gets to read this necessary rant.

Did you ever want for something to happen and then actually have it happen only to realize that you never wanted it to happen in the first place? Not only that you're horrified that you wanted something like that to befall someone you really didn't like at all, but now you're stuck here watching people you love be completely miserable because of it?

I don't even know where to begin to explain why things are so fucked up right now. 23 hours ago we were waiting at McDonald's to take Jo Jo to Disneyland of Georgia. We had a good day together yesterday. Okay, it was mostly a good day if you ignore all the nasty calls, emails, and text messages from the - Leonard's ex-wife. I guess I can't call her the B word anymore because of what happened. It wasn't… this is hard to articulate.

I think I'm only typing this out because if I don't write it down, then there's no way for me to be the strong one and somebody has to be the strong one right now. It's either write this or go find somewhere I can cry where nobody will find me and that is not an option. I can't leave Jo Jo and Leonard alone right now. Too much stuff to do, like finding a decent funeral planner. I'm getting ahead of myself and I probably need to explain why I'm in the market for a funeral planner (and after the chaos that was Marc and Gaila's funerals, I want professional help especially when I don't even like the deceased.)

Everything began yesterday when the ex-wife brought Jo Jo to the McDonald's late because she just loves-loved playing head games. She even told Leonard to enjoy the day because he'd never get to see her again. That's definitely not happening now.

Anyway, while we were talking about this and Jo Jo was getting the pancakes she's not allowed to eat, I may have said something along the lines of hoping that the ex-wife would die of a heart attack.

I didn't actually mean that I actually want her dead. I just wanted her to stop hurting people that I care about. And she was hurting Leonard and Jo Jo. You have no idea how many times I've watched Leonard cry because of that woman. You don't use children as another weapon in a messy divorce. Yet she did. I hated her for that alone.

Don't even get me started on the mess that she made of her daughter's emotions. In addition to trying to sabotage her relationship with her father, she tried to control every aspect of Jo Jo's life. She threw away the chemistry set I got her for Christmas because it wasn't appropriate for a future lawyer. She threw away the Ms. Marvel doll that her sister got her because it wasn't appropriate. She only got to keep the Daredevil action figure because Daredevil is a lawyer.

Sometime around pre-K, the ex decided that her daughter had to follow in her legal footsteps Despite being more interested in anything else like actually being a child. I mean, what type of parent convinces their child that you will only be happy if you live your life as a mindless android doing everything mommy dearest wants? What does that say about mommy dearest? What type of monster do you have to be the say stuff like that to your kid?

And yet I now have a crying 10-year-old, lying on my lap while Leonard and the ex-wife's sister deal with the lawyers and try to keep her parents a hundred meters away.

Now Leonard's former father-in-law is a real piece of work. Enough that I understand why the ex kept her sister, who she wasn't even talking to, as the executor of her estate. The body is not even cold yet and they can't wait for the will reading so they can get their hands on Jo Jo just so they can get their hands on the money. They don't even want her, they just want the money. It's enough to make me almost feel sorry for the deceased, almost.

It was not cardiac arrest. It was a bottle of gin and a tree. I am thankful to every omnipotent being in the universe that she only hurt herself. If it was another weekend… I don't even want to consider that possibility. I just squeeze Jo Jo a little tighter, even if it makes typing this a little harder to do. I would dictate, but she really is sleeping.

The poor baby didn't fall asleep until about seven this morning. I personally haven't had any sleep and we have a meeting in an hour with the lawyers. So I doubt that I will get any anytime soon.

I'm hoping that the using gin to wash down everything is just something that she did when Jo Jo wasn't there. I have no idea because I didn't know the woman beyond belligerent emails and text messages (and the ones from right before she went into a tree were quite belligerent). She very well could've been a secret alcoholic. Your brother had no idea that Winona fell off the wagon as badly as she did until we were in Iowa picking up the pieces.

I don't want to ask Jo Jo about it. I can't ask that question of somebody who just lost her mom. Even if the woman was a monster, Jo Jo loves -loved her mom. I need to respect that as much as possible, despite my own confused emotions about the woman.

I remember all too well how numb I was when I lost my grandmother. I was just lost inside myself. I didn't know what to think or say. I was a mess. It is the same when Marc died, which is why Gaila put everything together and we ended up sleeping together and it wasn't in the platonic way.

Yes, I'm aware I use sex as a coping mechanism to deal with grief. I'm working with a therapist on it. Margarita suggested coloring books which I might get for Jo Jo later today, but I don't think that will work for an adult.

Amanda was better, but only because I was there to function as the one keeping everyone together and well. You are well aware of how far I went to keep everything together. Okay, maybe I was too numb from Gaila to really respond and I just pushed everything away to focus on keeping Spock there with me.

I'd already lost two out of three of my best friends and I couldn't lose Spock too so that is why I may have pulled him into a bathroom and sucked him off while we were deciding on venues for the memorial service.

I just realized that that was probably Spock's first time engaging in any sort of sexual activity and I dragged him off for a blow job during the middle of funeral planning for his mother. I really am that awful of a person.

Leonard's ex-wife being dead is my fault or at least I feel like it's my fault. I'm the one who wished that this happened to her. I'm the one who wanted her gone so Leonard wouldn't have to deal with painful custody hearings. I'm the one who wanted her dead so Jo Jo could have a good family life. Now that that's happened, I feel like an awful human being for wishing something like that on anyone, even if the woman was not that good of a person.

I know it's ridiculous to feel guilty. If wishes came true, Marc would not have blown his brains out, Gaila would have been my bunkmate on Enterprise, I would be talking with my grandmother about this, and you would be having a lunch with the mother-in-law. Wishes do not come true. It's nothing more than hopeful thought and yet I still feel sick.

I really don't have time to wallow in self-pity. My to do list is extremely long and I'm just beginning. I already told you about the meeting this morning with the lawyers. Shawn is already working as hard as possible to make sure that the father-in-law monster doesn't get Jo Jo. Considering that the ex's lawyers have similar posthumous orders, maybe there can be a good outcome for this absolute nightmare. (Also on my list of things to do is to figure out why the ex's lawyer left the hospital in tears.)

I called Dr. Suarez and Dr. Margarita. Dr. Margarita provided the coloring book suggestion and Dr. Suarez had a really long conversation with Leonard that I wasn't privy to. I don't know what to make of the fact that he was in tears by the time the call was over.

Later today, I will look for a funeral planner. Again, I'm not doing this on my own. I did that for Gaila and Amanda's funeral and I just don't have it in me. Lane, the sister, is the one who will have to make arrangements. But she's a rambling mess right now. Definitely worse than Spock last year, or maybe she's just able to show that she is a mess. I don't know. But we probably can use professional support regardless.

What are your thoughts on cremation versus burial? Cremation is certainly better for the environment, but the family does have an old family only cemetery and maybe Jo Jo would like to visit her mom's grave at some point. Okay, it is too early in the day to have these thoughts.

I also need to actually call you and Spock and let you know what's happening on the off chance that you actually fixed your special brand of email torture. Or I could actually send this to you consciously, but I'm pretty sure it's almost 2000 words and it's a rambling mess.

Maybe I should think about stuff that needs to happen now. Leonard needs to at least lay down and eat something. I can hear him in the other room arguing with great Aunt Esther. It's his fault her niece became an alcoholic. She apparently had a really bright future before the contraceptive failure. Can you see me rolling my eyes as I type this?

Okay, I'm just going to text Leonard and tell him to come in here to lay down next to his daughter until we absolutely have to leave for the lawyers. That would be good. I don't even know what to do with Jo Jo, except to let her cry on my lap hugging her new giant Mickey Mouse plush.

This is such a fucking mess.

Xxxxx

From: Jim_Spock-Kirk

To: UhuraNX

Time sent: 7/16/2259 07:05:01

Subject: I am so glad I was too busy dealing with family drama to fix your punishment.

I tried to call because this is not the sort of conversation you should have in an email, but most of our conversations consist of finding out things via email that you should never ever find out in an email. Of course I couldn't get through. I hope you guys are just still sleeping. You probably can use it after the two days that you have had.

I'm not even going to try to call Bones because he's probably not up for human contact at the moment. Also I would feel absolutely awful if I woke him up and unlike you, he doesn't put his phone in sleep mode because doctors don't put their phone in sleep mode.

So obviously I just read another email that I'm pretty sure you were never planning to actually send me. Or maybe you were hoping I never fixed the email problem so you wouldn't have to make that phone call. Because really, nobody wants to make that phone call.

Personally I'm really happy for your punishment for voyeurism still being in place since you have yet call me and tell me that Leonard's ex-wife is now dead and I'm guessing that it happened two days ago judging by some of the things said in your message. Remember the auto forward doesn't kick in for you until 6 AM the day after you write the message.

I understand why you didn't call me. From your long email I can tell that things are really fucked up right now. But I'm your friend and I'm always here to help in any way that I can. If you want us on the next shuttle to Atlanta, we will be. That's how much Leonard and you mean to me and Spock.

Actually, I'm pretty sure Spock is looking at shuttle times, just in case. Just remember that we are here no matter what. Also pass that on to your boyfriend and the baby bear.

As for you, it wasn't your fault. I'm not that surprised that Joanna wrapped her car around a tree. Maybe it's because I am the child of multiple alcoholics, but I always felt like there was something off with her.

Also being the child of multiple alcoholics, I have realized that I don't have any control over their actions. I want my mom to get better. I really do, but she's the one who's going to have to do it. You can't help somebody who will not help themselves.

It's not your fault that you didn't see the signs. You weren't even there. Neither was Leonard and you just know that he's going to be blaming himself. It's what Leonard does.

Wishes don't make bad things happen. People make bad things happen and it's all a matter of choice. Maybe other Spock will disagree with me, but I don't think there's such a thing as predestination. Actually, the fact that I am a completely different Jim Kirk proves that. We are who we make ourselves to be. The only path we have to follow is the one we created.

PS: Despite the benefits, Spock just made me fix the punishment. He is really upset about me now knowing about the blowjob funeral planning thing.

Yes, that was his first sexual encounter, but apparently there's just some things you don't want your husband to find out. Which I don't get in this case because my husband knows far worse things about my sexual history like some of the nonconsensual parts of it.

PPS: Sulu's sister also does funerals, in addition to weddings and baby showers because she believes in being full-service. Actually, she added funerals after the nightmare that was her grandfather's. She may not work in the Atlanta area, but she probably knows somebody who does. You did put an ambush wedding together in about 24 hours, despite going through what you were going through so I have faith in you.

XXXXXX

From: UhuraNX

To: Jim_Spock-Kirk

Time sent: 7/16/2259 11:39:02

Subject: Re: I am so glad I was too busy dealing with family drama to fix your punishment.

Tell Spock I love him for ever and ever for doing that. I learned my lesson. I will not use my executive privileges to look at your really private emails with your husband, especially any that border on pornographic and that includes reading over Spock's shoulder. Seeing a message like that by accident one time was bad enough. Also, therapy journals will now be off limits.

Calling you really was on my list of things to do. I just got distracted by dealing with things I had to deal with first like feeding and clothing the three in my house who were in a state of complete shock. Thankfully, there is such a thing as breakfast delivery and Starfleet dress uniforms are the appropriate length for a 10-year-old and do not look like a uniform if you put on a nice sweater over it.

I hope Chan changes that simply because she doesn't want her daughter walking around in a uniform that practically shows her ass.

The reason why Jo Jo had to play Starfleet dress up yesterday was her evil grandfather would not let us even go to Jo Jo's house to get her things. Maybe he was afraid that we would take something valuable out of the house since he's so sure he's going to get everything.

If Joanna never got over Leonard getting her pregnant, I doubt she ever got over her overbearing dad forcing her to go through with the pregnancy and into a loveless shotgun marriage. Well, loveless on her part. Despite the bitterness, Leonard's been crying a lot since we arrived at a Georgia hospital only to find out that in spite of all the medical advancements in the world, nothing could bring her back.

I just got back from a trip to the mall to get Jo Jo something appropriate for this afternoon's emergency custody hearing. The stuff we picked out at yesterday's emergency trip to Walmart would not work for a court hearing.

Yes, I was so desperate I went to a big box store. You know I have mixed feelings about all big box retail stores. However, I may have spent a small fortune on Barbie dolls, real old-fashioned coloring books, and genuine color pencils. At least it will keep her occupied for when she is with her child advocate.

So in addition to funeral stuff, we also have an emergency custody hearing because somebody couldn't wait until after his daughter's funeral to do this. So much fun. I really hope that the judge will listen to what Jo Jo wants.

The good news is we now have a funeral planner to put together everything while we are dealing with custody hearings. Great minds think alike and I already called our mutual wedding planner friend before even reading your email. His name is Jaden and he used to work with Sulu's sister until his wife took a tenured position at UF Georgia.

Now if only the family would agree with Joanna's wishes instead of doing what they want, things would be so much better. Also, at least half the family thinks I'm the slut that Leonard left her for. Thankfully, the other half of the family know what really went down.

If I fall to the 'redshirt curse', promise me that I will be cremated promptly and you spread my ashes somewhere pretty on the next shore leave and maybe you can have cheesecake afterwards. No memorial service or anything similar. I'm not kidding. Seriously, promise me this.

You made the right decision not calling Leonard. He is not ready for verbal conversation of any type. We haven't talked too much. He's mad and I don't know who he's mad at. Right now we are just trying to focus on figuring out what's best for Jo Jo. I think in the short term being with her dad is the best, but long-term is a whole other set of questions. Leonard has another two years on his Starfleet contract. That's a discussion for later.

Maybe you can send a card or write an email. Okay, I wouldn't turn down an edible arrangement or a sympathy gift basket. You know I like chocolate. You don't need to come. Your mom needs to be your priority at the moment. We can get through this.

I'll call later or maybe tomorrow. I have no idea how long things will take with the judge. I also have no idea how long our consult with the funeral planner will be.

Xxxxx

From: Jim_Spock-Kirk

To: McCoyL

Subject: I'm sorry for your loss.

Time Sent: 7/23/2259 06:00:01

So Nyota told me what happened. I'm writing because you're too busy dealing with your ex-wife's dysfunctional family for a call. I know that things have always been contentious with you and Joanna, but in the beginning I know that you really did love her. And even if things fell apart in the end, she's your daughter's mother and that's always going to mean something.

I thought about sending you a bourbon bouquet, but that seems in poor taste considering the circumstances. Nyota said edible arrangements, but if I remember correctly, Jo Jo is allergic to pineapple and pineapple is a main ingredient in every single arrangement. Nobody needs anaphylaxis at a time like this.

I could come down. I offered, but Nyota said not to. Do you need me to come down? Just pick up the communicator and I will be on the first flight out.

No, it's not because I want to get away from my mother, brother, or his new girlfriend. Kevin is screwing Chan's daughter. If he ends up fucking that up, I will end up shoveling snow on Delta Vega or working for my father-in-law, especially because I set them up.

Speaking of father-in-laws, I heard that you're having to deal with your former father-in-law. Even under good circumstances, that would just be awful. I saw firsthand what a nightmare he could be when he showed up at your apartment to collect Jo Jo that one time the lawyers arranged a visitation.

I'm also sorry for Jo Jo. Losing a parent is hard. I don't remember George very well, but losing Sam was awful. Half the time he really was the good parent. I'm still trying to deal with losing Chris. I'm taking it a day at a time. That's really the only way.

If she needs someone to talk to who went through all this crap at way too young of an age, you know how to get a hold of me, especially because Spock has given me communicator privileges again. Did I tell you that he threw my PADD out the window? Why did I marry him?

Xxxx

"I have no idea." Leonard thought to himself as he slowly sipped his third cup of coffee for the morning while reading and it wasn't even 6 AM yet. He couldn't sleep. He hasn't really slept at all since he had the unpleasant task of waiting with his former sister-in-law to get the news that Joanna was no longer with them. Lane literally broke down in his arms even though she knew this was a possibility the moment the paramedics called her.

Jo Jo cried. Then she hit him twice and then locked herself in the ladies bathroom. Nyota retrieved her with a candy bar. Honestly, he would've been lost without her these last 3 days.

He's been in a constant state of confusion, just going through the motions, trying to figure out what to say or do. There's a certain sense of guilt that one encounters when someone they once loved self-destructs and you are helpless to stop it.

When did Joanna become an alcoholic? She always drank heavy sometimes, but not this bad. When did she get to the point of getting so snickered on Gin that she wrapped her vintage car around the damn tree?

If she was driving a modern vehicle, this would not have even happened. Most vehicles nowadays have a substance abuse detection sensor and switch into auto drive if it decides that the person behind the steering wheel is too wasted to actually drive. Some were even programed to drive you to the hospital if it detects your blood alcohol level was dangerously high.

Now as Lane and he were in a guilt fog, Nyota held things together. She arranged for a funeral planner and food delivery. Of course she did all of this after calling the lawyers. Leonard was glad she did that so early. It was necessary to keep Jocelyn out of the hands of her maternal grandfather.

There was no love lost between Leonard and the judge. He's always felt the man was a monster. Always caring more about appearances than the reality of the situation. He was always worried about what he did to make Joanna so docile and submissive to his every whim. Part of him was worried that she was using those same techniques on Jo Jo, but it doesn't really matter now.

Apparently the man had a reputation for not being a good parental figure. The fact that Lane testified against him and Joanna's legal team explicitly stated that they would be fine with anybody, but Joanna's father worked in Leonard's favor. He was shocked that Joanna's lawyer is now helping him. For the moment, he has temporary custody. The issue will be revisited in two weeks' time, but he will worry about that in two weeks.

There's too many more pressing things like going shopping again for bedroom things for a 10-year-old. This would be a lot easier if Jo Jo's grandfather would let them get Jo Jo's stuff from Joanna's house, but he was being his prick self. Maybe Jo Jo wouldn't be curled around Nyota if she had her teddy bear. He could still see them from the sitting room because he left the door open for that purpose.

Because he could see a sleeping Nyota he was surprised to see an email from her pop up in his mailbox. He wouldn't have been a couple of days ago, but Nyota told him that Jim emailed her earlier to say that her punishment was over for her voyeuristic tendencies.

From: UhuraNX

To: McCoyL

Subject: It wasn't your fault.

Time saved: 7/16/2259 22:56:31

Time Sent: 7/17/2259 06:00:01

So Jim told me that if I start drafting this email and save it, you won't see it. I'm not sure if I should trust him or not, but since I'm planning to discuss this with you in a couple of days once we scatter JoJo's mom's ashes, I guess I should use this as a test. I need to get my thoughts together before we talk about stuff anyway.

I can understand why you're blaming yourself and I know that you are because I may have done that myself the first day. You know that the day this all happened I wished that she would just have a heart attack and leave us alone. It's been a few days so the rational part of my brain is starting to return at least in this regard. Also Jim emailed me some sage words of wisdom.

Then again it's been years and I still blame myself for Marc's suicide. No matter how many times I'm told it's not my fault. There are days when I still think it is because I didn't stop it. I saw all the signs and I read them all wrong.

You're probably going over every interaction you've had with Jocelyn for the last 11 years. You're wondering how you could've missed the signs that she had a drinking problem. You're also purposely forgetting the fact that you weren't here and even Jo Jo had no idea that her mother's daily glass of orange juice was 50% Gin. Only her lawyer boyfriend did which is why he went to the judge himself after the fight that led to her close encounter with a tree.

Slimy lawyer Number one may have confessed all of this to me when Lane and I went out to get food. That's why he's helping us keep Jo Jo away from her grandfather. Other than sleeping with his client, maybe he is not a complete monster. He probably feels just as guilty about what happened as you do. If they didn't have a fight about her harassing us at Disneyland, she wouldn't have left his office abruptly after drinking half a bottle and then she wouldn't have wrapped the Mercedes around the tree.

I bet you are even blaming yourself for her getting a hold of the vintage family heirloom of a car in the divorce. I've been told many times that you're not responsible for the choices other people make. I'm not sure if you'll believe me when I say that because I don't always believe that, but maybe in this case, we both need to.

Anyway, we can't let it control us. We have other things to worry about, like funeral services with people who hate us and will readings that will descend into bedlam.

Then there's the more permanent custody situation. I have no doubts that you're going to get full custody, but others are less optimistic.

The lawyer boyfriend suggested that we have a better shot of fighting your former father-in-law if we apply as a couple. Allegedly, that was what Joanna was scared of, especially in light of the fact that I moved here with you so you would have a better shot at partial custody. That's why she went after me at the hearing last week.

Apparently, two-parent households are still favored even if we are more committed to Jo Jo in the eyes of the law than to each other. I've always believed that children are more permanent than marriage. I think my parents would have divorced a long time ago if they never had me.

If it comes to that, I will file jointly with you. I'll even go to my mom and get special permission for Jo Jo to be on Enterprise. A couple of weeks ago she told me that she regretted being forced to leave me with grandma and in boarding school for the sake of her Starfleet career. Now that she managed to get to the top of the metaphorical mountain, maybe she will be willing to fix that mistake.

I really don't want to ask my mom for a favor, but I'll do it for you. I love you. I'm pretty sure I already love Jo Jo too. I figured it out when my heart broke because she's in so much pain. I'm not letting either of you go. We'll figure this out. All three of us.

PS: If Jim lied and you actually see this, remind me to ask Shawn about the importance of posthumous attorney-client privilege.

Xxxxx

He puts the PADD down and pours another cup of coffee. He'll need more caffeine to deal with this. Damn Jim and his so-called computer savviness. He either lied or is nowhere near as good with computers as he thinks he is and couldn't undo his own little punishment. Just as he was about to reply to Jim's earlier email and give the man a piece of his mind, the doorbell rang.

It was probably flowers or maybe somebody had breakfast delivered. He hoped it was breakfast because if somebody is dropping off flowers at 6:14 AM, than they had serious issues. The person at the front door did have breakfast, but they were not alone.

"Jim, what are you and the hobgoblin doing here?"

To be continued.

Remember to pay your writer with reviews. Since, I really have a good 18 inches of snow outside, your reviews will keep me warm. Also, if the power stays on that means more writing since I probably will not be leaving the house until Tuesday. Seriously, I have so much snow right now, I cannot even open my front door. I'll probably Tweet out some more pictures on twitter. I misscar there as well.