Chapter 37

The next night, Rachel sat in her room writing in her songbook. Her newest composition class was a killer. It was the end of the first week and they were already expected to bring in a new song the following Monday. Rachel knew she had tons of songs in the book that she had given to Quinn, but since then she'd had trouble writing anything. Even now it seemed that the only words she had were about heartache and making mistakes and missing the one you love. All her melodies seemed the same. They were all songs she had written before. How was she supposed to write a ballad for her class when her heart wasn't into it?

Quinn breezed into the room with an excited air. Rachel immediately looked up. The blonde looked nervous and yet happy for the first time all week. Rachel swallowed hard and willed her tears back. She knew Quinn was going out that night. Santana had gleefully shoved it in Rachel's face all morning.

There was no way Quinn was over her already, right? Not to say it was easier to watch Quinn mope about, because truthfully that tore her up. But at least when they were both miserable, Rachel knew what they had was real, no matter how brief. At least then she could convince herself that she made the right choice because Quinn loved her and would've given up everything for her. She had sacrificed them for Quinn's future. But if Quinn was over her already then maybe the blonde hadn't really loved her and Rachel made herself miserable over nothing. It was twisted logic, sure, but it was hard to think straight when the only girl worth pining over seemed to have abruptly moved on.

"Going out?" Rachel asked, seeming to sink inside herself with the question.

Quinn paused at the door.

"Oh hey, Rach. I didn't even realize you were here," Quinn wheezed putting her hand to her heart in surprise.

"I didn't me to startle you."

"It's fine. I just…yes, S and I are going out tonight. What about- do you have plans?" Quinn asked.

This was supposed to be their first date. They were supposed to have dinner and go to a movie and then Rachel would ask Quinn to be her official girlfriend. Then they'd come back to their room and fall asleep cuddled together after hours of sweet lady kisses.

Instead, Quinn was going out with Santana and some girl. Can't forget the fact that some girl was going out with Quinn on the night that was supposed to be her and Rachel's night. The brunette growled internally. Quinn would be going out with some other girl on their date night while Rachel…while Rachel did what exactly? Sat at home alone, in their room, trying to write some stupid ballad about some endless love that topped all other songs she'd ever written.

"I have homework," Rachel muttered miserably and gestured to her notebook.

"Oh that sucks. Well, look at you being all studious after the first week," Quinn faked a laugh that tore through Rachel's heart.

"So you and Santana, night on the town?" Rachel asked, bitterly.

"Well B has a dance rehearsal thing till 11 and S really wanted to go out. I had no other plans so…"Quinn trailed off as their other plans settled over both of them again.

Rachel nodded and bit her lip to keep the sob in her throat from tearing free.

"Plus S has this friend Jenny who desperately needed a night out or whatever. I guess the girl got dumped," Quinn added, the double meaning not lost on either one of them.

"I hope she'll be okay," Rachel replied.

"That's what tonight's for. S really wants to put Jenny back on her feet. Get her back out there. She thinks Jenny needs to start dating again."

"Good for her."

"Yeah…good for her," Quinn nodded as the awkward silence settled between them again.

They stared at each other for a moment. Quinn's eyes pleaded with Rachel to ask her to stay, to beg for forgiveness, to put them back together again. Rachel's eyes seemed to beg Quinn to ask Rachel to come with them, to ask her to go to dinner, to make her forget everything except each other. Rachel was the first to look away when it became too much. Her eyes welled with tears as she stared at the notebook in her lap.

Quinn cleared her throat then responded, "I guess I should get ready then. Good luck with your homework."

Rachel couldn't speak around the giant lump in her throat. She nodded meekly but couldn't lift her eyes to meet the blonde's. She couldn't let Quinn know how close to breaking down she was.

Quinn watched the other girl for a second. Rachel wouldn't even look at her. Quinn's heart sank. She nodded to herself then crossed to the bathroom to shower and get ready for her night out.

An hour later, Quinn was ready. She stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed with her hair twisted up, her makeup done, and looking like a goddess. Rachel's mouth went dry at the sight. Quinn looked gorgeous. She was going to get hit on by men and women alike tonight. She would have her pick of anyone she wanted. Rachel knew that and Rachel hated it. Her chest ached as she watched the blonde slip on her heels. Quinn should be dressed up to go on their date. They should be dressed up together. They should be together. Rachel's heart screamed at her.

Get up. Cross the room. Grab the girl. Pin her to wall. Make love to her mouth. Tell her you love her. Throw her on the bed. Then make love to all of her. Show her that she belongs to you. She's yours, Rachel. Make her yours!

Instead, the brunette tore her eyes away from the blonde again and resumed scribbling nonsense and doodling in her songbook.

"I guess I'll see you later," Quinn mumbled from the door.

"Have fun," Rachel called weakly.

They both knew she didn't mean it. She didn't want Quinn to have fun without her. Quinn didn't even want to have fun without her. Quinn stalled at the door. She traced her eyes over her studious little brunette. She nodded to herself and with a sigh she left.

Santana bumped her shoulder into Quinn's playfully. The blonde smiled back half heartedly. Santana sighed and resorted to bobbing her head along with the music. Jenny was off on the dance floor. That bubble brunette would not be tamed. From the second she and Quinn met, Jenny's mouth was off and running. The girl would not shut up. She knew something about everything. There was no topic too boring or too risqué or anything that the girl couldn't or wouldn't talk about…and it all came rushing out quickly. Quinn thought Rachel had the uncanny ability to spout large amounts of information very quickly without taking a breath. Jenny was Rachel Berry on speed.

Santana nudged Quinn again and rolled her eyes. The blonde smiled lightly.

"You're not having fun," Santana smirked.

"Neither are you," Quinn laughed.

"I figure Jenny's having enough fun for all of us."

"I thought Rachel talked to much but this girl…" Quinn trailed off.

"She's not normally like that. I think she was just nervous or something. I mean she's certainly a talker…I figured that was your type," Santana teased.

Quinn rolled her eyes.

"She's on the rebound, Q. Cut the girl some slack. She's been in three of my classes and she's super smart. Let's me copy of her and everything," Santana continued.

"Oh wow. I wondered how you passed all of those physics and psychology classes."

"Funny stuff, Fabray. But for real, Jenny's cool she's just…" Santana paused as they both watched the girl in discussion.

Jenny was bouncing on the dance floor with the special enthusiasm reserved only for the heavily intoxicated. She shook her hair out and wiggled her hips to a beat that differed from the actual song playing. She let out a loud 'woot woot' and threw her hands up in the air with gusto. Quinn started cracking up immediately.

"She's just really shitfaced," Santana finished with a bellowing laugh.

The two best friends chuckled watching the other girl in amusement. Jenny had no inhibitions. She was working it on the dance floor. The men and women around her were either equally as amused as Santana and Quinn so were encouraging her behavior or they were just as drunk as Jenny. It was an entertaining site to behold and Quinn laughed until her stomach hurt. Santana had been right: the blonde had needed this.

"Stop laughing. Stop laughing. Stop laughing," Quinn chanted to Santana, smacking the Latina on her arm as Jenny stumbled her way to the pair.

Santana didn't even try to hide her amusement as the brunette flung herself at the pair.

"I just love you guys," Jenny slurred. "You guys are the best."

"This is too much," Santana giggled.

"Shut up," Quinn glared at the Latina.

"I love you so much," Jenny gushed.

She wrapped her arm around Santana firmly and pecked her on the cheek, "You are adorable. You are too nice to me. Lauren is a stupid jackass but you make me feel so much better. I'm a hot piece of ass, Santana Lopez! I am sexy!" Jenny roared, nearly knocking Santana off her stool as she fell into her.

"That you are, Jenn," Santana smirked.

"And you take me out and tell me to feel better. And guess what? I feel better! I feel so much better because you are my friend! Where's Brittany?" Jenny asked suddenly as if just realizing the blonde dancer wasn't there.

"At dance, J. She's been there all night," Santana laughed.

Quinn tried to hide her laughter behind her hand that covered her mouth. The mirth in her eyes gave her away to anyone who wasn't as wasted as Jenny.

"I love Brittany. She's so nice. She told me, she said Jenny- she said Jenny- Jenny you are too nice to be sad all the time. She was right. Then she said- Jenny- Jenn-nay! You should make Santana take you out. My girlfriend, not my girlfriend though, I'm talking as Brittany right now- my girlfriend will make sure you have fun. That's what she said. That's exactly what Brittany said in our dance class. She was right. Brittany is so smart," Jenny rambled.

"My girl's a keeper," Santana grinned.

"She is. I just love her. And I love you. And you can copy my notes any time . Seriously if you don't want to come to class because you and Brittany want to have sex, just text me. I'll take great notes. I just love you guys."

Quinn couldn't hold it in any longer and laughed loudly while Santana smirked proudly.

"And Quinn!" Jenny squealed, just realizing the blonde was behind her.

Jenny launched herself at Quinn, knocking into the blonde who didn't fall off her stool only because she had been prepared since the brunette attacked Santana.

"Beautiful, gorgeous Quinn. I would love to love you," Jenny beamed and ran her finger in Quinn's hair.

The blonde pushed Jenny back slightly and grabbed the hand from her hair.

"Thanks, Jenn."

"I think you're just so pretty and nice. Santana is my best friend tonight but you can be best friend number two," Jenny squealed.

"Great," Quinn deadpanned, leaving Santana in stitches.

"Lauren was a stupid girl that I dated. You are so much prettier than her. Why did I date her?"

"I don't know, Jenn," Quinn placated.

"I don't know. Stupid girls sometimes. We are so stupid. But you're not stupid. You're so pretty. I love looking at you. And you're so nice. So soft," Jenny was petting Quinn's shoulder.

Santana wiggled her eyebrows at Quinn behind Jenny's back before losing herself in a fit of giggles. Quinn glared at the Latina.

"Thanks. You're pretty too," Quinn replied in the voice reserved for speaking to children and very drunk people.

"I could lick you all over," Jenny husked.

Quinn's eyes widened and Santana fell off her stool with laugher.

"I want to do bad things to you, Quinn," Jenny murmured, leaning her head on Quinn's shoulder.

"Okay. I think somebody's had more than enough to drink tonight," Quinn announced. "And I think it's time for me to go home."

"Did I do it wrong?" Jenny pouted to Santana.

"Oh sweetheart, we need to get you home. You're gonna physically feel like hell tomorrow and if you remember any of this you're gonna also feel like an ass," Santana chuckled, wrapping an arm around the girl and pulling her away from Quinn.

Quinn glared at Santana again who merely laughed in response.

The girls had taken Jenny all the way to her dorm room and even plopped her into bed. She had muttered a few more slightly inappropriate remarks to Quinn who flushed every time and looked incredibly uncomfortable before glaring at Santana who cracked up with each remark.

"I hate you," Quinn mumbled as she and Santana returned to their dorm.

"You have to admit you had fun," Santana laughed.

"Which part of that was fun? Getting hit on by creepy men? Getting hit on by creepy women? Or having your friend make lewd comments at the end of the night?" Quinn fumed, trying to unlock her door.

Rachel's head snapped up immediately and locked on the door. She could hear their every word.

"Listen, Jenny just had too much to drink and I was having way too much fun watching you squirm. She's harmless. She was pretty torn up over Lauren and is looking for a rebound. You're hot, Q. People will hit on you. Besides, you have to admit, she's cute. She's a very sweet, very pretty girl who is interested in you. I know she'll feel like an ass tomorrow after she realizes how she acted tonight. She'll probably call you and apologize. I'm not saying you should jump into the sack with her, but coffee wouldn't hurt. Just get to know her. She won't try to jump your bones when she's sober….and even you have to admit you had fun tonight. She made you laugh. We both had fun. Admit it," Santana grinned, poking Quinn.

Quinn managed to get the door unlocked and Santana marched right in behind her.

"Fine, I admit it. I had fun, but I'm not interested in hooking up with Jenny," Quinn stated before turning to greet her roommate. "Hey, Rach."

"Good night?" Rachel asked.

"Q, here got hit on by everyone in a fifty foot radius. My girl Jenny got way shitfaced and was hilarious. All in all, I'd say we did pretty well," Santana answered, smirking at the look on Rachel's face.

"It was okay," Quinn corrected.

The Latina stuck her tongue out at Quinn who reached to grab it.

"Don't stick it out if you don't plan on using it," Quinn grinned.

"Feisty! Me likey! But somehow I think my girl might get pissed," Santana smirked.

"Unless she joins," Quinn laughed.

"Touche! I'll ask her at brunch!"

The two giggled while Rachel bristled.

"And as I was saying before, maybe you don't have to hook up with Jenny. You're not exactly the casual hookup kind of girl, Q…and neither is Jenn. Just coffee. That's all I'm saying. Maybe you won't want to date her or hook up with her, but at least you'll have a new friend. Give it some thought. Don't let tonight be your deciding factor about her," Santana explained, clearly aware that Rachel was fuming with every word.

Rachel pretended not to listen or not to care, but she could feel her body tightening as Santana yammered on about this stupid Jenny girl. She clenched her fist as Quinn shrugged and sighed. Rachel cleared her throat angrily.

"And how was your night, Frodo?" Santana reveled in pissing Rachel off.

"I don't appreciate that nickname," Rachel grunted.

"Whatev. What did you do all night? Sit here and pout?" Santana chuckled heartily.

Quinn shot her the millionth glare of the night.

"I was working on my song writing, if you must know," Rachel replied.

"Song writing? Yeah? How's that going for ya? Been inspired with almighty love songs lately? Got a lot of feelings just bubbling beneath the surface of that tiny midget body?" Santana mocked.

"I don't know what your problem is, perhaps you're an angry drunk tonight, but some of us are tired right now and some of us would prefer to go to bed, because some of us actually live here," Rachel retorted.

"Touchy. I'll be going now."

"S," Quinn pleaded.

"Have fun with your hobbit. Don't let her rain on your parade. We had fun tonight. It's not our fault she wanted to sit at home like a loser," Santana sang as she walked to door.

"You promised you wouldn't say anything to her," Quinn whispered to the Latina.

Santana just raised her eyebrow in response and left.

"I suppose I deserve that from her," Rachel muttered as Quinn settled down on her own bed.

"You don't have to take any of S's crap. She just gets a little…well you know…we drank a little. Some people get touchy feely…some people become Santana," Quinn offered.

"You're not drunk."

"I guess I just didn't feel like drinking that much," Quinn shrugged.

"Right," Rachel nodded. "So this Jenny…"

Rachel didn't want to ask but the words spilled out anyway. Quinn stared at her incredulously. Then the blonde shook her head.

"Sleep?" Quinn asked.

"Right. Sleep would be good," Rachel responded quickly and shut off the light on her side of the room.

Quinn watched for a moment. Rachel had turned her back to Quinn. It was clear from her shaking shoulders that she was trying very hard not to cry. Quinn's heart sank. God, why did she love this girl so much? Rachel had hurt her…but she was still her best friend…and Quinn was still very much in love with her. A week from Hell hadn't changed that.

Rachel tried to take steady breaths and pretend she was asleep. Jenny had obviously hit on Quinn and while the blonde had said she didn't like it before she entered the room, Rachel couldn't help wondering if a small part of Quinn did enjoy the attention. What if Quinn found someone else?

Quinn sighed and got out of her bed. She went to the bathroom, changed her clothes, washed her face, and brushed her teeth. When she re-entered the room, Rachel still had her back turned to Quinn, but the blonde knew she wasn't sleeping. Quinn tiptoed carefully across the carpet. She lifted the covers. Rachel squeaked in response and then Quinn slid in…right behind Rachel in the brunette's bed. Rachel took a deep breath and then grabbed Quinn's hand to wrap the blonde's arm around her. They snuggled in tightly. Quinn pulled Rachel flushed up against her, cocooning the smaller girl in her embrace. Rachel laced their fingers together and Quinn melted. How could something that felt so right hurt them both so much?

"I'm sorry," Rachel whispered into the darkness.