Jude moved all the chairs and the couch to one side of the room for everyone to sit. Pretty soon, everyone was entering the now very spacious rehearsal space. Tommy took off his shades and walked up to Jude. He wanted to apologize for the way he had been acting lately and for everything.
"Jude can we-" Jude cut him off.
"Listen to what I have to say first, ok?" Jude said and Tommy had just simply nodded. They all found seats around the room, and Jude sat down on the stool in front of them all.
"I know you all care about me. And I know you are all worried, today I remembered it all, and despite remembering it all, and discovering the new fear of a lot of things that I have to live with now, I still want you all to hear me out. Because I am sick of being treated like I'm about to break at any moment," Jude explained to them all through the microphone that was set up, she started to play the guitar intro and immediately jumped into the song.
(How Strong Do You Think I Am? – Alexz Johnson, I tweaked some of the words to make it fit better)
"If I don't cry, Do
you think I don't feel?
If I look away, it doesn't mean I don't
see,
And just because I want someone when I'm alone,
Doesn't
mean I'm helpless,
That I can't stand on my own."
Tommy watched Jude as she sang to them her thoughts, the thoughts she had desperately wanted to scream at Tommy just hours before.
How far can I go
before I break?
How long can I wait?
All in one week, Jude had grown so irritated of everyone's constant worrying over her. She understood they all cared and wanted to help, but she just wasn't ready to talk about it yet.
How strong do you
think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a
rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep
do you want to go, becuase I'll go there if I can,
You make it
harder than it has to be,
How strong how strong, how strong do you
think I am?
When exactly were they planning on her breaking? Jude may wear her emotions on her sleeve, but that didn't mean she was going to allow this to ruin her, to break her, to eat at her soul until she was just too afraid of the people around her.
It's so hard to
tell,
What's in this heart,
What I keep to myself,
Is
tearing you apart,
And should I be afraid,
To dream about
you?
And if you feel the same,
Whatch you going to do?
Did they all expect her to wake up crying at night of the previous week's incident? How could she when she just couldn't bring herself to remember what had happened?
How strong do you
think I am? If you move in any closer,
How far can I go
before I break?
How long can I wait?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a
rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep
do you want to go, becuase I'll go there if I can,
You make it
harder than it has to be,
How strong how strong, how strong do you
think I am?
If I let go and give
yourself away,
and if you let this happen to us,
Everything
will change.
She was on the edge of doing the one thing none of them wanted. Their constant worrying was stretching her out to her limits, all to the point where she was ready to just push away everyone.
How strong do you
think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a
rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep
do you want to go, becuase I'll go there if I can,
You make it
harder than it has to be,
How strong how strong, how strong,
How
strong do you think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a
rock, or a rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a
kiss?
How deep do you want to go, becuase I'll go there if I
can,
You make it harder than it has to be,
How strong how
strong, how strong,
How strong, how strong, do you think I am?
The whole room was filled with silence when Jude had finally ended her message to them. They all finally understood what it was that Jude needed. She needed her space, she needed normalcy, or what ever shred of normalcy was left in the so called glamour glittered blanket she called her life. Jude looked up into the eyes of all those who care about her, and they all nodded in silent agreement that they all understood. The Jude that was sitting on the stool before them was not the same 15 year old Jude that had won Instant Star three years before, and allowed trivial routine obstacles of the industry to get to her. This Jude was the 18 year old young woman who had taken her previous years experience to build a shield around herself to prevent most things to enter her mind and let them control her. And usually, when things did pass her shield, she still hadn't allowed them to take control and break her.
Everyone quietly started to leave Jude's rehearsal space, but the one person who stayed behind was Tommy. He was leaning against the wall while Jude was unhooking her guitar. Tommy came behind her and put his hand on hers on top of the guitar amp.
"Jude, I'm sorry," Tommy said sincerely. Jude looked into his eyes and saw the unsteadiness of his emotions; she saw the guilt that was hidden behind the apologetic emotion.
"Tommy, I don't want you to feel like I don't need you. What I want from you, is a shoulder to lean on, not another father breathing down my neck. I want to share with you what happened, now that I know, but I can't just yet. I need some time and space, all I'm asking right now, is for you to just please be patient with me," Jude said holding his hand up to her heart.
"Ok, so how about that date?" Tommy asked as he pulled out a bag of Panda Express and movie.
"I thought we could do something a normal non famous celebrity couple would do on a Friday night date," Tommy added with a small smile. Jude immediately hugged him and kissed his cheek.
"Thank you, thank you so much," Jude said with, for once in a few weeks, actual sincerity.