I am not even going to say it. You already know the drill!

Chapter 36-A Chance to Explain

JPOV

"No Seth, I just told you that I was told by Charlie that Bella is safe, that she hurt herself in the woods, and she is being taken care of but he wouldn't tell me where she is, and that seems strange to me. Does it sound weird to you at all? I am going insane, it has been three days since I have seen her. The last things I said to her were harsh, even for me and my temper. I have my own suspicions about who has her, but I try and keep my mind away from that." Seth looked at me, cocking one eyebrow straight up. "You mean Cullen?" I was floored, "You know who in the fuck I mean Seth, Yes, fucking Mr. Sparkly Ass Cullen, why did you even have to ask?" "Sorry man, just had to make sure. Jake, why don't you go and ask Charlie again? Maybe he has some new information." I really don't know what is the best thing to do in this situation. But the one thing I did know is that I cannot sit around here any longer, and wait for Bella to show up. I had a feeling that wasn't going to happen after the way I treated her. "Sorry I snapped at you Seth, it is just so hard to just sit and wait. I am outta here! Tell Sam that I can't make it to the pack meeting tonight, I have to find her!" I had my sweats tied to my leg within seconds. I ran and jumped in the air, letting my wolf take over, I could feel each hair as they shot out from my skin all over. I will never get use to the way that feels. "Ughhh!"

Even in wolf form, I had a one track mind,-- Bella. My one and only goal was to find her and prove to her that I will not ever do that to her again. I am so ashamed, I couldn't really blame her if she ran back to that leach. Wait, yes I could, anybody but him. I had visions of her in his arms, and he looked at me there in my own vision. His eyes as black as midnight as he took my Bella, gave her an eternal kiss, forever stopping her heart, making her his forever. I shook my head trying to run the vision out of my head. I pushed my muscles, making me go even faster, it seemed like I couldn't reach her house fast enough. Looking through the forest, I could see her house, I slowed down to a normal human pace. Untieing my pants from my leg, I heard a noise. I had one leg in and one leg out. I slipped my other leg in quickly in case I had to be prepared for something unknown in the woods. Then I realized the noise was coming from Bella's yard. I peered around the large oak that I was standing behind, are my eyes deceiving me? Hell no they weren't, it was blood sucking leach boy with MY Bella. I knew it, I just knew he had her this whole time. Why does she seem so happy?

Just then, the fucking leach obviously heard my thoughts, he glanced in my direction, fully meeting my eyes. I tried to scream my thoughts at him, so I could make myself crystal clear. "Get....Away....From....Her.....SHE'S MINE!" I emphasized each word in my head. I didn't want to cause a scene in front of Bella again. That would discount everything that I a trying to prove here. He display-ed an evil grin on his death white face, I put my hand up and glared in his direction. He was up to no good, I could feel it. With inhuman speed, he told her that he loved her, quickly stole a kiss from her lips and sped off into the woods. I was behind Bella in the blink of an eye, I was furious, but not with her. It was the leach who I had beef with. I stood for a minute, letting myself calm down before I let her know that I was there. "I love you too, Edward." She whispered softly. My heart began beating against my chest, trying to break free of the restraints of my body. She loves him? And she professed it to him so easily. I shook with anger and hurt, I couldn't contain my heavy breathing. It seemed like a light bulb went off in her head, she knew someone was behind her.

Bella slowly turned around, almost animatedly. Within seconds I took in all of her, still worried about her condition, even though I shouldn't be. After all, it is obvious that she has changed her mind about us and ran back to him. A million thoughts swamped my mind, filling my heart, making me feel like I was going to dround in them. She swung her arms around my neck, what, was this suppose to make this all go away, make everything better? I think not! I didn't respond to her touch, I clenched my fists tightly at my sides, and turned my head away from her. I might as well had been made from stone. I felt cold even with my warm temperature, hard even. Every wall that I had broke down over the years for Bella, finally admitting to her the way I feel, has been put back up in this moment. She released me, and her wide brown eyes pooled with tears. "That is not going to work this time Bella. How could you do this to me? After.....after all...." I couldn't finish. I am crying inside but would not allow them to deceive me, would not let her see how much she hurt me. "Jake," I put my hand up in her face, telling her to stop. "Don't call me Jake, only my friends are allowed to call me that, not you, not now." Bella was crying uncontrollable now, I couldn't let it get to me.

"Jacob, let me ex......" "Bella there is nothing to explain, I get it okay? You chose the leach over me. I was just a substitute glue holding you together until you made your way back to him. I will walk away." She was shaking her head no the whole time. Not a sound came out of her mouth except her loud, vicious sobs. I feel as if someone has reached in my chest and physically ripped my heart from my chest. I needed to tell her one more thing before I leave her for good. "Bella, you don't have to explain about Embry. I partly blame myself for that, he is being held mostly accountable though. The elders are having a pack meeting now about the whole situation. There will be some kind of punishment for him, even though I think I have punished him enough. His wounds are still healing. He assured me that you thought it was me the whole time. I shouldn't have let you get so drunk. I came here to apologize for the way I treated you at the beach, and to forgive you for what little bit you had to do with that whole situation. And I am still sorry Bella, but I cannot forgive you for this. It is like you are taking my heart, throwing it on the ground, and stamping it with your feet. I do still love you Bella, but I don't know if I can put this behind me, I don't know if I have it in me to do that."

I felt myself calming a little, but not enough to listen to her reasoning. I didn't want to hear how she belonged with him, how much she loved him, and she still wanted to be my friend. "Bella, for now I'm walking away. Don't contact me until I contact you, I don't know how long it will be." I turned to walk back in the woods, looking one more time behind me. I seen her on her knees, with her arms outstretched, not able to speak. Her face was red and blotchy, and her shirt was soaked. I turned around quickly on my heels, fell to my knees in front of her, grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Fuck Bella, I can't walk away, I want to, and as strong as I am, I am not strong enough to be away from you, even after this. You have a chance to explain, but I can't promise anything, I will listen." I pulled her to my chest as she continued to let her tears flow. I rubbed her hair burying my nose in the top of her head. My nose crinkled as the smell burnt my nostrils. Ewww leach! I held her until her sobbing slowed, I pulled away looking into her eyes. "Can you talk now Bella?" she just nodded, unsure. She sat down in the grass facing me so I did the same, this might take a while.

She began and I listened intently, not wanting to miss a thing. "Jacob, Edward found me hurt in the woods. He took me to Carlisle first, but with my injury being as severe as it was, he didn't see fit to keep me there where you could find me and maybe cause trouble. They gave me a drug to put me in an induced coma for three days. I can't lie to you Edward originally took me there to change me, but he realized that it was ultimately my choice, so he didn't." I could feel my body tense at the thought. "Is that what you wanted to explain to me Bella, that you chose to end your life now?" She put up a finger, "Let me finish Jacob, no that is not it. Edward could have taken me while I was incapacitated for three whole days, he made a conscious decision not to do it. He talked to me while I was coming two, trying to ease me in to all of this information." "What do I owe him my fucking life now Bells?" she pinched the bridge of her nose with frustration. "Jacob...Please....I told him that I had not changed my mind about you, that I belong with you Jake. I have known it since we were kids, but never realized it until you came back into my life. I mean yes, I did love Edward, I cannot deny that." I had to interrupt, "I heard you tell him that you loved him today. Do you still love that freak?" There was something funny to her, she laughed. "Yes I do love him Jacob, but not the way you think. Part of me will always love him no matter what, and nobody can take that away from me. You see, I tried to write him and his family out of my life, but I realize I can't do that. They are a big part of who I am, a part of what makes me, me!

But you are my present and my future, there is no one that could fill my heart the way you do, not even Edward. But you need to understand that I cannot live without having them in my life Jacob. Edward is willing to try and make this work, are you?" I'll bet he is willing. "I don't know if I can Bells, it would be hard, but I guess I will try anything that makes you happy." I am so relieved to hear that she did not choose him over me. "Jacob, I love you so much, please forgive me. I can't live without you, and if the whole Edward and his family thing doesn't work out, I will choose you. I have said this before, there is really no choice I had to make, it has always been you. I can't turn my back on you. You entered my life like a tidal wave, I have been riding it ever since. There is no turning back for me Jacob, you are an absolute." I have something to give her but I don't know if it is the right time. She does love me, I can see it running through her veins. I took her hands into mine, they were shaking. Not with anger, but with nerves, fear almost, like it is the first time we touched. In a sense it is the first time.

"Bella, I have something for you, if you want it. I know how you are about gifts." I had a pouch tied around my calf, I untied it, opened it and shook out the contents into my hand. I tightened my fist around it, making my knuckles turn white. She smiled and touched my face, I leaned into her, inhaling. "Shit, that smell, oh sorry, I said that out loud, didn't I?" "It's okay Jake, I need to shower. So what do you have there?" "If you don't want it I will take it back okay?" She opened her hand, palm up. I layed my hand in hers and opened my fist letting it drop into her hand. When she looked down her eyes started pooling again. "Is this?...It can't be....." She was speechless. It was a necklace that I had bought for her years ago, when we were kids. I tried to give it to her, confessing my undying love and she wouldn't accept it. I saved for months to buy this thing, keeping all of the money that I made around the reservation doing odds and ends for people. I have kept this long, hoping one day she would accept it. "Oh Jacob, yes I want it, I can't believe you kept it this long." She threw her arms around me, raining wet kisses all over my face. "You wonder why I kept it so long, it was in hopes that someday you would accept my love. I have loved you from the beginning, I cannot actually remember a time that I didn't love you. It was truly from first sight, Bells. I can honestly say that."

She handed me the necklace, "Will you put it on me Jacob?" She turned her back to me and lifted her hair up off of her neck. I reached around with my hands, the clasp was easy, even with my big fingers. As I snapped it closed, I bent down to sweetly kiss her neck, moving my way up to her ear. "It's forever for me Bella." When she turned back around her tears were happy, "Forever for me too!" As I layed on the grass, not caring who could see, she joined me. We layed for what seemed like an eternity, just staring into the depths of one an others eyes. Hand in hand, in our own little heaven, we watched the sun go down, and witnessed the night take it's place. I didn't want to think of having to deal with Edward in our lives, all I wanted was to be here, with the girl of my dreams, forever! As the wind picked up, I caught a faint familiar smell. I am sure it was him, watching from afar. So as I made my thoughts get loud so he could hear. "I will try for Bella, not for you. You are still my enemy, and it doesn't change the fact that I hate you. I know what you are trying to do, Bella loves me! But you can understand, that for Bella, I will do anything." And he spoke so only I could hear, Bella was distracted with the sound of a night birds croon. "As would I." That is all he said before he disappeared, out of my head.

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