The Wait: Dilemmas
It'd been a couple of weeks after leaving the Spirit Realm. As usual, Haku would come by every single day to spend time with Chihiro. He'd help out with the household chores as well, which definitely earned him plus points with her mother—not that he needed them very much, considering how much she really liked him.
The fall had arrived, baring trees and showering the ground with red, brown and yellow leaves. With temperatures down, Chihiro felt like a baby again, with her mother nagging at her nearly every day to wear more clothes. It hadn't helped that Haku was usually on her mother's side, either.
"Mom, is there anything you need from the grocery store? I'm going over to get some stuff," Chihiro said one early afternoon.
"Oh, um, let me see…" Yuko hastily opened and shut cabinets, scanning through them before answering, "Yes, I need salt, soy sauce and some milk."
"Got it. I'll be right back."
'Don't take too long; lunch is almost ready."
"Okay."
"Oh, and remember to-"
"Wear more clothes, right? I have three layers on me already, Mom. I'm not wearing any more or I'll be sweating like a pig outside."
Yuko sighed. "Okay, okay, I know I can be a little long-winded at times—"
"Which you are being right now," her daughter pointed out meaningfully.
"—but it's only for your own good," she finished.
"I know," the young woman replied, "but you need to relax sometimes. I'm really not going to crumble and fall if you poke me. Just don't get so worried; I can take care of myself."
"I know you can, dear." Yuko smiled endearingly, cupping her precious baby's cheeks. "Now you go quickly and I'll have something good whipped up for lunch. I'm trying out a new recipe! Got it from Mrs. Fujisawa."
Chihiro grinned excitedly. "Already looking forward to it. Bye, Mom. See you later." She grabbed the shopping bag and her phone before closing the door behind her and locking it.
The cold wind greeted her a little too enthusiastically. Not that she minded. It felt great in the fall. Cool, but not freezing cold.
She made her way down to the street, turning left. It was only a good ten minutes' walk down to the store, which was really convenient. The streets weren't too busy at this time; it was a Thursday, so the kids were in school and adults were working.
Before long, she was at the entrance of the store where a few other middle-aged women were. She recognized some of them and greeted them, to which they happily waved back.
Scanning through the shelves, Chihiro didn't take long to find the things she needed to get. She really needed some eye drops; her eyes were getting so dry these days. And she hadn't visited the kids back at the hospital in a while; a treat would be nice.
"Hello, Chihiro," the cashier, Fuhari said as she took the items placed on the counter. "Where's the queen?"
"At home preparing lunch. Hopefully it doesn't turn out too bad; she's trying out a new recipe."
She laughed. "It can't be that bad. The last time she gave me some of that chicken stew, I thought I was in Heaven for just a second."
"Don't tell her that in the face; she'll start experimenting in the kitchen on her own," Chihiro warned.
"I'll keep that in mind," she chuckled. "So, where's your boyfriend?"
"I don't know, actually, why do you ask?"
She shrugged. "Just curious. He's always hanging around you, but you're lucky. I can tell he's a good man."
"How can you tell?"
"He chose you," she winked, chuckling. "Here you go. Have a great day, and help me say hi to Ogino-san too!"
"Sure thing! Thanks!"
The woman slung the now heavier bag over her shoulder, proceeding back home. She wondered when Haku was coming over. Sometimes he came in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, and others at night. Goodness knows what he was doing outside. She'd ask him, but dragons being dragons, clearly preferred keeping their privacy.
Stingy creatures.
She stood at the pavement, waiting for incoming vehicles to pass before crossing, when suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a familiar purple-haired man staring straight at her.
Chihiro rubbed her eyes and looked again to make sure she wasn't seeing things. She wasn't. That man was stood in his spot, calmly observing her as she stared at him, not at all caring that it wasn't polite to stare at people. What in the world would someone like Makoto be doing here?
Squinting her eyes and looking again, she noticed he was now beckoning with his eyes for her to go over to him. He looked like he needed to talk to her.
The woman couldn't help but gulp. What would he need to talk to her about? Last she checked, he hadn't exactly been fond of her when they had first met. Him being here to talk to her probably meant bad news.
In all honesty, she would have turned away and taken a detour back home and pretended like she hadn't even seen him, but when dealing with someone like Makoto, defying him was probably not such a good idea. Not wanting to test the waters, once the road was clear, she made her way over to the man whose eyes followed her like a hawk the whole time.
"So… what brings you here, Makoto?" Chihiro began awkwardly. At Makoto's suggestion, they were now walking towards the park. The woman made sure to send a quick text to tell her mother that she'd be home slightly later before following after him.
He didn't reply. His eyes were focused only straight ahead.
Chihiro sighed inwardly. What did that man want, exactly? It was starting to annoy her mildly, the way he acted all high and mighty.
"He was an outstanding member of my team," he spoke then, startling Chihiro out of her thoughts. She took a moment to register that he was talking about Haku. "So you mentioned previously."
"I really admired him, that dragon. He was one of a kind. He had courage like no other, such strength hidden within him, and charisma that challenges even authority that I have now. He's a rare talent, and he is my prime pick for a successor." His tone was softer now, oddly. She'd thought they were akin to enemies from the way they'd confronted each other during that last meeting.
"Successor?" she echoed.
"I am getting on in my years, and have plans to retire in a couple of decades. I have been on the lookout for a decent person to take my place as Chief, but no one has proven good enough for a position as such, no one but Kohaku. He is my prime candidate; my only candidate for the job. If not him, I don't know who else would be able to lead the team."
"You never know; sometimes you need to give people chances to try and learn before you can judge for yourself if they'll be good enough."
"Chances are not given to just anyone," he replied. "They are only open to people who have proven their worth. In this case," he turned to look at her for the first time since he'd arrived, "that person is Kohaku."
Chihiro stopped. "What are you getting at?" They were now at the entrance of the quiet park.
Instead of replying, he looked around at their environment. "You humans, the way you vandalize nature's work disgusts me. Burning down forests for slabs of concrete, or turning something as beautiful as that into places you humans call "parks"." He harrumphed and walked in, a scowl seemingly etched permanently onto his face, adding to its winkle count.
She rolled her eyes, irritation building up in her. What was with this guy? Would he listen to her questions and answer them instead of complaining about trivial things? And it wasn't as if parks had been her idea. Geez.
They ventured further into the park, with Makoto turning his nose up at nearly every single thing, or not even bothering to spare a glance at them. Chihiro moodily walked about, sighing and looking around. The park looked so different at this time of the year; once blossoming trees were now half bald, some flowers were falling to the ground and the ground was filled with the color of brown and red.
"See all these leaves?" Makoto said, motioning to the dead things on the ground. "They were once green, so full of life. They used to be living happily on the tree here." He gestured towards one of the tall trees that was currently undergoing a stage of early balding. It'd lost all of its leaves, the poor thing, making it stand out like a sore thumb in the midst of all the other trees that still had some leaves left on them.
"When you walk past these trees on a summer's day, perhaps you think, that mesmerizing picture will last forever. You think that the tree and the leaves will remain together for a long, long time."
Makoto picked up a dead leaf from the ground and stepped slowly towards her. "However, it has a much shorter lifespan than the tree itself. Within a few months, no matter how hard it tries to hold on to the final inch of the tree branch, it still falls to the ground and then eventually dies slowly." He dropped the leaf, and the two watched as it floated down to the ground, landing silently.
"Isn't it meaningless, if that leaf, despite all of nature's rules, insists on staying on the tree? Because it loves its home too much, it refuses to let go, and remains there, and then when spring comes, when new leaves appear, it only sticks out like a sore thumb. It doesn't belong there. Do you agree with me, Chihiro?"
Chihiro frowned. "Exactly what do you mean with this analogy of yours?"
Makoto chuckled under his breath mockingly. "Ah yes, I forgot I was speaking to a human. Sometimes us spirits can be a little too profound for you creatures, yes?"
Chihiro, by now, was trying her best not to give that stuck-up man a big slap on the face. "Listen, shithead, I didn't follow you all the way here to listen to you insult my kind. I get that not all spirits adore humans, but I do hope you maintain a decent level of respect that you want to be treated with. Respect isn't commanded; it is earned. And with the way things are now, I don't see how you even deserve to stand on that oh-so-prestigious title of "Chief" or why I should even stay here talking to the likes of you."
Chihiro felt satisfied when she saw a look of rage flit across Makoto's features before he concealed it quickly. Turning away, she was about to storm off when he said, "Wait."
"What?" She didn't turn around.
"Take my advice. Sever all ties with Kohaku. You're holding him back from a very bright future. We spirits have a significantly longer lifespan than you humans; what makes you think you can hang on to him for long? He's a spirit; you're a human. You two have no future, especially because you're a sick, dying human." He spat the words out venomously, making sure that each syllable sent a knife through her heart.
Chihiro, furious, spun around and was about to say something when he started again, "When eventually, your time comes, what do you think Haku will do? I can tell Haku has become quite attached to you, and quite dangerously so. When your time comes, Haku may not be able to cope with the grief. And here, he is alone. But if he came back to the Shugorei, we'd be there for him. He'd forget you quicker.
"And that is even more reason for you to help him stop before he goes too far. Shaving his mane is already a huge and unnecessary sacrifice to make for a human. What he is willing to do for you is great, and at the same time scary. I wouldn't be surprised if he gave up his life for you, even. Relationships, for us, always have mating as a goal at the end. But the two of you will never be mates; in other words, this relationship is only a waste of your time."
Makoto took a deep breath. "I'll grant you some time to think carefully about what you should do, if you really love Kohaku and have his best interests at heart. Now, if you'll excuse me."
With that, Makoto walked away, leaving Chihiro with new, heavy burden. She was long used to carrying burdens, all through her life, but this time, she didn't know if she'd be able to carry this one home.
Yuko noticed something was off when Chihiro gloomily entered the house and placed the groceries down on the table. "So," she went out of the kitchen with bowls of rice in her hands, "how did the meeting with your old friend go?"
"It went great," Chihiro replied.
"Doesn't sound very great."
"It was. I'm just… tired." She looked at the spread on the table and felt her stomach turn queasy. She really didn't have an appetite at the moment, but her mother had obviously put in so much effort in preparing this, so she still forced herself to dig in and eat as much as her stomach would allow her.
"How does the baked rice taste?" Yuko asked eagerly.
"It tastes amazing, Mom," Chihiro smiled. Her mother grinned from ear to ear, pleased. "Your mother has a talent for cooking. I'm telling you, one of the reasons your father married me was because he tasted my cooking on one of our dates."
Chihiro laughed at that. "Dad made a good choice. Now I can enjoy your cooking."
Yuko nodded. "He made very good choices, indeed. Shame he can't be here to eat this with us."
"I can already imagine him grumbling to himself wherever he is."
"I'm sure he is, that greedy old father of yours." She sighed. "Sometimes I wish he was still here."
"I wish that all the time, Mom."
"I can never get used to not seeing his legs on the table and his smelly socks lying around in the house at random corners. He could be such a muddle head at times… Remember the time when he was supposed to be taking care of you at the amusement park but accidentally forgot about you when he saw some cotton candy and wanted to get you some?"
Chihiro nodded and smiled at the memory. "I remember. I was only 6 years old then. I cried and cried so hard when I couldn't see him anywhere."
"Good thing you stayed where you were so your father could find you in no time at all," Yuko chuckled gently.
"He'll always be with us," Chihiro smiled, placing her hand over her mother's. She pointed to her heart. "In here."
"I know," Yuko's lips tugged up into a small smile. "Okay, we should quickly finish this before the food gets cold."
"Okay."
Thirty minutes later, after eating a very full lunch and washing the dishes, Chihiro was lying on her bed with a photo in one hand.
She gazed at the picture, tracing her index finger over her father's face. That had been a picture of him carrying her when she was just a wee little baby. He was looking at her, full of wonder and love in his eyes, and she couldn't help but smile. "I'm always going to be your little girl, huh," she thought aloud.
He used to say that to her all the time, even when she had graduated from high school in front of all her friends, which had kind of embarrassed her.
She really missed him. Even though it'd been a long time since he passed away, it still hurt deep inside of her. It was like a scar that could never heal, no matter how long time stretched.
When eventually, your time comes, what do you think Haku will do?
Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to tune out those thoughts. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't.
Chihiro knew how it felt to lose someone close to her. That sort of pain was unbearable, and that pain doesn't go away, ever. It sticks around like a parasite, sucking out energy and instilling pain to its victim. It had hurt so much when her father left, and she didn't want to imagine how hurt Haku would be when her time eventually came.
She'd already witnessed what had become of him after Sora died. When it was her turn to go, what was going to happen to him? Would he be able to bear it? Would he be able to pick himself up again and move on? Would he be able to live with that pain, for the rest of his life?
Chihiro sighed deeply. Her heart ached so much. Truly, she loved Haku. He was the only person who'd captivated her in such a way ever since that adventure in the bathhouse. To be honest, she couldn't imagine living without him anymore. She thought she'd be able to let go, but imagining it now, she realized deep down that she wouldn't. If she did, it'd tear her apart.
And in the same way, he was the person whom she did not want to hurt the most, apart from her mother.
She knew her mother was already going to have to go through the pain of losing her family once more, even in her senior years, and sometimes she'd get scared thinking about how her mother would carry on with her life when she left. It was frightening to let her mind wander off to the worst possibilities.
The woman buried her face in her pillow in frustration. What was she supposed to do? She did love Haku very much, but if it meant having to let him go, would she? Could she do something like that?
"I don't think I have a choice…" she said aloud, words muffled by the pillow. If that would be best for Haku in the future, then she'd go ahead with it. Even if Makoto was a real jerk, his words did make sense.
But he was still a jerk.
Even then, with all those thoughts running through Chihiro's mind, she was reluctant to reach a decision yet. If she had to break up with Haku, it'd smash her heart into millions of pieces. But if she didn't, the guilt was going to crush her.
Either way, she was going to have to live with pain. How wonderful. As if having to live with this stupid body of hers wasn't enough, huh.
"Why must you be sick? You stupid, stupid body! Why can't you work like other people? Why can't you be healthy and normal?"
The woman groaned, grumbled, whined and complained like that for a while in her bed, all the while feeling more depressed with each passing second. When she was finally done venting her pent up frustrations, Chihiro lay flat on her back, looking up at the dull ceiling.
"I hate my life," she muttered bitterly to herself, before eventually giving in to her exhaustion and drifting off into a numbing world of dreams.
A/N: Ehuehuehue… Scumbag Makoto arrived lol. Had great fun writing this chapter hehe hope you enjoyed it? I'm kind of excited for the next couple of chapters… x) I'll see you around? I'll be having my exams in less than a month so yupp bye for now! Gotta get back to work…
And thank you for the reviews the previous chapter! (: Much loves 3333