You're getting a double update today because I feel bad taking ages for them to get back to school. There are still a few more chapters of the summer but then they'll be back.

Trigger warning mentions of self harm and past suicide attempts.

"Good morning Professor Dumbledore, Venus! I wasn't expecting a visit today." Said a flustered Mrs Weasley.

"My apologies Molly, it was a spontaneous decision."

"What brings you here Headmaster?"

"I was wondering if you would be able to look after Venus for the remainder of the holidays. Something has occurred between her and Professor Snape today so she does not wish to stay with him."

"He didn't hurt her, did he?"

"Oh no nothing like that. He just kept a very big secret from her that she can't forgive him for just yet."

"Yes well of course, we'd be happy to take her for the last few days. Have you got everything sorted for school?" She asked me.

"Yes but Professor Snape was going to get me a self writing quill because of my hands."

"I will sort that for you Venus." Said Dumbledore cheerily.

"Thanks Sir."

"I'm afraid there is something else that I must discuss with you Molly, it isn't a pleasant topic. Venus would you rather stay or go find your friends for a while? I wasn't sure whether you wanted to be involved or whether it would be too uncomfortable for you."

"Can I go find my friends?"

"Yes but remember I will know if you plan to do something differently."

"Yes Sir."

I left into the garden where I could hear Harry's voice along with the twins, Ron, Ginny and Harry.

"Venus?" Called Harry.

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" Asked Hermione.

"I fell out with Snape so Dumbledore said I should spend the rest of the holiday with you."

"He didn't punish you too hard over the cup did he?" Asked Ginny.

I remembered me dropping my wand and his anger at me, "He wasn't too bad."

"You seem distant Venus, you alright?" Asked Ron.

"Oh yes I'm fine, it's just been a hectic day with the argument." I lied.

"Want to score Quidditch?" Asked the twins together.

"Sure."

0o0o0

"Please come in and sit down. What did you wish to discuss?"

He followed her into the sitting room and sat.

"Venus is having a few issues with her mental state at the moment. She is under a lot of pressure from various things, none of which I would expect her to share with you as she is quite closed already and there are some secrets about her that are seeming to play a larger part for her now. She's been thinking about and has self harmed and she almost committed suicide this morning."

Mrs Weasley clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Oh that poor girl."

"I have set a charm on her that will tell you if she has any more suicidal thoughts and if she self harms although she has told me she will not while she is here. If any of these are triggered you need to find her and send a Patronus to me as quickly as possible."

"Yes of course."

"She has also been having nightmares since the cup. I think something about the dark mark made her remember old memories but I don't think she's slept through the night since."

"Can she not take a potion?"

"I'm afraid not. With the extent of her nightmares, she would build a dependency. What she needs right now is somebody to show her they love her and care for her. She will be able to get back to sleep alone but if you notice she is awake while you are a little comfort would go a long way with her. Just be careful not to touch her before she consents for it or she'll freak out."

"The poor poor child, to have to go through this at thirteen. I can imagine if it was my Ginerva I couldn't handle it and they are the same age."

"Venus has been forced to mature a lot faster than I would have liked. Anyway I best have a word with her before I leave. I will make a visit every day to check on her. Don't try to pressure her into talking about things or she won't but feel free to make the offer that she can turn to you."

"Yes I will. I hope she will be happy here for a while."

"Thank you for this Molly. I know she is a lot to take on."

0o0o0

"Venus?"

I saw Dumbledore stood at the back door.

"Yes Sir."

"A word before I leave please."

"Yes Sir, see you in a minute." I said to the others.

I followed him back into the house.

"I've told her everything I think she needs to know."

"Thank you Sir."

"I would like to do an Occlumency lesson before you leave if that's okay?"

"Yes Sir."

I cleared my mind as best I could with the new thoughts swirling round my head. I tried to make my mind blank but Dumbledore got through my defences quickly. I was back at the edge of the drop. I tried to clear my mind again to push him out but I couldn't. I felt too hopeless and had too much going on to focus properly. He brought himself out of my mind.

"That was not a great attempt Venus."

I was laid on the floor panting.

"I'm usually better than that."

"I guessed as much. There's a lot going on in your head at the moment. I need you to have fun while you're here and get out of your own head. It will do the world of good for your mental state so also your Occlumency."

I managed to get to my feet.

"Yes Sir, I'll try."

"Thank you Venus. I will also expect you to eat properly while you are here."

"I don't eat as much as most people."

"Oh yes, I understand that but I'm going to send Probby to show your usual portion sizes. I expect that you will eat all of your meals."

"Yes Sir."

"If you need me please have Mrs Weasley floo for me and don't hesitate to ask for anything at all from me."

"Yes Sir."

"Are you doing okay Venus?"

I tried to nod but the tears slipped first.

"I-it's too much. Everything today, it's been too much."

"I know Venus."

"I had him in my head, then I ran off and..., then I found out about Snape's actual daughter and now I'm here and the person I trust most, I can't anymore."

My legs gave out beneath me and I sobbed onto the floor. I just wanted to die, then everything could be over.

Mrs Weasley burst in, "She's thinking about it."

"Venus I need you to look at me and calm down." Said Dumbledore urgently.

I shook my head. I couldn't face him. My body shook as I sobbed. My magic exploded through the room and I heard glass smash.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered into the carpet.

"Venus it's okay, just calm down darling." Said Mrs Weasley.

"Don't touch her, she'll freak out more." Warned Dumbledore.

"Bloody hell what's gone on in here?" Exclaimed Ron.

The others walked into the room but I didn't move. I stayed on the floor sobbing.

"Venus?" Harry asked nervously.

"Back outside please, none of you need to see this." Said Mrs Weasley.

They mumbled their agreements but Harry stayed in the room.

"What's wrong with her?" He demanded.

"Harry I think you should go too." Said Dumbledore.

"Venus doesn't cry so why is she broken on the ground." He shouted.

"Harry, you care?" I asked sitting up.

"Of course I care Venus, you're still my little sister."

He bent down next to me and I wrapped my arms round him in a hug.

"I'm sorry about everything with your hands and-."

I laughed, "That's not even a concern to me anymore."

"What's going on Venus?"

I couldn't tell him the truth but maybe I could share something with him.

"Snape had a daughter but he gave her up. He never tried to find her or do anything. I can't believe him."

"Oh Venus, I'm so sorry."

I shrugged noncomitally, "It's not your fault."

"I will fix the mess and then I will be taking my leave Molly. Thank you for agreeing to look after Venus."

"Oh no, it's my pleasure."

He waved his wand and the glass went back into the windows as if nothing had happened.

"I'll see you tomorrow Venus." He told me before leaving.

"You'll be sharing with Ginny and Hermione again Venus, if that's okay?"

"Yes that's fine. Thank you Mrs Weasley. I'm sorry that I'm not the easiest person to have in the house especially at the moment."

"Nonsense dear, you are always welcome here. I want you to know you can always talk to me if there is anything bothering you."

"Thank you." I said softly.

0o0o0

Dumbledore went and knocked on his former students quarters door.

"Enter." Called a hoarse voice.

"Severus, she is safe, she's at the Weasley's for the remainder of the break and there are more monitoring charms on her."

"Did she try again?"

"No she didn't but she cut herself."

"Why does she think like this?"

Tears were starting to glitter in his eyes, thinking about the girl who was basically another daughter to him.

"Her self image is still incredibly low. She has been taught from a young age that she isn't important and that there is nobody to care for her."

"I care for her!"

"I know you do Severus and that's why she hesitated. If it hadn't been for you the girl wouldn't still be alive."

"But I just keep hurting her over and over."

"You told her about Alexandra. Why Severus? Surely you knew no good could come from it."

"I told her I couldn't lose her too so being the observant child she is, she picked up that I'd lost someone else important to me. I told her because I know what she gets like if you won't tell her something and I felt bad after she'd shared so much with me. I didn't consider the complete effect."

"Her life has been full of hardship. She fears that Alex's will have been just as bad. She feels guilty that you have looked after her when you could have been doing it with your actual daughter. She feels partially responsible that the girl doesn't have a father and she felt some need to punish herself."

"I've told her so many times that pain isn't punishment."

"And tell me how many times when she does something wrong does she still expect you to beat her?"

"Almost every time."

"Exactly, it's still engraved into her."

Snape's fist slammed on the table.

"When will she learn that this whole world isn't against her?"

"Severus the girl has had a bad childhood-."

"As did I but that never happened to me."

"Severus you and Venus are not the same person. You will react in different ways."

"But why does she feel the need to act in such extreme ways? She has had good in her life, she has friends and Potter and me but she still doesn't accept anything but that her life is full of hardship."

"Severus what are you trying to say?" Asked Dumbledore slowly.

"Why can't she just accept that she's got in parts a good life? Why does she make such a big deal over the tiniest things? Why does she have to search for every tiny way to put herself in the spotlight?"

"Severus I understand that you're upset but you can't blame her. She's experienced so much in her short life and now has to deal with Voldermort being her father and being in her head. Then she's also had to comprehend that the main reason you took any interest in her was because she reminded you of Alexandra. Can you at least try to understand how this feels to her?"

"I've tried and I've tried to understand her but even after I give her everything, she's still not okay."

"And she won't be Severus. The things she really needs can't be given to her now. She needs proper parents and a childhood where she wasn't abused. She needs a world without her father and a world where her guardian's first priority is her."

Snape straightened at that and glared at the Headmaster.

"My first priority is her." He snapped.

"I'm not saying it's not but to her does it look that way?"

"I do not know what you mean. Today she clearly found out I had a daughter but before then I've always made it very clear to her that I love her."

"Why do you think she gets into so much mischief in the holidays when she hardly puts a toe out of line during the school year?"

"I don't know, she's bored." He said exasperatedly.

"She wants your attention. You spend most of the time locked in your office. The most time she spends with you is when she wakes up in the night."

"I have work to do Headmaster, you should know that."

"Of course I do but that's what I'm saying nobody can give her what she really needs."

"Which is?"

"Somebody who can give her undivided attention, someone who can make her feel special and wanted. She needs to know she isn't just a burden. I would advise Severus that after the ball this Christmas you take her home, properly home so you can connect with her and see her all day, every day for a while."

"If she doesn't still hate me."

"She doesn't hate you Severus, you're just going to need to rebuild her trust and be honest with her."

"Because that worked great before." He snapped.

"Only when you'd withheld a secret for two years."

"Am I the best person for her?"

"Yes, undoubtedly yes."

"But-."

"No Severus you understand her situation better than most and she does trust you very much and she cares about you deeply."

"That's all great but I keep on hurting her."

"Not as much as you're helping her."

"How am I supposed to rebuild my relationship with her when she's not even here?"

"I'm visiting her every day and I'll ask her if she's ready to see you again. There's only a week and then she'll be back at school. She'll come around Severus, she needs you more than either of you realise."

0o0o0

I spent the day messing around with the Weasley's, Harry and Hermione. I was trying to put on a smile and that nothing was wrong but even when I was having fun there was the reminder of everything, always there. At meal times I ate my share reluctantly with a lot of persuading from Mrs Weasley.

I laid in bed, Hermione and Ginny were asleep but I couldn't. I knew my father would come in my dreams if I slept and I wasn't ready to face him knowing Snape wouldn't be here to help me. I'd taken my potion and I was starting to feel tired. I knew I'd have to sleep sooner or later and I didn't want to do so without at least attempting to close my mind. I worked on clearing it despite all the other things niggling at me.

I was back in the room from the previous night.

"Good evening Venus."

"Father."

"I am most disappointed with Severus, he is supposed to be caring for you."

"Did you know?"

"About Alexandra?"

I nodded.

"No I did not. You will always be my only Venus, I will care for you. There is nobody else, just me and my daughter standing together."

"I will never stand by you!"

"We wouldn't want to have the same issue as yesterday would we?" He mocked.

"I won't I've taken a potion."

He laughed, "Well good to know my daughter has to take the bed wetting potion made for toddlers. Anyway Venus, there is something for me to discuss with you about yesterday."

"Yes?"

"You are of no use to me dead. I will not have my daughter kill herself."

"My life is more than just my use to you and I will live it how I want."

"If you kill yourself I promise you, your friends, your family and your beloved potions master will pay the consequences."

My heart stopped. I wasn't on good terms with Snape but I still didn't want him to feel my father's wrath and I most certainly didn't want to have my friends experience that.

"Stay alive and they're safe for now."

I bowed my head respectfully, "As you wish father."

"It won't be long my darling till I'm back with you and all your problems will disappear. Goodbye for now, we'll speak again soon. In the mean time there are some more moments to show you every night. I do hope you enjoy them."

He faded from view and I snapped awake. I was sweating and much too hot. I had to get out of the room. I crept downstairs to get a drink and to get out of the cramped room for a while. As I walked into the kitchen, I found myself being pulled towards the knives. I wanted so badly just use one to myself but I'd promised Dumbledore I wouldn't. Still it would feel good. I reached out to to see if I could hold one.

"Venus?"

I pulled my arm back and turned around to see Mrs Weasley in her nightgown.

"Oh I'm sorry for disturbing you, I really didn't mean to."

"You didn't disturb me Venus I was awake anyway and I heard movement so I thought I should check on it."

"Oh."

"Venus darling please come away from the knives."

I turned red as I realised what she'd walked in on. I took a few steps closer to her and away from the knives.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"You don't need to be sorry Venus."

"I shouldn't even be down here, it's not my place, I-."

"Venus please you are perfectly fine to be down here, you haven't done anything wrong."

"But I-."

"Depression isn't a crime Venus." She said gently, "Now do you mind telling me why you are even awake at this hour?"

"I had a nightmare." I whispered.

"Oh yes I should have figured as much. Professor Dumbledore mentioned that to me."

"I'm sorry I should have just stayed in my room, I didn't mean to disturb anyone."

"Venus you're okay. I want this to feel as much like home as possible to you while you're here."

She reached out and hugged me. I froze in her grip. I hated physical contact. I only really let two people hug me: Snape and Harry. She pulled away.

"I'm sorry Venus, I forgot that you don't like that."

"I'm just going to get a drink then I'll go back upstairs, if that's okay?"

"Let me get it for you, I don't like the idea of you trying to do too much with those hands."

"You don't-." I started but she was already getting me a glass of water.

I took it from her and thanked her.

"Do you want to talk about anything Venus?"

I shook my head.

"You're sure?"

"I can't."

"Venus I'm not going to judge or think anything of you."

"I can't. It's not that easy. There are some things that are secrets for a reason and I just can't say."

The glass slipped from my hand and smashed on the floor.

"I'm sorry." I gasped and ran up the stairs to my bedroom.

I made sure I didn't cry because I didn't want to wake the other girls. I heard Mrs Weasley go up to her own room. What was wrong with me? I wished more than anything else that I could just be normal. I didn't sleep again that night but laid awake overthinking and panicking. When the room started to lighten from the sun coming up I got up and dressed.

I made my way back downstairs and again found myself back by the knives. I just wanted to hurt but then I knew that I would just make everyone around me panic. I longed to just be alone where nobody would worry about me for doing what I needed to do.

I couldn't do exactly as I wanted because my father would hurt anyone who I cared about but I still wanted to feel pain, I knew Mrs Weasley would worry but she'd worry anyway. I'd told Dumbledore I wouldn't but he didn't understand. I reached for one of the smallest knives. My hand shook, I hadn't used one for cutting before. I had caused bruises with my own fists or the lily the day before so this was far by the worst.

"Venus?"

My hand slipped and I dropped the knife. It cut my arm and I let out a gasp of pain and surprise.

"Venus, why did you have a knife?"

It was Harry who'd come down the stairs. I turned to look at him but didn't say anything. The blood was pouring out of the gash in my arm, beginning to pool on the floor. It must have cute deeply.

"Venus what's going on?"

I shook my head.

"Venus?"

I sprinted out the door and down the path. I ran as far as I could get before I stopped under a tree and sobbed. My arm was bleeding out and I started to feel faint. My vision went black.

I woke up in the recognisable bright light of the hospital wing. I looked around and saw Snape sat next to me.

"Dad." I croaked.

"Venus, you're awake."

I could see tears glistening in his eyes.

"Venus I thought I lost you and the last time I'd have seen you we'd have been fighting."

"It's okay Dad I'm alive."

"You need to take these."

He handed me a few potions and helped me drink them. Then he hugged me close to him.

"I'm so so sorry Venus."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes Venus no matter what I love you."

"I love you too."

I sobbed into him as he rocked me slowly.

"What happened?"

"You lost a lot of blood and it took a while for Harry to find you. When he did he carried you back to The burrow and you were brought here but you were extremely unstable with the blood loss, they weren't sure whether you'd wake up."

"I didn't mean to Dad, I promise."

"I know Venus."

"I wasn't going to cut much but then-."

"You're okay Venus, I know what happened."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise for this Venus. I should be apologising to you for not being able to help you properly."

"It's not your fault that I'm so messed up Dad."

"You are not messed up Venus."

"I want to end it all but I can't not anymore. He said that if I did you and Harry and my friends would pay for it."

He hugged me tighter.

"I would like to hear everything you have to say about last night."

I shook my head.

"Later." I said.

"Okay but we will need to."

I didn't say anything just cuddled into him, my sobs finally starting to calm.

"Venus you're awake! Professor Snape I told you to tell me when she woke."

"Well you know now." He snapped irritably.

"How do you feel Ms Potter?"

I shrugged.

"I need you to come away from Professor Snape so I can check your vitals."

I shook my head and clung to my guardian.

"Venus, you need to let go." Snape told me.

I tightened my grip and my sobs came back full force again.

"You're okay." He assured me, "You're okay Venus. Now are we going to be brave and let Madam Pomfrey do her checks?"

I slowly pulled my head out of his robes and sat up.

"Hold my hand?" I whispered.

"Of course."

He took my still bandaged hand in his. I was acting like a child and I knew it but I needed his comfort right now. Madam Pomfrey did her checks with her wand and then pulled up my right sleeve. There was a thick white scar running down it.

"I'm afraid I can't do anything about that, even salves can't reduce it because of the spell I had to use. I had to act quickly so there was no time to seal it properly."

"It's fine thank you for saving me."

"That's my job Ms Potter. Anyways you've been asleep for a few days so you'll need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat Ms Potter."

"I'll ensure she does."

"Dad I don't want to." I whined.

"You are going to eat Venus whether you like it or not. I do not care whether you want to or not, it is what's best for you."

"Yes well it seems you've got this covered. This is what she needs to eat."

She waved her wand and food appeared. I looked at it and felt sick.

"I can't Dad, it's making me feel sick just looking at it."

"If you eat all of this, we'll go get your name changed straight after you are fit to."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"But I don't deserve good things, I don't deserve a reward." I mumbled.

"Venus Lily Snape you deserve the world. The world has been cruel to you and you don't deserve any of the hardship you've faced. You deserve every scrap of happiness you can get and don't let anything make you think otherwise."

I shook my head but Snape tilted it to look at him.

"Do I lie?"

"No."

"Do I give out false praise?"

"No."

"So why do you think that I am not being truthful when I tell you that you are an amazing girl Venus."

"Because I'm not, okay?" I shouted, "I'm not amazing. I can't block out my father, I can't control my magic, I can't even bloody self harm properly!"

"Venus-."

"So stop acting like I'm some perfect girl when you know I'm not."

I sobbed again pulling my knees up to my chest. He reached out a hand to stroke my hair or hug me but I thrashed against it till he stopped.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I screamed.

"Venus please, you don't need to be sorry for anything."

My magic spiralled out of control, pulling sheets off beds.

"Venus I need you to calm down. Look at me."

I looked at him through my teary eyes.

"You're doing good, now let's take deep breaths in and out."

I breathed in time with him for a while until I was calmer. Then I wrapped my arms round his neck and hugged him tightly.

"There you go, you're okay." He soothed me.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered.

"Stop apologising."

He let me hug him for a while before he broke away. I whined as he pulled back.

"You need to eat now Venus." He said, "And that's far too much hugging for one day." He muttered under his breath.

I let him feed me the plate of food but I felt sick by the end. I rested my head against the wall trying not to be sick.

"Venus I was thinking it might be nice and only if you want to but to get away from the castle for a bit. It's too late to go on a proper holiday but I can take you back to my house for the rest of the holidays."

"I will but I need you to promise me something."

"Anything."

"I want you to look for Alexandra."

"I'll ask Dumbledore and see his opinion and if he can help me."

"Okay. A-are you sure you want to take me to your house? You don't need to, I know I'm not really related to you and that you prefer to stay at the castle."

"I think it's about time you saw it. After all it is technically your home."

"You're willing to share your home with me?"

"Yes Venus, you're my daughter no matter if I have another one or not, you are still my child."

"But I'm not really, I'm just a charity case." I muttered.

"Venus Lily Snape I let you hug me multiple times. I care about you Venus and you are most definitely not a charity case."

"How many people have you ever hugged?"

"Three."

"Who?"

He rolled his eyes, "My mother, your mother and you."

"What about your father?"

"I do not like to talk about him."

"W-was he like my Uncle?"

"I said I don't like to talk about it." He snarled.

"I'm sorry."

He stood up and moved towards the door.

"Please don't go Dad, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything. I promise I won't mention it again."

"You will have some time to think about what is acceptable and unacceptable if you wish to take my name or to come to my house."

"Dad please, I don't want to be alone."

"Then think before you speak."

"Dad-."

He was gone. I hugged my knees tightly, feeling very alone in the hospital wing. Why did I always have to ruin everything? Why couldn't I let people keep their secrets? Why did I always push people too far? I looked at the scar on my arm. I didn't deserve for it to have been healed, I needed the reminder. Then maybe I wouldn't have acted in that way.

Tears slipped down my cheeks as I shook lightly.

"Ms Potter is everything okay?"

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, "Yes everything is fine."

"Where's Professor Snape?"

"He left, I think I annoyed him."

"He's very tired. He hasn't slept since you were brought in here yesterday and was really stressed. Don't think too much of it."