chapter thirty six

iron goddess tea

After the Emperor and his entourage left the palace Shifu and Habika retreated to the sangha, where he made love to her with a fierce and greedy possessiveness that startled him afterward. Her beautiful dress was trailed up the stairs. Somehow one of the folding screens had been knocked over. His foot and leg were tangled up in his own robe, and he was clutching her thigh so hard it was certain to leave a bruise. He growled. She looked up at him, eyebrows raised, eyes wide and curious. He buried his face in her neck, feeling suddenly sheepish at his territorial aggression.

"I'm sorry," he said once he'd recovered. "I don't know what got into me."

She didn't reply, only wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Nevertheless he felt a pang of guilt. He'd wanted her so badly that he wasn't entirely sure she'd even been in the mood. She was very happy about Mahdi, of course, but he hadn't even stopped to consider that she might still be in shock from seeing Gan, being touched by him. As soon as the Emperor left his need was so sudden and intense he would have taken her right on the dining room table save for the servants cleaning the place. It had clouded his judgment entirely. He studied her for a moment. She didn't look upset. Thoughtful, but not upset.

"You … you wanted that as well, right? I'm sorry if I-"

"It wasn't the first thing on my mind," she admitted carefully, "but if I'd wanted to stop I would have let you know."

"Oh," Shifu said, relieved. "Good."

They lay quietly for a time, tangled in one another. Outside it began to rain. The leaves had started turning and soon it would be fall. That summer had been unnaturally cool, for which Shifu was thankful; the stress of the Emperor's visit would have been greatly compounded by the previous summer's heat. He listened to the drops against the window and drew Habika close.

"I'm sorry he put you through that," she said softly, after a while.

"Me?" Shifu asked. "I'm sorry he came within three provinces of you, little one."

She shook her head. "He didn't ask me to go on a ridiculous mission. He didn't parade your past in front of me," she said ruefully. "No. I had no desire to see Gan ever again, but at the very least I know how to handle him. His cruelties are familiar to me. Not so for you."

She reached up to stroke his face. Shifu was briefly reminded of Dr. Chang touching her cheek. He winced.

"I'd forgotten about the mission," he said.

"What are you going to do?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. A lot can happen in a year."

"I'd agree, but now that Lang's been made General, I don't know what to think."

"Why is everyone so surprised by this Lang fellow?"

Habika sighed. "Do you remember how I told you of the group of conspirators who used to meet in my chambers after Mahdi was taken from me?' she asked. "They used to meet in my rooms because I was all but ignored by the court, remember?"

"Yes."

"Lang was one of them."

"Was he?"

She nodded. "Not just one of them, he was quite nearly the leader of them. But that was back when he was Captain. From what I understood one of his primary objections to Gan's rule was that he had been passed up for promotions many times in favor of people who were more politically useful. He felt under-utilized, I suppose. Dreams of glory, and all that. But now he's a General, and the Emperor is waging this ridiculous war … whatever resistance there was against Gan in the Forbidden City may be dissolved now that Lang has what he wants." She reflected silently for a moment. "Though if that's the case it's odd that he hasn't done away with Dr. Chang."

"Why - why would he?" Shifu stuttered, the mention of the doctor rattling him.

She shook her head. "He wanted Li to poison Gan. Poison or otherwise kill. He even offered to make sure Gan was 'accidentally' injured while horseback riding so long as Li ensured the Emperor would die of infection. But Li has a wife and children and would never endanger himself so."

At the last sentence her voice took on a sad and wistful quality.

"Habika…." Shifu began, "were you…was he…?"

She shook her head. "I did …I did have feelings for him, but … no."

Shifu's throat fell into his stomach. "You …you did?"

She thought for a long moment before she spoke. "Yes. As much as I could while I was pregnant and ill and despairing. He was … he was more than a doctor. He was my friend. He was my constant companion. For months and months he was the only person I had conversations of any true depth with. He was smart and well spoken, and he showed me such sweetness and caring. I … how could I not feel for him…? But love…I don't know. I wasn't in any condition to know."

"Well, he was very much in love with you," Shifu said. And still is, he didn't say.

"I know," she said softly. "And I … " She paused a moment. Sighed. "In another life I would have married him. I would have married him happily."

"I … see," Shifu said. His insides twisted.

She looked up at him curiously. "Are you jealous?"

"No no, not at all," he said quickly.

"My love, I was thirty three when we met, did you think there'd never been another man in my life?"

"No no, of course not. That would be a silly thing to think. Totally silly."

"Especially since you just declared me quite soundly yours to all and sundry," she said, gesturing to the sangha's bedroom.

Shifu blushed. "Ah, well. Yes. So I did."

"So you needn't worry. I'm bought and paid for."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her. "Do I get my money back if the product is defective?"

"Caveat emptor," she said. "No refunds."

"Fair enough," he said. "I think I'll keep you."

She kissed him chastely on the cheek and they were silent a while, listening to the rain.

"Have … have there been a lot of men in your life?"

She smacked him lightly on the chest.

"I didn't mean it that way! I just meant … well, you know my entire romantic history."

"All none of it."

"Exactly."

She sighed, smiled, and rolled her eyes. "No, Shifu, there haven't been many men in my past. There were far too many eyes on me at court to even try, and my adoptive family did everything they could to ensure I would be virginal and marriageable."

Shifu's eyes went wide in horror. "Gan … Gan wasn't your first, was he?"

"Oh no! No no. Thank heaven," she said.

"Glad to hear. Then I must assume your adoptive family's plans to keep you virginal and marriageable fell to ruin?"

She suppressed a smile. Badly. "You could say that."

"Who was he, then?"

"Oh no," She covered his eyes with her hands.

"Oho! Who, little one?"

She took her hands from her eyes and bit her lip. "I was a very bad princess," she said.

"Were you?" he asked, kissing her neck. "Were you a very bad princess?"

She nodded bashfully.

"Who was it?"

"MeiLan's erhu teacher," she whispered, "was a very cute boy."

"Really now?" he asked indulgently.

"Mmhmm. Why do you suppose I took to it like I did?"

"Fascinating," he said softly, stroking her ear. "Tell me more."

000

Weeks passed.

Shifu stayed curiously silent on the matter of the Emperor's mission. His students did not question him, merely grew sullen whenever it was brought up in conversation. It was far enough away to forget that it loomed like a death sentence over them all. Po often brought it up when he and Tigress shared her bed.

Lately they'd spent a lot of time simply lying together and talking, but never making love. He would kiss her body and stroke her face, tell her jokes, rub her back and feet till she was near comatose with pleasure … but when things progressed past a certain point found herself pushing him away despite her desire. That panic, the black hole, was too much to face on a nightly basis. It made her feel selfish and guilty, but Po took it in stride, happy to merely hold her until she fell asleep, which she always did. He was like a living narcotic.

"I don't think I can do it," he said to her one night. "I can't just sail to Japan and start killing innocent people. I don't care if the Emperor ordered us, I won't."

Tigress shook her head. "I won't either. But we'll be executed."

"I'd rather be executed than live with that."

She sighed.

"Has Shifu talked to you about this at all?"

"No," Tigress said ruefully. Father had been frustratingly silent on the issue. One evening Tigress could stand it no more. On a windy night she went to the sangha and knocked on the door.

"Master, please, come in," Habika said. "Would you like a cup of wine?"

Tigress smiled. "You drink too much, Habika," she scolded.

"'Too much' is subjective," the princess said, pouring a cup for herself. "Rice or grape?"

"Neither, thank you. Is my father here?"

"No, I believe he's meditating on his staff under the peach tree, because he wants to be blown off by a sudden gust and fall to his death."

"He's been meditating that way for forty years. He'll be fine."

"I know. I just worry."

"About everything. Which is why you drink."

"Touche," Habika said. "एक दो तीन पेय."

Tigress smiled. She had more and more trouble keeping a straight face the longer the Hindi phrase was used as a mantra between them. A few days after the Emperor left Shifu asked her, privately, what the mantra was. When he told her he'd assumed it was some sort of Indian magic Tigress laughed aloud.

"You want to know what it means?" Tigress said. "It means 'one, two, three, drink.'"

Shifu blinked. "One, two, three, drink?"

"It's for doing shots," she explained. "I needed to tell Habika something."

"Very clever," Shifu said, "but in all your years of training in kung fu, that was the best you had to offer your student?"

"Nothing in my kung fu training prepared me for what she was about to go through. I have no idea what it must be like to be forced to sit at a polite breakfast next to the man who - who …."

Tigress found the phrase difficult to say. The mere thought of it sickened and baffled her. It wasn't something she could easily understand. She was bigger and stronger and faster than the majority of people she interacted with, she'd never gone a day in her life without knowing that she could rip the hand off the arm of anyone who touched her in a way she didn't like. It must be dreadful to be so small and untrained, to know deep down that should anyone bigger wish it, they could inflict any manner of torture upon you. In the absence of giving the princess a physical way to defend herself, the best option Tigress could think of was to shore up Habika's mind and spirit.

"I did the best I could, under the circumstances," Tigress said. "And it worked."

"That it did," Shifu said, nodding. He patted her hand. "Well done."

"एक दो तीन पेय," Tigress said now to Habika. "You'll do well to remember that."

"I'll never forget," Habika said, raising her cup to Tigress.'

"You'll also do well to put that cup down and go to bed."

Habika made an unhappy grumble.

"Sixty sit-ups in the morning, and I know how much you like doing them with a hangover."

"Do you have any idea how much wine it takes to give me a hangover?"

Tigress crossed her arms.

"Fine, fine," Habika said, chuckling. "Off to bed with me, Master."

Tigress saluted. "See you in the morning. And don't toss that wine back as soon as I shut the door."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Habika said, smiling indulgently.

Tigress let herself out, waited outside the door for three seconds, then threw the door open again. Habika had the cup raised halfway to her lips, eyes wide as plates.

"You're like a little child!" Tigress said.

Habika placed the wine on the table and looked at the floor, flushing beet red. "I'm sorry Master," she said, chastened. "I… I - "

"I know," Tigress said, "you're thirty six and have been doing as you please your entire life. You don't like being told what to do, so you rebel in small ways. Yes?"

Habika fidgeted, looking everywhere but at Tigress. " … that's probably accurate, yes."

"You don't have to be sorry, you just have to realize it, and decide if it is something you wish to overcome. If you want me as your Master you must be willing to do as I say in all things, without question. I haven't seen that in you. You remain willful."

The princess crossed her arms. Nodded. Looked at the floor. "It's true. I'm not … I don't … I'm sorry."

"Habika … " Tigress began, unsure if what she was about to say next was prudent, "if you don't truly wish to be my student, we don't have to continue."

She looked up, alarmed.

"I won't be angry," Tigress said, sure that was what Habika assumed. "And I won't be insulted."

After a moment Habika gave a great sigh and pushed the door shut. "Please sit," she said, gesturing to the couch. "This isn't a conversation to be had in a windy doorway."

Tigress nodded and sat down.

"If you won't have any wine may I offer you something warm to drink?" Habika asked. "I just received a parcel of iron goddess tea yesterday. Absolutely stunning oolong, you must try some."

"I will, thank you," Tigress said.

As Habika prepared the tea Tigress found herself looking around the sangha. Tigress never had a house of her own, a home in this sense. All her life she'd been either austere or transient. She'd never lived somewhere entirely her own long enough to let the detritus of years pile into it. Not that she was likely to let that happen. She had no attachments to things, or even comfort. Her cot and meditation mat and scrolls in her rooms served her well - though, she thought ruefully, she had yet to get a seat for Po. Her living arrangements were a huge difference from this nest Habika crafted for herself and Father. Everywhere were cushions, throw blankets, books. Flowers. A big soft couch before a fireplace. Habika, left to her own devices, chose to live in a home designed around comfort and safety. Earlier, Tigress may have dismissed this as the trappings of an insecure or weak spirit. Since knowing the princess better she'd begin to think of it as, if not quite a strength, a valid difference, and one that had a place.

Habika placed a teacup before Tigress. It sat on a plate with a delicate little doily.

That place, Tigress thought, might not be in a kung fu school.

"Enjoy," Habika said.

"Thank you," Tigress said, and sipped at the tea. Her eyes widened. "This really is good tea."

"Isn't it? Strong. And almost … peppery, somehow."

Tigress nodded, looking down at the steaming cup. "I wouldn't know how to pick a good tea if one bit me on the foot," she admitted.

"I can teach you," Habika offered. "Good tea and good melons. There's nothing sadder than cutting into a crappy melon."

Tigress smiled. "You sound like Po."

"Po is a very wise panda."

"Yes," she replied. "Yes he certainly can be."

They were silent a moment, drinking. Habika crossed her legs and leaned into a pillow. Tigress caught a whiff of the osmanthus sitting in vase on the side table. Outside the wind howled, making the fire dance. She sighed, relaxed. The sangha was a place to care and be cared for. It was hypnotically cozy. Sweet. Comforting.

Like Po.

If Po could make a home for the two for them it would probably be a lot like this. This was the kind of place a person makes for the person they love. She often felt just this way when he held her. Po is my sangha, Tigress realized. He was slowly constructing a happy place in her heart, full of soft and sweet and warm things.

So why don't I feel safe?

Habika cleared her throat. "I, um … I thought I was making progress," she said.

Tigress snapped back to the present. "You are," she said. "When left to your own devices you take to scroll-learning quite well. You've made progress in applying things you read but not in obeyance to your Master. Not in the kind of self-discipline that is required of a kung fu student.

She sighed. "I know. And I'm sorry."

"It's not something you have to apologize for. If kung-fu is simply not in your nature, it's not in your nature. There's nothing wrong with that. It is what it is."

"I'd like to learn how to protect myself."

"Easily taught. One needn't be a formal student for that."

"If I stay a formal student, where does that training end?"

"End?" Tigress said, chuckling. "It doesn't end, princess. It's a way of life."

"I think that may be the problem. I'm not interested in that way of life."

Tigress nodded. "You don't have to be," she said.

"I suppose I'm not a warrior, deep down."

"There are many kinds of warriors, Princess. Never discount yourself. From now on I'll teach you techniques for self defense only, but you won't be my student, and do not have to refer to me as Master. Nor will we have to train all day, as before. You can go back to your nocturnal hours, if you wish. We can have our lessons in the afternoons or evenings."

"I can start the erhu school again," the princess said, mostly to herself.

Tigress smiled. "You're free."

Habika nodded. "Thank you Mast - thank you Tigress," Habika said, and sighed. "I think this will be a better arrangement for us both."

Tigress nodded. "So do I."

"It's settled then. Good. Good!" Habika said. "So, that done, may I offer you some wine?"

Tigress smiled. "I'd like that."

000

She shared a cup of wine with Habika and left the sangha feeling like a weight had been lifted from her chest. Mastering the princess was like trying to shove a rock-filled wagon up a hill and she was glad to be done with it. She would have expected to feel that she'd somehow failed -after all, Habika was her first formal student - but instead she felt the world was set to rights. If she took on a student who wasn't meant to be one, was it really a failure to release her? The princess came away knowing more about herself, and about kung-fu, and seemed relieved to be out from under her thumb. Tigress decided to chalk it up to a win.

That, however, did not settle the matter of the Emperor's mission.

She walked up the path to the peach tree, under which Shifu sat perched on his staff. His ear twitched back as he heard her approach.

"Hello Tigress," he said.

"Good evening Father."

He turned to look at her. Smiled sadly. "Is something troubling you, my little girl?"

Tigress smiled. Every time he called her that he sprinkled sugar on her heart. "Habika and I are no longer Master and Student," she said.

Shifu nodded. "I figured that would happen one way or another."

"I will still teach her self-defense but I am not her Master. She doesn't want to be a warrior, and I … I took her on for the wrong reasons."

Shifu raised an eyebrow. "What were those?"

Tigress went silent, thinking of a way to put it. I wanted to give her a taste of your medicine was not the most tactful thing to say, though it was certainly the most accurate.

"You needn't tell me if you don't wish to," he said.

"The reasons were more about my feelings than her betterment," she finally said.

"I see," Shifu said. "Then you were wise to end it."

"Thank you."

They looked out over the mountains, and the soft lights of the village, like fireflies in a pond.

"That's not what brought you here," Shifu said.

"No. Father, what are we going to do about the Emperor's mission?"

Shifu closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them they were deep and sad.

"I have been giving the matter a lot of thought." he said, "Over and over again, there is only one conclusion I come to. It is not a conclusion that I like or desire, but it is the only option that will save China, if not …if not me."

Tigress swallowed. "What conclusion is that, father?"

"We must go the way of the Sri-Teng school," Shifu said, his voice low. "We must assassinate the Emperor."

000