"I'll k-k-kill myself! I swear it, Sir!"

His words were spoken with such sincerity that he gave me no reason to think that it was a meaningless threat, as much as I wanted it to be. No, Draco most definitely meant what he said. My godson, my eight-year-old godson, was seriously considering...suicide, to put it bluntly, at that very second. His life was, effectively, placed into my hands. It was my choices and my decisions that would determine what would happen next...and one thoughtless action or one misspoken word could...well, to apply and over-used phrase, I was treading on ice.

Really, there was very little to think about; I only had one option and I knew what I had to do... but the consequences of doing the right thing made my stomach turn and my head ache. But there would be time enough to worry about that at a later date and I feared that, were I to think about it all properly now, I would bottle out and do something rational but immensely stupid.

Draco was looking up at me as all these things were going through my head, waiting apprehensively to hear what was going to happen, what I was going to do. I hated that I was hesitating and I was sure that Draco could see the uncertainty in my eyes. But I couldn't...I wanted to, desperately, but the rational, logical part of me was screaming that this could ruin any chance I would ever have of 'leading an unstressful, normal and relatively quiet' (its words, not mine) life. For the first time in my life- that I could remember, anyway- I was completely, undeniably terrified, both of what would happen if I did do the right thing and also what would happen if I didn't.

The low, yet distinct rumble of Lucius' voice carried suddenly up through the floor. Although I could not make out the words, the sound sent Draco into a trembling, wild-eyed state, making him leap up suddenly and rush to the window, wrenching it open with a strength that only panic could induce in a child.

"F-fine..." he muttered, leaning out slowly, almost hesitantly. "If you're not...if you're not going to-" But the end of the sentence was silenced by tears.

I watched in immobilised horror as Draco swung one leg shakily over the window-ledge and peered down onto the garden. Sunlight made him glow incandescently- pathetic fallacy was horribly absent and I am sure that, were we in a novel by Dickens or Charlotte Bronte, the weather would be quite black with rain and thunder.

Fortunately, something inside managed to kick me into action before it was too late. My wand was drawn automatically- "Impedimenta!"- and Draco was yanked away from the window, stunned before he hit the floor with a crash.

"Okay," I murmured, dropping down beside him and flicking my wand for a second time, removing the spell. Draco sat up unsteadily, wincing as he did so as the aftershock hit him. "We'll go. We'll go back to my house, but Draco this is not like last time. I don't know what will happen to you or to me and I don't know when you will be able to come home-"

The heavy sound of footsteps ascending the staircase made us both look round and Draco shrank back a little.

"Listen to me," I continued hurriedly, physically turning the little boy's pale face in my direction. "Listen! If we are going to do this, you have got to trust me. Everything will change, for the good or for the bad, I don't know. I can't promise anything. But you have to be one hundred percent certain that this is what you want."

The handle of the door turned slowly behind us, making Draco whimper.

"Draco!" I hissed. "Is this what you want?"

Without a moment's hesitation, he nodded.

'This is it,' I remember thinking as I rose to my feet; wand raised in one hand and my godson clutching tightly to the other. 'In a month I'll either be dead or in Azkaban...why didn't I listen to myself in the beginning? Why-'

My heart was pounding so hard, I was sure I was going to be sick as, slowly, almost as though it were in slow motion, the door was pushed open and Lucius' foot appeared. I neither gave Lucius time to speak nor I time to think...

"Petrificus totalus!"

With an expression of astonishment, the elder Malfoy's features promptly froze and his arms snapped sharply to his side before falling backwards with a ground shuddering crash. Immobilised. Harmless.

I remember very little of what happened directly after that. All I remember thinking was that it was imperative that we got out of there as quickly as possible... but I could neither move nor look away from the place where Lucius lay. I was as paralysed as he. Seventeen years of allegiance and friendship had been wiped away with a single incantation... I had just put a curse on one of the most powerful and influential men in England and was about to kidnap his son... 'I should really go see a doctor,' I mused. 'I must've gone mad somewhere along the way and not realised it...'

"Sir, we have to go!"

I could hear him, but I couldn't make sense of what he was saying.

"Sir, please!" Draco tugged on my hand, trying to pull me away. "Come on! Before it wears off..."

"It won't wear off..." I muttered, my lips hardly moving. "Not 'til someone removes it." For some reason, I was reluctant to leave. As though, by not moving, I could delay the inevitable or even turn back time and change things...but to what? What else could I have done?

'Oh god oh god oh god...'

"Please!" My hand was pulled harder, begging me to move.

Slowly, as though waking up from a deep sleep only to find out that your alarm clock has turned itself off, I tore my eyes away from Lucius and shook my head quickly to recover at least some sense.

"Okay," I said brusquely, grasping Draco's hand and giving it a quick, tight squeeze. "Yes...let's go."

If you can't go back, you have to go on. No matter what dangers you are walking into.

"You two again?" the jovial female conductor exclaimed unnecessarily loudly as she exchanged money for tickets. I winced as the other passengers looked over their seats to stare at us. "Weren't you here just the other week?"

"Yes," I replied tersely, glaring at her. "And this time I am kidnapping him. Thank you," I half snatched my change out of her poorly manicured hands and turned my back on her to find where Draco had gone to sit down.

"People keep on looking at me!" he protested, swinging his legs sullenly as I sat down. "I don't like it..."

I sighed and slouched down wearily. "Take it as a compliment," I muttered, closing my eyes. I felt sick and my head hurt.

"Sir?" I felt Draco prod me anxiously. "What's the matter? Why did you go all funny back there?"

"Don't talk to me right now...I'm not in the mood for it."

"But Sir-"

"Draco!" I snapped. "Not. Now."

I listened to Draco grumbling quietly to himself for the rest of the journey, the constant thump...thump...thump of his shoes rhythmically kicking against the seat jarred. For some reason I was angry, really angry, but with what I couldn't say. Perhaps it was with Draco, or with myself, or with the fact that I was buckling under the pressure and the responsibility that went with caring about somebody too much... whatever it was, all I could do was to look away and grit my teeth in order to keep from snapping at Draco anymore than I had done already. At least he was taking it well, which was certainly a relief. If anything, he seemed to have forgotten the fact that he had almost jumped out of a very tall tower, I had hexed his father and he was now, effectively, being kidnapped. I sincerely hoped that he understood the possible consequences of what we had done and didn't have a sudden change of heart...

The curtains of the living room twitched as we approached the front door and before I even had time to raise my key to the lock, the door was yanked open and we were dragged roughly inside. For a person a small stature, my mother had a surprising amount of strength...annoyingly so.

"Well," she said, sounding quite breathless as her head moved quickly to look at me, then at Draco and back again. "Well..." My mother blinked and rubbed her eyes, as though she were having difficulty believing what she was seeing. Then, with a decisive sigh, she set her hands firmly on her hips and looked up at me expectantly, "So, tell me what happened then! I must say I didn't actually think when I said..." she stopped abruptly and bit her lip, clearly thinking better of what she was going to say. "Anyway," her manner suddenly brusque, she nodded her head towards the kitchen. "Why don't I go and stick the kettle on and you can tell me all about, hmm? Come on boy..." she put her arm around Draco's shoulders and I watched from the hall as she lead him into the kitchen. I knew that I should follow and answer the questions and be the responsible one that they expected me to be... but, for once, I couldn't be bothered. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to be sociable. And I didn't want to care about anyone but myself.

With a quick glance to check that I wasn't being watched, I turned my back on them both and strode out, slamming the door shut behind me.

A/N: I'm a bad ficcer!!! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!!!!!! Thank you so so so much who's kicked me to update, I sincerely appreciate everyone's support!! I'm not going to try and excuse my lameness, but it's been a mixture of holidays, family, philosophy and politics exams, The Cold, Luke and just the fact that this chapter was very difficult to get right...

Please forgive me _

Lily xxx