Frank

I woke late afternoon, and the first thing I remembered was that look in Sapphire's eyes. I smiled, just thinking of her face, with that cute little mole, but then I remembered that shine of sadness.

Fuck, I had to find her.

I got up and went over to her house, letting myself in once again and scratching Stud's head as he lounged on the floor by the front door. She wasn't in, but I stayed in her room for a little while, sitting on her bed where she had with her father. I could almost feel her sorrow.

What had upset her so much? Had she been crying over me? Or just she returned early from a fight with Vince and gone to someone else for comfort? I hoped she had, I wanted that guy gone from our lives.

I stroked her pillow, imagining her head resting on it with the purple love bite I'd given her still there. Her room was silent, the walls cold and still. I knew if it could, I would be crying, just like she had. Why? Why was she crying? I needed to know.

Just like I needed to breathe.

I stood up, walking softly over to her computer. The desk was completely hidden, covered in magazines, drawings, workbooks and makeup. Placed neatly on top of the chaos were her framed pictures. A few months back, Sapphire had found a camera somewhere in her attic and run around taking photos of everything and everyone. She then lost it two weeks later, after taking about a million photos and getting them taken of her. On her desk, she'd framed her favourites, and so many more plastered all over the walls and taped by her bed. I sat down in her chair, and looked at the few she had by her computer.

There was her and Amy Lee, both grinning madly and hugging like sisters. There was her getting spun around by Ray, screaming and kicking her legs. Her on her birthday, dressed beautifully and on her way out for a meal with her family, right next to the one from her birthday party which showed her and Gee dancing crazily to the music, both grinning. Another showed Mikey on her back, looking vaguely terrified. Where was I?

I checked all the frames again, searching for my face. Then I saw one. Stuck to the side of her computer, right at eye level, but where I had managed to miss it was one that brought back a fond memory like no other. One night she and I had watched a marathon of scary movies, the most terrifying we could get our hands on. She had been so scared that evening we'd crawled under her bed to hide together, me holding her close. We stayed up all night, me telling her over and over again Leatherface wasn't going to kill her. Then she shot me with the lens.

The result was a close up on my face, smiling calmly. I didn't realise she liked that photo enough o have it there. But she'd taken so many more of me, where were the rest?

I scanned the wall behind her computer, but saw none, only her and the guys, and plenty of Stud.

Look by her bed said a voice in my head, and I obeyed it. I never questioned why my head was telling me to do things.

Her bed lies in a window alcove, surrounded by curtains to keep the light at bay and the walls in it were covered in layer after layer of photos of me and her, just us together. Hugging, smiling, screaming, pouting, posing and running. So many happy memories and flashbacks in each one. Why had I never noticed these before? Maybe because I spent all my time looking at her, not her walls.

I smiled when I saw a joke one we'd taken in a photo booth. Our faces were pictured grinning stupidly from a cartoon bride and groom on top of a wedding cake. She'd coloured it in black and blue, but we still grinned through the cartoon figures, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

Where were you, Sparkle?

Where would you go?

Hopefully not to the skateparks… said the voice in my head. I ignored it, and wondered where else she went when she was melancholy. Then it hit me. Duh.

The graveyard.

Me being me, I had no shame running. In fact, it cleared my head a bit. No more fucking around, you pussy. You see her, no matter what, you walk straight up to her and you kiss her. The voice in my head tried to counter my thoughts, telling me she might not feel the same way.

What if you fuck it up?

Fuck you, I won't. I know I love her, and I'm not going to sit around and let her slip by me again, maybe for the third time

What if she doesn't love you?

How can't she? Where're closer than best friends

Maybe she can't love you more than that?

Fuck you, you're wrong. I'm going to try which is more than you've ever done

I'm just trying to protect us from more pain

By wallowing in it? Ok, what if she does love me? Won't that cure it all?

It may lead to more pain.

You're wrong, it'll be perfect. We're too close to ever fall apart.

Pain is inevitable. No matter what you do Frank, you will always be in pain. And you'll always cause Sparkle more pain, no matter what. You're doomed.

I slowed down, the words echoing through my head. I didn't want to think about the possibility. Could I cause her more pain? Were the voices in my head right?

Holy shit, I'm worried about the voices in my head…

I was nearing the edge of the graveyard, and I could see the trees in the warm light. The rough brick walls, which had been crumbled down by rain and time, were basked in a fiery red glow, welcoming me into the place Sapphire and I had spent many an afternoon.

You're doomed

The words rang through my skull like a bell, making me shake my head irritably as I neared the gate. I slowed once again, pausing at the entrance. This was it, I knew she was here, I always knew. This was it. I was going to walk in there and make her mine, finally.

You're doomed

It's amazing how shit life can be sometimes. The voice said it had tried to shield me from more pain, but it obviously wasn't trying hard enough. It made me stop.

What if I had just kept walking, past the walls, into the graveyard? Maybe I would've had a chance to cry out then.

You're doomed

The words haunted me once again as the blinding crash of pain cracked my skull, making me stumble. I breathe din sharply, but before I could even make a noise, it came again.

I crumpled.

"If it wasn't for ya, Iero, she'd still be mine," hissed a voice in my ear. Rough hands gripped my wrists, sharp tugs cut into my skin. My eyes rolled, I felt blood on my head once again. A hand, a blindfold and I was gone.

You're doomed