Chapter 36 –
She stood there surveying the damage. She had never seen the ship hit so hard in all her years with the agency but it wasn't the extensive destruction done to Shields prized helicarrier that filled her thoughts as she stalked through the corridors. It was the god of mischief who occupied her mind. He had sent her back just as he had promised but he had sent her alone. Natasha still hadn't gotten over the shock of that. She wasn't sure if she was grateful or upset that he had stayed behind. The only thing she was certain of was that the demigod was full of surprises.
"Tasha," Clint called out to her as he walked out of the control room, "Thank god you're alright." He pulled her into an embrace the moment that he reached her. Natasha couldn't remember the last time that he had showed such an enormous public display of affection. It was a testament of how worried he must have been for her these last few days as he held her closely. She froze for a moment before relaxing in his arms and returning his hug with equal tenderness. "When we couldn't locate you, I was afraid that those skrulls had…what happened? Where were you?"
"Did they get to Thanos?" she questioned as he released his grip on her and he smiled warmly as he took in the sight of her.
"Always on duty," he jested as he kissed her forehead softly," No, his little glass house proved too strong for them. Too bad we can't say the same about the rest of the place. Where have you been the last three days?"
Natasha hesitated for a moment before regaining her composure as she answered him simply. "I was in Asgard. Loki showed up a few minutes before the Skrulls attacked. He was injured while we were trying to hold them back. I had to wait for him to be healed before he could send me home."
"Loki?" Hawkeye murmured as his eyes narrowed, the irritation and disappointment plain on his face. "He appeared to you right before it all started, huh? I'm not surprised and he got injured? How convenient that was for him."
"What are you implying? That he staged it?" she asked icily. "He nearly died protecting me. He was as shocked as I was when they began materializing out of thin air."
"Why do you sound so annoyed with me?" He inquired suspiciously," What happened between the two of you in Asgard?"
"That's none of your business," she informed him stoically as a dull ache began to form in her temple. She pressed her hands lightly on the sides of her forehead as she moved her fingers in a circular motion. "I need to speak with Fury," she revealed as she took a step towards the control room, "Is he in there?"
"You slept with him didn't you?" Clint snapped, freezing her in her tracks as she turned back to face him. "That son of bitch, if he really loved you as much as he claimed he wouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."
"You don't know what you're talking about. It wasn't like that. He didn't do anything wrong," she insisted as the pounding in her head began to increase. "It was mutual. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you. Let's just drop it okay?"
"You told me yourself how confused you've been," Barton continued," He manipulated you for over a year and now he's doing it again."
"My feelings are my own," she insisted but she found it difficult to think clearly against the insistent throbbing pulsing through her brain.
"Which ones are you referring to? One minute you're telling me how much you despise him and now what?" He intoned angrily," You're his number one defender? He must be really good in the sack for such a huge turn around in such a short period of time," Hawkeye spat out venomously. She slapped him across the face with all the force she could muster but she regretted it instantly as she saw the hurt look in his eyes while he rubbed at his cheek gingerly. She knew how much he loved her, how difficult it must be for him to think of her being with any man but especially with Loki. He had turned him into a mindless zombie, forced him to kill people, people he knew. And she just had sex with the man that did that to him. The pain in her head was becoming near unbearable. God, she thought to herself, it was barely a week ago that she was asking Clint to spend the night with her. Is it any wonder that he is so upset?
"Please, Clint," she entreated as she placed her hand against her forehead, "I don't want to fight with you. I hate it when we fight."
"So do I," he said simply as he placed his hand gently on her shoulder," Are you okay, Tash? You look a little pale all of a sudden." She opened her mouth to tell him that she was fine when suddenly a strange feeling came over her body, she felt like everything was fading, growing distant before she collapsed. She felt his arms wrap around and then she blacked out completely.
"And where is the mischievous little prick now?" she heard Fury's deep voice rasp above her as her eyes began to flutter open.
"I didn't have a chance to ask before she passed out. Who knows what he did to her while she was there." Hawkeye remarked, the sound of frustration palpable in every word that he spoke.
"My brother would never harm her in anyway," Thor bellowed, "he loves her."
"This is the same brother who sent you flying thousands of feet in a glass cage, am I right?" Fury exasperated, "I think you need to throw away those rose colored glasses."
"What glasses?" Thor puzzled as Fury rolled his eyes. Natasha looked around the room quizzically as she tried to focus her gaze. "Lady Natasha, where is Loki?"
"Tasha, you feel alright?" Clint was sitting at her side. She stood up slowly as she watched the three of them staring at her intently.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," she snipped as she brushed the archer's hand away from her arm. "I think I had a migraine that's all. It's past. I don't know where Loki is. Maybe he's still in Asgard. Why?"
"Because I'm pretty sure that he is the one that sent those damn aliens to our doorstep," Fury barked, "He steps foot on this ship one more time and I'm collaring his ass, he can share the cell with his purple friend over there."
"You are mistaken," Thor reiterated as he stepped closer to the director, "and I won't let you put one of those things on him ever again."
"Would it even work?" Hawkeye inquired skeptically, "He broke free the last time."
"This is madness," the thunder god protested, "The gemstone you found proves nothing. He was with one of your own when Thanos' armies came through. It was impossible for him to have done it."
"What are you all talking about? What stone?" she probed as a fear settled into her bones. What if he had done what they were claiming he did?
"Banner was trying to track the origins of the portals that broke out all over this place," Fury explained, "Some kind of residue that his gamma machine was able to trace led him right to what he believes was the source. It was the replica of the reality gem that we found in Moscow. Bruce is positive that whoever sent those armies to this ship used that jewel to open the gateways which means they flipped the switch from here not the other way around."
"But Loki was with me before the first explosion hit," she insisted, "He couldn't have done it."
"Maybe it works like a timer, who the hell knows," Fury continued," I for one don't care. It's not rocket science. Are there any other demigod's with the panache for making fake Infinity stones that we know about?"
She suddenly felt sick to her stomach. What could she have been thinking? She had slept with him willingly. Had he been lying to her after all? Is that why he had sent her on alone? Was he afraid they might have figured out his involvement? No, this was crazy. It made no sense. He could have died from the poison on that blade.
"It had to have been someone else, perhaps this Amora. That Skrull threw an Asgardian dagger at me covered with some sort of enchanted poison. No one would have done that to themselves, he almost died." She divulged sincerely but she couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't trying to convince herself as much as those around her. There was a reason that he earned the title of the Trickster, after all. Her thoughts were getting crowded again as if there was a civil war going on in her mind.
"Accidents happen," Hawkeye muttered, "Maybe he thought he had more time to get out of the way."
"I need to get some air," she said abruptly as she walked out of the room not bothering to wait for a response from the others. She heard the sound of his footsteps following behind her as she sighed, "Please Barton, I just want some time to myself."
"You're not so sure he's innocent are you?" Clint questioned as he continued to follow behind her. She continued walking on in silence before she finally spoke up.
"You must think I'm the biggest idiot," she moaned, "You warned me to stay away from him and I fell right into it. I was so sure this morning and now I'm even more confused than ever."
"Are you in love with him?" he asked quietly as she stopped moving and turned to face him.
"I thought I…I can't talk about this with you," she whispered as she gazed at him thoughtfully. Hawkeye was her closest friend and confidant, he meant the world to her and the last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt him. So why was it that she always seemed to be doing just that?
"You want to get out of this place?" Clint offered, "How about we go play some pool, have a few beers, like the old days. You know, just hanging out in between assignments."
She had to admit that sounded rather nice. Perhaps, it was just what the doctor ordered. She needed to clear her mind of all things Loki. She nodded her head in agreement as they continued to walk along together until they reached the nearest bar. After a couple of games and a few drinks, she could honestly say that she felt like her old self again.
"Should we make it interesting?" he jested as he won his fourth game which made them tied. She raised her eyebrow at him inquisitively, a slight smile beginning to set against her lips as she observed him standing there with the pool stick lying against his shoulders. Grinning from ear to ear as his eyes roamed her body appreciatively. Perhaps, he had downed one beer too many, she thought absent-mindedly, he wasn't usually this forthright with his desire for her.
"What do you suggest?" she asked as she racked the balls to prepare for their next game. He strolled towards her, leaning against the table as he watched her chalk her cue stick.
"A little bet," he cajoled as he smiled at her lightheartedly, "The winner of this next game gets to kiss the loser."
"Oh my god, Clint," she laughed hysterically, "How many beers have you had?"
"Enough to admit I wish I had taken you up on your offer," he mused as he reached his hand out to caress her cheek. "We use to be really good together, in every way. I miss you, Tasha." He leaned closer, his lips almost touching her mouth as she froze in uncertainty before he suddenly jumped back. "Jesus," he cursed as his hand pressed against his side, his face in a grimace. "What the hell?"
"I'm so sorry," a woman's voice came from several tables away where she and another man were standing, a look of shock on her face as she held a cue stick in her hand, "I don't know what happened. I wasn't even aiming in that direction. Are you ok?"
"I'm fine," Hawkeye waved off the worried couple as he turned his attention back to Natasha," Well, that was pretty sobering." She stared around the pool hall as an uneasy feeling settled into her mind.
"You sure you're alright, Barton?" she asked as she eyed the other patrons cautiously. She laid her stick across the table before lifting up the side of his shirt slightly to look where the ball had made contact. There was definitely going to be a bruise in the morning.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he insisted, "It didn't hurt that bad."
"I think it's time to call it a night," she informed him as she leaned forward kissing his cheek soothingly," Thanks for taking my mind off things for a little while."
"I think I'm going to hang out for a bit longer," he nodded as he walked toward the bar. She watched him regretfully as she surveyed her surroundings once more before she finally made her way back home becoming more and more livid with each step she took.
"How long were you watching us?" she seethed to the empty room as she slammed her door shut before turning the bolt to lock her apartment.
"How did you know I was there?" Loki inquired as he materialized a few feet away from her. He had a strange look in his eyes, a mixture of anger and curiosity mingling on his features.
"It's not every day that a cue ball gets scratched into the gut of a player two tables away." She replied sardonically as she stepped further into the room dropping her keys onto her desktop. He had a hell of a lot of nerve spying on her.
"Oh, really? I've never played the game." He answered as he walked towards her kitchen and began to tap his fingers against the counter.
"You're lucky you didn't seriously hurt him," she snapped, "What's wrong with you?"
"Tell me. What is the proper response to seeing a man attempt to kiss your wife on this strange little planet of yours?" he quipped as he continued to rap against the tiles with his fingertips.
"I'm not your wife." She asserted as she sat down on the chair next to her desk, wrapping her hands around her waist as she stared at him defiantly.
"Actually you are, whether you remember it or not," he rasped crossly as he began to step toward her, "But that's not the point. If I hadn't interrupted, would you have let him kiss you?"
"I guess we'll never know." She baited as she eyed him indignantly. She was almost caught off guard by the amount of rage that she felt inside of her at the sight of him, she took a deep breath as she attempted to calm down. "Fury is looking for you. He wants to lock you up and throw away the key. He knows you opened the gateways."
"Trying to change the subject are you?" he began as he eyed her coldly. "I could care less what Fury thinks or wants. You, on the other hand, are an entirely different story."
"Don't think that I'm going to hide you from Shield. I'm not your little puppet this time around." She directed as she searched her desk for her communicator. "I will do my job."
"Of course, agent Romanoff," his voice dripping with sarcasm, "Are you looking for this?" he held out his hand revealing the small gadget lying in his palm before he crushed it with one tight grip of his fist. He threw the crumpled device across the room as the small broken pieces clanged along the wall and the floor. "Why were you with him tonight?" he spat out heatedly. "Because of these accusations about the gateways? You, of all people, should know that there is no truth to any of that."
She sauntered towards the doorway before turning to face him once more. "Get out," she ordered, "I would open the door for you but then you don't really need me to, do you? Go ahead and evaporate or whatever you call it. Just leave me alone."
"After what occurred between us this morning, how can you be so quick to doubt me?" Loki admonished as he stared at her sadly. She felt a twinge of remorse as she watched the forlorn expression held in his dark green eyes but she did her best to ignore it. The angrier she felt the more plausible it seemed to her that he had been behind everything. He was the god of lies, he could not be trusted, and he had manipulated her enough. No more, she repeated to herself, no more. The mantra going over and over again in her mind. She had this distant question cross her thoughts of exactly how she had become so certain of his guilt, she had been so mixed up about it earlier but the thought vanished from her grasp as quickly as it had arrived leaving nothing but her resentment and distrust.
"What happened in Asgard was a mistake." She told him pointedly, her voice cold and reserved.
"Excuse me?" he asked as he raised his eyebrow in disbelief. He strutted toward her, a determination in his step as he closed the gap between them. She felt her heart leap in her chest, a mixture of fear and excitement filling her as she contemplated what he might do when he reached her.
"It shouldn't have happened." She answered quickly as she lost the grip on her calm façade," I'm sorry. I was confused and…"" His lips turned up in a sideways grin as he stopped no more than an inch from her. "Why are you smiling?" she puzzled. He said nothing at first as he pushed her against the wall, leaning his body into hers as he pinned her there. His smile growing more devious as his emerald eyes stared challengingly into hers.
"Try and tell me that again," he whispered huskily as he bent down and began suckling her throat, moving slowly up toward the soft spot behind her ear as she moaned against him. His hands grabbing her hips possessively as he pulled her into him, she could feel the hardness of his arousal pressed against her and she gasped as the tingling sensation flooded her most secret places. The desperate need to have him inside of her building as she tried to fight her desires, tried to find some coherent thought while he continued to lavish her with soft, wet kisses along her collar bone, his hips grinding against her teasingly.
"Loki, I…" her breathing labored as she attempted to form words. She needed to tell him to stop, that she didn't want him, that he had to leave. She should push him away and tell him to go to hell but how could she possibly do that while he touched her this way. He captured her mouth in a searing kiss as she matched it with equal passion. She didn't want to fight her feelings for him any longer as she glided her hands along his body, relishing the feel of his taut muscles beneath the leather fabric.
"Go ahead, Natasha," he breathed against her lips as he moved his attentions along her jawline, "Tell me you don't want me. Tell me how much you hate me." She sighed deliriously as she felt him begin to unzip her jumpsuit, his finger tip grazing her skin lightly as he glided it down past her waist before he placed his hand against the bare flesh of her stomach. He smiled wickedly as his hand slid lower, sending shockwaves across her skin as his fingers teased at the waistband of her black panties. "Aren't you going to tell me to stop?" his voice a sultry whisper as his fingertips grazed even lower. She leaned into him expectantly, her entire body trembling with longing before he plunged deep within her core. She gasped in complete euphoria as he moved his skilled fingers eliciting his desired response as she moaned unabashedly. He gazed at her like a feral panther as she writhed under his touch. "Do you still want me to leave," he jested but the humor never reached his lustful stare.
"Shut up," she exhaled as she tried to catch her breath, "Make love to me, Loki. Make love to me, please." She grabbed the collar of his leather top as she crashed her lips against his, pulling him towards the bed. She worked frantically at the strange clasps of his garments desperate to touch his bare skin, a sigh of frustration leaving her lips as they fell back onto the mattress.
"Let me help you with that," he chuckled as he brushed her strawberry curls away from her face. In an instant their clothes had disappeared. She took in the sight of the gorgeous man leaning above her, he was breathtakingly beautiful. She grabbed his shoulders pulling him flush against her as she wrapped her legs around his magnificent rampant body. Her fingers relishing in the feel of the hard smoothness and strength of his muscled thighs as he sucked in a sharp breath at her touch. His groan was almost agonized as he buried himself deep inside her. Her heartbeat pounded slowly and tremendously as she cried out in pure bliss at finally feeling him join his body to hers. The thrill shook through her as his hot breath spilled across her cheek. "It isn't possible," she gasped as she felt the tremors of another orgasm begin to overtake her, "god, you're heavenly." His thrusts became more frantic as he groaned long and low in blissful agony, his body shuddering, pulsating within her as they climaxed together. He rolled over on his side, kissing her long and sweet and full, his expression one of absolute devotion.
"You are everything to me, my little spider," he told her honestly and she believed him with every fiber of her being. He kissed her once more before he rose from the bed, their clothes returning as he turned back to face her.
"Where are you going?" she pouted in complete puzzlement.
"Not me, WE," he replied slyly as he extended out his hand to her. "Come. I have some place very important to take you, my darling."
She moved to take his hand but then stopped suddenly. Something deep within her told her that she shouldn't. She wasn't supposed to. Fury was looking for him. Her loyalty should be with Shield. She brushed the thought from her mind. Fury was wrong. Hawkeye was wrong. He wasn't responsible for the attacks on the helicarrier.
"You still don't trust me?" the young prince lamented as he returned his arm to his side. "I would never hurt you, Natasha, I love you."
"It's not that I don't trust you," she revealed, "There are these mixed up thoughts going on in my head, it seems to be worse today than it's ever been. Sometimes it's hard to think."
"All the more reason for you to come with me," he entreated as he took her hands into his. "I have found a way to help you."
"What do you mean?" She inquired suspiciously, "in what way?"
"I can explain it more fully when we get there," he advised impatiently. There was an excitement in his emerald eyes and he was smiling at her so devotedly that she wanted desperately to trust him. She heard Barton's warning in the back of her mind.
He manipulated you for over a year and now he's doing it again
She forced the memory to the side as she nodded her head giving Loki her consent to begin his spell to take her where he wished. In seconds they arrived in the living area of a plush hotel suite, she relaxed instantly, smiling at the idea that he had wanted to take her away to some romantic interlude until she noticed the man sitting quietly in a chair at the corner of the room.
"You recognize him?" Loki stated simply as he noted the shocked expression on her face. "Don't worry, my darling, he can't hurt you. In fact, he has strict instructions to do the exact opposite."
"What do you think you're doing, Loki?" she snapped as she stared at the man, flashes of her experiences in the red room flying into the forefront of her mind. He was older, much older than she remembered but his face was the same.
"Undoing what they did to you," he divulged as he stepped toward her, taking a strand of her red curls between his fingers as he continued to speak. "He can take away the block they have placed in your brain. You can have your life back, all of your memories. And they won't be able to put another thought in your mind that isn't yours."
"There is no way I'm going to let that man touch me, he is not going to mess with my head ever again." She seethed, "Take me back, Loki. Right now."
"Don't you want to remember our life together? Our daughter?" he entreated as he continued to twirl her hair, his voice soft and pleading. "Rowan needs you. She needs you to remember how much you love her."
"Stop it," she yelled as she slapped his hand away from her angrily. "Stop trying to confuse me. Stop trying to manipulate me. I won't let that man brainwash me again."
"Don't you get it yet?" he seethed as he walked closer to the old scientist sitting silently in the chair, "Get up, Dr. Ivanovich, and show the pretty lady how well you listen." He stood up immediately at Loki's command as Natasha gaped at the sight of his pale blue eyes. He had used the mind gem on him, just like he had done to Clint and the others. "Well done, now go sit in the other room until I call for you." He walked slowly and without emotion as he passed through the doorway into the bedroom leaving the two of them alone. "He isn't going to brainwash you. He is going to give you the last year of your life back at my command."
"I'm not your toy!" She bemoaned as she stared at him nervously, "You can't just turn me into whatever you please." Every doubt and suspicion that she ever felt about the demigod seemed to rush up to the surface at once. "You couldn't recast your spell so now what? You want to do this to me? Why can't the way I feel about you right now be enough for you, whatever he does, it wouldn't be real."
"Damn it, Woman!" Loki barked, disappointment dimming the emerald fires of his eyes, his jaw hardening and she could hear the grating of his teeth, "Are you telling me you still believe Barton over me? Why do you always presume I'm lying? By the All-Father I cast no spell on you. How many times must I say it? It was your precious little birdman, who did this to you. He was there when you were freed from your psychological conditioning, wasn't he?" He strutted towards her, his lips set in a sneer as he drawled out his next words," You've told me that often enough. That's how he knew all about the little backdoor into your mind that Shield couldn't erase from you fully. He is the one who gave Amora the power to play her little games in your brain. He took you from your daughter."
"Hawkeye would never do anything like that to me." She insisted, "That is one thing I'm sure of."
"But you think I would?" he snipped, his eyes narrowing as he observed her intently.
"I didn't say that," she contended, "I just don't want anyone fiddling with my mind. Not again. Even if it's to help me."
"Do you think I'm stupid?" He snorted as he took another step towards her and she backed up instinctively without thinking. "Your mistrust is flying off you in waves. This fear of remembering, Amora must have planted it in you. But your blind loyalty to Barton that is of your own making. One word from him and you are always so quick to distrust me. He doesn't love you as much as I do. And I will prove it to you."
Natasha stood there enmeshed in her conflicting thoughts, she could not believe that Clint would ever have agreed to do what Loki had suggested but she also was finding it harder and harder to believe that the man standing in front of her did anything to her to get her to marry him other than love her. She felt as if she was being pulled in two directions at the same time.
"Barton ignored your wishes and he helped take you away from us. As much as I want you to remember our family I swear to you that I will never do anything without your permission," Loki promised as he brushed his slender fingers against her face. "No one will ever love you the way that I love you," he brushed his lips against hers as he continued, "No one will ever understand you the way that I do. We do that for each other." He kissed her. It was long and deep and as hot and glowing as a fire as he held her tightly. She felt breathless as she clung to him, her world began to spin and she realized that he had casted a teleportation spell. When he broke from their embrace, they were back in her apartment.
"Will you consider doing something for me?" he asked cautiously. A sudden knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Loki raised his fingers as if to make the gesture to leave but she placed her hands gently against his wrist.
"Don't go anywhere, just make yourself invisible. I'll get rid of them quickly," she requested as she moved towards the entrance way. She questioned the soundness of her decision the moment she opened the door. "Clint, it's not a good time. I really need to get some sleep." He was standing there solemnly, still in his uniform as his eyes met hers nervously.
"I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable this evening." Barton apologized as he entered the room hesitantly.
"Forget it," she said casually," I'm really tired, Barton. Can we talk in the morning?"
"Yeah, sure, I just," he stumbled out as he walked about the room aimlessly. "I feel like I need to say this now or I'll never say it." He sauntered back towards where she had remained frozen next to the door. Outwardly she appeared calm but inside she was a bundle of nerves knowing that Loki was still somewhere in the room listening to every word the archer said.
"Clint, you're drunk," she insisted as her blue eyes flickered around the room. Was Loki standing where she had seen him last? "You should go back to your place and sleep it off."
"Drunk or sober it doesn't matter," he inhaled slowly, "I'm still in love with you."
"I can't talk to you when you are so obviously inebriated," she sputtered out quickly as she tried to shoo him to the door.
"Tash, I know you still feel something for me, too. The other night proved that." Hawkeye continued, "We'll always be more than just friends."
"Please go, Clint," she ordered, "We can talk tomorrow. I just can't have this conversation right now."
"Because of Loki?" he inquired as he stood there unmoving before her. "You weren't thinking of him when you asked me to spend the night."
"But you didn't," she rushed out in a flurry, "and you were right not to." She didn't even want to imagine what Loki might do if he thought they had slept together.
"This whole last year has just been a crazy mess," Hawkeye pondered reflectively," I know you think you feel something for him but how can you trust it after everything he did? What we have together was there long before that bastard ever stepped foot into our lives. I think we deserve another shot. I just needed you to know that." He looked at her softly as he smiled. "I'm rambling," he chuckled, "and your tired. Just think about it, Tasha. Think about Budapest or Morocco, the creative ways we use to squeeze in some fun during our missions. You can't tell me you don't miss it." He leaned down kissing her forehead as she stood there speechless. "I'm just asking for a chance." His fingers brushed lightly against her cheek before he moved to go. "Sweet dreams, Tasha." Hawkeye left the room closing the door quietly behind him.
"How romantic," Loki intoned sarcastically as he materialized sitting on the side of her bed. "Two old lovers getting reacquainted. What exactly happened between the two of you?"
"Nothing," she told him as she watched him attentively. She could see the anger in his eyes as he stood there unmoving.
"Not for your lack of trying, apparently," Loki snapped as he rose from the bed. "Why didn't you tell him 'No' just now? That you didn't want to be with him or better yet that you were with me?"
"That would have prolonged the conversation," she answered calmly and without emotion," I just wanted him to leave. What was it you were going to ask me before he interrupted?"
Loki gazed at her intently for what seemed like an eternity before finally speaking. "Will you let me take you to our daughter? I just want you to see her, maybe hold her? I will bring you right back afterwards, if it's what you wish."
She wasn't sure why but the idea of going anywhere near that little girl caused a feeling of dread to fall upon her. She felt a strange sense of irritation begin to bubble up from deep within her toward him for even suggesting it although she knew that he had done nothing to earn her wrath.
"I can't," she replied meekly as a dull ache began to throb in her temple.
"Why not?" he exasperated but she didn't answer. She had no answer, "I don't know what else to do! You won't let me fix it. You are fighting me at every turn." His voice growing angrier with every word he spoke. "Damn you! Damn you a thousand times over, Natasha." He turned away from her as she struggled within herself. Fighting between the urge to yell back at him to leave her alone for good and the desire to put her arms around him and agree to anything he wanted.
"Loki," she whispered faintly, the pain in her head increasing as her voice grew sterner. "Loki!" she called again and he turned toward her slowly. He glared at her for several agonizing seconds, and then his long strides brought him to her and he wrenched her hard into his arms.
"Do you want, Barton?" he rasped as he shook her, his hold tightening on her shoulders.
"No," she gasped, his grip was hurting her but she refused to admit it. She could see the desperation in his piercing emerald eyes.
"What do you want from me?" he inquired still holding her tightly, the frustration prevalent in his voice as he awaited her answer.
"I don't know," she admitted. Then suddenly his lips were on hers. His kiss was laced with force and fury and his touch was less than tender but she didn't care. She met his ferocity and matched it. In the end the lovemaking was sweet, heartbreakingly sweet, and accompanied by whispers that he loved her. Lying with her back to him, his arm wrapped around her protectively as he slept, she repeated the words in the silence of her heart. I love you. But her head still ached, her thoughts were still jumbled, and she couldn't tell him how she felt. There was a part of her that could not let go of the idea that he was still the enemy.