Summary:
On Sunday Kurt finally receives word from Blaine: a missed phone call delivered by his father, an original song text delivered by Shane/Erica/Wesley and a video song message with Blaine singing Lost Without You. Immediately Kurt sets up a meeting with Rachel to record another song message for Blaine, singing Whatever It Takes and letting Rachel send it off to whoever this Gabriel McBrien guy was. Back home Kurt sends Finn on his way to an educational meeting with the Berrys. Then he goes back to drown into his own misery, feeling like doing another stupid video song wasn't nearly enough to help Blaine.
Instead of suffering another awful treatment Blaine is shown several video clips of Kurt by Gabriel, including the latest Whatever It Takes song message as well as unintentionally recorded conversations. It leaves Blaine puzzling about what's going on at Kurt's end and worrying about his boyfriend. In the prospect of meeting his father the next day Blaine decides to do whatever he could to keep Kurt from being targeted ever again.
This chapter continues with Sunday night…
Give Up Forever
It was late in the evening when Burt knocked at his son's bedroom door and entered although no response came. He found Kurt sitting in front of his vanity, his face in his hands, elbows propped on the table, not caring to look up when Burt knocked softly on the open door of Kurt's bathroom.
"Hey there," Burt said softly and leaned against the doorframe. "How ya doing?"
"Brilliant," Kurt replied sarcastically and dropped one hand to spin his phone around. "Amazing."
"Yeah, thought so." With a sigh Burt put a glass with a red straw down on the table of Kurt's vanity. "Carole made you one of these shakes. You haven't eaten anything today, have ya?"
"Suppose," Kurt shrugged, ignoring the glass.
"Well, I guess these shakes are okay, but don't you wanna try and eat something... you know with more substance? It makes me sick to know you're not eating anything!"
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," Burt huffed. "Eat something! I just don't get why you wouldn't eat. The doctor said it was a post traumatic side effect but I just... I worry about you."
"I'm gonna try to eat tomorrow," Kurt replied with a sigh and drew the glass near to show his good will. "I promise."
"Alright." Burt rubbed his face tiredly. His guess was that Kurt was still grieving the loss of his boyfriend – yeah, Blaine wasn't dead! Burt remembered that he didn't eat much in the months following Elizabeth's death. When you're grieving you don't have appetite for anything not even for life itself anymore.
"All these weeks…" Kurt slowly turned in his chair to look up at his father. He sounded exhausted and drained. "Nothing! Not a word, not a single sign! And today there's a phone call that I've missed, a video message and word from Shane giving me a song from Blaine. All at once! I know I should be happy about all this but somehow it makes me feel worse."
"Why's that?"
"While Blaine was doing the impossible to contact me, I was trying to forget about all this mess," Kurt admitted and chewed on his lower lip. "Everything's going wrong, Dad. I have no control over anything. I should have been there to take Blaine's call! Instead I was at a party! And I kissed Finn!"
Burt sighed. "Kurt, stop beating yourself up for this and let me tell you something: It's not the end of the world that you kissed Finn."
"How can you be so cool about that?" Kurt raised his voice hysterically. "I'm guilty! I wanted to forget about Blaine last night! And I enjoyed kissing Finn! I mean I didn't realize what was happening in that moment but I can't deny that it felt good and I didn't think about Blaine when Finn and I... when we kissed!"
Burt held his hands up. "Alright, now tell me this. Do you still love Blaine?"
"Of course I do!"
"And I suppose kissing Finn hasn't changed how you feel about Blaine?"
"No! It was a mistake!"
"Okay, look, that kiss with Finn was just physical, Kurt. You're both teenagers with bodily needs…"
"Ewwww!" Kurt turned away in disgust. "Dad! Please!"
"I'm just saying how it is, Kurt. You didn't cheat on Blaine. You didn't plan to make out with Finn. It happened and you regret it. Believe me, you'll do a lot of things in your life that you will regret. Life is about making mistakes and you have to learn to forgive yourself or else you spend your life regretting every wrong step you ever made." Burt tried to get through to his son but Kurt refused to meet his eyes. "Kurt, come here. Please."
He opened his arms and nodded at his son encouragingly. Slowly Kurt rose and let his father draw him into an embrace, resting his head against his father's shoulder.
"I don't even think Blaine would hate you for this," Burt continued and rubbed circles into Kurt's back. "The only one who's hating you right now is yourself."
Kurt dug his face into the crook of his father's neck and tried to stifle a sob but his whole body was shaking.
"And don't worry about Finn, okay? Given some time I'm positive that Finn will figure out the difference between loyality and love. Actually I kinda told him the same thing I just told you. He's so full of regrets because he feels like he's let you down so many times in the past. You know, when all the crap happened with Karofsky? He told me that before Carole and I got married he had been awful to you and ignorant to your problems. He said he wants to make up for everything."
"Can we please stop talking about all this?" Kurt pleaded and drew away.
"Okay, I guess we've talked enough about this today," Burt agreed and held the boy at arm's length. "Just so you know I had a long talk with Finn and I told him to stay away from you, at least for the time being. He's over at Rachel's now."
"I know," Kurt gave a one-sided shrug. "I've set up a meeting between Finn and Rachel's dads to scare him away from the thought of being gay. If anyone can talk him out of it without even meaning to, it's them."
Burt smiled wryly at that. "There's something else I wanted to talk about."
Immediately Kurt tensed and widened his eyes in anxious expectation.
"Relax, kiddo, I just wanted to know if you're up to go back to Dalton? Tomorrow's Monday, you know."
The question didn't relax Kurt at all, and the sudden look of panic on Kurt's face reminded Burt of his nine year old boy the first summer after Elizabeth's death, right after he'd asked him if he wanted to go to summer camp. Remembering Kurt's begging and pleading, clearly feeling abandoned, made his heart ache still today. Being a widowed dad hadn't been easy. All he had wanted for Kurt was to have fun over the summer, but at the same time he was glad that Kurt wanted to stay with him and he didn't have to let go of the boy.
"I don't feel like going back to school…" Kurt said quietly, dreading the day he'd have to go back to Dalton where everything would remind him of Blaine. "I mean, not yet."
"It's okay," Burt hurried to say. Actually, he was glad that Kurt didn't insisted on going like he had when he'd just been out of hospital. He didn't want his son to be out of reach. He wanted to be able to see him every day. At least for one week longer. "You don't need to go just yet."
Kurt chewed on his lips again, contemplating. "But perhaps I should go back to Dalton just to get out of Finn's way until he's settled down again?"
"No, it's okay. Stay home, Kurt." Burt put a big hand on Kurt's shoulder. "I'll call your school first thing tomorrow morning and tell them you're still not well. We still got some check-up appointments at the hospital for you anyway. I was thinking you could stay at the shop with me and help me with some paper work. I'm so behind."
"Sure, I can do that." A smile of relief spread on the boy's face. "I'm gonna call Reed and ask him for homework assignments. I can do them at the shop, so I won't be too behind."
"Alright." Burt ruffled his son's hair. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Dad."
"Carole and I are gonna call it a night. She has an early start tomorrow and I'm happy to hit the pillow, too. You should try and get some sleep as well."
"I will," Kurt said, hugging himself. "Goodnight."
"Night." After Burt left Kurt stared at the two phones lying on his nightstand. He wanted them to ring and he wanted to hear Blaine's voice at the end of the line.
He crawled into his bed and took both phones into his hands, just in case, just to be able to answer them as quickly as possible. It was ten at night. He'd slept the afternoon away and still didn't feel rested.
His life was a mess and he felt pathetically weak. Kurt knew he had to pull himself together but he didn't even have the energy to try to pretend he was okay anymore.
He dimmed the lights and stared into the dark for what seemed to be hours but when he checked the clock on one of his phones it was only a few minutes after ten. Finn was still at Rachel's house. He briefly wondered how his brother was doing.
One of his phones buzzed and Kurt jerked up heavily. Geez, it probably was Finn who needed to tell him how much he hated him by now.
Kurt checked both phones. There was a text message on his own phone. The one his father had kept because the anonymous guy had been texting on it. The phone on which Blaine had called.
Kurt opened the text message and frowned in confusion. Someone had just send him an address in Newark and added the words: Midnight. Be on time.
His whole body went numb when the meaning of this message hit him. It was an invitation. Or more like an order.
Who was the sender of this? Who wanted to meet him?
Blaine's family lived in Newark. Well, at least their main house was there, the one where Blaine grew up in, although the Anderson family seemed to own a couple of mansion's all over the US. Could it be that Blaine's father was the anonymous texter after all?
"Who are you? What do you want from me?" Kurt murmured to himself, staring at the text.
Whoever it was, Kurt would go and find out. He sat up and swung his legs out of bed and – woah! With a dizzy feeling he sat back down, holding his head in his hands and trying to regain his senses. He wasn't well, that was for sure. He tried to get up again, this time slowly and steadying himself with one hand on the wall.
For a long moment he fought the dizziness and the numbness in his legs. Slowly he made his way to his bathroom and drank some water, hoping it would make him better. But his hands were shaking and he knew he was sick. He took a long sip on the shake Carole had made for him but it only made him feel like retching. He forced it down because he knew he needed some sugar into his system right now if he didn't want to pass out.
"Shit." Kurt had to face reality. He wasn't up to drive all the way to Newark by himself. Panic threatened to take over. This was the only chance ever to show that he'd do anything for Blaine! He couldn't blow it! Whatever Mr Anderson wanted from him he had to go and face him.
Calm down, Kurt Hummel, he told himself. Calm the fuck down and think! You can't go on a two hour drive in this condition! You're not helping Blaine by having an accident. You need someone to drive you there!
Kurt stared at the words of the text message again.
It didn't even say it was about Blaine. But it was. If he went there, he would find out something about Blaine. It could be a trap. The words of the first text message were still burned into his head: die fag. What if Devon was waiting for him to finish him off? It was a risk he had to take.
Now he needed someone to drive him. The question was who.
Of course, his first choice was Finn, but his brother was still at Rachel's and Kurt didn't want to bother him. He needed couple-time with Rachel to work it all out. He couldn't drag him back into his little world of problems, they needed distance to each other.
For a brief moment he thought about asking Mercedes, she would drive him anywhere. But what if this invitation was a trap and he was about to be beaten up again tonight? Mercedes wouldn't be able to help him and he didn't want her to have to watch him being beaten like a dog.
While he was pacing his room and drumming his fingers on his chin Kurt thought about Puckerman. That guy was crazy and tough enough to come with Kurt. Only problem, Kurt didn't have Puck's number and he couldn't call Finn and ask for it, now could he?
And no, no way, he didn't allow his mind to even consider the possibility of asking his dad. No way! For one Burt would try to talk him out of it or call the police. And if by chance Burt agreed to drive him and come with him, he'd be in great danger. There was no way Kurt would get his father into a dangerous situation again. He'd already had one heart attack and he'd been upset enough when they'd met Devon. Kurt just didn't want his father to get hurt.
However, in case he was going to face a real threat in Newark Kurt needed someone by his side who was strong, someone who was able to intimidate people by his sheer presence.
He needed someone who was a bully himself.
He needed … Karofsky.
A chill went down his spine just thinking about the guy who'd made his life a living hell not too long ago. However, Karofsky had tried to contact him over the past few days. Kurt was positive that Karofsky would agree to meet him and even to drive him around. The question was if he was brave enough to get into a car with Karofsky.
Kurt started biting his nails and contemplated this.
His last encounter with the jock in the mall had left him puzzling about him anyway. No, he didn't trust Karofsky one bit, but somehow he could understand him. He knew what it was like to live a lie, and not being able or daring to show the world your true face. It was a hard step to tell your parents, your friends and the world that you were gay. Even though he loved his father dearly, Kurt had been terrified to tell him. He had feared to be rejected, and if his dad – the only person that had mattered to him – would've rejected him he would've been devastated.
So even if Karofsky was a horrible person, Kurt could understand the pain he went through. He could understand that he needed someone to talk to, someone who understood the pressure.
Okay, so Karofsky had threatened to kill him. But he hadn't really meant it. Right? He was just scared himself. Right? It was not dangerous at all to sit in a car with him for about two hours. Well, four hours if you counted the ride back.
Ah hell, if he was ready to walk into the lion's den he could also take a ride by the devil himself there. Everything would be fine. Right?
Actually, Karofsky was the perfect guy for this job.
Of course he didn't think that Karofsky would throw himself between Kurt and a possible attacker to protect him. But maybe his presence would intimidate whoever was waiting for him. He couldn't risk putting his family into danger, but he didn't care if Karofsky took a knock on the head during the process.
Yeah, it was crazy to ask Karofsky, but there was no one else to ask. All he had to do now was call him. Where was the number?
Kurt searched around his room for the little yellow paper with Karofsky's phone number on it. He found it on the floor underneath his desk and smoothed it out, then tapped the number into his phone before he was able to change his mind. His hand was trembling when he pressed the phone to his ear and listened to the dialing tone.
"Hello?" Karofsky's grumbling low voice almost made Kurt lose his courage.
"Hi, this is Kurt," he almost whispered and then cleared his throat.
"Oh, hey… what's up?" Karofsky clearly didn't expect him to call.
"Can you pick me up?" Kurt decided that straightforward was the best strategy. Also he didn't have one minute to spare. It was already past ten and the drive from Lima to Newark would take about two hours. Midnight. Be on time.
"What do you mean?" Karofsky was slow on the uptake.
"I need someone to drive me someplace," Kurt whispered into the phone, paranoid that his parents might hear him talk through the walls.
"Okay. You're at home?"
At least Karofsky wasn't wasting time asking stupid questions. "Yes, I'll wait outside for you. Don't park in front of the house."
"Okay. I'll be ten minutes."
"Hurry up please." Kurt hung up and rubbed his face. Oh my god, what am I doing? Am I crazy? Trusting the person that had threatened my life? But Kurt realized that he was more scared of Mr Andersan than he was of Karofsky.
Okay, he had ten minutes to waste. Kurt's gaze fell at the person in his fullbody mirror. Did he really look that horrible? Geez, if he had to meet Mr Anderson today, at least he could do it with style and dress up.
He quickly changed into some of his fancier clothes and put his ankle-high white boots on. Then he pulled his beloved Burberry Pea Coat out of his wardrobe and put it on. Last but not least he wrapped his creme colored cashmere scarf around his neck and did a last minute check on his hair.
He wasn't at his best appearance but he was as good as he could get in ten minutes.
He looked out of the window and saw Karofsky already parking outside with the headlights switched off. Boy, he was good at this. Very discreet. Clearly used to observing houses in the middle of the night.
At the last second Kurt wrote a hastily scratched note for his family in case they found his bed unoccupied tonight. He ripped the page out, folded it and placed it on his bed, then he pocketed his phone and tiptoed out into the hallway, listening for any sound coming out of the master bedroom.
He made his way downstairs and closed the front door as quiet as possible before he hurried over the street and towards the waiting black car.
The cold night air hit him and made all of this more real. Kurt slowed his pace as he neared the car. He could make out Karofsky's silhouette sitting in the dark car and another shiver went right down his spine. He stopped in the middle of the street and concentrated on his breathing.
He could hear Finn's voice inside of his head. "Inhale slowly, hold your breath, count to three, and exhale. There is no need to panic, we'll figure this out." Kurt chewed on his lower lip and wished Finn was here. He almost turned to get back into the safety of his house.
Karofsky scrolled down his window. "C'mon, get in. It's fucking cold outside."
Kurt walked around the front of the car, opened the passenger door and started to slip on the seat, but kept one foot on the asphalt. His eyes met Karofsky's who had shut his window again and now looked at Kurt with an unreadable expression. He wore a black watch cap and a dark windbreaker. Somehow Kurt was glad that the jock didn't wear his red letterman jacket, it would only bring unpleasant memories back.
"Don't look at me as if you expect me to kill you," Karofsky huffed. "You asked me for a ride."
He turned on the ignition and put the car in gear. Kurt had to hurry to get in and close the door. He busied himself with the seatbelt while Karofsky drove to leave the neighborhood behind.
"So where are we going?"
Kurt looked at his phone and scrolled to the text message. He gave Karofsky the address so he could tap it into his GPS.
"Newark?" David turned to look at him. "That's like a two hour drive."
"I know," Kurt replied. "Can you drive me there?"
There was a moment of hestitation, but then Karofsky gave a short nod.
"We need to be there at midnight," Kurt pointed out.
"No problem." Karofsky turned his GPS off. "I know the way to Newark. We can make it in time."
Kurt's chest relaxed, freeing a breath of air he didn't even know he was holding. He was glad when Karofsky turned on the radio because he didn't feel like talking to him. He concentrated on the music and tried to calm himself down because inside he was still in a turmoil.
I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
Kurt clutched his phone in his lap and stared straight ahead. He could only hope that he'd make it to Newark and back again without any kind of trouble. He hoped he'd be able to slip back into the house without his family even noticing that he'd been away. Because they wouldn't understand why he had to do this on his own.
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Alright, I'm on my way. Kurt knew that it wasn't smart to follow orders from an anonymous texter who clearly intended to harm him. But if this trail led to Blaine he had no choice but to go.
They drove down the empty street in the dead of the night.
I'd give up forever to touch you
Blaine couldn't find sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, tortured by his own thoughts. All the images of Kurt he'd seen a couple of hours earlier were still flashing up in his head.
He didn't know what time it was but it had to be in the middle of the night. Finally he reached out for the light switch and sat up, rubbing his face. He couldn't explain it but he had a weird feeling of foreboding that wouldn't let go of him.
Something bad was happening tonight, he could feel it.
"You're being stupid," he told himself. With a sigh he pulled the guitar out from under his bed and got it out of its case. Letting his fingers run lightly over the strings always soothed him. He sung the words of a song that suddenly popped up in his head and of course he was thinking of Kurt.
"I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow"
Of everything he saw of Kurt today the thing with Karofsky troubled Blaine the most. He couldn't put his finger on it but Karofsky's sudden interest in Kurt – and his apparent stalking – bothered Blaine. Knowing that there was more to Karofsky than just the usual bullying of weaker persons was unsettling. After all the guy had kissed Kurt before.
"You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now"
There was something very familiar about Karofsky that Blaine had noticed the very first time he'd seen him but had put it aside back then. The broad-shouldered bulky guy reminded him of someone else but that of course was only coincidence. No way there was any connection between Karofsky and the McVaughn family.
Now you're being paranoid, Blaine told himself.
"And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight"
There was a knock at the door and Blaine looked up startled and in confusion. Who came to see him in the middle of the night? And who knocked at the door? It wasn't as if Blaine was able to actually open the door because it was always locked up.
A second later he heard the key being turned and he had no time to hide the guitar away before his nightly visitor entered, a wide grin on his features.
"Why am I not surprised to see you with that beauty in your arms?"
Gabriel closed the door behind him and walked slowly across the room.
"Hey there." Blaine grinned up at him. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?"
Gabriel casually flopped down at the end of Blaine's bed and pulled his legs up. "Couldn't sleep," he replied with a shrug that betrayed his nightly terrors. "I figured you might not be sleeping either, so I came."
Blaine took in Gabriel's appearance. Instead of his white work clothes Gabriel wore a pair of blue jeans, a dark green hoodie and grey sneakers. Blaine hadn't seen him in casual clothes before so this was nice. He tried to imagine what Gabriel was like in his free time. But well, if he spent his free time sneaking back to his workplace...
"Can you come and go as you please?"
"Sienna let me in," Gabriel said with a wry smile. "She's one of the receptionists and she has a soft spot for me. I tell her I forgot something and usually it takes me hours to find it."
"Why do you come back at night?"
"Ghosts," Gabriel answered mysteriously and brushed some blond curls out of his face. "There's something spooky about walking these halls in the middle of the night I can tell you."
"I find it quite creepy even at daytime," Blaine replied with a tilt of his head. "What time is it anyway?" He let his fingers run over the strings again.
"A few minutes after midnight." Gabriel nodded at the guitar. "What were you playing?"
"Just this song..." Blaine shrugged.
"One of your own?"
Blaine shook his head.
"Let me hear it."
This time Blaine didn't shy away. With a soft voice he continued singing.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"
Blaine pretended like he didn't notice the way Gabriel suddenly wiped at his eyes and like he didn't hear the tearful sigh that escaped the man's throat. He felt like crying himself and he was sick of being locked up.
"And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"
Suddenly Blaine stopped and looked up at the man sitting across from him.
"Gabriel, can I ask you something?"
"Sure." Gabriel blew out a puff of air. "Fire away."
"Did my father really call every day like you said he did?"
Songs in this chapter:
Goo Goo Dolls – Iris
Hi everyone! All what's about to come with Karofsky I've been planning for almost a year! It took me ages to finally get here. Much love to all of my readers and your patience! It'll still take a while until Klaine get back together again.
Normallyweirdm, a thousand kisses to you! :*