Chapter 36: I LOVE YOU

Autumn's POV

I sit in front of Keegan in a small Italian restaurant. This was our fifth date and we still hadn't slept together but I knew it was coming. The tension between us had only gotten worse and it was going to climax. My mind was screaming at me not to sleep with him. That I had already starting having feelings for him and sleeping with him will only make me fall completely. But my heart and body were screaming yes. And it was getting harder to ignore them.

I watch as Keegan eats his dessert and smile. He was adorable yet so handsome. I was glad we could do this. We'd both managed to get our day off on the same day. A Monday night, the night the bar was least busy.

"What are you smiling at?" He says raising an eyebrow.

"I'm just happy. I'm glad we could do this," I reply.

"Me too."

We fall into a comfortable silence. He holds my hand on the table and I feel heat go through it. And my heart finally beats my brain.

"Do you want to go back to my apartment after this?" I ask quietly. "We don't have work till four tomorrow."

I see his eyes light up and he smiles. We knew each other better now. I knew his favourite colour was green and he knew mine was purple. He also knew I'd never slept with anyone before. I knew he wanted to be an engineer for the marines and maybe even the SEALS. He knew a lot about me. Aside from the I'm a spy and my parents aren't really in Chicago thing. My cover was as close to my actual personality as possible.

"Are you sure?" He asks back.

"Yeah," I smile.

The walk back to my apartment was almost unbearable. We walk at a leisurely pace and Keegan's arm hangs loosely over my shoulder. We try to keep the touching down to a minimum. But that changes when we reach the apartment.

As soon as we hit the floor I'm on, he pins me to wall and pulls me into a heated kiss. I return it with as much as he puts into it. I sigh when he grabs my waist. I trust him completely. He won't hurt me.

"Keegan…" I gasp pulling back and in response he kisses my neck causing my breath to hitch. "We need to take this inside."

He nods and pulls back. I quickly open the door and we dart inside.

"Now, where were we?" I say. This time it's me who pulls him into a kiss.

Gradually things start to get more heated, the only sounds being our kissing, breathing and moans. But when I feel my shirt start to come off I pull back.

"Bed…" I begin.

"My sentiments exactly," Keegan says cutting me off. He swiftly lifts me up and puts me on the bed.

It was going to be a long night.

I wake up to the sun shining through the blinds. I could feel Keegan behind me, his arms holding me tightly and with me still slightly on top of him. He was still fast asleep but I didn't mind. I was happy where I was.

The events of last night come back to me and I smile. Gosh… Last night… I couldn't even describe it. Keegan was so gentle. He was constantly careful not to hurt me and the things he did… I close my eyes and grin.

However, I do know the consequences of last night. I already had feelings for Keegan and last night just strengthened it. The way Keegan held me and looked after me made fall even further. I was falling fast and I loved him. I'd said it enough last night. I know I should tell Joan about my feelings but there was no point. At the pace we were going at things were going to wrap up soon. I was going to get the information and then leave.

Part of me didn't want to betray or leave him. But the other part knew I had to.

I feel Keegan move slightly and stir. His breathing quickens slightly and I smile. He was waking up.

"Morning," I say quietly.

"Morning, mon cher," He replies.

I smile and turn in his arms so I was facing him. I smile at him and take in his messy blonde hair and sleepy blue eyes. He looked gorgeous. I rest my hands on his muscular chest and nuzzle into him.

"Last night was…" He begins and then chuckles.

"My sentiments exactly," I laugh back.

"I love you," He says when we stop laughing.

"I love you too," I whisper and the next thing I know his lips are on mine kissing me gently.

We lie there kissing for a while and when we stop I rest my forehead on his smiling.

"Do you want some coffee?" I ask quietly.

"That would be nice," He smiles taking his arms away. "May I use your bathroom?"

"You would think after last night, you wouldn't need to ask," I laugh sitting up. I quickly pull on some underwear and a t-shirt. Keegan quickly finds his boxers and pulls them on.

"True," He smirks and with that disappears into the bathroom.

I walk over to the kitchen and start the kettle up. I only had crappy instant coffee but it would have to do. Five minutes later I pour it out and add milk to both. I return to the bed and set Keegan's down on the bedside table. When Keegan returns two minutes later, he finds me sitting cross legged holding the mug in both hands. He sits down and gives me a peck on the lips before picking up his.

"So, what do you want to do today? We have till like three before I have to go back to my apartment. It's only about nine now so we have six hours," He says.

"Well we could read, watch TV, go out for a walk, do some exercise…" I tease. He knew fine rightly what I was referring to when I said 'exercise'.

"I like your thinking Miss Cunningham," He grins setting his mug down and taking mine off me and setting it beside his.

The next thing I know he's kissing me deeply. I smile against his mouth and giggle as he pushes me down onto the bed. We make out for a while and I could feel it going further due to his hand slowing going up my shirt. Suddenly I hear a loud ringtone go off. Blown Away by Carrie Underwood to be precise. That was my emergency ringtone. Crap.

"Keegan," I say pulling back. He responds by moving to my neck. "I need to get that."

"No you don't," He mumbles. I moan slightly as he hits a particularly sensitive spot on my neck. My self control was wavering. He was driving me crazy

"It could be the record label I met with last week," I say. As part of my cover I had been going to 'see record labels'. In reality I had been seeing my in-field handler. Keegan didn't know that.

"Fine," He sighs releasing my waist.

I get up grabbing the phone of the side and mouth a thank you to him. I walk into the bathroom and he raises an eyebrow.

"You distract me too much," I call behind me before closing the door. I quickly answer the phone and sit down on the toilet seat. "Hello?"

"Autumn, is that you?" It's Joan.

"Joan?" I say quietly in shock. It was so good to hear her voice. "Yeah it's me. Is everything alright?"

"Are you alone?"

"Not particularly. I'm in the bathroom. Keegan's in the other room; we spent the night together," I say quietly so he doesn't hear me.

"Can he hear you? Have you got time?" She says desperately.

"I've got time. Not a lot but some," I say quietly. I was practically whispering. "What's going on?"

"Now Autumn I'm going to tell you something but you must not panic," She says.

"Okay…"

"There's a leak in the CIA."

"What are you talking about?" I whisper.

"Someone has been leaking high value operation intel. I need you to be careful. Your mission is at risk due to the importance of it," Joan says. "You need to be careful. People have already died. If Ianto Seyal is leaked information about you…"

"I'm dead," I whisper.

"Now Autumn, I don't want you to panic. We have people working on figuring out who it is," Joan says, desperately. "I just want you to be careful and mindful. Things just got more dangerous."

"Okay," I say. Tears were rolling own my cheeks. I was freaking out but Joan didn't need to know that.

"Thank you," She says quietly. "By the way, it's good to hear your voice sweetheart."

"You too," I whisper.

"Now you better go. Keegan's probably waiting," Joan says.

"Yeah. Bye Joan," I whisper.

"Bye sweetheart."

And with that I hang up the phone. I silently walk out of the bathroom. Tears were rolling down my cheeks still but I had my story in my head. When Keegan sees me his eyes widen in concern. He gets up, walks over to me and pulls me into a hug.

"Ava, what's wrong?"

"That was the record company," I say. "They don't want me."

"Awk Ava," He whispers into my hair. "There's many more. Don't you worry Ava. There's many more."

I nod and cry slightly into his chest. All he does is hold me closer.

I somehow feel safe in his arms even though he doesn't know the real reason why I'm crying. I felt guilty for lying. So guilty.

Because it wasn't just me who was in danger. It was him too. If Ianto Seyal found out that his son had fallen in love with a spy… I don't want to want to think about what he'd do. I was scared for Keegan. I loved Keegan. I loved him and I was done hiding it.

I loved him and didn't want to lose him.