A/N: Thanks for all the lovely feedback! This is all ending wildly fast I've written most of it just editing things out and making sure everything is all wrapped up.
Chapter 37: Breakthroughs
"Stop. Stop." McGonagall directed waving her arms exasperated, approaching Morgan in the abandoned classroom. "Reid what did I say?" She admonished.
"Focus on the emotion, not on the memory." Morgan recited annoyed.
She knew what she had to do she just couldn't seem to do it.
"Correct. Stop trying to hold the memories in your head where you can control them. You need to hold them here." McGonagall said pointed towards Reid's heart. "Where you can feel them."
Morgan nodded frustrated. She had tried for over an hour to recreate her breakthrough from the dungeons but she was sidetracked. It wasn't as if she wasn't able to think of memories, Reid had no problem thinking of them anymore. Her issue was more that she wasn't really able to feel them. They felt unreal and hazy even.
She knew it was because her mind was secretly distracted by the words 'loony lout' playing over and over in her head.
McGonagall took her seat near the fire once again. But she could see the hesitation on Reid's face. Kindly she offered the best suggestion she could. "I can see something is clearly distracting you today Morgana. Try channeling the anger or frustration you're feeling into your spell if the memories don't work." McGonagall suggested. "Sometimes our feelings are more powerful than we even imagine."
"All right." Morgan said noncommittal.
"Okay, let's give th
is one last crack." The professor said, urging her to begin.
Channel her aggression towards Wood. Morgan could do that. She had plenty of ammunition from past arguments to fuel the spell. 'Barmy besom. Barmy besom'. She repeated to herself trying to remember the anger she'd felt when Wood had called her that.
Reid could feel the magic inside her wand come alive, as she completed the wand movements. Her eyes fluttered close and she tried to give into the spell.
"What a blighter ye are! Blimey I was just trying ta be nice ya barmy besom!"
"MERLIN CAN'T YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!"
"I AM!" Oliver roared frustrated. "S'not my fault yer to thick ta understand!"
"I'm thick! Say's the boy who can't even pick up basic social cues!" Morgan slurred.
"I can see now why yer ma sent ya away. I'd kick ya out too if I had to live with this every day!"
Reid tried to recall the keen feeling of betrayal she'd felt as Wood had spat that insult. Somehow it hurt more then than when she'd heard something similar that past week. Maybe it was because she hadn't known Oliver back then, hadn't known that he didn't mean it, or more importantly she hadn't wanted to acknowledge that he was right. Morgan had overreacted that night. All Wood had done was try to get to know her.
Her mind quickly slipped to an incident soon afterwards.
"If you're the prince that's supposed to rescue me I've been royally ripped off."
"Oh, well I guess if the princess doesn't want help, the prince and should take a hint and just get lost, right? Though I hear the numbers of rabid lake kelpie have risen exponentially this year." His eyes had sparkled with mischievous glint and she hadn't realized how alluring it had been, staring into those brown orbs.
The boat lurched as an air bubble escaped and Morgan teetered as the boat started to angle upwards. "NO! NO! Ok! Oliver..." She cried. She was about to fall backwards when all of sudden a firm grip caught her wrist steadying her.
Oliver was standing up port side, supporting her. "It's ok , I've got ye." He said reassuringly, the joking nature completely disappearing from his voice.
Something powerful and strong welled inside Reid. She wasn't sure why the magic was so potent at that moment but she knew it had something to do with the care and concern she'd seen in his eyes that day; genuine and unabashed. It had been awhile since she'd seen someone else care for her that way. His protection had reassured and calmed her. And it certainly hadn't been the only time he'd saved her.
Once again the memory vanished and another surged forward to replace it.
"Go on, I dare ye. Just touch the front door." Wood taunted, nodding towards the shrieking shack's rickety front porch.
"No way Jose! Lucy says even the castle ghosts won't get near it. And their dead! They've nothing to lose."
"Why not? I'll be right behind ye. Don't ye trust me ta protect ye?" He asked.
"Who says I need anyone to protect me?" Morgan responded.
"How many times have I saved yer arse this year alone?"
Reid ticked them off on her fingers thoughtfully, "Well there was the boat…and Flint…and my drunken misadventures in the hallway….And I'll admit you tried with that detention with Snape even if you failed hardcore."
"Guess I didn't turn out ta be that bad of a prince eh?" He joked.
"I guess not, but I guess that also means you'll have to put up with me a lot longer because I'm a disaster of a princess."
"Nae a problem lass. Yer worth saving." Oliver told her sincerely.
Morgan remembered the look he gave her and the comforting warmth she'd felt. She knew now what that look meant but she hadn't then. She had wasted so much time not wanting to acknowledge it.
"Are ye ruddy serious?! Ye really don't realize how much I bloody care about ye?" Oliver cried passionately, the truth rolling off his tongue abruptly without any warning. "Ye don't do you? Yer trying so hard to push away the things that scare ye that ye're missing out on everything real."
Reid's mind stalled momentarily as she resisted the memory but immediately as she did she could feel the magic around her weaken noticeably. With new resolve, she gripped the wand tighter and allowed the strong muddle of emotions to overcome her.
"You think that you can just tell me how I feel?" Morgan responded defiantly.
"Fine! Then tell me that ye don't care about me." Oliver dared heatedly, leaning in closer, "Go on tell me!"
Reid avoided his eyes but Wood grabbed her chin delicately forward, forcing her to look at him.
"Tell me you don't feel this too." Oliver directed; frustration evident in his tone. He was pushing her. He wanted her to say something; anything.
Wood's thumb gently erased a lone tear trailing down her face, his hand grazing her cheek coming to rest at her jawbone compelling her eyes to face him head on and witness the sincerity behind his own.
"Ye can't can ye Morgan?" Oliver asked tenderly.
"Tell me ye don't want this. Just tell me and I'll leave ye alone." Wood whispered, hovering just above her lips, giving her time to object.
She was drowning; in Wood's scent, his touch, and his penetrating gaze.
Morgan's senses were overloaded with foreign feelings and she struggled to recognize them as he seized her lips in a hesitant kiss.
It was featherlike, a quill drifting across her lips, weightless and simple. Yet that light motion, searing and pacifying, was enough to unravel her completely.
Yellow rays surrounded her with such intensity that Reid no longer felt in the dark with her eyes closed; the radiance soaking through the darkness. She was bathed in light; submerged in the strength of her own emotion. The force of it so blinding and bright it surprised her that it taken so long to identify it.
This was love; unconditional, unexpected, and imperfect.
Reid had been so determined not to recognize it, not to let it in, that she'd blocked it right out and shunned love before it had a chance to shun her. Yet now, under the potency of its influence Morgan couldn't deny the might of its power as its energy washed over her with a dazzling ferocity.
"YES! Yes! That's it Reid! Keep it going." She heard McGonagall encourage.
Instead of disregarding the feeling, Reid embraced it; allowing the feeling of love to grow around her. As she did her brain began unlocking some unknown vault of emotion and important memories started flowing freely from her; memories of her childhood, memories of friends, and the quidditch team. Some were peaceful, some were happy, others her worst nightmares but all fed Morgan with strong emotion that in turn fostered the magic around her.
Reid was so invested in the spell, time seemed to stand still. As the clock ticked away, the magic around her grew brighter and stronger with each memory. Even after the ribbons of magic had completely enveloped Morgan's body in a warm embrace, the aura around her continued to swell larger and larger.
"Then get them for her." Oliver advised fingering the pair of gloves
"I don't know." Reid said sadly. "I'm not sure she wants to anything to do with me right now."
"Ye don't know that." Wood told her. "Maybe she thinks ye're still angry with her for sending ye away."
"You've clearly never met my mother." Morgan scoffed as she turned to leave.
Wood caught her arm. "You're right I don't know your mother, but I do know you Reid. And I know that it doesn't really matter if she's mad or not. In the end, ye'll regret it if ye don't at least try and reach out to her. She's yer mum, Reid. Nothin worth having in life is ever going to be easy. And if doesn't work out, at least ye'll know that ye tried, that ye made an effort. That's all anyone can ask of ye."
Her mind jumped back to the first day of school. Morgan was more scared than she had ever been. She was worried the teacher or the other kids wouldn't like her and her father had calmly reassured her.
"Morgie, there's nothing ta be afraid of. Life is just learning to fly. If ye want to be successful keep your head up, elbows in, and your eyes straight ahead. Don't look down, don't look behind ye, and don't worry about what everyone else is doing. You are gonna have things that get in yer way, fog, rain, birds, you name it, but ye gotta just keep going. People respond ta confidence. Charge yer own path and be yourself and nobody can fault ye."
The memory continued though, as hazy parts of the conversation came back to her consciousness for the first time in years.
"The most important thing about flying though, and ye have to remember this, is to get off the ground".
Morgan had giggled. Who would ever forget that?
"I'm serious lass. Everybody steps on the pitch with the same potential for greatness but ye'd be surprised how many people never take off because they're too worried about taking a chance on themselves. To fly ye have ta trust who ye are completely. Your head will always keep ye on the ground if ye let it. You have to have faith that ye can soar higher and faster than anything else just as ye are."
"Can I be faster than a Firebolt?" She'd asked.
"Faster than a Firebolt? I think ye could soar faster than a comet! Faster than sound! Ye can do whatever ye can dream up Morgan. Ye get out of life, what ye put into it. So put yer whole heart in it. "
"All of it?"
"All of it. Risk it all kid. That's the Reid family secret. Do everything fiercely and whole heartedly."
All of sudden, the magic bubble of energy that encircled Reid burst. Morgan's eyes flashed opened worriedly to see all the light converging into a tight compact orb of energy.
The orb hovered in front of her. It shimmered with an iridescent glow and its depths Morgan could almost see the pieces of herself reflected back at her.
As abruptly as it burst, the energy advanced forward, burying itself in her chest.
Her body glowed with a golden aura from head to toe for an instant before it faded as quickly as it had come.
Reid blinked and looked up to Professor McGonagall.
In Reid's eyes McGonagall saw yellow eyes, distinctly beast, staring back at her for a fleeting second. Morgan blinked again and they were gone.
"You've…you've done it." The professor stated shocked.
Reid just stood there stunned, in the middle of the room, unsure what had just happened to her.
All along, Reid had imagined that the image of her Animagus form would just appear before her. Like a picture or a patronus.
Instead her mind just suddenly knew the answer, as if she had known it all long.
When the magic had entered her body, Morgan felt a peculiar understanding; a pervasive sense of complete knowing.
It was an indescribable feeling. It was almost as if she'd sensed a connection with something that was both her and not her. She felt the energy of that spirit invading her, filling her consciousness. It was oddly familiar, but yet she was only just experiencing it for the first time.
"Yes! You've done it! Oh I knew you had it in you!" McGonagall praised, snapping Morgan out of her thoughts quickly as she rushed forward out of her red arm chair. "I could just tell! You are Morvyn's granddaughter after all. "
Reid smiled feeling slightly overwhelmed.
"Sit, sit! You must be exhausted." The professor mentioned to the chair before striding merrily over to her desk.
McGonagall opened the desk drawer and started rummaging. It must have had extending qualities because her whole arm practically to the elbow disappeared into the drawer before coming out with a green glass bottle and two goblets.
"This is some of the best hard cider in Scotland, made in Dunbar. I've been saving it for a special occasion. This seems as good a reason as any."
Morgan smiled and took the goblet she was offered happily. The fizzy drink had a sweet apple taste with a tangy alcoholic aftertaste that was cheerful and soothing.
"Not word of this to anyone." The professor warned. "Especially not Finnegan! Girl might be half-British but one would never know it. Full of blarney that one."
Reid smiled into the drink and nodded her assent.
The professor appraised her seriously, "You look a bit shocked Ms. Reid. Don't worry it's quite normal."
"I guess I am…" Morgan stated hesitantly. "It just wasn't what I expected."
"What were you expecting?"
"I don't know…I mean the whole process was so… intense and downright exhausting."
"I'd expect so. You were at it for over three hours."
"Three hours?!" She asked incredulously.
"Oh yes, its half past already."
Reid's eyes flashed to the clock in surprise. It was almost midnight. "It only felt like fifteen minutes or so…"
"That is the nature of time. It's all so relative isn't?" The professor paused briefly to take a sip of the cider before turning to ask the important question. "So…what is it to be? A mouse? A tiger? A herring? Don't keep me in such suspense girl!"
"None of the above…it was a wolf. A red one." Morgan told her.
"A red wolf…." Professor McGonagall repeated, considering it aloud.
"I know, not at all what I thought either." Reid said. "Secretly, I was suspecting I might be something that flies - like a falcon or an eagle but I wasn't anywhere close with that guess."
"I agree, it would not have been my first prediction, but I think it suits quite well the more I think on it. Wolves are known to be temperamental and passionate but also intelligent and athletic. A good mix that fits you well."
"That description fits tons of animals though." Reid noted.
"But wolves are also fiercely loyal and protective of their social circle. They aren't quick to trust outsiders. I would certainly say the same things of you having gotten to know you over the course of this year."
"Aren't wolves pack animals?" Morgan asked.
"I believe they run in tight family communities. Yes."
Morgan laughed. "Merlin I really am a cliché, then aren't I then? A lone wolf, without a family."
"Not in the least Ms. Reid. You should read some of your grandmother's literature." McGonagall chided. "Lone wolves in fact are animals that have been driven from their own pack, seeking solitude. They want to be alone. I don't think that is truly something you wish is it?"
Reid thought about the overwhelming feeling of love that had surrounded her during the spell, the feeling of complete security and completeness she'd experienced. "No. I don't." She answered honestly.
This revelation felt even more important than any other she'd made that evening.
Morgan Reid did not want to be alone.
She had battled all year with a desire to shut people out, to even shut her own feelings out.
She hadn't wanted to admit that she was angry with her dad, that she felt their loss just as keenly as her mother because it made her feel weak and powerless. She hadn't wanted to admit to herself that she was lonely, scared or frightened without them because deep down Reid had been afraid she might not be able to make it without them. After their death, it was easier just to build a wall around herself. If she could be everything for herself, do everything for herself, she thought she wouldn't need to rely on anyone else.
But even so, the feelings had creeped in. And she'd been fighting it all along.
Fighting the past but not wanting to face the things that scared her about the future.
But avoiding her feelings hadn't brought Reid any kind of resolution. Instead it had made her feel more alone than she ever had in her life.
Tonight had reminded Morgan that love was worth the fight, it was worth every ounce of pain and the terrifying doubt to be brave and live a full and complete life.
It was worth the risk to let love in, to embrace not just others but to embrace herself.
Reid wanted love in her life and finally she felt ready to accept it.
Fiercely and wholeheartedly.
"Then are you happy with this revelation"
Morgan smiled and nodded.
"So you still want to continue?"
"Absolutely." Morgan responded quickly.
"Then to the first step of a very long journey." McGonagall toasted as their glasses clinked together.