Christmas shopping was supremely conventional.
We had just finished a week of finals (I was blessed enough to have teachers that only tested me on the material I had been present for), and everyone was happy to get some time off. Break would last for two weeks, and we eventually decided to kick it off with some last- minute Christmas shopping.
When we got to the mall, Sora and I paired up with Riku and Namine, while Hayner, Pence, and Olette split off to survey the stores on the other side of the complex. We hit tons of stores that carried things none of us could ever afford; we ended up spending a lot of time staring at expensive jewelry and snazzy technology like the kind they had in those Sky Mall magazines. Occasionally Riku and Sora drew unwelcoming stares from several wary employees and customers, but they didn't seem to mind all that much. Kids were running everywhere, shrieking excitedly and getting chased down by their harried-looking parents.
There were a lot of little displays in the store windows, some with bustling towns filled with tiny inhabitants or hundreds of gingerbread men or the occasional Disney characters. Namine's favorites were the ones with trains that actually ran on their tracks, while Riku and Sora were partial to the ones with mobile ice skaters. Personally, I liked the ones with the realistic lights in the houses and buildings that turned on and off. They looked like tiny Christmas utopias set in the forties, happy little towns that belonged in another world.
The holidays themselves passed uneventfully – my father bought me too many expensive gifts, and I gave him a fancy watch that Demyx had stolen. He had dumped it in Riku's lap earlier in December, and when I had mentioned that I didn't want to get a gift for my dad, he'd tossed it to me without a word. I also bought my mother a necklace in the hopes that she would show up, but she never did. The people at her work hadn't heard from her at all, and had called the house to inform us that they were firing her because he still hadn't checked in. My father's only remark on her absence was that we would have a great time "with or without her." I began to think she would never come back around that time.
I knew my dad would get drunk on New Year's, so I made plans to stay at Olette's house for the holiday. Namine joined us, but Pence had to help out at his family's restaurant and Hayner was on vacation with his cousins. Sora and Riku were stuck celebrating with the Organization, but we texted the whole night, so it felt like they were right there with us.
I don't know how to explain what I felt when the girls were making their resolutions for the New Year; I suppose a lack of feeling would be a more appropriate way to describe what I experienced. Hope or despair for the following year would have been the obvious – or at least traditional – approaches, but I only felt a calmness that I couldn't shake. Not even fear could breach the newfound resignation settling over me.
I had no control over what happened around me. People would make their own choices, and events would unfold in ways I couldn't imagine. But I figured something out: I could only worry about what I could control, and the rest of it would happen as it was supposed to. There was no use in worrying about things I had no part of, had no control over. Whatever the New Year had in store for me would be thrown at me with no warning, and I would have to roll with the punches. It would be a waste of time to concern myself with things that might happen. All that mattered was that I be prepared to deal with whatever came my way. At the time, sitting with the girls and occasionally sipping champagne from Olette's glass, I felt ready.
In retrospect, I really had no idea of what the New Year had in store for us; I shouldn't have been so quick to accept my complacency. However, even if I had forced myself to worry, life has a funny way of dealing with the best laid plans.
The real trouble started as winter break ended.