A/N: Okay, so this chapter has been scraped and rescraped just to be scraped all over again. I tried to write the Hotel scene with Bryce and Sarah but I could never get it the way I wanted so I scraped it and went a different way only to be told by BillAtWork and Shadowda to write that scene. So I tried again, became fairly attached to it only to have Bill suggest yet another route to go, which is the way I ended up going.
But if enough people would like it, I'll post the alternate beginning since I was too attached to delete it from my computer yet, lol. Let me know of you'd like it.
Disclaimer: Still own nothing
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Chapter Thirty-Six
{Sarah's car}
Sarah's foot was like lead against the accelerator. She swerved around cars with expert precision, only once coming close to hitting another driver. But he was the one trying to cut her off and being an asshole. If he just minded his own business and didn't try to cutoff the obviously speeding car, she wouldn't have had to honk. Sarah refused to let anyone slow her down.
"Whoa, slow down," Bryce said behind a packet of ice covering his nose, his body jostled around by her quick swerve into the other lane. "Jesus, you're gonna kill somebody."
Sarah sent a fierce glance of disgust at Bryce, a small thrill of happiness rushing through her at seeing his obviously broken nose. At least he had been successful thus far at keeping his blood off her car. That would have set her off on a statewide killing spree and she was already angry enough as it was. So angry, in fact, it was making driving a bit more difficult than usual. Normally she would have allowed herself time to cool off after what happened but Dr. Williams had called and told her Eve had gone down hill fast. All she could think about, aside from being furious at Bryce, was getting to the hospital before anything untoward happened.
The thing was, though, she was also furious at herself. Why did she think it would be okay to go up to Bryce's room after specifically telling him to meet her at the bar? That had been a boneheaded move and now she'd have to explain this whole mess to Chuck while trying to keep a hold on everything about Evie. The second she saw that damn bottle of wine and the red rose, she should have walked out. Why would he ever think that using the Montgomery- an old, worn out CIA trick- would work on her? How had their signals gotten so crossed that he'd think she'd even be in the slightest bit interested in being with him? Which, that question began a whole new kind of stress. If she'd been sending out those signals, however unknowingly, could that be why Chuck's been acting so strange?
It had been a completely surreal, out-of-body experience, watching Bryce stare at her so smug, so arrogant, so possessive. It made her stomach curdle. He drudged on and on about being partners again and how good they were together, how they were meant to save the world together as a team again. He must have known she was with Chuck, right? It was pretty obvious. She'd moved on from the business of saving the world into the business of saving a nerd who was in the business of saving her. They were perfect for each other. Not her and Bryce. The whole thing just proved how greatly she needed to clear the air with Chuck. She should have returned his sentiment over the phone, but, in the end, she decided it had been best that her first time saying it wasn't over a phone call. It deserved more attention than that.
And now Bryce had to go screw that up, too. What should have a been a declaration would now be a clarification. Shouldn't he be Chuck's friend? What was Bryce doing, implying that she'd get bored with Chuck and leave him more crushed than if she just went with Bryce as soon as he got the Intersect? And why couldn't she have shaken off the shock and tell Bryce to get over himself? Tell him that she was with Chuck? But all she could do was stare at him in stunned silence.
And then he tried to kiss her. Broke her straight out of that trance. Perhaps she had gone a little overboard when he'd attempted, but breaking his nose and almost his wrist had felt pretty darn good. Words were never her strong suit anyway. Actions usually got through much better than words and if Bryce didn't know it now, he certainly would by the time she got done with him.
The plan had been to put him in his place right then, and she would have if not for receiving possibly the most unnerving phone call of her life. She'd left Evie little more than an hour ago. How had things deteriorated so quickly? Dr. Williams sounded worried. More worried than he ever had before.
In that moment, her focus had changed from Bryce to Evie. They could finish more civilly later. She had to get to her sister now. She'd only brought Bryce along to the hospital with her because regardless of how good it felt to deck him, it probably wasn't the best response. She hadn't even tried words first. The least she could do was get him to a place where he could get it reset by a professional and his wrist most likely needed a brace, too. So she just shoved ice into his face after throwing the bottle of Chateau Margaux and told him not to get any blood on her car if he wanted to keep anything else from becoming broken.
As if acting in defiance to Bryce's request, she pushed her car further, pressing the gas just a little harder. The traffic just made it impossible to go any faster than she already was. His face paled a bit more, whether from fear or blood loss, she couldn't be sure. Honestly, she'd driven faster than this on some of their missions, and now he was being a baby? What happened to the thrill-seeker?
Sarah shook her head and skidded around the final corner. Just a straight shot to the hospital now . . .
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{Hospital}
Sarah stepped out into the hall after the meeting with Dr. Williams and all of Eve's family. She leaned against the wall for support, thinking over the past twenty minutes. Things had gone downhill so quickly for Eve from that afternoon and she couldn't help kicking herself for not getting the doctor earlier today when she had the chance.
She'd sat in the room with her arms folded, waiting for Dr. Williams to show. Trisha paced by the window, Beckman and Casey stood silently in the corner. Trisha's movements were distracting and Sarah turned to give her a frustrated glance while trying to reconcile that Trisha wasn't trained not to show anxiousness. When their eyes met, what Sarah saw made her change her mind. They were laced with regret.
With guilt.
Sarah didn't doubt that hers held the same emotion. They'd silently but mutually decided that it was just easier to not look at each other. And when Dr. Williams walked in, the walls began to fold in on themselves, the air was sucked out. She felt like she was listening through water while he explained the situation. Though his face was tight, his words fell out calmly.
. . . flu like symptoms . . .
. . . temperature too high . . .
. . . without an immune system . . .
. . . die . . .
The words played over and over until she stood stiffly, saying she was going to find a quiet place to call Chuck before they started with paperwork. Dr. Williams gave her a sad, understanding smile and said she had some time before they could do the surgery. Sarah had had a snack before visiting Eve which made it so they had to wait for a bit before it could be her turn. Other surgeries were being performed at the moment anyway, but he wanted her there so they could get started the minute an operating room opened up.
Sarah sighed and pushed off from the wall, heading for the exit. One foot in front of the other, Walker. Fresh air would help. Or so they say. It probably would since that office had felt suffocating. She pulled her phone out as she walked away. Just as she was about to press send, a familiar voice tickled her ear.
"Wow, she really got you good, didn't she?"
Sarah's brow furrowed curiously. That's Chuck's Dad's voice. Why is he here?
"Yeah. I think she'll be sticking around for a while so you'd better get used to it."
"Looks to be that way."
He knew about what Bryce was going to do? And he didn't think to say anything? What the hell? Anger was easier to grab onto over worry and any lividness towards the man she'd managed to forget rushed back in one foul swoop. Sarah hurriedly followed where the voices led. Bryce sat in the waiting room with Stephen hovering over him, checking out the damaged she'd done.
"You knew about what he was going to do?" Two sets of surprised eyes met the incredulous and enraged stare of Sarah Walker. It had been stated as a question but all parties involved knew it was anything but. It was accusation. Gone was the notion that she would just sit on her heels and let this pass. The idea of keeping her mouth shut now was preposterous. Sarah seethed with rage. "So what was the plan? Bryce was supposed to seduce me so you could tell Chuck 'I told you so'? What the hell kind of a father are you?"
Stephen held up his hand, hoping to stop her so he could explain. "Sa-"
Sarah batted his hand down forcefully. "I am not done talking!" Her fist clenched so tightly together by her side that her knuckles turned white, nails biting into the skin of her palm. It took every ounce of restraint in her not to lay him out flat. She took in a deep breath and thrust her finger at him. "If you were anybody but Chuck's father, I swear to god . . ." She shook her head and tried to calm down but couldn't do it. She panted with rage she never knew she could hold and knew she had to leave before she did something she regretted. "I don't know what your problem is with me and quite frankly, at this point, I don't even care. But this stops now. Bryce I should have expected this from, but you-" she poked him hard in the chest, "God, Stephen, he's your son! You don't have to like me but you should want to protect him, like you always claim to be doing."
"I wanted to protect him from you."
"From m-" Sarah broke off with a violent shake, letting out a very Casey-esque growl. He wanted to protect Chuck from me? What had she done that was so wrong to warrant that? All she'd ever done is protect him. Her whole life was about protecting him. She tried to see beyond her ferocity and come up with a coherent argument that didn't involve knocking his lights out. The only thing holding her back from that was that she knew Chuck wouldn't be happy with her but even that was just barely doing it. That argument with Chuck would almost be worth it. "Finding you has caused more problems than it's solved and I never should have done it!-"
"Hey!"
A stern voice echoed through the room causing all three- plus their spectators- to look.
"This is a hospital, not a boxing ring," the nurse said pointing to Sarah's clenched fist, "Either take it outside or I'll call security."
Sarah scoffed internally. Sure. A Rent-A-Cop would be so effective right now. The interruption, however, had been enough to make her see the audience they'd drawn. This time, she scoffed out loud. Fixing an angry glare on both Stephen and Bryce, she lowered her voice to a more reasonable decibel. "Of the three of us," she said, gesturing between them, "I am the only one who's never betrayed Chuck so before you go around accusing me of something you think I might do, look in the mirror." She stomped off from their presence. All she wanted now was to get as far away from the both of them as possible before she did something she'd regret. This is great. This is just great.
The cool night air hit Sarah's skin though it did little to chill her temper. She walked along the outside of the building, moving as far away from the entrance as possible. On top of everything else, dealing with Bryce and Stephen was not something she could manage right now. Eve may only be alive for a few more hours if they couldn't get her temperature under control. They'd moved her to an isolation room so none of them could be with her except to stand outside the glass walls like they were observing fish in an aquarium. It didn't help that for the first time in her life, she would knowingly be going into a surgery, knowing all the risks and all the possibilities, and she couldn't help the small part of her that was slightly terrified of that. It would never be enough to make her change her mind. But still. Routine surgery or not, things could go wrong.
She could feel the lump rising in her throat, forcing her to brace herself against the wall before her knees crumbled beneath her. Her gaze fell to the phone still clutched in her hand. Chuck's name was highlighted, begging to be called. All she had to do was press send. Tears began to blur her vision. She tapped the button, clenching her eyes shut and covering them with one hand while bring the phone to her ear with the other. She swallowed many times, trying to push down the lump blocking her passageway but it was no use. It just kept getting bigger and bigger until-
"Hello?"
"Chuck," she said, her voice shaky, jaw quivering. She swallowed again. "I need you." There had been many things she expected him to say to that. Many questions she thought would lead into the inevitable I'm coming for you type statement. Was it odd that she never doubted that for a second? But, he'd surprised her, jumping straight to the foregone conclusion.
"Where are you?"
She sniffled, taking a haggard breath, swallowing another few times before being able to answer. "The hospital."
"I'm on my way."
And then the line went dead. Sarah had been glad that he didn't try to talk more. She hated how small her voice sounded. Six words. All she had said were six words. It was doubtful she'd have been able to say any more than that. She slid down the side of the hospital until her butt hit the concrete. Shaky hands put the phone back in her jacket pocket. She drew up her legs and hugged them to her, waiting to see the one person that had any hope of making her feel remotely better, the one person who could offer her any sort of comfort.
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{Present time}
Chuck pumped as fast as his legs could carry him, his thighs burning with exertion. He barely acknowledged the pain spreading over his body or the heart slamming against his ribs. Never before had he experienced such blind focus. Gotta get to Sarah, he repeated over and over. Every movement, made from memory. It seemed luck was on his side and he silently thanked a higher power that he'd managed to hit every green light. There had been a few close calls but he'd been going fast enough that it didn't matter.
He just had to get to Sarah.
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Ellie and Devon were driving back to the hospital after dinner. Devon had forgotten his phone in his locker after he'd left that afternoon so they decided to swing by on the way home to get it. They sat in silence, their fingers entwined over the consol, enjoying each others company. Devon kept his focus on the road while Ellie took in the scenery.
Surprisingly enough, the traffic was light. It seemed the city had been put in a bubble of calm. It happened so infrequently that it was hard not to take a moment to enjoy. As they rounded the corner, the whole mood shifted, popping the bubble. Ellie sat up straight, searching for the source of the disturbance. Up in the distance, halfway between their light and the next, the only thing out of place was the bike rider zooming across the road, teetering back and forth as if his life depended on it. It was hard to see him with the sun casting its last shadows over the streets, but he was there.
Poor guy must be in a hurry, she thought as they closed in on the man. His jacket billowed behind him, showing the white shirt beneath. Just as they were about to pass him, she saw the gray tie flapping over his shoulder and then came his profile.
"Oh my god, Devon, that's Chuck," Ellie said, pulling her hand away to look behind them. "Pull over."
Devon put on the emergency flashers and did as she asked while Ellie rolled down the window. "Honk once," she told him, leaning out the window. "Chuck!" She waved to get his attention. "Chuck, over here!"
Seeing his sister, Chuck slammed on the brakes, stopping with a skid. He looked at her with his chest huffing and puffing. "I-" he swallowed, taking gulping breaths, "Sarah-" he tried to explain but he couldn't get the words, he was so out of breath. He settled for pointing in the direction he needed to go. "Hospital." It'd been enough for both Ellie and Devon to get out of the car. He winced and doubled over, finally feeling the full affect of his efforts.
"Get off the bike," Ellie directed, her calm, controlled doctor voice guiding him. Chuck managed a nod and Morgan's bike dropped to the wayside. Ellie helped support him, rubbing her hand over his back. "Put your head between your knees. Don't sit down. Deep breaths."
Devon grabbed Morgan's bike and put it in the back of the car. He grabbed a bottle of water and the banana that he hadn't eaten at lunch today. It was clear Chuck would need it after the noticeable physical exertion he'd put himself through. His shirt was clinging to his sweaty skin. It's a good thing they came across him otherwise he might've pushed himself too hard. As it was, he looked like he might puke. Devon peeled the banana to have ready for Chuck but he pushed it away and shook his head. "Come on, bro, it's gonna help you feel better."
He shook his head again. "Sar-"
He tried to go for the car but Ellie held him back, sneakily grabbing his wrist to check his heart rate. "You've gotta get you ok before you can help her. We'll still get there before you would've even if you take a few minutes to catch your breath."
God, couldn't they see he didn't matter right now?
"No, Chuck," Ellie said to his annoyed look, knowing exactly the argument he'd pick if he could.
Chuck sighed through his heaving and stood to almost full height, walking in circles while begging his heart rate to slow down and his breath to return. Even in this state, he knew it would be futile to try to convince two doctors he was fine enough to move along. All he had to do was calm his racing heart and he'd be on his way again unless he could think of another way. In his walk, he realized the bike was gone. Finding its outline in the back of Ellie's car, he thought, Well, that's not an option.
Finally, when he could gather words to where it only sounded as if he were winded after a long run, he said, "Kay, that's it." He took a deep breath and looked at them. "I'm not waiting anymore. Either take me there . . . or I'm running. You're choice."
Well, at least he's forming sentences, Ellie thought. "Alright, fine. Get in the car." She'd be damned if she made him push himself any harder.
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Sarah sat on the cold, hard concrete. The gray skirt she'd chosen to wear- the first in a string of bad choices that day- did nothing to cushion against the elements. She'd been sitting there for at least twenty minutes, though she didn't really know for sure. She could feel numbness creeping up her backside. Chuck should be getting here soon. She probably should have already gone back inside to fill out the paperwork but she couldn't bring herself to move. It's like she didn't have strength enough for it and that was something she'd never experienced in her life. One thing just piled on top of another today. First Bryce, then Eve, then Bryce again, then surgery, then Bryce and Stephen- the build up was too much, the load too heavy. She simply could not pick up any more, nor carry what she had any further. The desire to have someone's- Chuck's- help overwhelmed her. The realization had been both horridly depressing yet utterly wonderful.
Sarah buried her face in her knees and groaned. Ugh, this is awful! I'm not supposed to be like this, she thought. Or, more specifically, the independent, rational part of her thought.
The other part of her thought it wonderful because at least it was someone she could count on. She thought, growing up, that she needed her father but when he went to jail the first time, it only proved to her she didn't need him for everything. Bryce wasn't needed when they were partners aside from the duties of a partnership. If he died, and she'd thought he had, she could move on, which she did. Sure, it was a little rough at first but she'd been more angry than sad at the time and still successfully completed missions without him. She didn't need him to be good at her job. Her life hadn't been destroyed by the loss of his presence.
But Chuck . . . the thought of never seeing him again crushed her soul, left her with a deep, anguished ache in the center of her chest that she couldn't imagine how much worse it'd be if he actually left. She missed him when he wasn't standing right beside her for longer than ten minutes. She could cope, but that's all it was- coping. If he were to die, well that would be it. The lights would go out and she'd be left fumbling in the darkness, completely blind.
Yep, Sarah Walker needed Chuck Bartowski.
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Chuck hardly waited for Devon to stop before rushing out of the car. As they were pulling into the parking lot, he dialed Sarah's number, realizing on the drive over that he had no idea where she was at the hospital. He didn't know if something happened to her or if something happened to Eve so where to start was beyond him. He'd find her if he had to, but he could try to make it easier first. Running though the entire hospital would take too long and might not be the best idea even if it'd be totally worth the consequences.
He held his phone to his ear as he headed for the doors, suddenly hearing the ring tone coming to the left. Taking his cue, he followed the sound, just to make sure before going inside. He could always just apologize if it wasn't her. There, leaning against the outer wall, away from public view, he found Sarah with her face buried in her knees, sitting up as if just noticing the phone going off for the first time. With the moonlight now shinning, he could see her jaw quivering as she reached for her phone. He hung up, ending the sound and causing Sarah's face to drop. He'd never seen her look so shattered.
"Sarah," he whispered hoarsely, still a little out of breath.
Sarah turned at her name so see Chuck watching her. Upon seeing him, the pools of water that had built up in her eyes overflowed, glistening off her cheek in the twilight. The tears she'd managed to hold in dripped over her eyelids in rapid succession, spurring Chuck to action. Within seconds, he hit his knees in front of her before she could move, wrapping his arms securely around her. Sarah grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and jacket, pinching the skin beneath as if clinging onto her last lifeline.
Chuck whispered soothingly into her hair- it's gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay, I'm right here- his breath warm against her scalp. He didn't ask questions, he didn't press her to talk. He whispered any comforting words he could think of over and over, dropping a kiss every now and then while letting her cry into his shoulder, not complaining in the least over the tears soaking through his shirt.
"It's bad, Chuck," she sobbed, "It's so bad."
"Shh, shh, shh," he quieted her. "You don't have to explain right now." He ran his hands up and down her back, rocking back and forth in a way he hoped she would find comforting. His only response was Sarah burrowing deeper into him, like she was trying to hide inside of him. It made his heart break and he squeezed tighter.
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Somehow, after kneeling there for who knows how long, they'd shifted around so that Chuck had his back against the wall and Sarah was curled into him. Sarah had fallen silent, only sniffling every so often but Chuck knew she was still crying. He could feel it. He desperately wanted to know what happened but couldn't bring himself to ask. She called him for support, not questions. But something told him they'd be here for a long while yet and he'd find out soon enough.
At least he didn't have to worry about his job. Quitting had its perks. Now there was nothing to interrupt him from taking care of Sarah. Granted, he was a little worried what she'd say when she found out he'd quit. That may not go over too well. But enough thinking of the unimportant right now.
Crickets chirped in the distance, a light breeze caressing their skin. Through the smog you could find a few stars but not many. Had it not been for their location, tonight might've been pleasant.
"Your heart was beating really fast." Sarah quietly murmured the words into his chest, still sounding so unlike herself.
"Huh?"
"When you first got here," Sarah adjusted her head on his chest to look up at him, "your heart was beating really fast," she said bringing her hand to rest over it.
"Oh, yeah," Chuck said, flashing a brief smile, surprised she'd noticed. He'd almost forgotten how he'd gotten here. Needing to resituate himself, his reminder came as he brought he leg up to rest arm on, wincing as he forced his fatigued muscles into motion. "I sort of rode Morgan's bike."
"All the way?" she asked in shock, concerned by the scrunching of his face.
Chuck shrugged and got another reminder. "Most of it- half-way, at least. Ellie and Devon found me and gave me a ride the rest of the way." He gave her a sheepish look. "I got here as fast as I could."
"Why didn't you just take a NerdHerder?"
Chuck sighed and bobbed his head around while searching for words. "Emmett was being . . . an ass." He nodded. "Yep, he was being an ass."
"What's new?"
Despite the situation, Chuck couldn't help the short, breathy laugh that escaped him. He didn't really want to get into that at the moment for fear that quitting his job was a big no-no in the eyes of the CIA so he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, hugging her closer with the arm still around her. As he pulled back, he gave her a tight smile, gently brushing her hair behind her ear. "Are you okay?" Sarah averted her eyes that began to fill again as she bit down on her lip. Chuck bent his cheek down to rest on the crown of her head, going back to soothing whispers, "Okay. Alright, I'm sorry. Stupid question. You don't have to answer."
"It's just-" Sarah tsked her tongue frustratedly, her shoulders jerking. How she still had tears left was a mystery to her and they were making talking damn near impossible. "I was here, you know? She was fine. More tired than usual but otherwise . . ." Sarah shook her head. She knew she probably wasn't making any sense. "I shouldn't have listened to her. I knew I should've gotten the doctor. And now, look. It's all messed up."
Chuck had a hard time following but obviously this was about Eve. Why she was blaming herself, he didn't really know, and adding to her frustration wasn't something he wanted to do either, so he kept his mouth shut, waiting to see what else she had to say.
Sarah's phone rang and she rolled further into Chuck. She didn't want this to be real. This couldn't be real. She wanted to be at home, or anywhere- anywhere but here- with her boyfriend and just let him hold her for a while. Just please take away this god-awful night, she prayed against the rising lump in her throat though she knew it was futile. Reluctantly, she took a breath to gather up the strength needed to pull out her phone. It was Casey. The lump grew and she looked at Chuck, his brown eye shining with concern.
"Do you want me to take it?" he asked, holding out his hand.
The briefest flickering of relief shone in her eyes as she wordlessly handed him the phone before shutting her eyes tightly and reclaiming her place against his chest. What's wrong with her? She felt abhorrently ridiculous, crying like a five year old that just lost their favorite blanket. She just couldn't make herself stop. It was a stupid phone call. It might not even be bad news. And even if it was, she should still be able to talk to Casey.
Chuck held her to him softly, glancing at the screen while pressing a kiss to her head. "Yeah, Casey?"
"We need Walker back in here to sign the paperwork."
If Casey had been surprised that it was Chuck who answered the phone, he didn't show it. And Chuck, as usual with Casey, felt out of the loop. "Paperwork?"
"For the surgery," he said, sounding impatient. "A room should be clear within the hour."
"Right, surgery. Okay- yeah," he said, flustered by the news. "Uh . . . we'll be right in." He hung up the phone, slipping it back into her pocket. Silence remained for a moment while he processed what to say next. He didn't blame Sarah for not having gotten to that point yet. She was clearly upset. It had just been a surprise. "So . . . surgery."
Sarah nodded and repeated, "Surgery." It's not a big deal, Walker. Stop freaking out. This should be the least of your worries right now. Alright, it was time for this emotional basketcase version of her to leave. Even if Chuck hadn't been put out by her actions, she needed to get back up on her own two feet. She sucked in a deep, resolved breath and pushed off of Chuck to sit on her own. She ran her fingers over her face and through her hair, leaving them to rest behind her neck for a moment. Bracing one hand against the ground and one hand against the wall, she was about to rise as demurely as possible in a skirt when an open palm dropped in front of her face. She looked up to see Chuck smiling softly at her, the moonlight casting a blue hued glow around him. He was like a hero saving a maiden, ready to pull her to safety from the river of emotional turmoil. She'd been drowning in it, alone, for years, and finally- finally- there was someone to help her swim, to get her to shore. Somehow, because of this man, she knew that, no matter what happened, she'd be okay.
The corners of her mouth quirked upwards in what could almost be called a smile as she slipped her hand into his. Chuck brought up his other hand to take her second from the wall. With both hands securely in his, he pulled her to her feet, unsure of what happened in that moment before she let him help her, but knowing something changed. She'd looked at him differently than she'd ever had before. He took a small step back to give her space while she recollected herself.
Once on her feet, Sarah brushed the dirt off herself and adjusted her clothes back straight. She took another breath, slapping her hands clean, standing tall to see Chuck had watched her every move. She closed the distance between them, wrapping him tightly in a hug, pulling back just enough to give him a hard kiss and then go back to hugging him.
"Thank you, Chuck."
Chuck relaxed at her words, not realizing he'd been wound up. It seemed like her thanks had been for more than just this moment. Though he didn't know what she had to thank him for beyond now, he'd take it. He kissed her cheek before whispering in to her ear. "You're welcome. Anything for you." When Chuck pulled back, she seemed reluctant to let go but they had to get inside. "We should probably stop by the bathroom on the way in."
With the teensiest amount of humor she could muster, Sarah narrowed her eyes at him. "What are you saying, Bartowski? Puffy eyes aren't a fetching look these days?"
Chuck smiled and brushed the remnant of a tear track from her cheek. "Any look on you is 'fetching.' I just thought you wouldn't want all that mascara under your eyes."
"Oh," she said. "Way to think ahead." She gave him a lifeless smile.
He shrugged. "I have my moments," he said, holding out his hand for her to take.
Instead, Sarah wrapped an arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder, allowing him to guide her inside. She had been reluctant to let go before but this was a nice compromise. They still got to where they needed to go and she still had the comfort of his arms.
It was a win. A small one, but a win nonetheless.
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After she'd finished up with the paperwork, Sarah sat in the pre-op room long enough to get an IV going and changed into a hospital gown before Casey came to tell her that Eve wanted to see her before the surgery. And in order to see Eve in her isolation room, Sarah had to be completely covered from head to toe in sterile clothing. She finished donning the gown, hat, and gloves, slipping her sock-clad feet into show covers that had been provided for her.
When Dr. Williams told her she wouldn't have much time with Evie, his worry had been evident, forcing the reality that this could very well be the last conversation she'd have with her sister. She let out a slow breath. She didn't really want this to be a sad talk but no matter what she did, that nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach just wouldn't leave her. She looked behind her. Beckman, Trisha, and Casey stood with folded arms as they listened to Dr. Williams explained what would happen from here, answering any last minute questions they might have. Ellie, who had asked Dr. Williams if she could scrub in, assisted the two nurse's making their final preparations.
Luckily, her operating room wasn't too far from Eve's isolation room so they'd have the bags of her bone marrow over to her sister in no time. While it was surgery for Sarah, it was little more that what looked like a blood transfusion for Eve. They'd hook up the bags to a large, weird machine with a series of tubing that had intricate twists and turns. The dials alone were enough to be intimidating.
Her eyes slid over to Chuck who was leaning against the counter out of the way, staring at her. Color shaded her cheeks at his intense stare. He pushed off from the counter with his butt and stepped over to her, his arms falling to swing at his sides.
"Anyone ever tell you that blue is a fetching color on you?"
Sarah gave him a small laugh and blinked rapidly to keep the tears in. She gestured up at her face and rolled her eyes. "Sorry. They just won't stop."
Chuck lifted his hand up and brushed away the lone tear that fell. She wouldn't have been able to do it anyway because she already had her gloves on. "Hey, its okay. You don't have to be embarrassed." He tenderly moved her bangs behind her ear, careful not to touch anything else. Her glassy eyes studied his face but she stubbornly refused to cry anymore. He wanted so badly to reach out, to hold her- anything to make her feel better- but he had to settle for standing next to her. For now, anyway.
Without a word, Chuck gave held up a finger and leaned around her, grabbing the mask that sat behind Sarah on the counter. Careful to only touch the straps that would secure the mask to Sarah's face, he hooked each strap behind her ears, leaving the mask bunched under her chin and then cupped his hands behind her neck, squatting to be in her line of sight. "You ready?"
Sarah swallowed nervously but nodded her head as best she could.
"It's gonna be okay, Sarah," he said. "Think positively, okay?"
She nodded again. Seeing the confidence he had in her helped astronomically. Sarah tilted her head and leaned forward, giving him a quick kiss before anyone else could see. She wasn't sure if there was some unspoken rule about that but she couldn't help herself at the moment. Any strength he had to offer, she'd need, craved it like water in the desert. They stepped back from each other. Sarah brought up the mask to cover her mouth and nose. One more exhale in preparation, she stood to full height, gave Chuck a nod and then left into Eve's room.
It was like a frozen tundra in this room, cold and gray. The stillness inside the room, only broken by the beeps of heart monitor, the walls silenced every sound outside them. This room would be where Eve spent the next long weeks after the transplant. And this would be the one chance Sarah had to step inside this room. Eve had to be kept away from people to stay away from possible infections. She had been limited to only three guests allowed inside. Sarah hadn't wanted to keep Eve's family from being able to see her so she told Eve to let it be Beckman, Casey, and Trisha and that she'd still come everyday at the same time as always, sit outside the room and talk over the phone with her. Eve was lucky to have Ethan stay on as her nurse so he'd still be able to go in and see her. It'd been a good loophole to the rule.
Sarah took slow steps up to the bed. Eve had a light sheen of sweat over her face and neck. She was much more ashen and pale than that afternoon. From the angle of her head, you could see how sunken her cheeks were. As if sensing a presence, Eve eyes opened.
"You came."
God, she sounded awful. It took a huge effort to say two words. Sarah reached out her gloved hand and took Eve's. Through the rubber glove, she could still feel the clammy moisture. "Of course," she said. "How are you?"
Even though her jaw chattered wildly, she replied, "Hot."
"Still have your humor." Sarah smiled behind her mask. "Does nothing get you down?"
"I meant-" she hiccupped "-boiling." She gave Sarah a teasing glance. "But that's fu-funny."
Sarah saw pan of water with a rag in it. Not caring if she was supposed to or not, Sarah used her free hand to grab the rag and squeeze out the excessive water. As she dabbed Evie's face she asked, "Is that better?"
Eve nodded. "Much." She moved greedily towards the rag when Sarah took it away to rewet it. "So, you have surgery soon."
Sarah dabbed the freshly wetted rag across Eve's brow. "Yeah."
"Are- you scared?"
Sarah met Eve's eyes figuring a little white lie wouldn't hurt. "No." Which, in a way was true. She was more scared of what Eve faced than what she had to.
"You're not?" Eve said, disbelieving. She remembered that tone from when they were kids. The same night Sarah left.
Sarah knew she'd been caught and shook her head, averting her eyes back to her task. "Maybe a little." She dabbed down Eve's neck to her chest. "But it's okay. I'll be in good hands," she repeated the words she'd been told time and again, hoping they sounded reassuring.
"You don't ha-hafta do it."
"Yes, I do," she demanded, leaving no room for questioning. "Just like you have to fight."
"I'll do my best."
"Good," she let out a breath of relief, "That's good. Because we have a lot of catching up to do, you know. It's hard to do that without a second person."
She smiled tiredly. "Very true." Eve took her free hand and placed it over the one of Sarah's on her chest, stopping its movement. Sarah met Eve's eyes again and felt an intense shift in the atmosphere at the severity lurking in her gaze. "Sarah, I n-need you to promise me something." She swallowed at the lump forming and pushed the words out. "I need you to pr-promise- you'll look after-r my mom if something happens to me."
"Ev-"
"Please?" Eve interrupted in earnest. "Sh-she'll need help."
Sarah licked her lips and blinked back her tears. Of course this would be how the conversation went. Eve was being realistic. And unfortunately that left her worrying about after . . . . But Sarah couldn't agree to this. If she agreed to it, it's like admitting defeat and she just wouldn't give up yet. "You can't give up."
"I'm not, I promise. But somet-times things don't go how we w-want them."
"If I say yes, you'll still try just as hard as if I said no?"
"I- I don't want to d-die, Sarah."
As Sarah nodded, a sob escaped. "Okay. I'll do it. I promise." There was a knock against the windowpane and she glanced over her shoulder to see Dr. Williams give her a nod. "I have to go, now," she said, moving from the bed to her feet. Eve's eyes slipped closed for a moment, remoistening them from the cold.
"F-f-for the record . . . I- love you."
"I love you, too, Evie," she said, and then walked away quickly, rubbing at her eyes as she left. It's not the last time, it's not the last time, it's not the last time, she repeated over and over, trying to convince herself it was true. The door shut behind her and Sarah had to pause to lean against it, taking a deep breath in.
Chuck took off the hat and mask, pulling the gown from her arms. Sarah looked shell-shocked. "Are you okay, baby?"
Sarah looked at Chuck with eyes finally free of tears. At least, for the time being anyway. "Let's just get this over with."
Chuck took her hand and walked her toward the hospital bed. If there had been any room left for more feelings, she might have been embarrassed at the crowd that had shared in what could actually be her final moments with her baby sister. Not a dry eye remained as she reclaimed her place on the gurney. Even Casey looked a little misty.
Chuck settled the blanket over her legs with one hand and Sarah squeezed the other in thanks. He gave her a smile. Not caring that the others were there, she tugged him to her for a hug. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. "I have so much that I want to tell you."
Her breath caressed his ear and sent a chill down his spine. "It's gonna be fine. I promise," he whispered back. "I'll be here when you're done." He kissed her cheek and moved out of the way for the medical team to take her through to the surgery room where Chuck couldn't follow.
Now, it was a waiting game.
..-. .- - .. .-.. -.- - .- - - . .-. … … - - .-.
Okay, there it is. Don't forget to let me know if you'd like the alternate beginning . . .