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Love Exists
Severus stood in front of the blotched marble angel statue and looked at it silently. The soft breeze blew his hair away from his face, revealing a large scar at his temple. The last reminder of the Azkaban incident. The flower scented breeze didn't manage to remove the wet leaves from the book that the angel held open on her hands.
"Are Angels real?" Teddy asked.
Severus sighed and kept his eyes on the beautiful statue "If we exist, then I don't see why they shouldn't" he said thoughtfully.
"Have you ever met an Angel?" Teddy continued.
He frowned and got ready to answer no, but the face of Hermione flashed in his mind and a soft smile appeared on his lips "Yes, I have"
"Do they have wings?"
"No" he tilted his head slightly and observed the statue.
"Can they fly like you?"
"No…" he whispered and turned around "What have you got there?" he asked.
Teddy was kneeling upon the wet soil that had a thick layer of wet fallen leaves. Under them fresh grass was starting to pop up everywhere and in between small flowers of every colour.
"A broken train track, see it has a small wooden train too!" Teddy said happily and pushed the train on the tracks playfully. It's wood had chipped from the passage of time, but some of the paint had miraculously survived the rough elements of nature. Some kid had forgotten it there, when the family that owned this mansion, abandoned it. Severus circled around Teddy, stirring the fallen leaves with his black boots.
"It's nice" he said softly.
"I like that one more!" Teddy cried and sprang up. He ran towards a moss filled balcony that overlooked a large empty pool, a water fountain and the mansion itself in the far distance. All these lands belonged to this estate, but now they were open to the public, so that everyone could enjoy this park. This April afternoon though, the only ones occupying the lands were Severus and Teddy.
After the boy took his lunch and Severus drank a strong cup of dark coffee, he reassured Andromeda that they would be back for dinner and took the boy out for an excursion. There was no point sitting in the house all day. Especially since his vacation time from Hogwarts was ending in three days and he had to return. He rented a bike with an extra seat at the back, properly adjusted for kids and they cycled all around Staffordshire, before ending up at the entrance of this hidden place. The beauty of the recently awoken nature and the darkness of the abandoned mansion was enough to draw Severus in, and they have been exploring the lands for more than an hour, before ending up in front of the Angel statue, close to the entrance of this old expensive estate.
Admittedly he didn't want his vacation to end. It was a little precious time away from all the demands of real life, that had become rather heavy the last three months. He approached the balcony and leaned his hands on it. Teddy was kneeling close to the edge of the pool and was throwing rocks into the dark muddy rain waters that had gathered at it's bottom. Severus swallowed a dry throat and his brows became heavy as he remembered the first few days after the accursed interview outside the hospital doors.
The questions asked by the reporters were answered honestly, exposing Kingsley's personal relationship with Borovic. He talked about the Minister's endorsement of that lunatic's dangerous behaviour, in favour of Borovic monumental abilities. He exposed Kingsley's knowledge that Alexander was a murderer and his unethical decision to keep him as an Auror, just in order to scare into submission any reformed Death Eaters he had not managed to send into exile, as he admitted. He answered without any remorse that yes, the Minister wanted to clear the magical world from all the people that held ties to the Dark Lord, without caring that some of these individuals had actually assisted the Ministry in the war against Voldemort. He spoke of the non existing living conditions inside Azkaban and that this institution needed to be brought down, as it was not used for reforming criminals, but as a huge torture chamber of human souls. It was hell on earth, were his exact words. They asked him if Kingsley arranged his abduction. He said, no, but he endorsed it, by keeping a dangerous psychotic killer like Borovic, high in the Auror ranks and offering him a political umbrella of protection. Immunity to all his crimes. Especially since Alexander proved his unstable nature with the use of Dark Magic inside the Ministry, not long before the abduction took place. The Press were not aware of the incident, so he made sure to give them every detail of the Cruciatus Borovic send off to him inside the offices of the inquisitor. They asked for names, he told them to ask the Minister himself for the details.
His interview was printed that same evening in a special edition, on the most credible newspapers and he grabbed Hermione's hand and asked her to hold on tight, for that was going to turn out to be a very bumpy ride. And bloody hell was it not? The very next morning there were not just two reporters outside, but a dozen, accompanied by a rather large group of protesters that held up banners. "DOWN WITH THE CORRUPTION", "WE ASK FOR A PUBLIC INVESTIGATION", "ELECTIONS NOW!", "BRING JUSTICE TO THE HEROES OF THE WAR", were some of them. He woke up to the turmoil that had overtaken the hospital with Hermione never leaving his side and soon enough the hospital administration told him that he had to leave. He was in no immediate need for hospitalisation anymore and the protesters along with the reporters were causing a lot of problems for the people that needed emergency medical attention. It was difficult to access the doors of the hospital, even though the security was doing it's best to keep it clear for the ambulances that were arriving.
Hermione rebelled and pointed an austere finger at them, for throwing a patient out, just because of the bad rep that all this had taken and they tried to assure her that they were only acting to the benefit of their patients. When she cried out "He is your patient also!", he squeezed her arm and shook his head "It's ok". She settled down and after he calmed her, they decided to floo out of St. Mungo and onto Hogwarts within the next two hours. The administration was very accommodating and gave them all the appropriate paperwork quickly.
Apparently they wanted to get rid of them as fast as possible. Before flooing away from there, he took her hand and told her with a worried voice "I told you that everything was going to collapse after this. You need to gather your things and go to your parents in Australia for a little while. At least until this settles".
"I told you I am not leaving you!" she replied steadily and took hold of his hand as they entered the fireplace.
The next few weeks after that fateful January evening, were very hard on them both and on the school. Minerva raised heavy wards around the school and Hogsmeade and no one could come in or out without her permission. That gave Severus the time to heal under Poppy's care and for Hermione to calm down from the constant abuse from the newspapers on her name, on her involvement with Severus, with the Azkaban incident and with Harry Potter and their decision to follow their own clues and go to Azkaban unassisted. Thankfully she was protected by Minerva's strong magic and she was left alone. Her parents though didn't have the same fate. They were sieged almost daily by a group of reporters that had camped outside their house. Harry was also having problems, but with his experience and his profession it was easier to keep the reporters on check. Hermione was becoming more and more worried about her parents as the days passed. She talked to them constantly and asked them to floo into the British Embassy in Australia and then come back home. Something that her parents refused angrily. They told her that their life was there now and that a bunch of stupid newspaper dummies, were not enough to drive them away from their beloved neighbourhood.
Severus found Hermione crying secretly a couple of times and asked her why.
"I've told my parents that they have a home here also and they told me that their life is there now. I don't know what to do" she admitted and then grabbed hold of his lapels and buried her head on his chest. She cried long and hard and he let her do it. She went through so much on his behalf the last few months and he couldn't but feel thoroughly guilty. Now she was lamenting not only for what happened at Azkaban, but for her family that was far away from her.
"Go to them, help them out" he told her tenderly, and even though his heart was torn apart he was being honest with her. It was better to separate for a while, if that meant that she would find peace.
"I am not leaving you!" she repeated with the same stubbornness, but he knew that she was forcing herself.
Deciding not to push her into any decision, he remained silent and watched her cry her eyes out after each conversation with her parents. He didn't try to intervene, nor did he try to talk to them, as they showed no interest in talking with him either. She assured him that they had no problem with him, they were just going through a rough time and were trying to sort things out, in their own way.
He always caressed and kissed her forehead protectively "Don't worry about it" he offered reassuringly. She had enough on her mind already, to think about his relationship with her parents as well. Their days passed tyrannically slow, with her moping around in misery between the Potions Classrooms and his library or his apartments. With him barking angrily at every single student entering his library. For the first time in his life he was hating the fact that his voice had returned and was used unfairly almost every single second of his days. They couldn't go outside Hogsmeade and they preferred to keep in the privacy of their rooms, in some couch, embraced. Trying to draw comfort from one another as the articles exploded like fiery volcanoes, relentlessly.
At first he was keeping close track of what was happening outside their doors and was having daily meetings with Minerva and Filius. Harry was flooing in regularly also to discuss about things. Apparently after his first and last interview Kingsley rebuked all his accusations and called him out to a public debate in front of the all the reporters. Knowing full well that he had the ability to manipulate himself very well in public, whereas Severus lacked in that area greatly, Kingsley would be a certain winner of impressions if such a debate ever took place. That is were Minerva's and Harry's interventions came in and saved the day. Minerva talked publicly about what happened with Borovic at the Ministry and gave out the name of the inquisitor. Harry spoke again of what took place in Azkaban and at the Ministry and both their words were against the Minster.
That seemed enough for the Wizengamot, who called for an internal investigation on the events around Azkaban, inside the Ministry and on the Minister himself. Kingsley rebelled against that decision and tried to upheave a wave of resistance. He used several high profile employees and a few Press bosses that belonged to him, in order to turn around the public opinion that was growing against him as the days progressed. In the end he was unable to avoid the public investigation, as the Wizengamot was eager to prove it's impartial judgement. It needed to distance itself from the muddy waters around the Minister.
It took them a month and a half to come to the conclusion that shook the political world to it's foundations. They placed Kingsley in suspension and under internal -this time- investigation as the evidence against him was very convincing. His place was taken temporarily by Amelia Bones, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, as the most balanced person to keep the necessary peace at the Ministry until the next Elections. During the time that Amelia Bones was acting as Minister of Magic, she launched three more investigations. Two on Azkaban. One in its administration and the second on it's medieval treatment towards the prisoners, which ended up with half the establishment emptying. Many lighter criminal cases got relocated in other institutions across Europe. It's administration was changed and as it seemed the very pleasant Director was involved in most, if not all, the illegal activities of this hellish prison. The remaining investigation was taking place on the Ministerial cabinet, to find out their possible connections to Borovic.
Severus felt the dire need to learn if they uncovered the forgotten wing on the top floor where people were sent to die and he was pleased to know it had been emptied. That meant that his cellmate was on his way to another institution, possibly with better living conditions. It was controversial to want a better fate, for a rapist, nevertheless this man had assisted him in his time of need and Severus couldn't forget that.
Slowly as the days passed by and the snow began to back away from the lowlands, more frequently sunny days broke from the sky. With them, the press began drawing their claws away from Severus's back and concentrated only on the internal investigations on the Minister and the corrupted cabinet, as well as the slow dismantling of Azkaban. Hermione and Severus found more opportunities to go out to see Hagrid, walk at the grounds and even take some careful excursions in Hogsmeade. He was at first very attentive to the people around him, but when he saw that no one treated him any differently he began to calm down. He even stopped yelling so much at his students.
He thought he saw Hermione getting happier and brighter as winter slowly allowed spring to make its first appearance. She was not as pursued by the press anymore and a couple of security measures placed by the Chief Auror, allowed her and him to walk more freely outside the borders of Hogwarts. His need to flee this accursed place got quickly eradicated when he saw that Hermione was not as happy as he had first thought. Yes, she was pleasant, loving, tender and caring, but something dark lurked beneath her bright eyes. It was not until the first days of March that he managed to understand exactly what was going on.
He sighed and looked at Teddy that was still throwing rocks into the muddy waters and raised his head towards the deep blue skies. A few white clouds floated above him and he savoured at the warmth of the sun rays on his skin. He had enough of winter. He had enough of darkness and rain. His forearms crossed above the marble railing and he rested his boot at a cross section below. He let his head drop and his hair caressed the side of his face and fell over his chest as the soft breeze moved them gently.
Yes, it was a grey and fateful March morning that made him look at things differently. It was that March morning that led Hermione to Australia, but kept him there, overlooking the charismatic child of Lupin and Nymphadora, not really knowing if he was going to ever see her again. Thinking if what he did was right, or not. His hand trailed into his side pocket and he fingered the golden necklace with the snowdrop. That March morning he was walking quickly to find her in the Potion's classroom, similarly playing with the necklace in his pocket, like he was doing now. Having retrieved it from the antique shop in Stoke, he was in a hurry to give it to her, in the hopes that it would make her happy again. On this thought alone, he was unable to stop smiling.
Most students looked at him confused and somewhat intimidated, by this sudden change in him. They didn't know that he was about to give Hermione her proper Christmas present. The one he never got around to give at the appropriate time, because of the abduction and the consequent mess he found himself in. So he climbed the steps two by two, not even minding Peeves trying to scare him and reached her classrooms with a wide smile on his face. It was only when he came close to opening the door that his smile slowly died. He stopped right outside with his hand touching the wooden panel and lowered his eyes to the floor. The voices from inside were loud enough to discern clearly.
"Why don't you tell him?" Charity said.
"Because I love him too much. I don't want to hurt him"
"You just need to see your parents. You need to go to them. How can something like that hurt him?"
Silence.
"Hermione?"
He heard her crying and his heart broke. He didn't want to make her cry. He only wanted to make her smile. It took her a long time to answer and what she said made him bite his lips in distress "They don't want to return to England, Charity. If I go there, I might not return either and he cannot come with me. Not for two years….what am I going to do?"
Charity paused briefly "You are considering Australia as a permanent abode?"
"I love them too much, but I also love him and I am torn apart. They suffered by the reporters about something they had nothing to do with. I tried to bring them home, but they told me Australia was their home now…."
He backed up and leaned his shoulders at the wall. His head leaned back and he closed his eyes feeling his heart torn apart by what he was hearing. This was the first time that Hermione was speaking honestly and it was not to him, but to Charity.
"How about visiting each other regularly. Certainly that can happen" Charity wised.
"Yes, that's what I intend to tell them, but…but…I am just afraid of myself. I am afraid that if I got there, I won't find the strength to return, but above all I am afraid I don't have the strength to leave him even for a little while" Hermione said and the desolation was clear in her voice.
"What is he saying about all this?" Charity asked.
Silence.
"Hermione? Have you told him?" Charity's voice was austere.
"No"
"For fuck's sake, why?"
"I don't want him to think that I am leaving him. I cannot do that to him!" Hermione said and began sobbing again.
He fingered the necklace in his pocket and swallowed heavily. His brows darkened and suddenly he knew what he had to do. Not wanting to admit that she was miserable here and he was unable to help her, he moved away from the door and walked thoughtfully all the way to one of the balconies overlooking the main plaza. He leaned there, much like he was doing now at the balcony of the abandoned mansion and he observed the snow that was starting to melt. Soon Spring would arrive, but still Hermione would feel miserable, because she was torn away from her family. He couldn't relate to that feeling, because he never felt close to his family, but he knew how strongly she felt about them. He had seen the deep sadness in her eyes, when she entered her abandoned home a few months ago. That dark desolation on her countenance. He didn't want that for her.
That was why he insisted for her go to Australia and restore their memories. That's why he led her there by the hand, even though he risked his own freedom for it. And now?…now he was in danger of losing her forever to them. He frowned and shook his head almost angrily. No, that was not fair. Her parents were not his enemy. No one was. This was just…life…choices…paths that diverted and at other times joined. He had to let her go, she had to leave in order to blossom again to the beautiful Hermione he came to love. Not the depressed girl with the dark aura and the sad smile, that had gone through way too much, in way too little time. She was like a rose withering and he couldn't offer her the light she needed to bloom again. Only her parents could do that.
He stood there for a long time, sometimes fingering the necklace and entwining his fingers around it's chain. Sometimes inhaling deeply the cold mountain air that rode down the deep ravines and passed above the partly frozen lake. He moved just barely, even though he wanted to turn around and go back to the classroom in order to find her. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her hard. He wanted to tell her that he loved her more than life and that if she decided to remain in Australia he would fall into the deepest darkness. But all that would be most egotistical and he loved her more than he loved himself. He remained there weighing his choices, and the decision always leaned on her favour without a shadow of doubt. So when he felt her hand landing on his shoulder and he heard her soft voice near his ear, he smiled sadly.
"What are you doing out here darling? I was waiting for you at the classroom" she said and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.
He drew his hand away from the pocket and the necklace fell back. His hand cupped hers above his bicep "I am thinking"
She sighed "What about?"
"That you'd look so much better without those dark circles, or those red eyes. Have you been crying again?" he asked, without wanting to go around in circles with her. She deserved honesty. She deserved the best of him and he was going to offer it wholeheartedly.
She winced and looked downwards immediately "Is it that obvious?"
"It is" he squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"I am sorry Severus, I don't know how to stop sometimes. All this has been really hard on me..on my parents…but above all on you. I cannot bear to think of those days that I thought I lost you forever. I sleep and every night I wake up with nightmares. I see in my dreams that you cannot fly away from Borovic's arms. That you break your back next to him. I wake up with your pale dead face in my eyes and I cannot sleep again. It's not the reporters giving me the trouble. It's everything you have been through" she shook her head.
He looked at her silently and felt his heart weeping blood.
"Sometimes I really don't know what to do" she shook her head and wiped away her tears.
His arms went around her waist and he drew her in. She leaned on him eagerly and he smoothed her hair away from her burning brow "I think you are long due for a trip to Australia" he said evenly.
He felt her holding her breath "I am not leaving you" she said decisively.
"I think you should"
"Are you sending me away?" she gazed at him with a deep frown.
"If necessary yes" he rejoined steadily.
"What the hell Severus?" more tears fell from her eyes.
"Go to your parents. You had a rough time here not only with what took place in Azkaban, but with the press. Your parents need you now and dare I assume, you need them too. Don't deny yourself the comfort of their embrace, little lady. Do me the favour and pack your stuff. I will take you to the portal, floo network or railroad of your choice myself. I will see you off" he said calmly.
She sobbed and rested her forehead under his chin "Severus…please"
He pulled her in and pressed tightly "I see you drying out, each passing day. I cannot bare it any longer. Go to them and blossom again my beautiful lady, and if that be your choice remain there and I shall find a way to come find you when I am allowed, and if you still want me then. Else return here and I shall be waiting for you; but give yourself the choice, for this is not a good life for you…please" he whispered. This time not because he had to, but because he didn't have enough strength to speak louder. He kissed her temple and tears run down his eyes, but he turned his head towards the grey skies and closed them, not allowing her to see him.
It took her several minutes to settle down and speak again. It took her so long that he thought she was never going to speak again, but those words made him understand that he had taken the right choices for her "I cannot leave in mid term. Minerva won't ever let me"
"Why?"
"Who's going to cover my classes?"
He smiled sadly and rubbed his cheek on the top of her head "I will, you need not worry"
She pulled back and looked at him with burning eyes. Her brows furrowed in mild confusion "Once upon a time, you wanted to flee this place on pain of death…and now you will work in it willingly?"
"Yes" he flicked his shoulders.
Her eyes overflowed with tears and she grabbed him for dear life as another crying session began. This time it ended only when he led her back to her apartments and put her to sleep.
It took her several days to decide on his offer, but when she announced to him that she wanted to go to Australia, he felt torn. Half of his heart rejoiced and half died a little. He didn't allow her to witness his deepest fear, that she was going to remain in Australia forever. He helped her to pack her things and as promised escorted her at the train station in Hogsmeade. That is where they said goodbye, maybe for a little while, but maybe forever and he kept a straight face even though she was crying her heart out in his arms. He kissed her, reassured her of his love and ushered her into the train. When the metal gears turned and the heavy machine rolled slowly onto the tracks he waved at her with a happy smile on his face and she send off kisses to him with a palm full of her tears.
It was Hagrid that waited for him a few steps away, discreetly "Eye, Professur, how yeh doin'?"
He flicked his shoulders and buried his chin in his black scarf "Been better" he said and his smile died down. He rather thought it would never reemerge again.
"I can' understand why yeh let her go" Hagrid shook his head sadly and followed him down the road.
"Because I love her" he whispered quietly. Once he wanted to holler out his pain, loud enough to make his beloved mountains hear him. Now he couldn't find the strength to speak louder than a whisper.
"I don' understand, really" Hagrid scratched his beard "Yeh love her, yet yeh send her away"
Severus inhaled deeply and his brow moved thoughtfully "The first time I saw her all the oppressive voices in my head went quiet. All the nightmarish, repetitive images of my past, all the feelings of desolation went silent. When you have lived a life of hell, like I have, you cannot get quiet and silent moment inside your mind. I may have been silent to the world, but inside, my mind was constantly screaming and the only way to shut it up, was to kill myself. The only way to be free from the emotional chains was death. When I saw her, everything silenced and the only thing I could think about was the soft curl on the side of her lips when she was feeling happy or the strong beat of a stray vein on her neck when she was excited. I knew I had to approach her in some manner. I had to get closer to her, but I was afraid of what she was going to see in me. Afraid that she would run away from my consuming depression. On our first date, that came out of nowhere, I spent more time panicking at the demanding social crowd around me, than talking to her, but she didn't seem mind. Instead she took my hand and tried to calm me down. When she got wounded I used my magic to save her, even though I haven't used it in four years. When I didn't know if I wanted to kiss her or run away she didn't cringe or get impatient with me. When I finally kissed her, I tried to do it perfectly, in order to match her perfection. The smile from her lips extended up to the goose trails of her eyes, when she was happy at those first days….but not lately. Lately the smile in her eyes died down. It remained only in her lips and it was sad. So sad that it broke my heart. I don't want her to wake up one night and tell me that she cannot stand her nightmares anymore. I don't want her to speak to me with a sad mouth. I don't want her to lose the sparkle in her eyes. I don't want her to call us, a mistake. I suppose for her it would be easy to ran away from me, when things won't feel as good anymore. The same ease won't be applicable to me. It won't be easy for me to find a new one….because she resembles no one else and that is why I love her. I can never call, being in love, a mistake and I don't want to hear it from her after a while. How can I ever call this a mistake, when I can walk through the most demanding crowds, if she is holding my hand? How can I ever give her the chance to call this a mistake?…." he said with a calm resonating voice.
"She loves yeh too…" Hagrid said quietly and Severus saw that the giant's eyes were in tears.
He signed heavily "Sometimes love isn't enough…I should have known that already. I would never make her choose between me and her parents. She deserves the freedom to make her own choices in life. She deserves not to lose the sparkle in her eyes, or the beautiful smile that echoes in them when her heart is backing it up. She deserves to find her happiness and if by remaining with me she is slowly losing it, then I must be brave enough to push her away".
Severus felt his head slightly throbbing from all those memories and tried to push them away. He detached himself from the balcony and walked down to where Teddy was. The soft breeze blew his frock coat open, to reveal a black shirt underneath that didn't cover up the deep scars on his neck. Another achievement of hers, along with everything else that had turned upside down in his life after she decided to barge into it boldly and demand the biggest part out of it.
After she left for Australia, he took over her classes and was surprised that he had not forgotten either his old trade, or his ability to teach. He proved to be slightly more lenient towards the students, which took many of them by surprise and tripped them into confused silence and obedience. He didn't care if they thought he'd gone crazy, or was waiting for the right moment to bite their heads off. If they stayed out of trouble and made his life easier it was all fine by him. Hermione called him every day, but he called only once a week. Not because he didn't care, but because he didn't want to bother her. He saw the difference in her countenance within the first few days she arrived at her parents and the more he observed the positive change in her, the more certain he was of his decision. Even though his heart was daily torn apart. Time rolled by, very slow for him. He was counting the days where she would tell him that she was coming back…but she never said it. As time passed by, his hopes that she would return began fading away. Her calls were regular, always happy, always loving and warm, always reassuring, but the distance made him more and more fearful of the future.
Finally in the first days of April he found the opportunity to ask for a week off. Minerva happily gave it to him as they were entering the Easter holidays. He communicated with Hermione the night before he was about to depart, but didn't tell her where he was going. Mainly because he didn't want to make her sad, for not being there with him. He just said that he was renting a car and was taking a small road trip around England. She send him her love and told him to be careful. Next morning he appeared through a portal in Stoke and came up uninvited to Andromeda's door to see Teddy. The need to see the boy was sudden and dire. He hoped that his unexpected visit wouldn't piss Andromeda off, but all his fears were unfounded. She welcomed him in and when Teddy saw him, he went crazy. Andromeda wanted to call Hermione and tell her the news, but Severus stopped her with a solemn frown that the old witch didn't question. Him and Teddy passed the whole day together and in the evening he talked to Andromeda about everything, over some warm tea and under the low lights of the kitchen. She told him to remain with them, the whole week, but it was Teddy that convinced him to do so. Five days into Stoke, found them in this abandoned mansion, without having communicated with Hermione at all. Since she knew not where to find him, it was now in his hands to invoke the line to her house in Australia, but he decided against it. She didn't need to know where he was. That could bring her over in England quicker than the wind, but his wanted her decision to be completely unbiased.
He leaned over Ted and frowned at the brown waters. They were dark leaves full of corrosion floating on top. Twigs full of fungus and a lot of dirt. Teddy was throwing in small pieces of marble that had fallen off the railings with the passage of time "What're you doing here Ted?" he asked and sat next to him cross legged.
"I am trying to push that wood to the far end. Wanna try Presser?" Teddy asked eagerly.
"No, thanks" he said and his hand dived into his right pocket. He found the beautiful necklace and drew it out. Then he lifted it up and observed the small snowdrop floating inside the transparent magical potion. Small snowflakes fed it the cold it needed to survive. It was forever trapped, but forever alive inside that tear drop shaped bottle. Teddy noticed immediately.
"That's pretty, is it for me?" he asked innocently.
Severus smiled sadly "Nope, but this is" he said and opened up his palm. Out of thin air a small paper boat floated upon the brown waters.
"Whoa!" Teddy's eyes grew huge.
Severus put the necklace in his pocket again "You like it?"
"It's perfect! Thank you Presser!" he clapped his little hands.
Another flick of his wrist cleared up the waters and created soft waves "Now it can travel" he mused at the little boat.
Teddy claps "Have a nice trip little boat" he yells.
"Your sail must have a name, what will you call it?"
"Sunshine!"
He flicked his hand and the word sunshine appeared at the side of the boat. Teddy scrounged his lips and mimicked him with heartfelt decisiveness. The boat rocked violently and when it calmed down the scribble of a sun was right next to the name.
Severus looked at him proudly "Very good my boy"
Teddy smiled widely and then looked at the small boat "Presser Snape?"
"Yes?" he rested his chin on his bend knee.
"Can you be my dad?" Teddy asked him out of the blue.
Severus felt his heart squeezing painfully and turned to the child. He felt his mouth going dry and he tried to find the best words "No, your father is Lupin and he is unique. I can never take his place…"
Teddy looked down disheartened.
Severus hurried "…but I can be the closest to a father, that I can be, if that is what you wish"
Teddy's face brightened up again and Severus felt his eyes burning.
"I miss having a dad" Teddy said and flicked his shoulders.
A knife got buried in his heart "I miss having a dad too" he replied quietly.
Teddy looked at him seriously and Severus felt the need to change the mood "Look at this" he said and his hand uplifted towards a large almond tree that was a few feet away from Teddy. As he moved his fingers elegantly the branches moved along with them and hundreds of small flowers fell from it. He closed his fingers and they floated towards them.
Teddy clapped happily "Drop them into the water!"
Severus released them from his magical grip and the small white buds covered them and the small pond. His eyes turn to the clear waters that were now full of flowers and he remembered a similar day when he was a child himself. A little older than Teddy, offering a single flower at Lily. He had gone a long way from those, hadn't he?
The child without warning run up to him and embraced him with an honesty that touched the deepest part of his soul. His arms come around the small body easily and he pressed the child in his arms "Thank you Presser!" Teddy said and smiled contently.
"That's the sweetest thing I have ever had the honour to witness" her voice spoke quietly behind him and he knew it was her from the moment she uttered the first letter.
He inhaled sharply as her warm whisper travelled to him quicker than the rays of the sun. He turned around and there she was. Dressed in an airy white dress, with a pair of flat white shoes. His forgotten cardigan was around her shoulders and his purple scarf loose around her neck. Teddy sprang at his feet and ran to her with his arms wide open "AUNTIE!"
He stood up and wavered in momentary confusion as she picked up Teddy and twirled him around a couple of times "Hello darling!" she said and covered him with kisses. Was she really here? Was this a dream? Was it his imagination? He had been thinking of her a couple of moments ago...or maybe he never stopped thinking of her, but was she really there?
Then she looked up to him and offered him the sweetest smile he had ever seen. His heart ran to her faster than his legs, but it was only when he picked her up along with Teddy, and felt her warm softness pressing on him, that he knew she had to be real. She giggled and buried her head on his neck. He felt his eyes overflowing with tears and squeezed her tightly. He wanted to ask her if this was real, or a dream, but he didn't speak. Instead he searched with his eyes closed and covered her mouth with his, trying to draw in her breath. Ted slipped away from her arms with a grimace of disgust as they kissed each other with a need that bordered to desperation. No words were needed. His lips brushed hers. Not innocently like a tease, but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. "Hermione" he whispered slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savour them. She smiled, her heart fluttering at his voice as she clasped her hands on either side of his face. Never before had her name ever felt so wonderful, as she leaned in demanding more. So he kissed her again and the world fell away. It was slow this time and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressed her cheek and their breaths mingled. She ran her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest.
It was Ted's disgusted declaration that made them pull back embarrassed for having expressed themselves thus passionately in front of a child.
"Gross!" he said and made puking noises.
He couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud.
"It's the first time I've seen you laugh out loud" she said and caressed his cheeks with her thumbs lovingly.
"It's the first time worth laughing" he whispered and pecked her lips softly.
She smiled under his mouth, but before he had the time to close his eyes and enjoy her again a hard jerk pulled her away from his arms. It was Teddy that was trying to get her for himself and Severus willingly let go "I missed you my love" she said and caressed his soft cheeks and bright green hair.
"Me too Auntie! Did you bring me back anything from Ostralia?" Teddy moved his bottom around.
"Meh…a few things that are waiting for you back at the house" she winked at him.
"Thank you! did you see your mommy and daddy?" Teddy asked and offered her a tight hug. She looked up and smiled widely at Severus who was admiring them quietly.
"Yes I did, and they are sending their love to you!" she said happily.
"Are you going to stay here now Auntie?" Teddy asked.
She frowned "In Stoke?"
"In England?" Teddy asked innocently, without knowing that this was actually the one million dollar question.
She knew it too, for she gazed up at Severus lovingly "Yes my darling, I came back to stay"
He felt his heart warming up and ready to explode, but he kept it well hidden inside. Apparently she felt his need. She patted Teddy's bottom and approached Severus quickly. She took him in her arms and pressed her cheek on his "I am back to stay" she repeated close to his ear and he felt his body shuddering.
"YEAH!" Teddy clapped and then as easily as only a child could, he forgot the need to remain with her. He ran back to the small pool and tried to grab the boat with a long stick "Auntie is going to stay! Auntie is going to stay!" he said in a singsong manner.
She smiled and send Teddy a kiss "Try catching it with your magic" she said and took Severus's hand. She led them to a small bench that was behind Teddy and he followed her there silently.
Teddy flicked his wrist and pushed the boat so far away that it crashed on the far side of the pool "Like this?"
She shook her head and showed him "Invoke it, call it to you…yes like that, but more gently. Don't be so hard on it"
Teddy invoked the boat and it moved jerkily towards him "I am doing it! Auntie I am doing it!" he cried happily.
"Of course you are my darling" she said and then turned at Severus. Their hands were still clasped tightly "How about you, darling? Are you going to embrace me, or are you going to sit there like a statue, after that soul burning welcoming kiss you gave me?" she said playfully.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew her in. She embraced him and leaned her head on his chest "That's better" she whispered and closed her eyes.
His hand went up her shoulder and he kissed her forehead "Was your return planned, or did something else happen?"
She sighed deeply and tucked herself into his arms comfortably "No, it was planned. At least to Hogwarts. The trip to Stoke was not though"
He smirked "How come you came here then?"
"There was a small note waiting for me back at my apartments. When I saw it, I asked Charity if she knew were you might be. She was rather eager to tell me that you came to Teddy for a couple of days. Why didn't you tell me you were coming here?" she said after a small hesitation that made him frown.
"Because I wanted you to be unbiased in your decision. I didn't want you to return just because I decided to come see Teddy, or for any other reason, but your own need to come back"
"I see" she said quietly.
"You mentioned a note...?" he asked after a brief comfortable silence were they both overlooked Teddy.
She pulled back and searched the deep pockets of her airy long dress. She fished out what looked like a very used piece of paper and gave it to him. He took it confused at first, but the moment he opened it up, everything cleared. He read it and leaned his elbows on his knees, suddenly feeling rather tired and used. The memories of that place felt only too real and too fresh to be tampered and yet she managed to shake him twice. Not only with her sudden appearance, but by this forgotten message, that he never thought would ever reach her.
"Tell her I am sorry I couldn't give it to her in person. Her snowdrop is at Janick's Antique shop, 535 Etrudia Rd., in Stoke, Staffordshire. Tell her, I am sorry I endangered her and her family and that she was right about everything…Tell her word for word…I am sorry for not confessing to you sooner how much I love you"
He sighed deeply and crumbled the paper in the palm of his hand. Her hand wrapped around his shoulder and drew him on her "Charity left it in my apartment" she explained.
He nodded, but didn't know what to tell her.
"I am sorry I had to remind you of those dark times" she whispered softly.
He looked at her "It's ok"
She flicked her brow at him and gave him a quick testing smile "So….you love me, right?"
He huffed and rubbed his forehead "What do you think?"
"Meh…need you to tell me again" she shook her head playfully.
He frowned and felt the pain deep in his heart "I love you more than words can say" he spoke with honesty.
A wide smile spread on her lips and it echoed in her eyes. His heart rejoiced. She raised a finger to him "So where is my bloody snowdrop, you little thief?"
He offered her a genuine smile and fished for the necklace in his pocket. He drew it out and showed it to her. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes filled with tears quickly. He had never seen her so happy and so emotional at the same time, ever before and he savoured on the effect the little snowdrop had on her. She reached out and touched the tear shaped bottle "It's beautiful" she whispered and then wiped away a few stray tear drops.
He opened it up and looked at her "You want it?"
"Is that even a question?!" she snapped and drew up her hair up to allow him to put it around her neck.
As he closed it she was sniffling and also giggling and he loved every one of her loving expressions. She let go of her long hair that rested heavily just above her waist and turned to him. Her thin fingers traced around it "Severus, it's beautiful, thank you" she muttered and more tears run down. She laughed and wiped them quickly away.
He stopped her and pulled her hand away. Then his long finger took over the job of drying her face "It was your original Christmas gift. It just took sometime to make and then I got into a bloody mess...and ...oh well...you know the rest" he tried to explain.
"You stole it out of my baggage!" she accused him playfully.
"Yes"
"You stole my most precious gift"
"Yes"
"To take it to the best jeweler and make me this beautiful necklace..." she whispered
"Yes"
"Severus...I don't know if I want to smack you, or kiss you till you have no breath left" she admitted with a lopsided smile.
"I'll decide for you". His hand cupped her cheek and drew her in for a kiss which obliterated every thought and every contradictory feelings. For the first time in forever Hermione's mind was locked into the present. The worries of the days that passed or the days to come were evaporated. He suspended all his actions, wanting to savour her forever. He had no wish for this kiss to end. Drunk for her love his only desire was to touch her. In moments the soft caress of his lips became more firm as he savoured her lips and the quickening of her breath. For long they remained locked upon each other and when they pulled back the world was swirling around them.
She rested her head on his chest and caressed his torso "Did you have the necklace at the train station?" she asked after a long silence were Teddy was hitting the clear waters with a long branch, drenching his trousers and his shoes along the way.
"No, but I had it when I came to find you in the classroom that fateful day that we discussed about Australia" he said quietly.
"You heard me and Charity talking, didn't you?" she asked and the regret was obvious in her voice.
"Yes"
"That's why you told me about Australia?"
"What I heard made me realise that I had to let you go" he responded with the same reminiscent tone in his voice.
"Who told you that I wanted you to let me go?" she gazed up at him.
"The smile that never reached your eyes anymore" he said and frowned down at her.
She sighed and nodded carefully "You had it in your pocket and you never gave it to me..." she sounded almost accusing.
"If I had given it to you, would you have left?" he asked.
"No, never!" her voice was almost annoyed.
"That's why I didn't give it to you" he said quietly and his hand pressed her shoulder reassuringly.
Her fingers caressed her necklace and she smiled sweetly at Teddy. Then she turned and placed a soft careful kiss upon the scars of his neck.
He shuddered.
"What made you decide to wear this old frock coat again?" she asked.
"I took over your job. I had to remind myself what it was like being a teacher" he smiled and drew her in.
"And a piece of clothing did the trick?" she asked.
He flicked his shoulders "Not, really. As it seems I never forgot how to teach"
"What made you decide to wear it unbuttoned and with such a revealing shirt?" she said and run her finger down the side of his neck, offering him another stronger shudder of pleasure. He could never get used to her touch.
"Oh, that'd be you"
"Me?" She frowned.
"Yes, that's you all the way" he nodded and looked thoughtfully at Teddy.
She smiled widely and her fingers left his neck and landed on his large temple scar that extended to the top of his cheekbone. "I love this scar also, have I told you?"
"Yes, more than enough, even though I don't believe you" he said and his lips curled down.
She laughed "I find all your scars attractive, old and new, but you know what's more attractive than them?"
He raised his brow "Do tell"
"Your insecurity"
His frown deepened.
"It makes you human, more approachable. Unlike the Demigod reputation you gained with your actions all these years" she smiled at him and braided her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck.
"Hermione, get serious" he warned.
"I am" she declared.
"No you are not. Now, tell me about Australia. Tell me about your parents" he said getting serious suddenly. No matter his need to kiss her to the end of the world, or chastise her for talking nonsense, he also wanted to make sure that he heard her correctly. That she was going to stay here permanently. He wanted to know every resolution she and her parents had come down to.
She sighed deeply and waved at Teddy that looked happily back at them "He is turning out to be a very happy young boy"
"Don't divert" he said solemnly.
She gazed back at him "There really isn't too much to tell. Things began settling down with the press as you know yourself. I've had a lovely time and I rested thoroughly. You had been right to send me away, but I would never stay away forever if that's what you are asking"
"That's what I am asking" he nodded and gazed at her intensely.
She shook her head "Come on, did you really believe I would stay away from you?"
"If that'd make you happy, yes" he frowned deeply.
"But you make me happy. You are the only one who makes me happy"
"And your parents" he added.
"And them of course"
"So what did you decide to do with them. Are they returning to England with you?"
"No, they decided to remain in Australia" she frowned, but this time he saw only a fleeting darkness pass from her eyes, that didn't linger.
"Then how?"
"Simple enough….I decided to adult" she smiled.
He looked at her confused.
"I am going to remain in England with the love of my life and I will work my ass off to become the best Potion Mistress after you….and they will remain in Australia and go on with their lives. We are going to visit each other regularly. I mean they are coming over next month to meet you" she said nonchalantly.
"What?" he croaked.
She giggled "Took you by surprise my love? They want to meet the man that stole my heart, anew. That's my moms words. Now that things settled with the press, I think you will have a lot of trouble dealing with my parents"
He felt a ton of weight lifting from his shoulders "I am sure you'll give me some tips. Unlike with what you did with the Stanleys"
"Don't even go there. That day was confusing as hell for me" she warned him.
He smiled and squeezed her waist "So you are back to stay..."
"Yes, if you want me"
"How can I not want to see the new star of Potions unpacking all her knowledge slowly to my admiring eyes?" he gave her a lopsided smile.
"Hmm, I don't know. With Kingsley in permanent suspension and elections coming soon, I might run for Minister myself. Harry said I am fit for the job" she said half seriously, half jokingly.
"Don't tell me that I will end up being married to the next Minister of Magic" he threw at her easily.
"You might…what?" she said taken aback.
He smiled smugly.
She tightened her grip on his bicep and she leaned her head on his shoulder "Come on you big goof, tell me, did you just propose to me?"
"No, I am too much of a coward to put labels into what's going on between us, or propose. I am just offering a possible conclusion to our situation in the very distant future"
"Don't make it very distant though, ok?" she raised her brow at him.
His lips curled up in a sweet smile "I'll try"
She laughed and rubbed her cheek on him "That's the most awkward marriage proposal I have ever heard off and I accept of course"
"Don't rush me…" he said half seriously.
"Or you'll run away from me?"
"Possibly"
"I'll run after you" she responded quickly.
"What if I fly away then?"
"I'll find a way. I will always find a way, no matter how difficult things might seem at times" she said honestly.
"Me too" he cupped her hand and kissed her softly on the forehead.
"Things are not perfect for us" she said thoughtfully.
"They are never perfect for anyone"
"We will try to make it work, right?" she asked him and he heard the slight fear in her voice. He was afraid too, but she was worth every single tear and every thread of fear.
"Yes, we will" he said steadily and pressed her hand.
She leaned her head on his shoulder and they both remained silent for a while. Their eyes observing Teddy pulling the boat out of the water and pretending that it could fly in the air. It was her soft whisper that drew him out of his contemplations "I meant it when I said that he is growing up to be a very happy boy, and you are partly to blame for that result"
He frowned, silently.
She felt his indecision and hurried to explain "Severus, when you appeared in his life, you gave him hope. He sees a father in you" she whispered.
He sighed and remained silent, remembering the conversation he had with a boy a while ago.
She spoke after a moment again "You know you'd make a very good dad"
"Don't even go there" he frowned.
"Am I scaring you?" she looked up to him concerned.
"A bit…" he admitted, but squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"I am scared too" she nods.
"Promise, you won't forsaken me, when things turn bad" he whispered after a long silence.
Her brows darkened "I won't" her hand pulled him in and she embraced him.
"I don't know when it felt worst Severus. When I thought you were dead, or when I didn't know if I was going to come back to you?…" she said sadly.
"Both?" he looked at her.
"When we are apart I suffer….no matter the circumstances" she said.
"We are always only one breath apart…I will follow you to the end of the world, my precious" he whispered and cupped her cheek lovingly.
"Even at Hogwarts? At the very place you wanted to avoid with the heaviest cost?" her voice turned deep and vibrated through his spine.
He nodded "Of course, you see being a tepid Librarian has been a lifelong aspiration for me"
She snorted and grabbed the lapels of his frock coat "The man that brought the strongest Auror down to his knees, is tepid?"
"Yes, tepid…I want only one thing more than to be a librarian…"
"What's that?" she lifted her eyes to him and she was crying again, but those were tears of happiness, nor sorrow and he felt his heart swelling with joy.
"To tell you that I fell in love with you, because you resemble no one else….."
She bit her lip and pulled him close. He kissed her then once more. It was soft and slow and he tasted like November, like hot chocolate on stormy evenings and crisp autumn air. As they kissed, more flower buds from the almond tree rained down on them and Teddy began circling the bench with his imaginary boat plane, making swishing noises. Not bothered by their loving embrace, possibly seeing with his childish eyes a mother and a father being there for him. Loving him without questions and not rejecting him when he was misbehaving as most people did. Severus's lips pecked hers softly and his long fingers cleared some brown locks away from her cheek as his eyes bore into hers longingly. She exhaled the words to his mouth "I love you" and he drew her into a tight embrace that lasted for a long time.
When the sky turned crimson and the sun partly hid behind the distant mountains, Severus and Hermione stood up and brought Teddy between them. Each took an arm and as they walked they lifted him up. His giggles and laughter echoed back inside the crumbling walls of the abandoned mansion. It's happiness filled the warm dusk and offered them hope for the future. A difficult and demanding future, but one that they wouldn't face alone this time, but together, and that was the most beautiful word. Together…together…because love truly existed, and they found it in each other.
THE END
A/N: To all those who stayed with me for this ride, thank you. To the ones that wrote regular reviews a special thank you, a bit closer to my heart, since your words always gave me courage to continue. To the ones that wrote a single review again thank you for taking the time! To the Guests a special thank you, because I never had the chance to reach out to them personally.
Thank you for reviewing lovingly and for criticising kindly my mistakes. This was the first story that I felt such loving acceptance, even from native speakers and that's very addictive and an honour.
I started this story without any plans and it ended up becoming quite a ride! I want those two to tell more to each other, to do more to each other and experience more things together. That's because I don't want this to end, but for now it has to. Maybe in the future if more people ask for it, there will be a sequel. For the time being I am too tired to think about it and I need a break. I think I am leaving Severus and Hermione in a very peaceful if not bittersweet moment in their lives, with a bright, but also demanding future ahead of them. THANK YOU *.* Many kisses, till next time!
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