Chapter 36

Marian

It was the night before I was due to return home and I was sitting on my bed packing the few belongings I had into my bag. Anders was on his bed and he kept on shooting glances at me. Every time he did that, I tingled. I glanced at him and he quickly looked away, but I saw the deep sadness in his light brown eyes. I carried on packing, but I stopped when I saw his shadow on my bed. I raised my eyes and I could not hold back the tears any longer. He was onto me before I could take a deep breath to calm down. He tossed my bag onto the floor and he covered me with his body.

"Please, no more tears. I can't bear it," he said softly.

"I...I can't help it, Anders. It feels as if my heart is breaking. I can see your sadness. Let it go," I said softly. He looked away from me, but I gently turned his face so that I could look at him. I wanted to memorise his handsome face in my mind, but the tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"Oh my love," I murmured as I tried to wipe them away, but he caught my hands and he pressed them against his chest. I felt the steady thump-thump of his heart beneath my hands and I found it comforting. "Love, please," I whispered as I gently lowered his head onto my chest and he slipped his arms under me. "Andy, I love you always," I whispered. He looked at me and before I could think, he kissed me.

"Love, share one more dance with me?" he asked when we pulled apart to breathe. I drew him towards me and I kissed him in reply. "It is not our last dance," he murmured as he moved away from my mouth to the hollow of my neck and I moaned as he nibbled me.

"Andy, please," I gasped as I pressed my hands against his chest. I wanted to please him, but he was too intent on giving me an Anders mark. I laughed when I recalled his suggestion about giving it a name. He said he would mark me as a reminder that I belong to him. I laughed it off, but he was being serious.

He stopped what he was doing and he smiled at me. His eyes were dancing in with amusement. "You can't laugh without telling me what it is you find funny," he teased.

I laughed. "Love, I was thinking about your Anders mark," I replied and he shook his head.

"Well, what else can we call it and love, you belong to me. You will always belong to me," he informed me and I cupped his face in my hands.

"And I don't need you to mark me as such because I know I belong to you," I teased.

"Love, don't spoil my fun. This is our...last night," he trailed away and I became serious.

"I know, but this is not goodbye, my love. We will meet again. Of that I am sure," I reassured him and he laughed.

"Definitely. Once my plan is in action, there will be no stopping me," he said.

"But you must write to me. You have to promise me," I said softly and he smiled.

"My lovely Marian, I promise to write to you every month. I swear this on my mother's pillow and on my mother's pillow, I swear to remain loyal to you," he teased.

"Mmm...I believe you, Andy. You don't have to go that far, but on your mother's pillow - which now belongs to me - I will always remain true and loyal to you because I love you and there will be no-one else," I teased.

"Love," he said softly as he cupped my face and he leaned closer. "I think we have talked enough. Let me indulge you. Let me take you on a dance you will never forget," he continued and he smiled at me.

"A dance I will never forget? Why don't we make it something we both won't forget?" I suggested.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "How so my love?" he asked.

"Come closer and I will show you," I replied. I cupped his neck and I pulled him towards me. As soon as our lips touched, he slipped his tongue into my mouth and a wild dance began. I found myself eagerly removing his shirt. I wanted to feel him against me. He caught onto my plan and he hurriedly unbuttoned my blouse. He gazed down at me with a hungry look and before I could think, he came back to me. His hands were everywhere at once and I ran my hands down the length of his back to his firm buttocks where I squeezed him. I could feel by the sudden tension in his body that he was enjoying himself and by the hardened member pressing against me, I knew he was ready. I hooked my fingers into his pants and I slowly inched them off his hips. He raised himself slightly to enable me to push them further down his strong legs. I sighed as I ran my hands down his thighs. He was so strong and sturdy and it gave me great pleasure to feel those strong legs beneath my hands.

He moaned softly. "Marian, please," he whispered but I took no notice of him. I was too busy exploring his strong body. I moved back to his underwear and I slowly removed them. I could not stifle the gasp that burst forth when I felt the maleness of him against my skin. He reached for my hands and he shook his head. "My turn," he teased and he rolled with me until I was straddling him and I laughed.

"Your turn you say? How can it be when I am leading you?" I asked.

"Well, there is the matter of me feeling your skin under my hands," he replied as he slipped them under my blouse. His touch caused my emotions to spin wildly and he deliberately moved his hands to my breasts where he cupped them. He massaged them with his thumbs with undeniable pleasure in his eyes. "And I think we must take this off," he suggested as pushed my blouse off my shoulders and it joined his clothing on the floor. "Mmm...And this as well," he said as he removed my bra band. He gently massaged my breasts and by this point, I was slowing moving on him and occasionally, he moaned. "Mmm...We aren't going to get anywhere with you still wearing your pants," he teased.

I laughed. "I know," I teased and I clambered off the bed and I quickly removed the rest of my clothing. As I turned to go back to him, he slipped his arms around me.

"I love you, Marian and I always will," he whispered.

"And I love you, Andy," I whispered and with that he gently guided me back to his bed.

Anders

I awoke at 5am to the sounds of Marian crying. She was not lying next to me as I expected and I glanced around our room. She was sitting on her bed with her legs drawn to her chin. She was only half-dressed and her bag was lying next to her. I felt my throat close at the mere thought that she would be on her way home in a few short hours.

"Marian love," I called and she looked at me. There were dark circles around her eyes and I realised she had hardly slept. I quickly went to her and she wrapped her arms around me.

"I...I can't do this, Anders. It is so unfair. The Chantry and their stupid laws. Who gives them the right to prevent to people who love each from being together? Who decides that?" she asked.

"I...I don't know. It is not right, that I will not deny, but they hold so much power. Well, they think they do, but one day it is going to change," I replied.

"But who gives them the right to decide? They have no right, Anders," she said quietly.

"I know they don't. This is so difficult. I am going to be alone," I said.

"Well, you can still mentor the children and you can continue your plans to escape this place and hopefully everything else falls into place, but my heart is heavy, Andy," she said.

I gave her a small smile when she pulled back away slightly. Her normally light blue eyes that always filled me with joy were full of sadness. "Love, if we don't meet again, just know I will always love you."

She glared at me and she pushed me away. I fell backwards onto her bed and she was up so quickly that when I next looked she was standing by the desk furiously rubbing her eyes.

"How can you say that to me?" she asked.

"Love, please don't be upset with me. I was only saying because nothing in this world is going to keep me from you," I reassured her. I sat up and I leaned against the wall, eyeing her. I found her extremely attractive when she was angry and I tried my best to prevent myself from smiling.

"Anders, you are such a tease," she said.

"Why don't you come here?" I asked and she rewarded me with a smile. She ambled towards me and as soon as she was close enough, I reached out for her and she stumbled onto my lap. "Well now, this I was not expecting," I teased.

"Oh yes you were," she teased.

"Maybe I was and maybe I wasn't, but the point is, is that I have you where I want you to be," I teased.

She raised her eyebrows. "Is that so?"

"Admit it, Mari, you want to be here for one more dance," I replied.

"Anders, just embrace me or kiss me," she said. I slipped my arms around her, pulling her closer as I did so.

"Mmm, I suppose I could indulge you, but after last night, are you really sure you want to?" I asked and she laughed.

"Please? I am...leaving in a few hours and I would like you to," she replied. She cupped my face in her hands and she leaned closer. "I can always make you," she whispered, when she lightly brushed her lips against mine.

"There...is...no...need...to," I managed to say when she kissed me again.

"One more dance with my love," she murmured, when she reached for my hands, placing them on her hips.

"Mmm," I mumbled when she moved away from my mouth, tracing kisses along my jawline.

"Love, slow down," I whispered as I cupped her face bringing it close to mine. I rubbed her cheeks and she closed her eyes.

"Anders," she said quietly and she threw her arms around my neck. I embraced her as well and I held her as close as I could.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" I asked.

"For being you," she replied.

"I love you to."

Marian

It was nearly midday and it was time for me to leave. Anders and I had spent the whole morning together in the garden and now he was with my father and I by the doors leading out of the Circle. I was holding tightly to his hand as we waited for the templars to open the doors.

My father was watching me and I knew I looked terrible. I felt terrible. I did not want to leave Anders behind. He was part of me as much I was part of him. He squeezed my hand and I looked at him. He was trying his best to keep his tears from falling, but they were already sliding down his cheeks. I swallowed hard and I felt tears slide down my cheeks. He turned me around and he wiped them away.

"Please don't cry, my love," he whispered and those words were my undoing. I burst into tears and I wrapped my arms around him. "Marian, please don't. It's is killing me," he whispered.

"I am hurting, Anders and I can feel your pain," I explained.

"You aren't alone there," he said for me alone. "I love you and I will find you, I promise," he continued.

"Please don't wait too long," I whispered and he laughed into my neck.

"Nothing is going to keep me here," he reassured me.

"Marian, are you ready?" my father asked from behind me and I only tightened my arms around Anders.

"Go on my love," he encouraged as he gently disentangled my arms from around me.

"I...I can't," I said and I tried to embrace him again, but he was holding my arms too securely.

"Please go. Go, before I break all the rules and come with you," he said firmly.

"Anders, I cannot," I blurted out.

"Please my love?" he implored.

"No," I said forcefully and this only encouraged him to embrace me again. He urgently sought my mouth and he kissed me with an intensity that was not there before. He forced himself to break off our kiss and he gently pushed me away from him.

"Go my love. I will write, I promise," he said.

"Andy," I said desperately but my father prevented me from going to him. He had turned away from me, but not before I saw the pain on his handsome face.

"Marian, we must go. Your mother is expecting us to be home in a couple of days," he reminded me. I looked uncertainly between my father and Anders. I shrugged out of my father's arms and I embraced Anders a second time.

"I love you, Marian. I love you, maker help me, but I do," he said, when he kissed me again.

"You are my life, Anders and I love you," I whispered.

"Now go, my love," he encouraged as he once again pushed me away from him. He turned away from me and he went inside. I stepped back and I waited for him to reach the balcony, but instead he came back with one single blue flower.

"This is for you," he said softly when I took it from him. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and he went back into the Circle.

"Andy," I whispered to myself and I started crying. I felt my father's hands on my shoulders as he turned me around.

"Sweet maker, this is wrong. I cannot do this to you," he said quietly and he walked past me to Irving.

"I told you this would happen, but you chose not to listen to me. I am going to do everything in my power to have Anders released into my care," he declared. "If I have to write to the Grand Cleric herself, I will because this is wrong, Irving," he continued.

I looked up at the balcony and Anders was watching me. I waved to him and he waved back, but I was tempted to go to him. I looked away for a moment and when I looked up, it was empty - he was gone. I turned away and I shuffled to the boat. I would leave my father to say his thank you's and goodbyes. I could not bear to face Irving knowing he was partly to blame for not allowing Anders to come with me.

"Marian Hawke - it has been two years since I first brought you here, but there is a sadness about you," Carroll said, but I ignored him. He did not know half of what I was feeling.

"Leave me alone," I muttered as I warily climbed onto the boat. My bag was already on it and I sat down holding my flower in my one hand while I clutched my locket in the other I did not look up when my father climbed in. I did not take notice when he placed his arm around my shoulder. No amount of his comfort was going to ease the pain I was feeling. I did not even notice when Carroll started rowing the boat back across the lake to the docks and I barely recalled landing half-an-hour later. I was numb to my core and I was slowly slipping into a depression.