A/N: Heavy Skyeward chapter. This is probably really different from what happened in the show, but I wanted it to be different and show Ward in a more... I don't want to say better light, but I'm blanking on the right word to use. Basically I just want to show Ward as a guy who is conflicted and finally goes after what he wants.
Summary: Melinda Qiaolian May has been an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. for most of her life, but all the training in the world could have never prepared her for the challenge she was facing. She had to let go, but when she looked into those soft nut brown eyes, she knew in that moment she would never let go.
Excuse any misspellings and grammar mistakes.
Disclaimer: I do not own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. or any of the characters used.
Chapter Thirty Five
Skye watched as her mom walked out of the base and into the snow. Her mom looked around for a moment then looked over her shoulder to see Skye still standing there with sad eyes. May didn't want to leave Skye, but she knew it was for the best. Once the door closed May started walking while Skye stayed in her spot awhile longer holding onto the promise her mom made her. A promise she knew would be kept.
Quickly she went back to the mainframe and finished her decryption. After typing for another minute or two she now had access to all the sat-feed from the NSA and sent it to Koenig's room. This was going to do a lot of good for them, Skye knew it. She went back to the room where Koenig was supposed to be in and see if he had gotten the feed. But when she got there, she found the room empty. The images she pulled up from the sat-feed were clear which was a good sign. When she found Koenig, she would show him.
However as she looked around, she saw no signs of the chubby agent around which made her wonder where he had gone off too. Skye let a small smile grow on her face, she figured he was probably off playing one of his video games while he was waiting for her to finish up with the satellite.
"You did it," Ward said at the entrance of the room.
Skye hadn't heard him come in and nearly jumped out of her skin. She turned around to look at him and gave him a gentle smile and relieved sigh.
"Koenig said you managed to hack the NSA," Ward told her.
Skye nodded and turned to look back at the screen, "Yeah, it looks like it. Where did Eric go?"
"He's sending everything over to NATO, CIA, Interpol," Ward lied, the words flew easily off his tongue, "I guess he hopes they'll take it as a sign of good faith."
"Smart," Skye commented, "Looks like all I got was lots of empty rooftops."
A brief silence settled over them. Ward was trying to act as casual as he possibly could, hoping not to give Skye any reason to doubt him or suspect him. Even though she had no reason to doubt him, he was afraid she would figure everything out. He was afraid that he would lose her.
No, he couldn't let that happen.
"May's gone," Ward said suddenly.
Skye nodded slowly, she bit her lip and replied, "Yeah... I saw her leave. Do you know why she left exactly or where she was going?"
Ward shook his head no in reply, "I'm sure she wouldn't have told me if I had asked. She didn't tell you?"
"She was vague about it," Skye muttered looking back at the cameras.
Ward gave Skye a sympathetic look, "Are you okay with that? Her leaving."
Skye wasn't sure how she should feel about the situation. Although she knew May could take care of herself, Skye didn't like the idea of her mom being out there alone with no backup or anything. This was the first person Skye was sure she actually loved and she wasn't about to lose her now. Growing as a foster child, Skye learned not to get attached to anything or anyone, but... that changed with this team.
Now she was attached to Coulson., to Fitzsimmons, to her mom and... even to Ward. Even if her feelings for him were unclear, she knew she cared about him. She cared about him a lot more than she should.
Skye inhaled sharply, "Not really. With everything that's going on I think we should all just stick together because right now, that's really all we have."
Ward gave her small smile, but her words cut through him like a knife. All they had was each other, but here he was stabbing them in the back. An awful pit in his stomach formed along with the race of his pulse. He forced himself to stay calm, he still had orders to follow. He still had a mission to complete.
"Almost like us," Ward said softly.
Skye raised an eyebrow, "Us?"
Ward chuckled, he walked over to the little cabinet and pulled out a drink. Skye moved to his side.
"Yeah, us," Ward smiled lightly, "An S.O. is always there for their rookie. They have each other and look out for one another, have their back."
"I guess so," Skye said as Ward poured the drinks, "But we aren't an "us" and it's not like it's good time to start anything."
Ward handed her a glass and said, "There's never a good time, but you got to start somewhere right."
Skye smiled at him, "Let's have that drink then. That's where we'll start."
Ward grinned at Skye, "I'd like that."
Meanwhile, Coulson and Fitz-Simmons were trying to do whatever they could to protect his former lover from an escaped enhanced person. Although Coulson knew he needed to focus on the mission, he couldn't. Being here and seeing her, from a distance of course, was extremely difficult for him. After all this time he still missed her, but he knew he could never go back to her or see her ever again.
His job was dangerous and there was always the chance that he might not return. He wanted her to know he was alive, but that would only cause issues for the both of them. Besides, she was healing and if Coulson dragged her back into this it would only end up hurting her because she would constantly worry if he was alive or safe. He couldn't do that to her. Not again. He couldn't hurt Audrey a second time.
"You better get going, Daniels will be here soon," Coulson told Fitz, his eyes on Audrey with Simmons on the stage.
Fitz had studied the way Coulson had been acting ever since they arrived here. He could tell his team leader loved the woman downstairs, but couldn't understand why he would stay hidden. Why he wouldn't tell her the truth that he was alive.
Fitz looked at Coulson and asked, "Why don't you tell her the truth, that you're still alive? Sir it's just.. the way she talks about you, sounds like you two had something nice."
Coulson glanced at Fitz before looking back at Audrey, "We did."
"So it's not because you're afraid to talk to her," Fitz clarified as he watched Simmons leave the stage.
He wanted to tell Simmons the truth, but he didn't have the words. He was afraid of what she would do when he told her the truth.
"I don't want to hurt her again," Coulson admitted, "Besides, it's not like I can stay. We have a job to do."
Fitz nodded, "Yeah."
Skye and Ward had been sitting in the main room just talking with their drinks for awhile. Ward had been internally debating with himself about he was doing here and what he was supposed to do. Maybe if he confessed, they would forgive him and he could have another chance. Over these past couple of months he had really come to love this team, they were like the family he always hoped to have.
How could he betray them?
Ward wanted to do the right thing, but he owed Garrett. Garrett helped him when no one else would. But this team had built him up, made him a better person and made him want to be a better person. Then there was Skye. He wasn't sure if he was in love, but he was sure that he cared about her, a lot more than he should. Looking at her, seeing her brown eyes sparkle as she chuckled. He wouldn't lose her, he couldn't bare it.
Skye, she meant too much to him.
"Okay well, if that's how you felt," Skye said, interrupting his train of thought, "You had a funny way of showing it."
"Specialist don't spend time with a lot of people," Ward explained to her, "The ones we do, we're all cut from the same cloth."
"Black Kevlar," Skye said with a teasing grin.
"Trained to get the job done, keep emotions in check," Ward paused, watching Skye, "but you… you're different."
"Is different bad," Skye asked, her grin widening.
"Bad for me," Ward admitted, his mind spinning with things to say, "I didn't want to think about you. I wanted to stay focused. And then I saw you, after you were shot… fighting to stay alive and… It killed me… But you're right, I'm Kevlar, you're not."
"You don't have to be," Skye said, "You don't have to shut people out."
"Yeah I do," Ward said, his voice breaking, "There are things about me… that you wouldn't like if you knew."
"You think I don't have skeletons," Skye asked knowing all the skeletons she wanted to keep hidden.
"It's different," Ward replied simply, "You're good."
Every part of Ward screamed for him to tell Skye the truth. To tell her everything he had done, to tell her about Hydra and what he was doing. There was a chance if he came clean, he could redeem himself and make things right. But... he had to what Garret told him to do. He was in debt to the man and had to fulfill that debt no matter the costs..
But for the first time in years, Ward wasn't sure if the costs was worth it. He couldn't lose Skye.
Skye wasn't sure what it was, maybe the way Ward looked at her or the tone of his voice, but it was there. It seemed like he was struggling with something. That there was something heavy on his mind and he couldn't bring himself to say the words.
"So are you," Skye told him.
"Not always," Ward said, he set his glass down and looked at Skye, "I lied to you... My older brother, he didn't beat up my younger brother. No, he was crueler than that.. He made me do it. I let him make me do it… I was afraid of him."
"What about your parents," Skye asked, wondering how his parents could let this happen.
"They were worse," Ward said sadly, "I am not a good man Skye. I have done some… terrible things. Even to this day."
Skye shook her head, "It doesn't make you a bad person. You are good too, I can see it."
Ward drew in a shaky breath. What was he doing here? He was worthless, a terrible man who was going to hurt the only woman he ever loved. After so many years of losing everything that mattered to him, so many years of letting himself be pushed around and not fighting for what he wanted or for what was his... he didn't know what to do.
He wanted to do the right the thing, he wanted to have what he deserved, he... He wanted to keep something for himself instead of lose it like he always did. Everything he had ever loved, he had lost. Thomas was gone, so was Rose. As a child his parents took everything he had away from him, his brother took everything from him as well.
Ward looked into Skye's brown eyes and said, "I've lost everything Skye. I had nothing to lose and... I've done things with no regret or no feeling because of that. I can barely consider myself to be human anymore."
"That's not true," Skye told him sternly, "You are human and being human means you aren't perfect. We all have done things we aren't proud of."
Ward shook his head, Skye didn't understand, she couldn't understand. He was a liar, a traitor, a horrible person. Everything he had ever done was wrong, all a lie. For too many years, Ward felt like he was surrounded by darkness and one purpose, to follow orders and do what he was told. But now... he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Skye moved from her seat and sat next to Ward. She could see that all this was eating him up and that he was really remorseful for what he had done. It almost looked like he was at war with himself, from the way his hands were clenching and unclenching in his lap. The anger and sadness in his eyes as he looked at everything, but Skye.
He was broken. If there was anything Skye could do to help him, she was going to do it. Right now all she could offer were words and reassurance that she believed in him. She believed Ward was a good person.
"Hey," Skye whispered softly.
Ward forced himself to look at Skye as he said, "You need to stay away from me Skye. I'm not good for you."
There was only silence for several moments. Skye wanted to say something, to prove to him that she believed in him and that he was a good person. To show him that she did... care for him. That she did love him.
Ward didn't know what caused him to do it, but leaned closer to Skye and she did the same. Their lips crashed together.
Skye felt relief flood through her, knowing he had some feelings for her as well. She melted into the kiss. It was soft, gentle, but full of passion and desire. In all her years she had never been kissed in such a way. It was amazing.
Ward could have kissed Skye forever and forgotten about the rest of the world, but... Not he felt even guiltier than he did before. Here he was, kissing the girl he liked or really the girl he loved and then he was going to betray her and the team he had come to know. Ward couldn't take it. The guilt had become to much for him to handle and broke he kiss.
"No, I can't… I can't do this anymore," Ward said, pulling away from Skye, "I can't lie anymore.. I can't hurt this team or you… I am so sorry."
"Ward, what are you talking about," Skye asked worriedly, wondering what he was saying.
Taking a deep breath Ward stood up and said, "Before I say anything, you have to know I care about you, Fitzsimmons, Coulson and May. I care about this team. You mean a lot to me, all of them, which is why I'm telling you this. You deserve the truth."
"I don't understand," Skye said.
"Skye, I'm Hydra," Ward said breathlessly.
"What," Skye asked standing from her seat, "You're kidding, Ward that's not funny."
Ward shook his head, "I'm serious, I'm an agent of Hydra... I was assigned to this team to get intel. I wasn't supposed to get attached, but… these past few months changed everything."
"You're Hydra," Skye whispered, "That means… you, Garrett? You knew about all of this?"
Ward nodded solemnly, "Yes. I knew about Hydra being here, but we weren't supposed to come out of hiding. I don't know why it had happened early, but it did."
Skye had, had her heart broken before and yet this time... it felt worse than all the others. Tears threatened to fall down her cheeks, but she forced herself not to shed a single tear. He wouldn't see her cry.
Ward could see the hurt and betrayal in Skye's brown eyes. The sight caused his chest to ache, look at what he had done.
"Skye" Ward started to take a step towards her, but she took a step back, "Skye please."
Skye could only shake her head, "You're with them! You- you- how could you do this? Gah, how?"
"He made me, I was loyal to Garret for everything he had done for me as a child. I didn't think, I would just follow orders because that was how I was trained and it was easier to just follow blindly… But not anymore. This is my team. I cannot betray you."
"A little late for that," Skye said sadly.
"I am going to make this right," Ward promised sternly, "You are the first person besides my little brother that I am certain I actually love."
Skye raised a hand to stop him from talking, "No, don't-"
"Skye I love you," Ward said, his brown eyes burning into hers.
Skye sat down on the couch. She buried her face in her hands as she processed everything that had just happened to her. Ward was Hydra, he had betrayed all of them and lied to them about who he was and why he was here. It was a lie.
"Skye please," Ward begged as he knelt next to Skye.
She lifted her head to look at her S.O. with pain in her chocolate eyes and pink cheeks. How could she have been so stupid? Letting him into her heart when she knew, deep down, it would only get herself hurt.
Ward needed to fix this. He needed to prove to Skye that he was here for her, that he was going to lay it all on the line for her. He just didn't know how he could prove it to her when obviously their trust had been broken.
Skye licked her lips, she looked at him and said indifferently, "What's his plan? Why are you here now?"
"He needs you to crack the code on the hard drive, it was my job to bring you to him," Ward explained to her, "But I won't do that. I will make this right Skye. As soon as the others get back I will tell them everything, I will give all the information I have and more."
Skye nodded slowly, "Okay, but not yet."
Ward gave a Skye a confused look, "What do you mean?"
"You are going to take me to Garret," Skye told him, "I have a plan. If you are on our side, then you have to prove it right now. Take me to Garret and I will take his operation down from the inside out."
"Skye, I can't do that, I can't take the chance that-" Ward tried to speak, but Skye cut him off.
"Are you with me," Skye said, her gaze locked on his.
Ward nodded sharply, "I'm with you."
"Then help me end this."