Phillip-

I stayed in my room for the rest of day. Clara Sue came and knocked but I ingored her, covering my head with my pillows.

How could I let myself do that? I promised myself after that day I tried to force myself on her months ago that I would never try to hurt her again. Was I a monster? I shouldn't haven drank so much. I let myself get too crazy last night and now Dawn was paying for it. I saw the blood, she was a virgin. I stole that from her.

Would she tell someone? Mother, Grandmother, Clara Sue? If Clara Sue found out she would tell everyone. We would be the mockery of not only the boarding house, but Cutler's Cove. Grandmother would take my inheritance away, I would be shunned from the family. Any respectable girl I tried to get with would know what happened and their families would never let me court her.

I felt a pang of guilt, I spent the entire day thinking about my future, but didn't think once about my sister. Dawn. Was she okay? Was she sober enough to remember what happened? Would she accuse me of rape? Did I rape her, or did we both sucuumb to old desires from Emerson Peabody? I had to go to her.

I showered and got dressed. I chose to go with my cleanest jeans and a plain white t shirt. I didn't want to come off menacing, like I was coming back to hurt her again.

I stepped out and hurried to the second floor where the girls rooms were. I paused when I saw Audrina on the stairs. I smiled breifly but averted my eyes in shame. I felt like it was written on my face what I did. I didn't even stop to think about the fact that Audrina was out of her room.

I knocked on her door but she didn't answer. Of course, I wasn't answering my door either. Instead, I took a deep breathe and turned the knob slowly. Cracking the door open I called her name.

"Dawn, Dawn? Can I come in, I'd like to talk to you." I said. The lights were on, so I knew she was here. Finally I heard her soft voice. "Okay." I came in and quickly closed the door behind me. I stayed at the door, making sure not to frighten her.

She was at her desk, with nothing in front of her. Just staring at the empty table. I looked around and noted that her bed had been stripped from all of the bedding, even the pillows.

"Dawn? Are you okay?" I asked and she just shook her head. I felt the tears in my eyes but I shook them away. I didn't cry.

"Look Dawn, I don't want to make excuses but we both drank too much last night. I don't remember a thing. It's pretty obvious what we did but we don't have to tell anyone." I told her, moving to sit on her bed. She raised her head slightly, still not turning to look at me. It gave me the confidence to continue.

"I promise on my word it won't happen again. It was a mistake. Don't worry about any diseases or anything. I always use a condom."

"You didn't last night." She whispered. I jumped a little.

"What? I always do." She shook her head. "I looked all over the room. Unless you took it with you, there wasn't one." I flinched. I didn't take one with me. That made my blood chill. There could be a baby.

"Oh my god, Dawn I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-" She turned around to look at me. She was crying. She looked beautiful even with a puffy face and red eyes.

"You see me as a mistake?" She asked, her voice cracking. I was taken back for a moment. What did she want me to say? We had sex. Of course that was a mistake.

"Uh no, no Dawn. It's dificult. I don't know? You don't?" I asked her incredulously. Her eyes were filled with pain.

"I thought you liked me? When we were at Emerson you said you liked me." She said.

"Well yeah Dawn. Your beautiful." I pulled her off her chair and embraced her into a hug. "I did like you. A lot Dawn, but it's not easy. You and me, as much as I would love to have been with you, it's not something that's possible now." I chose my words carefully. Afraid of making her cry more.

"Phillip, I wish this hadn't happened to us. Finding out the truth. I was going to- you know. The night of the concert, when you took me to your secret place. I wanted to, and I always wondered why we didn't. What if we had?" She looked up at me, still hugging me. I didn't know what to say. My heart was racing. Was she still interested in me? I mean, of course I thought about it. Fantasized many a night, but that's all it was. We couldn't. Could we?

"Well I don't know. Someone would have found out about us. Are you going to tell anybody?" I said, my heart beginning to race. What was going on?

"No. I won't if you won't." Dawn told me as her hand moved from my chest down to my groin. I jumped away! Woah! This wasn't happening. I stood up and I heard her choke back a cry.

"Dawn! Look I don't know if you think you owe me something but you don't. I swear you don't have to do this!" I told her but she stood up and pulled me in touching me there again. I groaned. I was up for almost everything, Fanny, Audrina, countless other girls from other schools, but this. My head was spinning.

"Do you love me Phillip?" She begged, pulling my shirt out of my jeans and moving quickly. I closed my eyes as I kissed her, giving in.

"Yes of course Dawn. Always. We just can't tell anyone." I told her and she nodded as I began lifting her blouse. I gave in to my dark desires, not caring about the consequences. This time, it wasn't just I sinning, this was on both of us.