Disclaimer: I don't own Skins or the characters from the show, I do, however, own a man called Howard, a girl called Lexie and the contents of this story.

Author Notes: This has taken too long to get up, I'm sorry about that. I've been a bit unmotivated to finish, but I DO want to finish this. One more chapter left after this one and I think that might be it for this series! Thanks for the reviews, you're all amazing and I love reading your comments, so thanks.

Without Warning

Chapter Thirty-Seven

The packing process was long and tiring. They were only initially going to the US for six months, which meant there was no point taking too much stuff. They decided to limit it to one box each on top of their clothes. Emily still had work to do right up until a few days before they were due to leave, which meant Naomi was left to do the majority of the packing.

"Can I take this?" Lexie asked, holding up her stuffed unicorn.

"Of course you should take her. But you need to think carefully about what else you want to take."

"I know," Lexie rolled her eyes, making Naomi laugh. "We can only take one box of things."

"Exactly. Do you think Harley would like the blue truck or the red truck?"

"He likes red more than blue," she informed her.

"That settles that then."

"Naomi?"

"Yes?"

Lexie looked contemplative, "What if I forget something?"

A smile curled up on Naomi's lips. There were a number of things Lexie had asked about the move; where she would go to school, where would they live, would they have to spend Christmas there. But Naomi suspected there would be other questions, things she was worried about.

"It's okay if you forget something" Naomi informed her, "Because Emily has to come back to England sometimes to have meetings."

"Can we come back with her?" Lexie questioned.

"Sometimes, but not all the time."

"So Emily could find what we forgot and bring it back for us?"

"That's right," Naomi smiled.

They continued to pack up a box of toys in silence. Lexie carefully looked through a pile of books until she found a couple she wanted and slotted them in her box beside her unicorn.

"Will the children be nice?"

Naomi bit her lip, "I imagine they'll be like they are here. Some of them will be really nice."

"But some of them might not be?" Lexie whispered.

"I don't know Lexie." Naomi muttered, honestly. "What I do know is that kids in America love our accents so you might get some people liking you just because of that."

"Maybe some will tease me for it," Lexie suggested.

"Hopefully not, but if they do just tell your teacher."

"What if my teacher teases me too?"

"I don't think they would," Naomi frowned. "But if you have any problems then you should tell me or Emily straight away."

*

Watching Katie deal with Joseph being in the hospital and having to spend every night away from him gave Emily some perspective on her life that she didn't even notice she needed. She found herself respecting Katie in a new way, her strength amazed her and her ability to deal with everything Howard was going through on top, just made her realise that Katie was stronger than either of them had given her credit for. Which led to her wondering just how difficult it was for Naomi. Noticing just how far her beautiful wife had come from her post-partum and how strong she was.

"I love you," Emily whispered one evening, her arms wrapped messily around Naomi's body as they lay in bed.

They said it often now because they both knew how important it was to never forget. Emily ran her fingers along Naomi's bare arms, could feel her skin react and a number of goose bumps appeared.

"You're really brave."

Naomi tilted her head, was pretty confused by the random trail of conversation that Emily had started up. She wasn't really sure what to say so she just laughed.

"Seriously," Emily stated. "I think you, and Katie, but mostly you are the most bravest of people I have ever met."

"I don't feel very brave."

"Well you are," Emily assured her. "You have been through so much. More than anymore should ever have to deal with in a lifetime let alone a decade."

"Things happened to me, that doesn't make me brave."

Emily rolled over until her head was resting on Naomi's stomach, her chin leaning against it so that she could really look into her eyes.

"You lost your girlfriend, you lost your mum, your step dad and you lost me for a whole year. You didn't give up Naomi, you fought through it all and you won."

"Grief is difficult, but it's not impossible. Besides I had you."

"But not last year. Last year you had all those hormones making you feel crazy and I wasn't there even when I was and you didn't fall apart. It could have been very different. But you got through it and you did that, all by yourself."

"I didn't do very much at all. I was a mess."

Sometimes she still felt a mess. Thinking back on what happened brought it back, even though she tried to forget, tried to get over it. She was thankful to have Emily back because she knew no matter what, with Emily there she'd be fine.

"You might have been a mess but you didn't look a mess. You looked strong and confident and you were so amazing when you could have been broken."

"You should have seen me on a bad day," Naomi laughed, knowing it wasn't really that funny.

"I'm being serious," Emily stated.

Naomi bit her lip, "So am I. I didn't feel very brave."

"I still think you were." Emily whispered, running a finger along Naomi's collarbone. "I think the way you handled Katie the other day was amazing. You really understood and you let her know that the world wasn't over."

"Now Katie is brave."

Emily raised an eyebrow, "If you told her that she'd probably say exactly what you said."

Despite seeing how far Naomi had come, Emily still couldn't remove the feeling of regret she felt, the guilt of walking away. She took a deep breath, staring out into the darkness at Naomi's face, the face of the girl she nearly gave up.

"I wish I could have been there, that I could turn back the clock and change how things turned out."

"Don't," Naomi muttered, forcefully. "I know it was horrible but I don't regret what happened to us. It's in the past, it all happened for a reason and I believe that reason was for us to see just how much we need and love each other. I think it's very easy to take something, someone for granted and we fought that. We saw through the other side and it made us stronger."

Emily contemplated Naomi's words, "I just still feel so bad for not being a better wife."

There was a time when all Naomi wanted to hear was Emily's regrets, Emily feeling guilty for everything and wishing she could be a better person through what happened. A lot had happened since then, a lot had changed. All Naomi wanted was to move forwards, not live in the past, not think about the mistakes they couldn't turn back.

"Don't Emily. Please don't," she muttered, feeling herself become more emotional as she spoke. "I love you now and that's all that matters. I've accepted what happened, all of that mess. I'm not over the fact I had problems after Harley's birth but that will come in time. Right now I need you to accept what happened, accept the mistakes we both made and decide to forgive yourself so that we can have the future we all deserve."

Emily nodded against Naomi's chest, could sense the frustration in Naomi's voice and regretted bringing up her insecurities. Everything she wanted was right there, in the house they shared, in their bed. Her life was all she'd ever wanted it to be and no matter what happened in the past or what could happen in the future, that was all she knew she had to focus on.

"I'm sorry for talking about having a baby."

"Why?" Naomi whispered, raising an eyebrow. "If it's something you've been thinking about then we should talk about it."

"I've thought about it, for the future," Emily assured her. "Not for right now. Right now we have so much going on. If or when we decide we want it to happen then maybe it will."

Naomi bit her lip, "Emily if you really want to have a baby just tell me."

"I am Naomi. Joseph made me feel broody but I'm not ignoring the situation we're in. We're not in a place where having a baby would fit into our plans. I have so much on with this job and we have so many changes that we need to deal with. Maybe in a year when we're more settled. Maybe then we can talk about it more."

"Are you sure?" Naomi whispered, feeling her lips curl at the edges.

All the time Naomi had been worrying that Emily wanted a baby as soon as possible, wanted to go through with the plan they'd always had of having at least two children of their own. She'd worried, contemplated what could have happened if they'd gone through with it, whether it would have broken down their marriage in the same way. It was a relief to know that Emily wanted it, but didn't want it immediately, that she was willing to wait.

"Yes. Besides, if you're still in a place where you've not entirely dealt with what happened with Harley then it would be selfish to ask you to want to take a risk."

"I think until we've both accepted what happened and move on," Naomi whispered. "It wouldn't be fair otherwise."

"You're right. I've ignored this whole situation for far too long. Now we need to face it, together."

Emily wrapped herself around Naomi tighter, kissed Naomi's hand as she interlocked their fingers. It felt like things were finally becoming good, that everything they'd been worrying about was being let out and finally, maybe they were able to move on.

"Emily? I think we should go to a counsellor."

"We?" Emily asked.

"Yes. Both of us," Naomi continued. "I want our relationship to be the best it can be. We have so many things between us that I think we should get some help really working them through. Properly. I want to make sure there's nothing left stopping us being happy."

"Naomi we go to America in a week and a half," Emily reminded her. "Is now a good time to start that?"

"We should wait until we get there. Then if anything comes up while we're there we won't be tempted to hide behind it. We'll have a place where we can get that stuff out." Naomi let out a small laugh. "When in Rome!"

Emily laughed along, "They do say every man and his dog has a therapist."

Naomi slid her arms around Emily's back, feeling the soft touch of her skin against them, "I love you."

"I love you more," Emily grinned.

"Are you starting a fight?"

"Of course," Emily raised an eyebrow.

Naomi pushed her lips together in a smirk, "Can we just skip to the sex?"

"Sounds good to me."

*

Being home without baby Joseph was the hardest thing Katie had to do. It was nice to be able to curl up in her own bed with Howard by her side and William sleeping in the room next door. It was not nice waking up routinely throughout the night after dreaming the baby had been crying only to find him not there. Every morning Katie would drive William to pre-school then drop by the hospital to visit Joseph and extract some milk. It was a relief to know he was finally being given breast milk.

"Good morning Katie," the paediatric nurse called when she entered the room.

"Morning Trina, how's my little boy today?"

"He's doing brilliantly. I was going to give you a call but I figured you would probably turn up. Like clockwork."

Katie smiled, "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. I was hoping you could get your husband down here though."

"Why?" Katie asked, her heart beating fast as her stomach did a turn. "What's wrong?"

Trina smiled and served a hand on Katie's shoulder. "Nothing is wrong. I promise. Joseph has been coming along leaps and bounds. I just don't want Howard to miss out on being able to hold his son."

"You mean?"

The relief was immense. Not just that everything was okay when she thought seconds before that it might not be, but that she was finally going to be able to hold her son. The thought of having Joseph in her arms brought a tear to her eyes and the moment the nurse confirmed it, Katie started to sob.

"Now?"

"If you can get Howard down here quickly enough."

"I'll go call him!" she called out, rushing from the room.

Running down the hospital corridor, Howard's heart was beating faster than it had ever beaten before. He was scared, really scared. Katie had been very vague on the phone, had said something about needing to come to the hospital and quick, but she didn't sound like something was wrong. It confused him. As he pushed the door open to the room where his baby was, he felt his heart flip when he saw the nurse picking Joseph up.

"You scared me Katie," he gasped, walking closer. "Is this?"

Katie nodded, "I didn't want you to miss him coming out of the incubator."

It took less than a second for Howard to wrap his arms around Katie, to cling to her and whisper how much he loved her in her ear. He then let go, allowed her to sit back down in the chair before he stood back.

"Who wants to hold him first?" the nurse offered.

"Howard should," Katie whispered. "You said I can try to feed him, so if Howard holds him first."

"Are you sure?" Howard checked, stroking her hair back against her head.

"I'm sure."

Katie watched as the nurse passed their son to his dad, found her eyes watering again at the sight of his fingers wrapping themselves around Howard's larger one. She stood up, moved closer, allowing Howard to wrap one of his arms around her so that they could stand together, with their son between them.

"It's hard to remember them being this small when they're all grown up," Howard muttered. "Like when Will was a baby."

Katie nodded, "I know. Let's make the most of it, yeah?"

After a few minutes Katie sat back down in her chair, waited for Howard to carefully place Joseph in her arms before she lifted her top. She allowed Howard's hand to wrap around her own, silently thanked him for the support as she tried to assist her son's feeding. It took a while and though she grew frustrated, when it finally did happen she found herself crying again.

"Don't cry," Howard whispered, wiping her tears from her eyes.

"Happy tears," she sighed. "God, this well hurts."

Howard laughed, "It suits you though."

Katie raised an eyebrow, "You're just saying that 'cause you can see my tits."

It didn't last long, but it still felt like the best thing in the world to Katie, to have Joseph in her arm, to have him feeding like he was supposed to. The nurse helped them put Joseph back in the incubator; tears flowed again as Katie struggled to let go, didn't want to give up holding her son, but knew she had to express some milk and do a number of errands.

"We'll get to hold him again soon," Howard reminded her as they walked towards the car, their fingers interlocked between them.

"It's just so hard, having that much contact and then not being able to stay."

"I know, but soon he'll be home, screaming the place down."

"I wouldn't mind that, anything to have him home," Katie sighed.

"I've got my appointment soon," Howard reminded her. "Would you come with me?"

"It's a counsellor Howie, I think you're supposed to go alone," Katie raised an eyebrow.

"I know, but I want you to come with me, for support. You could drop me off then pick me up."

It was difficult not to cry as she wrapped her arms around Howard's neck, kissed him gently on the lips. It hadn't been easy, any of it. But Katie was thankful to still have Howard there. It was a relief to know that he had new medication and even more so to know that he was going to deal with things properly. She stroked his cheeks, pressed her lips against his again.

"Of course I will."

Author Notes: don't forget to review, it means a lot. :-)