In time of exams I update nonetheless! Which means I'm *dying* to study at the moment.
Anyway, the song is Windows In The Skies by U2. I'm not gonna ramble much about this, just enjoy it!
Chapter 37 – Can't You See What Our Love Has Done?
Meredith woke up with a smile on her face and a ring on her finger. Everything was so foreign and suddenly, so familiar. Because Derek's naked body was nestled beside hers and life was good. Sort of.
He stirred and his hold on her tightened imperceptibly, clear sign that he was awake too, then he rubbed her growing stomach before placing a delicate, fleeting kiss to the nape of her neck, making her shiver under the warm covers where they pretended all the problems in the world weren't really important after all and life was simple.
But there was a cold world outside, colder than the chilly air that hit her skin when she draped Derek's shirt on her body and went to the bathroom.
Derek was behind her in barely the time she had to pee and look at herself in the mirror.
"God, you look stunning" he said, admiring her clad in only her panties and his shirt, his gaze hungry once more despite the long night they had just spent in each other's arms.
She smiled, lowering her hand on her stomach and just staring back at him through the mirror, the same hunger mirrored in her gaze. But it was late already and they had to burst their bubble of newly engaged couple and go to work, like normal people do.
So Derek kissed her passionately one last time, to the brink of almost losing control, then pulled away and went to wake Eden, grinning mischievously.
Meredith dressed slowly, her mind fixated on the ring resting on her finger, the weight comforting, the feeling so beautifully new.
When Meredith made it downstairs, Eden was already having breakfast happily, sharing something with Derek. Her face lit up at the sight of Meredith and she smiled happily.
"Hi Mommy" she grinned happily and Meredith frowned at her morning cheerfulness
"Has Daddy fed you sugar already?"
"No! Daddy gave you the pretty ring!" she exclaimed
Meredith looked at her, torn between amusement and disbelief, then she just shook her head and gave in to her excited expression "He did"
"Can I see it?"
Meredith held out her hand and showed off the simple gold band with tiny diamonds embodied in it. Not big, not flashy, just like she had always dreamed of. Eden beamed at the sparkles and studied the ring carefully, then looked up with even a wider smile.
"It really looks like the ring for a princess" she said in awe. "Are you going to marry Daddy, then?"
Meredith nodded, unable to keep the smile off her face, glancing for a second at Derek and seeing him beam at her.
"When?" Eden asked, very cheerfully and suddenly the magnitude of everything that had been decided in a simple night of comfort dawned on Meredith.
All the people they had to tell, the things to plan, the place to choose, the dress, the documents...she was overwhelmed and suddenly scared.
Derek noticed immediately her expression morph into panic, her eyes searching frantically for an answer, so he cut in "We still have many things to decide before we can get married, Ladybug. There's a lot of stuff to plan" he remained vague and kept a small smile on his face.
That for Eden was enough, because she replied "Okay!" with the same glee. "I'll go grab my backpack!" she added, then stormed away upstairs.
Meredith looked up at Derek and unleashed all the fear in her eyes. He saw every bit of it.
"We don't have to get married right away. It's sudden, we're having a baby in a few months, we can wait. It's okay"
She looked at him pleadingly and he just pulled her up from her seat and into his arms, holding her tightly, trying to soothe all her raw emotions. She held onto him just as tightly, her hands grabbing his sweater as she buried her face into it, their hug becoming every day more awkward because of her growing stomach but the need for comfort bigger than any other bump between them.
"Shhh, it's okay Mer."
"It's not..." she began, choking on her own sob "I want to get married so badly, Derek. I'd marry you tomorrow" she sniffled "It's just..."
"Overwhelming?"
"Yeah" she sighed
"I know my timing wasn't perfect, but this doesn't mean we can't have our perfect wedding" he soothed her, his hand rubbing her back in circles as she relaxed in his arms.
"I have never thought about a wedding" she admitted in a whisper. "But I want to marry you before this baby is born" her voice gaining a little more strength "That's all I know"
"That's a start" he said with a smile, kissing the top of her head gently, keeping her in his secure arms. "We can go from there" he repeated, another sweet kiss dawning on her hair.
"Mommy, why are you crying?" Eden's upset voice made their private bubble burst and their hug to break apart.
Meredith managed a semi-sincere smile, wiping away her tears "I told you that Mommy sometimes cries for silly things because growing a baby in her belly makes her do that, didn't I?"
"Is this silly crying?" Eden mused
"Yeah, silly crying Ladybug"
"I thought you were sad because your Mommy got to go to Heaven and she can't come back" she stated simply and Meredith looked up to Derek in search of something. He gave her a look that meant something along the lines of 'I had no idea what to tell her' and he put his hand on the small of her back.
"It's a little bit of that too" Meredith replied sincerely and before she could add anything else, Eden flung herself to her and hugged her. Well, she mostly encircled her bump from the side, but it was the simple idea of her comforting that made Meredith pick her up in her arms and, despite the difficulty of the process and the need to sit down, she hugged the girl tightly. When they pulled apart, Meredith was crying again, but happy and stunned tears.
Eden wiped away every last drop and smiled at Meredith sweetly "Don't cry anymore Mommy"
"I won't, I promise" Meredith replied, suddenly realizing that maybe it wasn't the wedding only she was scared of, but a mixture of things that suddenly, with the affection Eden showed her, they just melt away.
Derek was staring stunned at his daughter and the love of his life -soon-to-be wife- bonding in a very unconventional and exceptional way and he was glad for everything that happened in his life.
Meredith smoothed down Eden's wild hair, then smiled genuinely, before letting the girl hop off her lap and stand up herself to grab a slice of toast and juice.
"Are you ready, Eden?" Derek asked, so commonly it seemed almost wrong to say something like that and break the connection the two had created. Eden nodded happily, picking up her backpack from the floor and trying -almost successfully- to wear it. Derek grabbed her jacket and hat, helped her wear them, then they peeked back in the kitchen where Meredith was sitting at the table, calmly finishing her breakfast.
"Bye Mommy!" Eden said happily and Meredith's smile widened
"Bye Eden!" she replied, just as happily, before Eden could run to her and place a sweet kiss on her cheek. Meredith tickled her and smooched her cheek too, before letting her run back to the foyer.
Derek moved closer to Meredith's chair, rested his hand on her cheek and bent down for a sweet, lingering kiss to her lips. She put her hand on his chest and kissed him back, her lips unable to wipe off the smile.
"I love you" she whispered, and it meant more than anything for him to hear her say that.
"I love you" he replied, his mildly serious face morphing into a silly one as he knelt in front of her and added "And you" before kissing her belly with a goofy grin on his face.
"Daddy, stop kissing Mommy and Baby or we're gonna be late!" Eden peeked from the door with her hands on her hips, making Meredith erupt into giggles.
Derek gave one last rub to the belly and one last kiss, before leaving for work.
"Be a good girl for the teachers, I love you!" Meredith called out to Eden, then heard the door click shut.
She sighed loudly, the sudden calm that had washed over her when Eden and Derek had comforted her slowly vanishing. She had had more days off since she began showing and for her dismay, this was one of those.
She had begun enjoying days off since she had moved in with Derek, Eden was usually around to keep her amused for a while, but she was in preschool and things where changing. She just 'couldn't miss preschool'. So Eden went to work with Derek and she was alone in the four acres of his land. Soon-to-be their land. Their as in married 'they'.
The choking feeling came back in full force and she avoided a panic attack only when Baby began moving inside of her, reminding her of scarier things than a wedding.
Like the fact that her mother was dead.
She breathed in, out for a brief minute, then her thoughts were collected and her mind set on the bigger things. She was a mother and she was engaged. Engaged to Derek, the love of her life, the father of her unborn child. She could put together a wedding for him.
She had to.
Her mother could wait to pop into her head and mess in there.
So while she cleaned up the remains of their breakfast and washed the dishes, she began thinking about the perfect wedding. Her perfect wedding.
And in a few hours the picture was clear, the main ideas sketched on a sheet of paper, websites opened and as suddenly as she became engaged to Derek, she had her dream wedding.
Her stomach rumbled loudly and forced her to grab a snack around lunchtime, more than one snack in fact, but when Derek and Eden came back home she was still in the office, surrounded with papers and sketches, ideas and crumbles of food.
"Meredith?" Derek asked tentatively, while a very hyper Eden had already fled to her room.
She lifted up her gaze and met his concerned eyes with twinkling eyes, simply saying "I have a wedding" then she glowed with an exaggerated smile.
Derek just stared at her in awe, unable to say or do anything but stare at how beautiful she looked, how perfect she was and how he couldn't wait for her to be his wife and the mother of his children. And from the smile on her face, she couldn't wait either.
"So, this wedding..." he began with a light tone, amusing her, then coming closer to her and kissing her passionately.
"I have a ring too!" Eden danced in the room, startling them and making them break apart and look at each other with confused expressions. "Look Mommy!" she held out her hand, adorned with a candy bracelet and a plastic ring. Eden was beaming.
"Oh, wow. It's very...sparkly" Meredith giggled, unable to keep a straight face and Eden nodded happily.
"Tyler gave it to me" she said simply
"Oh, Taylor, how nice of her" Derek misunderstood "Did you play princesses with her?"
Eden frowned at Derek, almost angry "Tyler, Daddy. He's my boyfriend. We're getting married tomorrow." she said, her tone suddenly upset. "Mandy promised us, but today she has a fever so we have to wait tomorrow"
Meredith saw the color drain from Derek's face, even more so than when Eden asked for a backpacking tour of Europe. He was blindsided.
"What?" he was only able to utter, his voice barely above a whisper
"Tyler got me this. Is very pretty, right?"
Derek remained still like a mannequin, astonished, looking around like a deer caught in the headlights, so Meredith decided to save the situation.
"Very very pretty. I'm almost jealous" she tried to remain amused for the sake of Derek's sanity, but he seemed already on another planet entirely, one where it was Eden wearing a white dress and not Meredith, where said Tyler professed his love for her daughter and he was the one walking her down the aisle, their arms linked.
"He must love you lots" added Meredith for good measure, trying to divert Eden's attention and not let her see her father almost hyperventilate.
"Hm-hm" nodded Eden "He always gives me sweets and toys"
"Aw, those are the good guys. Do you mind picking up something to play then the two of us need to have a little talk about boys?" she said with a smile.
"Am I in trouble?" Eden whispered, her voice suddenly full of fear as 'talking' usually meant trouble.
"Not until Daddy is shell-shocked" Meredith giggled and watched Derek making his own mental film as they talked, his mind miles away. "Go, I'll find you in a little bit, okay?"
Eden nodded relieved, then left the room in a strange silence.
Meredith touched Derek's arm and he shook from the reverie, humming something intelligible.
"Derek?" she questioned, unsure if he was still in dreamland or actually standing in the same room as hers.
"What?" he said, almost breathless
"You are pale"
"I..." he sighed. "She's..."
"Faking a marriage. Their love is based on sweets and toys. She's five years old, didn't you have a girlfriend at five years old?"
He looked at her bewildered, then slowly his face morphed into a relaxed one and he sighed.
"I just...It's like when she talked about Europe, you know, just a hundred times worse" he chuckled nervously and she passed a hand through his hair.
"We have time before she'll get married" she reassured with a smile and for a second she let her mind wander to that day, knowing that she'd be around and for the first time, this thought of such a long-lasting relationship didn't left her in a heap of fear.
"Thank God. I want to marry you first!" he grinned and this time, all the color was back on his face and the smile genuine.
"You have to listen to all my plans then" Meredith smirked "I'll talk to Eden later to prevent you further heart attacks, okay?"
He just looked at her, then they burst out laughing, their life brighter of a notch.
AN: Things have happened, I know. I'm not gonna skid over the Mommy Issues completely, don't worry.
I hope you liked this chapter at least half as much as I liked the latest Grey's episode and it would mean the world to me.
Thank you to all the new and old people who are reading, you are what keeps me going!