Author's Note: I can't believe it either! I'm back! Heh. Sorry about the long wait. I don't know what other excuse to tell you except schoolwork. Those freaking AP's will be the death of me, I swear. Oh, and let's not forget those honor classes, either. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, except lovely Elise.

Chapter 37

"Bella, did you speak with Edward?"

Alice was leaning on her desk and was watching me unpack my things. I didn't stop to look at her or anything. I was just so exhausted. So tired of playing cat and mouse, so tired of loving my best friend, so tired of life.

"He ran out to follow you soon after you left the cafeteria," Alice said, watching me carefully. "Did you meet him?"

"Yeah, I did," I said in a flat voice. I recalled our conversation about Elise. The memory left a bad taste in my mouth. Were we really not meant to be? Everything was colliding together to weave a tight wall between us so that we weren't able to be together?

So exhausting.

"What did you talk about?" She was being too casual. And I hated how she was beating around the bush.

I straightened and looked at her sharply. "Spit it out, Alice. What do you want to ask me?"

She responded quickly, as though she had been waiting for an invitation. "Did he tell you how he felt?"

I exhaled exasperatedly. "You know what, Alice? I don't think that's necessary. I already know how he feels. His little crush on me ended when I left for Florida a year ago. Actually, I don't blame him one bit. He was right to reject some crazy, suicidal, messed up girl, even if she was his best friend."

Alice looked appalled. She took a few steps toward me, holding herself determinedly, ready to defend her brother. "Little crush?" she repeated incredulously. "Little crush? Bella, do you call more than a decade year old crush little? Because I don't. I call that love. He hasn't changed, not one bit."

I just stared at her, shocked at her outburst and words. I felt like she'd just slapped me in the face. Hard.

"He hasn't said it, but I know, Bella. I know my brother better than anyone. He hasn't stopped loving you for even a second. He's never wavered, and I'll bet you anything that he's spending each and every day – each minute – thinking about you. Couldn't you see how he couldn't keep his eyes off of you from the moment he walked through the door? Are really that blind, Bella?"

"I don't understand how you can believe that!" I snapped. "Did you see Elise, Alice? He says that she's just a friend, but I don't believe that. Let's face it, Elise took over my place when I left. Let's leave it at that." I turned back to my suitcase.

"Let's not," Alice snapped back. "We're discussing this right now."

I threw the shirt I'd just picked up back into the suitcase and faced her defiantly. "What do you want me to do, Alice? The human mind is complicated. I can't exactly get him to like me back just because I want it to happen, can it?"

"Were you even listening?" Alice said loudly. "I just told you that he still loves you! What part of that do you not understand? All you have to do is confirm your own feelings for him."

"Elise, Alice," I said, glowering. "Elise. Weren't you listening? Elise is next to him! She's taken my spot. There's no way I can get him back now!"

"No!" Alice said. "Don't." She shook her head, looking desperately sad. "Don't say that. Ever. I've seen my brother suffer because he chose you to love. I'm not saying there's something wrong with you. But I am saying that there's something wrong with your relationship. Right now, it's broken, and there are these broken shards hidden somewhere.

"You need to find them. Both of you. If you ever want a chance with Edward, Bella, you're going to have to try to find them. Pick up those pieces. Mend it. I want you both happy, and this is the only way."

"Elise!" I shot at her. "We're always coming back to her!"

"Elise is a simple bystander!" she screamed back. "She's nothing! She's nothing to Edward! Can't he make a simple friend? Even if she's the next girl friend that he ever made friends with besides you, she can never compare to what you were to him!"

Something broke inside of me. The day's events – the shock of seeing Edward with another girl that wasn't me, the rejection that had crossed my mind when I'd seen how affectionate they were, and how good Edward looked – had been too much for me. I'd been forcing down the sadness and disappointment, the grief and how much I'd missed him...it was too much.

I started sobbing silently, my body shaking as I just stared at my friend. My eyesight blurred out of sight before reappearing as tears dripped down my face. Alice's expression softened.

"Alice," I whispered devastatingly. "Alice... I don't know what to do. Edward...he's moved on. You and him, both of you say that Elise is nothing...but she was there when I left. She was the one who held him together for the past year. That kind of thing would leave a mark. I can't be what she is. I can't."

Alice crossed the room and hugged me tightly. "You're something more, Bella. You can ask him; he'll tell you the same thing a million times. You're his best friend, his first love and his last. You're it for him. He hasn't looked at another girl since he started crushing on you. You belong with him, Bella."

Despite the sincerity ringing in every word of her speech, I couldn't believe her. If I did, and she turned out to be wrong, I couldn't live with myself. I would really die when that happened.

I took notes carefully in history class. Even as my focus was successfully on the professor's lecture, there was this dull pain in my heart, throbbing. I felt lonelier than I've ever been before, and I felt as though there was no one there for me.

When class was dismissed and students began filing out the door, I just put my head down and closed my eyes. I swallowed, trying to fight the lump in my throat and the loneliness that was threatening to wet my eyes.

I entered into half-conscious state, where I was with Edward in my mind, going through all the happy memories I'd shared with him. Without meaning to, I gripped my fist tightly, with my pencil still inside my hand.

About five minutes later, there were sounds of slow, measured footsteps of dress shoes coming toward me. I refused to move. I was so happy at the moment, captured in my happiest moments – when I was with Edward.

The footsteps stopped next to me. I felt a presence next to me on my right. My dream state vanished, and I was unpleasantly dropped down to reality.

"Aren't you going to lunch like your fellow classmates, Miss Swan?"

Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked blankly at my professor's casual, blue polo shirt. A lonely tear fell on my left eye and dropped onto the desk.

My professor, Shawn Ross, was a twenty-five year old young man. He was a tall, handsome man with blue eyes. He had graduated from this very same university early, having had a dream of becoming a history professor at UW. All the girls in this school fawned over him, dreaming about him asking them out. Which was impossible, of course. Teachers had to stay professional and were forbidden to date students. But the girls didn't seem to get the message.

It seemed as though I was the only one not obsessed over this guy. He was handsome, kind, and intelligent, not to mention well-mannered, but he didn't impress me. Having spent over ten years with Edward Cullen, no one was more perfect than my best friend.

I was hoping he didn't notice my tear, but he did. He sat next to me and stared at me kindly. "Anything wrong, Miss Swan?"

I was surprised he actually knew my name, because for one, he didn't keep a seating chart because people switched around every time they came in to his class, and second, he had over one hundred students during my period. In this grand lecture hall, it was impossible for professors to learn students' names.

I closed my eyes again. "No."

"Tired?" He chuckled in a low tone. I could tell he didn't believe it, but was only trying to get me to open up to him. "It's only the second week back. But I don't blame you. Summer's always the best."

During these past two weeks, I'd steadily been avoiding Edward. Whenever he tried to talk to me, I would make an excuse to escape. But that didn't mean I didn't see him. I would watch him as he crossed campus with Elise, laughing at a joke she'd just made. At times like these, I would feel a stab of pain in my heart, as though Edward was personally sticking a knife in my already wounded heart.

"But why are you crying?" he asked. "Is schoolwork overwhelming for you?"

I noticed that he smelled very nice. It wasn't cologne, I was sure. It was a very distinctive smell that he had, like Edward did.

I sat up slowly, then began packing my things. "No."

"You can talk to me, Bella," he said, shocking me again. He knew my full name. And he didn't call me Isabella. How did he even know I liked to be called Bella?

"How do you know my name?" I asked finally, curiosity taking over.

He shrugged. "You always looked so sad. I was curious about you. And then, I saw you talking to Alice Cullen, so I asked her during second period. Privately, of course."

I made a sound of acknowledgment. I wasn't particularly interested anymore. I picked up my textbook and shouldered my messenger bag. As I started for the door, wiping away the tear, he stood and called, "I mean it. You can talk to me about anything."

I paused but didn't turn around.

"I'm here to help," he promised. "That's my job, isn't it? I can teach you history, but I can also offer you advice on just about anything. I've lived a few more years than you have."

I looked back and smiled slightly, amused. "Of course you have. Thanks, Professor." I turned and walked out.

I headed for my usual tree, where I always sat under its shady tree and studied. I was never hungry, and I'd found that lunch period gave me more time to study properly. Students weren't walking around, talking loudly to distract me; they were in the cafeteria, stuffing themselves with food.

I opened my history book and began to study for an upcoming exam. Ten minutes must have passed. I was just turning a page when somebody slid a thick ham and turkey sandwich wrapped in plastic wrap in front of me. I looked up.

Elise had a half-eaten tuna sandwich in her hand, and two bottles of Coke. She sat down next to me – quietly, for once – and she set an unopened bottle in front of me. I stared at her, surprised.

She smiled at me ruefully. "You don't mind if I join you, do you?"

I looked down at the sandwich quickly. "Uh...no." I wondered instinctively where Edward was. He and Elise had a lot of classes together, and I'd noticed that he was usually wherever Elise was. I didn't want him here right now.

"Edward's not with me, if that's what you're thinking," Elise said, correctly interpreting my hesitation to talk to her. "He's probably with the gang in the cafeteria, wondering where I am. Usually, I sit next to him and bother him until he snaps at me to stop feeding him food." She laughed lightly and took a sip of Coke.

I was relieved. I made a polite sound of a laugh. "I see."

Elise stopped munching on her sandwich and nodded at mine. "Eat, Bella. You look dead on your feet."

I raised my hand to touch my cheek absently. "Do I?"

"You always look like you're some pale ghost," Elise said, smiling at me apologetically.

But I laughed at the analogy. I couldn't disagree with that. I knew how I looked like. "I know."

She smiled at my laugh. "You should smile more often. You look prettier. And Edward likes it better when you smile. It makes him happy too."

My smile faded.

"I know what you must think of me," Elise said, looking at her sandwich and wondering where to bite at it next. "And I don't blame you, Bella. I know I'm a very strange person, acting affectionate toward a guy who isn't even my boyfriend. Someone who is supposed to be yours. Right?" She took a bite and chewed thoughtfully.

When she finished, she took another sip of her Coke while I watched her warily. Finally, I cleared my throat quietly and said, "Why are you here, Elise?"

Elise looked at me, her eyes innocent and trusting. I hated them. They were the reasons I couldn't hate this girl. She was always so honest and loveable, bright and cheery. She loved the man that I loved, whether it was as a woman or as a friend. She'd been there to support him while I'd left him. I couldn't hate her. She was one of the most sincerest people I'd ever met.

"I was heading for the cafeteria with my friends, but then, I saw you here," she said. "You looked like you had a huge burden on your shoulders. I just thought you'd like someone to hear your troubles." She looked down again. "Or someone to explain about Edward and my relationship. That is why you look so sad these days, right?"

I couldn't reply. I felt the lump in my throat again. I swallowed hard and leaned against the thick three trunk.

"Despite what you might think, I don't see Edward in that way, Bella," Elise said in a sincere voice. She was trying her best to be as honest as possible. She nodded slowly, saying, "I have to admit, there was a time when I did see him as a boy. I mean, who wouldn't? Edward is a handsome, intelligent, and kind young man. He's perfect. He was popular in high school, and look at him now. It's only been two weeks here at UW, and already, he has a fan club of girls following him around campus, squealing and asking him for a kiss. This is Edward Cullen. And I'm sure, growing up with him, you know it better than I do.

"So, yes, there was a time when I fell for his charms." Her eyes grew distant. "He was just so...perfect. Such a gentleman. He was quite the opposite of what I'd expected. Usually, boys like that are quite arrogant and mean. They're jerks. But I was pleasantly surprised when I found out that Edward Cullen was the exact opposite. He's every girl's dream, right?" She laughed lightly.

"As you probably already know, I'm quite outgoing. I'm very outspoken and can be quite blunt at times. So I wasn't really thinking when I told him how I felt. I never considered his perspective. I didn't know he already had someone he loved, someone who had been by his side for his entire life. I never dreamed that there had been such a precious person in his life, someone who had left around the time I arrived in Forks.

"I was so...shocked. I wasn't hurt when he rejected me as kindly and gently as possible, like the gentleman that he was. I'm sensitive to rejection, but Edward was the one boy I wasn't hurt by. That was why I was able to stay friends with him. He's such a kind person, and I know I keep saying that. But he truly is. So I couldn't understand how someone could abandon him when I could tell that he needed that person's love back in return. He deserved to be loved, Bella. He was brokenhearted and lonely. I began to hold a grudge for this girl that he still loved and thought about every second of the day, the girl that was destroying him."

The girl that was destroying him... That sounded about right, I thought. I'd done nothing but hurt him. But I didn't speak. It was interesting to hear the story from Elise's perspective. She had been there, close to Edward, when I'd left. She would know more than his own siblings, his own friends that had been with him his entire life.

"He never talked about you. When I asked him, he'd just answer vaguely and change the subject. I got the message eventually. It hurt too much for him to talk about it. So I began asking others around him, his close friends, like Mike Newton or Austin Marks. But they respected his privacy, and told me to hear it from Edward personally. But I knew that wouldn't work. I'd already tried.

"I turned to the old gang. I tried Emmett and Jasper. They were just as kind as Edward was, but they'd never really appealed to me. Still, they put up with me because Edward always seemed better around me. But like all others, they refused to tell me. Naturally, I turned to Alice and Rosalie, who resented me for trying to take over your spot. They told me that they didn't have the right to tell me, and that it wasn't my business to know anyway.

"Edward walked in on us, then. He didn't look angry that I'd been asking about him behind his back. He was quiet for some time, then took me to his room. He finally told me about you."

Her expression was soft and sympathetic. "This girl...this girl who had hurt him so much for so long...she wasn't bad at all. I'd been quick to hate her for no reason, without knowing the full story. This girl...Isabella Swan...she had been the reason for Edward's purpose in life. She was everything to Edward Cullen.

"He made you sound like some angel. You were perfect in his eyes. Beautiful, intelligent, and kind. You had been the influence for his kindness as well. You had taught him to reach out and help others in need. You had been the sole reason he had offered to help me when I'd been so lost on my first day at Forks High. I realized that I should be grateful for your long-time presence in his life. In a weird way, you were the one who had saved me from being friendless and looking like a loser. I should be thanking you. I should be thankful that he had you by his side his entire life.

"He told me that you had been his best friend ever since you were very young. That you were family friends. Best friends. You were his first love, his last love. He would never look at anyone else but you. I believed him. It was hard not to. I could see the sincerity in his eyes, the loving and sad eyes as he thought about you. His room were overflowing with pictures of you, items that reminded him of you. And I knew: I was no match for you. I could never beat you. I could never have this boy. He was taken, even if you didn't realize it yet.

"This is Edward Cullen, Bella. A young man who had always loved you, who will always love you. A boy who was never able to have you, and could never give up, never stop loving you. It's impossible for him. You're his everything.

"I stayed by his side as a friend because you weren't there. It was never my intention to take your place, Bella. First of all, I never could, and second, I didn't want to. I just wanted to be there to try to ease his pain. If my presence made him less lonely, I would be glad to be there. Just until you came back. I knew you would, because I knew that you loved him too.

"I don't know your full story, Bella. He never told me. But I don't need to know. That's between you and him. And now, you're back. You've reentered his life, and he's falling more deeply in love with you." She smiled. "I know, I can tell. He's waiting for you to be ready. Whenever I pester him about going after you, he keeps saying that he's waiting. He thinks that you're not ready." She shook her head. "Honestly, he's the most perfect guy you can ever imagine. I mean, who else would wait forever for the woman they love?

"Bella, I know what it looks like when I act affectionate around him. When I feed him, when I link my arm through his, when I hug him and tell him that I love him. Believe me, I know too well. I can be a handful. But it's not what people think. It's not what you think.

"I'd always been someone who would tell people what I thought about them. I'd display my feelings openly. Edward Cullen is nothing but a friend to me, Bella. Someone like an older brother, because he's always so protective and warm. But he's nothing more. My crush on him ended when I realized I could never beat you."

She inclined her head and toyed with the cap on her bottle. "Now that you're back in his life, it's only right I back away and let you retake your place. And I'm fully intent on doing that, Bella. I have confidence that I can step back and stop feeding him and hugging him and calling him adorable. I can do that." She winked, grinning. "I was only a temporary thing. You? You're permanent. You'll never be able to leave him. He won't let you."

I believed her. I couldn't not believe her. She was being sincere, and I could tell. I believed her.

"Do you believe me now?" Elise asked. "Do you believe the words that everyone has been trying to tell you?"

I nodded slowly. "Thank you...Elise."

She sighed contentedly. "Good." She took a bite of her sandwich. "Are you ready now?"

I sighed deeply. "I don't know. I don't know what 'ready' means now. At first, I thought he was telling me to do exactly as he'd said to do. Learn to get used to my parents' divorce, get rid of all suicidal intentions... Now, I'm not so sure. What did he really mean?"

I closed my textbook and stared at my sandwich. "Edward...is someone hard to figure out. He's predictable because I've known him for so long, but also, at the same time, there are times when I can't understand him." I shook my head.

"You love him." It was a statement. It was obvious.

"Yes," I said softly. "I love him."

She snorted. "Probably not as much as he loves you. That's for sure."

I smiled. "Probably."

"So are you going to go talk to him? You've been avoiding him lately. He's devastated, you know."

I shrugged. "We'll see. I'll have to think of some way to approach him first."

"Well, I'd hurry," Elise said. "Some girl named Suzanne is asking him out every day, even when he's rejected her a hundred times already. He's getting rather intrigued by her, impressed by her persistence."

I blinked twice. More competition? Then, I sighed, exasperated. "Now, I'm not sure if I can handle being with him. He really is too popular for his own good, and I have no energy left to resist another cat fight. Tanya Denali was enough. If some girl succeeds in getting him, I don't think I'll try to win him back. It's too tiring."

Elise clucked her tongue. "Honey, it's your turn to fight for him. He's fought for you for over a decade. Now, it's your turn to go after him. And believe me when I say that I think you'll regret it deeply if you let him slip through your fingers." She winked, then got up. "Eat, Bella. And thanks for believing me. You can send me roses when you two end up together, thanks to me." She waved at me before heading for her dorm.

I watched her leave, her words echoing in my head repeatedly.

It's your turn to fight for him.

AN: What did you think? Elise really explained deeply about their relationship, didn't they? Leave me lots of reviews!