Shepherd Christmas, finally!
DEREK'S POV
" Did you by any chance use a single neuron in your brain when you bought this land? "
Ah, here we go again.
" Why, don't you like it? " he smiles charmingly at her, unfazed by her stony glare.
" It's freezing here, it's actually snowing which is great, but it is freezing, Derek, I mean can't-feel-your-butt after you sit on the toilet seat freezing. And it takes thirty five minutes to get to the damn hospital, we have no neighbours, and there's a bear in those woods. "
She's right, it is freezing, but that means it's snowing prettily, blanketing the world in muffling white, and he knows she secretly loves this picture perfect white Christmas thing.
And it does take thirty five minutes to get to the hospital, which was exactly why he bought it in the first place, because this time around he's prioritising.
And no, they don't have neighbors, but that might just change , what with the way Mark's been sniffing around here lately, but then again with Lexie so furious at him, it might not.
And he's never seen the bear , only heard her shriek about it - okay, Izzie and Karev too - so that's that.
" Want to move? " he asks, sliding an arm under her and pulling her into his side for warmth.
" No. " she mutters, snuggling close under the puffy duvet she insists on. " I spent way too much time doing up this house and it looks fabulous, I'm not letting anyone else have it. "
" Bless your shallow heart. "
But it's true, the house looks amazing, she's done her usual number on it, complete with twinkling fairy lights - she's graduated from her usual white to a daring gold and silver - tinsel and holly, wreaths and candles and pine cones everywhere, presents piled cheerily under the real tree he insisted on, and that they decorated with boxes of ornaments collected since med school, sharing memories and more underneath it's branches afterwards.
" We can't do this next year. " he'd whispered to her as they curled on the rug in front of the fireplace.
" W-why?" she asked, almost pulling away, and he realised just how insecure she still is.
" The twins, silly, they'll end up in therapy forever. " he explained , and when she laughed it sounded relieved.
" What's the time? " she yawns, fingers playing idly with his hair.
" Five thirty. "
" When did we lose the ability to sleep in? " She groans, scrunching her eyes shut as if it'll help.
" Probably somewhere in our residency. " he yawns, catching hers from earlier. " But since we're already up there's other things we could be doing..." he trails a suggestive hand down her side under the covers.
" We already did. " she grins, but doesn't push his hand away.
" That's never stopped you before. " he reminds her, pulling her lower into the bed to kiss her properly.
" Derek. Derek, the phone. "
He relinquishes her with a groan, reaching across her to grab his phone. " It's my mother."
She pales visibly. " Answer it, what are you waiting for? "
She fidgets anxiously while she listens to his end of the conversation, biting her lip and looking as nervous as she'd been the first time she'd met his family.
" She just wanted to make sure I know her flight lands at eleven and that we'll pick her up. And apparently she called you first because she doesn't trust me, but we didn't hear your phone because we were - otherwise occupied. "
" I should get up, make sure everything's ready -"
He loops an arm round her waist and pulls her back down with an oof. " She'll be here at eleven, Addison, we have hours. And I swear I will go crazy if you try to get anything else ready, because everything already is, from the decorations down to the freaking table setting, so relax. Concentrate on growing her another pair of grandchildren and she'll be over the moon."
She shifts uncomfortably next to him.
" Derek, I don't think she's really forgiven me yet for. ...everything. "
" We're both in for a lecture when she gets here, so can we please not discuss her now? " he begs, knowing he's going to get it worse than his wife when she hears the whole story.
" Fine by me. "
They're both quiet for a while, trying to get some sleep, but years of not being able to has made insomniacs of them.
" Will she be happy? Like, happy happy or for the sake of it happy? "
" Happy happy, Addie, just wait. "
" I still can't believe this is all real. " she smiles slowly, stretching catlike beside him. " I mean, last Christmas, who would've thought we'd be here; expecting twins, still married, this house, your family coming to visit. ... all of it. "
He remembers last Christmas in painful detail , every last cutting word, unintentional insult, the unshed tears that had sparkled in her eyes and the way she'd looked at that table at Joe's, small and forlorn.
" I love you. " he says suddenly, needing to feel himself form the words, say them, hear them in his own voice, make sure the last time he said them isn't too long ago.
" And the twins. " he slips a hand below his sweater she stole after their exploits in bed that morning, because he'd thrown her clothes across the room and neither of them were inclined to brave the cold floor to go get them.
The twins, already they speak of them as if they're real, tangible, touchable, actual beings who manifest in ways other than their mother spending her mornings locked in the bathroom.
Also the insatiable desire and the boobs, both of which he's very much on board with, but she informs him the latter hurts like hell.
He runs his hands lightly over her still - flat abdomen as she places a hand over his.
" Eight weeks. They're about as big as kidney beans, they're developing webbed fingers and toes and bronchi this week, and they're moving, except there's still so much room in there I can't feel it. " she rattles off, nervous and rambling to prove it.
" Addie. "
" I know. No doctoring. " she sighs, kicking off the covers and dancing across the cold floor, hopping from foot to foot. " It's freezing out, we have a lot of time, and I'm taking a shower to warm me up. Coming? "
He rolls out of bed instantly, wondering if she's actually ever expected him to refuse such an offer. " I'll help. "
MEREDITH'S POV
She's not the only resident on duty, she's not an intern, so clearly God is just having a laugh at her today because she's stuck doing the most unappealing errand of her life.
The Shepherds actually took their day off and stayed at home, which was great at first because she didn't have to witness their sickening holiday sappiness, but now she's realised it sucks, because since she's on probation, Bailey shoved a stack of files at her and ordered her to go find each of the attendings who forgot to sign the hundred dollar mandatory Christmas donation pledge for the clinic because apparently Bailey needs to know how much money she's getting so she can order supplies for a free Christmas lunch.
" Find those morons and kick their butts till they sign. " were her exact words, but repeating those probably won't help her cause.
So here she is, driving at snail's pace all morning on icy roads, hunting down attendings ' houses and hitting them up for money.
They're allowed to donate more than a hundred; so far, no one has, and Bailey is going to be seriously pissed.
And now she's taking a very cold, very miserable ferry ride, trying not to think about a certain person who has a thing for them and wishing Cristina were here, but she's with Owen, being all happy and untwisty.
She hunches over the wheel as she drives the all too familiar road to their house, map forgotten on the passenger seat.
When she pulls up in what is now a sweeping drive instead of sucking mud - Satan's doing for sure - she turns off her car and spends longer than necessary looking for the right papers.
And a pathetic minute or two making sure her hair looks good. And she puts on lip gloss.
The doorbell chimes happily , and Derek opens the door looking devastatingly handsome in a red sweater that looks so good on him it positively screams of Addison.
" Meredith. Bailey told me you were coming. "
She trails after him, unsure, looking around at the house that holds his new life.
His old life, actually, that he went back to.
It's big, warm and open, clear winter sunshine pouring through tall windows, decorated like Santa threw up all over it, smells like freshly baked cookies.
There's a glossy black piano, with a small silver frame on it; it catches her eye because it's a picture of Doc.
To her, Doc was hope, a tenuous connection to Derek, an unspoken promise of maybe.
He was McDog, but in this picture it's just the three of them, Derek turned toward his wife , laughing as Doc licks Addison's face and she tries to look at the camera.
They look happy.
" He was a good dog. " Derek says softly, startling her out of her reverie . He's looking at her nervously, like he thinks she'll break any second.
I won't give you that satisfaction.
She mumbles in agreement, picking up the frame, turning it over, putting it back down.
Wishing it was her in the picture.
" We had Burke take that picture, a few days before we put - you know, before Doc died. We wanted to remember him. "
They were that happy, that relaxed, a few days before Doc died?
She remembers that time in her life as being distinctly miserable, watching the happy couple and dating Finn, sweet poor Finn who's waiting for her in her house right now.
" I didn't know you played. " she says, tapping the piano, making awkward conversation.
" Not me, Addie plays - honey, Meredith's here. " he yells up the stairs.
Satan plays piano?
" I know, it's surprising isn't it. " he catches the look on her face. " She's pretty good. "
Of course she is.
Addison comes clattering down the stairs then, angelic in ivory cashmere, tossing Derek a checkbook with the name of a bank she's never heard of before.
" Hi, Meredith, didn't Derek get you anything? Derek, why didn't you get her anything? "
She disappears into the kitchen before he can say anything, leaving him to smile and shake his head.
He holds his hand out for the papers, reading with the slight furrow between his eyebrows that she used to think made him look so cute.
" What's this for, again? "
" Bailey wants to do a free Christmas meal at the clinic, you know, for all the people who need it. "
" Bailey is one of a kind, that's for sure. " he says, scribbling his signature and handing back his folder.
Addison comes back holding a tray with three mugs and a plate of lumpy looking sugar cookies. " I bet everyone else has maxed you out on coffee already, so I made you hot chocolate . And I made the cookies." she grins proudly.
" At six in the morning. " Derek yawns pointedly.
There's no way for her to diss the devil's juju this time, so she takes a sip. It's pretty good.
" Bailey never mentioned this. " Addison says, flipping open her file.
" She didn't want to pressure anyone into donating. " she explains.
But apparently it's okay for me to be driving around begging anyway.
" It's sweet of her to do this. " Addison says , signing her paper and reaching for the checkbook.
" Addie -"
" Come on, Derek, it's Christmas! " she smiles as she writes something in her looping handwriting, scribbles a signature and hands her a check.
For fifty thousand dollars.
Will she be the same way when it comes to getting sued?
She knows Addison's wealthy, she's heard Izzie say it, it's obvious when you look at her, and her trailing row of names .
" I didn't donate to the clinic when she started it because I didn't know if I. ..." she trails off, embarrassed.
If you'd stay in Seattle, if your husband would leave you for the slutty intern, if you'd still want to have connections to the place your marriage fell apart
." So this is me making up for that. " she says brightly, recovering from the awkward moment.
" Dr. Montgomery, you don't have to - "
" I want to. " she says, smile beginning to look a little forced.
" You can't throw money at everything to make it all better. " she says before she can stop herself, and knows instantly she's gone too far.
" Dr. Grey, that's enough. " she says coolly, rising from the couch.
" No, it's not, you just swan in here thinking you can write Bailey a fat check to make up for the fact you didn't give her a penny out of your millions when she really needed it, and you can't pay god knows how much to make up for the fact that you stole everything from me. "
She's on her feet now too, just the coffee table between them , wishing she didn't have to look up at her shocked face, and Derek is at her side, white and furious, holding an unnecessary arm between them.
Who, exactly, does he think will need restraining?
" Dr. Grey, that's enough. Leave. "
And she does, she glories cheaply in the way Addison turns away from his comforting hand, whispers everything as she clicks the door shut.
ADDISON'S POV
" Addieee! "
Nancy's the first one, as always, trailing three boys and her husband, holding her baby girl - no, not a baby now, almost two - and thrusts her into her arms.
" Tracy, meet your Auntie Addie. The last time you saw her, you were coneheaded and screaming. Oh my god, you're pregnant, aren't you. "
" How do you know? " she hisses, gesturing for her to be quiet.
" Your boobs look amazing, I'm an OB and a good one at that, and you're glowing. "
" Well, you're right -" she covers her ears as Nancy squeals and throws her arms around her. " But don't blab, we're waiting for everyone to get here. "
" Ooh, I hope it has your hair. "
She cuddles the sleepy Tracy, remembering the delivery, Nancy cursing and threatening her husband, the adorable ending of an exhausting eight hours, the look in Derek's eyes as she swaddled the baby and laid her in Nancy's arms.
" Addie -"
" Derek, please. Not yet. "
The boys hug her, assault Derek, pile noisily into the living room, then sneak out to play in the snow when their mother busies herself exploring the house and chattering nonstop to her .
She's relieved that Nance was the first to arrive; she's already met her since moving to Seattle, and her ready forgiveness is the source she draws her courage from to face the rest of them.
They agreed it would be better if Mark weren't constantly here; he seems to have shared the sentiment and has so far stayed away, although she wishes she could have him here and not alone in that apartment with Lexie not speaking to him and Callie... well, Callie is being Callie about this whole situation.
She gets a half hour for Nancy and Jeff to assure her that the rest of the Shepherd women do not want to lynch her before Liz breezes in , her three kids off at college now, Theo looking greyer than she remembers him .
" Addison. " she says coldly, walking past her to hug Derek. " Still here, I see. "
" Addie. " Derek reaches for her as Liz stalks into the house.
" Not now. " she brushes him off, Meredith's words still echoing in her head.
You took everything from me.
She wonders if Derek feels that way too, so she refuses his comfort when Kath outright ignores her, speaking only to inform her that her family will be staying at the inn on Bainbridge and not to bother about them.
And again when Carolyn - who decides to take a cab after all - merely smiles at both of them before going upstairs to the room she's spent hours painstakingly arranging.
Derek corners her in the kitchen again, placing two hands on the countertops either side of her so she can't escape.
" Addison, I'm sorry. I have no idea why she said what she did, clearly I need to have a talk with her to get this out of her damn head, but I don't feel the same way, and I need for you to believe that today. Today we need to believe in each other."
" I'm not mad. I'm. .. I don't know, shocked, hurt, whatever. Just clear that up, as soon as possible, please? " she whispers, despising the plea in her voice.
He kisses her, a quick peck on the lips.
" Done. "
She turns back to the sauce she's stirring, taking Carolyn's uncharacteristic absence from the kitchen as an ill omen .
" Mom not here? " he asks, starting to chop onions with surgical precision.
" She's testing me, I think, making sure I'm not trying revenge by salmonella again. "
" I should hope not. " comes from behind them.
They both jump guiltily to find her standing in the doorway, faintly amused.
" Your sauce is burning. " she jerks her head towards the pot, which is starting to smoke, picks it up and dumps the whole mess into the sink. " Addie, hand me another one, would you? "
CAROLYN'S POV
" Like this? " she asks doubtfully, poking at her pie crust, which is translucent in some spots and thick in others.
" No, child, not like that - haven't you seen anyone roll out a crust before? "
" No - . " she says , blushing.
She relegates her to setting the table and choosing the wine, a job she does perfectly, for years, until there are suddenly three empty chairs at her table on Sundays and a hole in her heart.
She was the one who taught Addison to boil an egg; she didn't blame the child for her ineptitude in the kitchen, she was just a little surprised that someone could be so helpless when it came to feeding themselves.
At the time, she'd thanked the stars Derek was a passable cook, but it seems that her daughter in law has picked up a few skills over the years.
Anyway, back to the matter at hand.
" So, I hear congratulations are in order. " she says, confused when Derek chokes on a piece of carrot and Addison almost drops the dish she's holding. " You made Chief, didn't you? "
" Oh! Uh, yeah, I did. Thank you. " she smiles, turning quickly to put the dish in the oven.
What else did she think I was talking about?
" Always knew you'd make me proud. " she pats Addison on the shoulder, enjoying the way the two of them are squirming uncomfortably, waiting for the shoe to drop.
She'd wanted to scream, yell, rant at them, order them not to throw away what was clearly a relationship where they were both flawed, but in ways that perfectly balanced each other, when she watched them slowly crumble in New York.
She'd quite frankly have liked to slap Addison and Mark when she heard what Derek walked in on, even though she knew her son's cold indifference had been what drove his ever - insecure wife into his best friends arms.
Sometimes people do desperate things for attention.
Addie said that to her once, in a cold hospital hallway outside Amy's room, a red welt rising on her cheek, tears drying salty on her skin.
And when first Derek, then Addison, then Mark sold their practices and moved out here, each two months after the one before, she'd felt like she'd lost not one but three children.
Because they are her children, she's insanely proud of the three of them, their skills and reputations, especially Addison; as a longtime nurse, she's heard surgeons discuss her techniques reverentially.
And now here, in Seattle - it's miserable and grey outside most of the time , but inside it's deliciously warm and comforting, Derek and Addison seem to be almost the same golden couple they were before, and the only one missing is her surrogate son.
And Amelia, but that's a lost cause if she ever saw one.
So she no longer feels the need to rant, and she helps an adorably nervous Addison with lunch; the real battle now is Liz and Kath, and she could use some support.
She pretends not to notice the glances flying thick and fast between Derek and his wife as they sit down to lunch, knowing they're probably discussing when the storm will finally break.
" So, Addison, I heard you're Chief now. " Theo grins, " Knew you'd beat Derek to it. "
" She beats him at a lot of things. " Liz laughs, an ugly sound.
" Liz. " Nancy says quietly. " Shut up. "
" Why? The cat's out of the bag anyway - right little brother? She was the one who sle-"
" Elizabeth, that's enough. " she steps in, wondering how much abuse Addison plans to take in repentant silence.
" Fine, " she shrugs. " If you all want to pretend it's all okay, then fine. "
Derek places a hand over Addison's, curled white knuckled around her water glass.
" Mom, seriously, she's a wino or something. " Kath exclaims, judgemental as ever.
" I know, she's got like the highest tolerance I've ever seen. " Liz snarks, " Or maybe it's genetic, isn't she a WASP? "
" Don't act like teetotaling little prisses." Nancy had snapped. " It's not like either of you aren't completely sloshed, you're just jealous she can actually hold her liquor and not puke in the bathroom when no one's looking. "
She stares at the glass for a moment, confirming it's actually water and that Addison hasn't progressed to straight up vodka to mitigate the stress of what is undoubtedly the most awkward Christmas ever.
Nancy catches her looking and grins happily .
" Really? " she mouths across the table at her, not that Liz and Kath are actually looking at anyone.
Nancy does a little dance in place in response, earning a strange look from her sisters.
" Let them tell you. " she mouths back,then
" Addie, this is really good. " she says cheerfully, taking a bite of chicken.
" Not raw this time." she teases, getting a smile out of Addison in response.
" I've improved a bit; no more salmonella. " she says, ever the polite wisecracking hostess.
" Good to know. " Kath says, looking at her full plate. " But I'm not hungry anyway. "
" Okay, for gods sake, enough, I get you all have a right to be mad, but you do not have the right to insult my wife in our home, because whatever happened was both of our faults. Equally.
So whatever bitchiness you need to get out of your systems, it's going to be at the both of us, so come on, let it out, so we don't have to spend three days backstabbing each other. " Derek explodes, throwing down his fork and glowering.
" Really, Derek, you were equally at fault, so does that mean you screwed Savannah? Or what's her name- Naomi? " Kathleen spits, color rising fast in her cheeks.
" Kath, watch it. " he snaps. " What happened with Mark -"
" Was a mistake, right, Addison, he was just there and suddenly you were in bed and then Derek walked in, boo hoo. Tell me, though, was that even the first time? Or the first guy? " Liz hisses. " I mean seriously, are we just going to sit here and eat probably - poisonous chicken and pretend she didn't screw his best friend, wreck their marriage which I knew was a mistake, drive him out of the city he loves, then show up here and destroy the life he was trying to put together here? "
Addison clears her throat politely, twisting the rings on her finger like she does when she's nervous. The diamond that had graced her own finger decades ago sparkles in the afternoon sunlight, and she knows with sudden certainty that she's the right one to wear it.
" I'm sorry for what I did, but-"
" Shut up, Addie. " Derek cuts in. " Don't give them what they want. Give them the whole messy truth and then let's see what they think. "
And he goes through the whole agonising spiel again, but this time with the gut wrenching detail that none of them - except, apparently, Nancy - knew.
The miscarriage, the baby that never was, Addison almost dying, the wedge that grew between them, Mark holding the loose ends together until he grew tired of it and cut them loose.
Addison, burying her pride and flying to Seattle, the miserable year that followed, the intern, empty promises and hollow vows.
The efforts they'd made, clawing back into each others lives.
And now this, the perfect couple in their perfect home, the possibility of more on the way.
Why aren't they telling anyone?
" So why isn't Mark here. " Liz demands, shamefaced but still unrelenting.
" We thought it would be better if he
wasn't. " Addison explains, flinching when Kath looks at her.
" Sorry. For what I said. I didn't know everything, I shouldn't have -"
" Jumped to conclusions? Assumed? " Derek asks, draining his glass.
" I said I'm sorry, don't push. " Kath warns .
" Been presumptuous? Been judgemental? " he grins, pushing her buttons deliberately now.
" Whatever. I'll take it. " she concedes guiltily, hugging Addison with something approaching sincerity. " I'm sorry. "
Addison squeezes back, bewildered.
That's a first.
Derek looks pointedly at Liz, swirling his refilled glass.
" Me too. " she huffs, and thankfully Derek doesn't push for more.
" So. " Addison says brightly, blinking away tears. " Seconds? "
" Hold it, Martha Stewart. " Derek says affectionately, putting an arm round the back of her chair. " Tell them! "
Ooh, here it comes.
" Derek -"
Addie, please, you're killing me.
" Come on, they've actually apologised, we could all use a little happy. " he argues.
Sure could.
" Guys. What? " Jeff demands, excitable as ever.
They share one last look, Addison worried, Derek encouraging, then she says the words she's been dying to hear from them for years.
" I'm pregnant. "
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