Disclaimer: Not JKR, not making any money.
Chapter Warnings: Profanity
Dumbledore arrived an hour or so later, knocking politely at the door. Severus' wards rippled through the flat, stirring up clouds of dust and disrupting a stack of old Hogwarts essays Lily had left sitting next to her trunk.
She was picking at some reheated take-away Severus had picked up for her, and when the knocks came at the door she lay down her chopsticks and blinked.
"I imagine one of us has to answer it," Severus said. "Seeing as how it's your flat, my vote goes to you."
Lily sighed. "I don't want to."
Severus drummed his fingers against the table, trying to bite back his tongue. Of course she didn't want to! He didn't want her to. But neither of them had much choice in the matter.
A few seconds passed, and Lily waved her wand and the door slammed open.
Dumbledore stood in the doorway, hands folded in front of him. He sniffed the air and frowned.
"You shouldn't be using that sort of magic, Severus."
"I'll use whatever I need to keep the Dark Lord out of this flat."
For a few seconds, they stared at each other, unmoving. And then Albus stepped through the wards. The door swung shut behind him.
"You're trusting our spells to keep Lily hidden," Dumbledore said. Severus's chest tightened, and he curled his fingers around his wand. "Take down the Dark ward and I'll replace it with the same magic we use on our safe houses."
Severus gripped his wand so tightly his knuckles turned white. Lily wove her arm in his but he hardly felt her. He knew it would be like this. No more Dark magic, even if it was protective, even if it was keeping Lily safe.
Severus swung his wand once, muttered the Dark incantation to remove spells. All that magic went out of the room.
"Thank you, Severus."
Dumbledore's courtesy put his teeth on edge. But as Dumbledore wove new wards, Lily kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "I know you were protecting me. Thank you."
Her eyes were bright and sincere, and for a moment love surged up inside him, diluting the anger. She smiled, gave him another kiss, whispered another thank you.
When Albus finished with his spells, the flat smelled faintly of rosewater and metal, and the wall shone silvery-blue.
"Are you ready, my dear?" he asked Lily, and Severus heart twisted when she nodded yes.
Albus reached into his robe and pulled out a small metal stapler, olive-green paint chipping off in patches. He set the stapler on the table in front of the round window, next to Lily's unused ashtray and a half-empty pack of cigarettes.
"Just like that?" Severus asked. "You waltz in here, you hand her some Muggle rubbish, and she's gone?"
"This is what you asked for, Severus."
"I bloody know that!"
"I think what Sev is saying -" Lily stood up and smiled graciously, lighting up the whole room. "Could you give us a moment?"
Dumbledore studied her face, and for a few seconds Severus was certain he would say no. But he only nodded, and said, "I did rather need to use the loo."
He disappeared down the hallway.
Lily turned to Severus, grabbed his hands, pulled him to his feet. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes. He hated the sight of them, almost as much as he hated the sight of that fucking stapler.
"Sev," Lily said, and then her hands were around his neck, her body was pressed up tight against his, soft and familiar. He ran his own hands down over her waist and the swell of her hips, and he kissed her, one last kiss, a kiss that erased all the kisses that had come before, it was so perfect, so true, so real.
When they pulled apart, Severus felt as if his heart had been cut out of his chest.
"I love you," Lily said. Behind her Dumbledore had stepped back into the room, but he kept his eyes cast down at the floor, avoiding them.
"I love you too," Severus said, and he hoped Dumbledore fucking heard it, and that he knew that he meant it. He kissed Lily again, and for a second he thought about the afternoon that he told her he joined the Death Eaters, how empty her eyes had been in the moments before he walked away. And here they were again, saying goodbye: but this time, her eyes weren't empty.
"I'll see you soon," she whispered, tears shining on her cheeks. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach. "She'll see you soon."
"Yes. All of us. Soon." He didn't believe it. The world didn't work that way; the world gave him happiness in increments and then it jerked it out from under him. But he wouldn't tell her that. Not today. Not right now.
"Lily," Dumbledore said. "It's time."
She closed her eyes, pressed her forehead against Severus's. He breathed in her scent one last time, smoke and lavender.
When she pulled away that time, he felt the absence of her touch like a knife at his throat.
She picked up the handle of her trunk, tears streaming over her face, dropping in dark spots onto the fabric of her dress. Dumbledore put his hand on her shoulder and smiled in that infuriatingly kind way of his. Lily didn't look at him. She looked at Severus. Her bottom lip trembled.
"I'll see you soon," Severus said. His voice caught.
Lily nodded. She dragged her trunk across the room, never taking her eyes off of him. She fumbled around on the table, knocking her cigarettes to the floor.
"Bye," she said, as simply as if she were about to Apparate off to work. Tears stained her face.
Her fingers grazed the stapler.
For a half-second nothing happened. Then there was a sound like an earthquake and she and her trunk were sucked backwards into nothing, leaving in their wake a few sparkles of magic. Severus thought he smelled the ocean.
His ears buzzed.
"Severus," Dumbledore said. "You and I should talk -"
He ignored him. He strode over to the table and picked up the stapler. Nothing happened, of course: it only worked once, as a response to Lily's touch. Now it was just a stupid Muggle machine.
Severus hurled the stapler into the air, yanked out his wand, blasted the stapler into a thousand pieces.
Dumbledore watched and said nothing, the insufferable old fool.
Severus stooped down to pick up the fallen cigarettes. He lit one with his wand. He hadn't had a cigarette in years. Lily always liked them more than he did; they used to pass them back and forth in their clearing in the woods, and for so long Severus thought that was the closest he would ever come to kissing her.
The smoke burned his lungs. It didn't calm down his anger.
"Severus," Albus said.
"What? What the fuck do you want?"
"We need to talk."
"What is there to talk about?"
"Everything."
"Everything?" Severus sucked hard on the cigarette and laughed. "Everything. So what do you want me to do? What do you want to know? Everything?" He laughed again.
"We need to discuss your assignment."
Severus snorted. "Lie to the Dark Lord and report back what he says." And keep him the fuck away from Lily.
"Yes," said Dumbledore. "But we need to determine the particulars." He sat down on the couch, rearranging his robes over his knees. Severus stared at him, letting the cigarette burn away in his hand. He was so bloody calm, as if he didn't even notice that Lily was gone. As if he didn't even care.
Severus's entire life had been ripped away from him, and bloody fucking Dumbledore wanted to determine the particulars.
Severus jabbed his cigarette into the ashtray. When he looked back up, a white doe stood in the center of the room.
"Lily," he said.
The doe turned to him, silvery-white, with eyes that had Lily's kindness in them. I'm safe, it said, in a voice that was like Lily's and not-like hers, all at once. I'm here.
"I'm glad to hear that," Dumbledore said.
"Did you check for traps?" Severus asked, voice shaking. This wasn't her. This was some ghost that sort of sounded like her, and he hated that it was here and she was not. "Like I showed you?"
The doe smiled. Yes, it said. Everything's safe. It is a safe house, Sev.
Severus scowled at that, wishing he could hear Lily say it, Lily the person, in her own damn voice.
"You should go," Severus said. "The Concealment Charm isn't in place yet." He shot Dumbledore one of his darker looks as he spoke, but Dumbledore remained unfazed.
The doe looked at him sadly, then drifted over to where he stood, nuzzling its head up against the back of his hand. Its touch was like the wind that blew in from the south, warm and damp. See you soon, Sev, it said, before dissolving away.
"Well," said Dumbledore. "I'm glad to see she's all right."
"Are you?" Severus said coolly.
Dumbledore ignored him. "Now, about your assignment. Please, Severus, sit - " He gestured towards one of the dining chairs that had somehow been dragged across the apartment during Lily's packing. "We have much to discuss."
Severus didn't want to sit. He wanted to blast something, anything, over and over again, until the rage simmering inside of him quieted into mere anger. He wanted to Apparate to the Dark Lord's side and slice him open from neck to navel. He wanted to Imperius or Cruciatus Dumbledore, whatever worked, into telling him where he had hidden Lily.
But he didn't do any of those things. Instead, he sat down, keeping his wand out so he could roll it between his palms and distract himself from his own thoughts.
"That's better. It's so much easier to have a chat when we're both sitting, don't you think?"
Severus glared at him in response.
"Now. Your assignment." Dumbledore leaned back in the couch, looking out of place amongst Lily's second-hand Muggle furnishings. "Is Voldemort still looking to infiltrate Hogwarts?"
Severus stopped rolling his wand.
"Of course he is," he said. "He's obsessed with Hogwarts."
Dumbledore smile. "Well, it was his home for many years, Severus. I'm sure you know what that's like."
Severus began rolling his wand again. He hated knowing that Dumbledore could be right about something.
"Ever since Mylar died, I've been considering the mistakes we made, looking for ways to correct them, so the same terrible fate wouldn't befall our next spy."
Severus slumped in his chair and watched his wand twist back and forth, back and forth.
"With Mylar, we simply sent him over as a Death Eater -"
"That was your mistake," Severus snapped. "The Dark Lord doesn't trust Order defectors."
"Ah yes, I thought as much, but I had no choice. That won't be an issue here."
Severus refused to look at him.
"But I think we can still strengthen your - defenses, let's say. Voldemort already thinks of you as a Death Eater, but if he were to think of you as a double agent as well - for his side, I mean," Dumbledore added when Severus jerked up his head.
"I see what you're getting at," Severus said slowly. "But I don't understand how."
"I never filled the Potions position," Dumbledore said. "And Professor Slughorn is still retiring."
"You told me to come back when I had more experience."
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. Severus wanted to slam him with a hex. He was so fucking smug.
"You know I would be a truly horrendous teacher," Severus said, instead of blasting Dumbledore through the wall of Lily's flat. "I hate children. I hate teenagers more. I hate most adults, when you get down to it. Besides, the Dark Lord wants me to teach Defense Against the Dark -"
"We've no opening."
"You will," Severus said, sneering. "The Dark Lord is certain of it. He's not usually wrong about those sorts of things."
"Be that as may, I'm more concerned with our open Potions position. And your skill with Potions is really quite remarkable, Severus. Slughorn actually mentioned you, you know, when he asked who would be replacing -"
"Don't flatter me," Severus said. "I'll do it. It's not as if I have much say in the matter."
"You always have a say in the matter." Dumbledore looked at him with those cold blue eyes, and for a moment Severus remembered that he was no longer a servant of the Dark Lord, and that Dumbledore was different.
No, he thought. He's not. A master is a master.
"If teaching the little brats how to mix up sleeping draughts will keep Lily safe - " Severus muttered.
"It'll keep you safe," Dumbledore said. "Although it's crucial that Voldemort sees you as a true double-agent - you must convince him that you will have convinced me that you have defected."
"I have defected."
Dumbledore looked at him the way he did whenever Severus was caught hexing first-years back at Hogwarts: more bemused than angry. "Then your task will be simple, won't it?"
Severus glared at him. "What do you know about it?"
Dumbledore didn't answer, but his eyes twinkled, and Severus' fingers twitched around his wand.
"I suggest you take this information to Voldemort as soon as possible," Dumbledore said, standing, brushing out the wrinkles in his robe. "I'll be contacting you shortly to meet with me concerning the matter of your Patronus."
Severus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Ah yes, the fucking Patronus charm. The light in the dark. The knife in the heart of evil. The Order's bloody telephone system.
"I suppose I'll have to cast one," Severus said.
"It's how we communicate," Albus said. "And it will protect you."
Severus scowled. "The Dark Arts protected me well enough." His lips curled up. "Perhaps you should try them some time."
Dumbledore's face dimmed at their mention. Finally, something to faze the old man. Severus was willing to concede that Dumbledore was a more powerful wizard than himself - he'd be a fool not to - but he was secure in the knowledge that he knew more of the Dark Arts than Dumbledore ever could, if for no other reason than the fact that he understood they were not evil.
"I know," Severus said. "I can't use those anymore."
"No." Dumbledore paused. "Perhaps you shouldn't refer to Voldemort as the Dark Lord, either."
"Oh, for fuck's sake. And what am I supposed to call him? You-Know-Who, like some schoolgirl with a crush?"
For a brief second, Severus thought Dumbledore almost looked amused. "I put no stock in the fear of names and titles," he said. "But others around us do. You must convince the wizarding world that you hold no allegiance to him, and you must convince Voldemort himself that you are playing the role of his double agent to the full extent -"
"This is fucking confusing."
"I have full faith in your intelligence, Severus. I've no doubt you can successfully untangle the web we're creating here today."
God, he sounded as if he were giving one of his welcome-to-Hogwarts speeches. Severus wanted to find it annoying, but instead his chest twinged at the memory: a thousand candles floating in the air, the sort of food they couldn't afford at home, Lily at the table across the room, catching his eye every now and then, and smiling.
Severus pushed away from his chair, grabbed Lily's pack of cigarettes, and shoved it into his robes. He didn't look at Dumbledore.
"I'll give You-Know-Who the good news," he said. "Guess who's the new Potions master at Hogwarts."
Dumbledore gazed at him.
"Be careful about when you contact me," Severus went on. "Hate to blow my cover in the first week."
"Of course," Dumbledore said.
Christ, didn't the man ever get angry?
Severus stomped across the flat, the floorboards echoing under his feet. He knew he'd never see it again, this flat. Knew he'd never walk through the door and smell cigarette smoke and lavender.
Well, at least he had the cigarettes. He'd stop at a gardening shop before he went home. He was going to be a fucking Potions professor - surely he could grow Muggle herbs in a pot on his back porch. Surely.