Linka wore her sunglasses in the back seat. She looked out the window. She had not spoken to them since the incident on that night a few days ago. She had shut her emotions down and carried out everything with a robotic iciness. She was absorbed in a world of self loathing and self blame. She refused to look at either of them. She felt ashamed for what she had said to them. She did not want to speak again or been seen by anyone. She felt like every mistake she had made was carved into her skin and visible to them. She wanted to run but she could not. She instead remained and wallowed in self loathing and hatred.

"Linka, it wasn't your fault." Dean said after hours of quiet. "It was an incubus, the male version of a succubus. You just fell for its tricks." That didn't help her.

"I was dumb." She said after a minute. "I fell for it…" She paused. "I shouldn't have." She said as her voice cracked a little. She tried to calm herself but it was overwhelming. "I was stupid, and I was weak…" Her voice was strained due to the emotion bubbling in her throat.

"Linka, it was just a mistake everyone…"

"I'm not everyone Sam!" She said with the same strain tugging at her. "I am supposed to be above stupid desires." She pulled her sunglasses off and put her hand over her eyes. "I am supposed to be in control of my feelings and…and I wasn't" Her voice reached a point where it broke and the true emotion behind it came forward. She quickly put her sunglasses back on.

"Linka, you're only human. You can't cut yourself off from your emotions." Sam said from the front.

"You can't let this keep eating at you Linka." Dean said. She knew he was right.

"You don't get it do you? I haven't been able to be a properly functioning human since I was four! I haven't been able to talk with normal people, I can't get close. When I finally did it was a demon who wanted me dead! Do you know what that is like?" She waited for a response. "I can't be like anyone else. I can't be a puppet to my emotions." She felt the hot liquid slip down her face. She took the sunglasses off.

"Linka you can't just ignore what makes you human."

"I can try."

"Linka, you can't do that." Dean said.

"You don't get it do you? My job requires that I be above earthly desires. I have to be detached, do you realize that I was taken away because I let my feelings get in my way." There was a silence Linka covered her eyes with her hand. "I can't even tell my dad what I do He doesn't know about any of this."

"Your dad doesn't know about you and the angels?" Sam asked.

"No, I was told that he could not know that it would hinder me." She couldn't help herself everything was pushing up and out. She tried to hold back but it had been sitting and festering inside of her for so long. "I have to be more than normal people. I wasn't, I fell for a guy who just wanted me dead." She kept thinking about it and felt worse. She thought about how she had just let someone in and how she allowed herself to be weak and open. She thought about she had been so foolish to think that she was appealing, how she let herself be taken into a dangerous situation and been blind to it all. "I can't keep doing this." She said

"What?"

"I can't keep doing any of this. Channeling angels, healing myself, extracting demons, it all is just too much. It takes chunks of me every time." Her voice broke and she could no longer hold back the pain from her voice. "I am weak and I was a horrible person! I don't know why you bothered to save me!" She cradled her head in her hand. She couldn't help but beat herself up. "I am a miserable bitch and I don't deserve to…" She felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up.

"Linka, someone once told me 'No one is so far gone that they cannot be forgiven' and they were right." Dean said while holding her shoulder. "Linka, it was a demon, it tricked you they trick everyone. You can't keep blaming yourself, it won't change what happened." Linka knew he was right. She put her head on his hand.

"I am so sorry." She said.

"It's okay Linka." She let her body shake and allowed her tears to fall on his hand. She couldn't help it. She let herself break open and let them see her fragile nature. She looked up at Dean. Her eyes were red and glistened with tears. She opened her mouth but no words would fit the situation. He seemed to know that as he pushed a lock of her hair away from her face. She smiled a little.

Linka lay on the bed with her eyes closed. She was listening. She heard the door close and she opened her eyes. Dean was gone. She saw Sam looking at her. She didn't like it. She felt like he was dissecting her. She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Linka."

"Yeah?"

"Linka, you aren't weak." She looked at with confusion.

"What?"

"Linka, you know you're limits and weaknesses. You accept them. You don't try to go and do something that would do more harm than good to prove that you aren't weak." She turned more to him.

"Are you comparing me to you?" She asked quietly. He was quiet.

"Yeah." She saw that this was a sensitive subject. She had never thought much about it.

"Sam, I was never told why you did what you did. I was only told what you did. It was not deemed important for me to know." She looked at him. "I suppose it is because it would make you more relatable."

"Relatable?"

"Yeah, because…I… we sort of share a common ground when it comes to stuff like this?"

"Like…"

"Like you felt controlled. My entire life is controlled. I barely have a say in what I do. If I had known that you had done what you had because of that it could have made me sympathetic to you."

"Why do you do it?"

"What?"

"Why do you let yourself be used be and controlled. You can't be happy with your life if you don't even have a say in it."

"Truly, I am not completely happy with my job. I keep doing it because if I stop or refuse…" She couldn't believe she was saying this. "I would die." She looked at him then to her hands which she had folded in her lap. "I suppose that is why I was not informed of the reason behind your decision making."

"Why would they care if you died because you didn't listen? It seems to me like if you didn't listen that they wouldn't care."

"I am far too valuable to them. It is difficult to find someone who would be willing to follow heavenly commands. It is generally frowned upon by society to listen to the voices that you hear." She smiled at the thought. "Does it seem funny to you that you don't think I'm crazy because I listen to the voices that I hear? It just goes to show what this lifestyle does to you." She looked at him.

"Linka, why did you choose this life?"

"I didn't" She stopped smiling. "It is a long standing tradition in my family. We are one of the last remaining hunting clans in the world. It is a little ironic the hunting clans were hunted down at one point. People wanted to eradicate them. I want to keep doing this. I save lives."

"But what about yours?" She looked back at her hands. She didn't know what to say.

"My life has a greater purpose and I do not need to have a traditional life in which I have no higher calling. I know what many people wonder about and what many people fear. My life is meant for bigger things than simple desires that everyone else has." She had tried to think about this before. It had always been a difficult struggle for her to suppress what she wanted and sacrifice her own happiness for others. She knew that what she did was more important and wanting to be free from her job was selfish, but she could not help but think about the life that she could have had if her family had not been involved in hunting.

"I guess that I really do want my own life. I guess that is why I did what I did. I just wanted a connection and I wanted to be happy and free." She thought about it again. She felt a knot in her throat and she felt a pressure building in her head. She clenched her jaw and closed her eyes. She remembered how she had felt light and free when she had been with him. She remembered the crushing emptiness she felt when she learned what he was and the betrayal and stupidity she felt when he held her off the ground by her neck. She then realized the awkward silence.

"Oh well," she said as she tried to forget everything again. "It doesn't matter I can't change anything. I just have to deal with it. I know that there has to be a reason for all these rules and restrictions on me." She knew that there was no way that he could understand why she didn't question or try to change anything. No one ever did understand she knew that they couldn't possibly.

"So I am sorry that I judged you before I met you."She said.

"It's okay."

"I'm also sorry that I tried to slit your throat when I first met you." She looked up and over to him. "It was sort of a misunderstanding and…"

"And Dean wouldn't let me hear the end of it when I was brought down by a fourteen year old girl." He said laughing a little. She smiled.

"What can I say, I'm jacked." She laughed after she said that. He laughed with her.

"Okay Linka whatever you say." He said while still laughing.

"Dang right whatever I say." She laughed more. She hadn't since she had met Jack. It was nice. She heard the door open. She looked at smiling.

"What's up?" Dean asked seeing that she had woken from her sullen slump.

"Nothing" She said while still smiling. "I'm just smiling."

The next morning Linka woke up quietly and stepped out of the room. She looked at the sun rise. It bathed everything in a pink red glow. She loved this time of day. It was still cold from the night and the sunlight made the drops of moisture sparkle on everything. She thought about everything that had happened. She knew that most people would have broken years ago. She had kept herself locked away. She followed orders without question. She had given up her life for others and allowed herself to be used despite the pain that it inflicted on her. She thought about how she had left her dad and not told him anything about what she had been doing for years. She remembered when she was little and she had been asked to do things for the angels. She was allowed to lie to her dad. It was an odd contradiction in her restrictions. Honor thy father but lie to him. Linka looked down at her arms. The skin was all even and unmarked. If she had not been able to channel angels to heal her there would be scars covering her body. She thought about how easily she had fallen for the demons tricks. She knew it was right. She had wanted a connection, a closeness that was why she had been tricked. She deprived herself of them and she always felt a dull sense of loneliness. She knew that it was stupid to such things. She couldn't help it. There were so many things that could go wrong if she got too close. She wasn't even that close with her dad, her only living relative. She could pretend to be open with him but there was so much that she kept to herself. She waited then listened to the voice.

"Are you sure?" She listened. "No, I'm not complaining but…this seems counter intuitive of what I have been told for the past ten years." She waited. "Alright, I can do that. But juts so we're clear you are allowing this right? I don't want to be smitten because I did something that you changed your mind on at the last second." She paused. "Okay Okay, just making sure. I can definitely do that."

She sat in a chair reading one of her books quietly. She wasn't looking for anything she was just wasting time, which until now had been a luxury. She turned the pages slowly looking at the old writing and inked drawings of demons, werewolves, vampires, and various other evil things. She lowered the book. It had occurred to her that she had never had a childish innocence to all the evil in the world. Even before her mother's death she was told how to protect herself from anything dark in the world. She looked at Sam and Dean who were both still asleep. She knew that for a while each of them did not know about anything that she had known about. She thought about what it would have been like. She could not imagine it. She could not imagine the peace that the normal population knew. They did not need to know about angels, demons and the onslaught of the end of the world. She envied them and their serenity and lack of stress. They did not need to be the one who carried the weight of the world; they did not need to worry about the safety of everyone. She stopped thinking about it. She did not want to go back into her world of emptiness and depression. She saw one of them move. She closed the book and put it down. She smoothed her hair back and sat up straight.