Hi Everyone! I'm so sorry it took so long to post. The last few weeks have been crazy. Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter. Juice and Gracie now have 300 followers! Yay!

So here we go a little further into Season Three. I've been looking forward to writing this one for a while. Hope you like it and please, please review!

P.S. The next update after this one will be the Christmas chapter that some of you have requested :)

Chapter 37

Gracie had just finished her second shift at the hospital since her suspension had been lifted, and even though she was thrilled to have her job back, the weight of the club and everything it was going through still hung heavy on her shoulders. The long hours at work helped to keep her mind off Kip and Abel, but with Gemma still on the run and Tara now out of town helping her, Gracie spent 99% of her time worrying about the people she loved.

The only bright spot in the past few days had been Juice waking her up a few nights ago and telling her all about John Teller's manuscript and Jax's vision for the club. Gracie smiled when she thought about the look on Juice's face as he told her about guiding the club to more legitimate ways to earn and stopping all the senseless bloodshed. He looked focused, determined, but more than anything, he looked hopeful. It wouldn't be easy and it would take time, but Juice was certain that change was possible.

Gracie pulled into the TM lot, climbed out of her car, and walked towards the clubhouse. Juice had texted her a couple hours before asking her to head there after work. Apparently all the guys had gotten into some sort of brawl at a party with the Chinese, and they were all cooling off at the bar. Before she opened the door, she ran a hand through her messy hair and tried pointlessly to smooth down her wrinkled scrubs. It's a lost cause, Anderson. You've been working for 12 hours and you're a hot mess. But Juice loves you anyway.

When she walked inside she saw most of the guys sitting around the bar, with Lyla and Opie in the corner in the middle of what looked to be a pretty serious conversation. She waved hello to everyone, getting a kiss on the cheek from Chibs, before sitting down at one of the bar stools next to Jax.

When he saw her, he looked over and offered her a sad smile. "Hey, darlin. Juice is in the chapel working. He shouldn't be much longer. How are you doing?"

Gracie shook her head and grinned. No matter how much shit Jax was going through, he never stopped being worried about other people. Our real life 'bad boy with a heart of gold.' "I'm ok…at least getting better. Any new leads on Abel?"

Jax took a long drag off his cigarette and sighed. "No, not since the picture of him in Vancouver. That's what Juice is working on right now." He put his cigarette out in an empty beer bottle and turned to look at her. "So…have you talked to her?"

Gracie nodded. She knew that Jax had done everything he could to push Tara away since Abel's kidnapping, and she knew how much it was tearing both of them apart. "She's good. I know you didn't want her anywhere near Gemma right now, and I understand why, but I think it's helping her through this. Making her feel like she's contributing somehow. You haven't exactly been letting her be there for you. To her, being there for Gemma is the next best thing."

Jax ran his hands down the sides of his face in frustration. "You get it though, don't you Gracie? You of all people? This life, my life, it isn't right for her. It's going to destroy her."

Gracie placed one of her hands on his knee and squeezed. "I get it. I do. But you can't just walk away from something like what the two of you have. She's a part of you, and you're a part of her. The only thing that could ever destroy Tara is losing you."

Jax was just about to say something else when a tall, skinny bleach blonde wearing next to nothing placed herself in front of Jax, completely ignoring Grace. The girl reached out and ran one of her fingers over his jaw line. "Hey Jax. Want to give me a ride home?"

Gracie cleared her throat, causing the blonde to turn around and give her a dirty look. "Can I help you, bitch?"

Gracie just crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes. "You're Ima, right? I'm Grace. And no, you can't help me. I was just going to tell you that Jax isn't able to give you a ride tonight." Then Gracie turned and looked pointedly at Jax. "His girlfriend wouldn't like it."

The girl leaned in closer to Gracie and poked one of her long fake fingernails at her chest. "Listen, honey. I know you think you're some kind of old lady, but I also know that Juice hasn't given you a fucking crow. So why don't you let Jax decide what he wants and take your ugly, little bitch ass…Hey! What the…ah, ow! Ouch! Stop it!"

Gracie's jaw dropped open as she watched Happy come up behind Ima in the middle of her rant and grab her by the hair, pulling her hard off the bar stool and dragging her towards the door. The blonde barely stayed on her feet, screaming the whole time, until Hap reached the door, opened it, and literally threw her out on her ass.

Everyone in the bar looked on with wide eyes as Happy nonchalantly walked back to the bar, poured himself a shot of whiskey, and downed it in one gulp. When he noticed that everyone was staring at him, he just shrugged his shoulders. "Stupid gash. She shouldn't talk to Gracie like that."

Gracie made eye contact with him and, for just a split second, she saw the corners of his mouth barely raise in a smile. Then he turned back around and walked over to the pool table without another word.

Jax couldn't help the small laugh that escaped his lips as he looked at his favorite redhead's stunned expression. Happy Lowman getting involved in bitch business? Our sweet Gracie has the Tacoma Killer wrapped around her little finger, and she doesn't even know it.

Despite all the drama with the Chinese, the Mayans, Abel, and Gemma, Juice had felt amazing all god damn day. Ever since learning about Jax's plan to change the club and his talk with Gracie, he had felt something welling up deep inside him, something that he had suppressed for a really long time…faith. He had faith that Jax could save the club from the direction that Clay had been taking them in, faith that he could help his brothers make the right decisions, and most of all, faith that Gracie would be right beside of him through all of it. He was finally letting himself believe that he could give her a real future and that they could share a real life together.

And that's why he called Lowen as soon as Gracie left for work that morning to help him with something that had been on his mind for months. He would have wanted Gemma's help, but since she was still on the run, the club's lawyer would have to do. He knew that their court date had been moved up and they were going to lose their bail, so he wanted to take care of it as soon as possible before he went inside for god knows how long. He just hoped that Gracie would like it…

He was just about to call Lowen again to check on the progress when he looked down and saw that he had received a new email from Sambel. As soon as he opened it, his hands started to shake and his heart started racing. He jumped up out of his seat, grabbing his laptop, and racing out of the chapel and over towards the bar. He saw Gracie sitting beside Jax and walked over to them, setting him computer down on the bar.

Jax looked over to him in panic. "What? What is it?"

Juice looked at Gracie for just a moment before looking back to Jax. "I just got this from the Belfast VP. It was taken tonight."

Gracie gasped when she saw the picture filling the small screen. Cameron Hayes was lying dead on a street corner with a big, bloody cross marking his head.

Jax looked at Juice in confusion. "Cameron's in Belfast?"

Juice just nodded before looking back at the photo. "So, where the hell is Abel?"

As Gracie sat in the nurse's station working on her charts, she ran her hands down her exhausted face and sighed. The last two days had been utterly insane. The guys left for what should have been their trip to Vancouver but, as what typically happens, everything went to hell. From what Juice had told her, it started out as their usual gun run to the north, with plans to pick up Gemma from her dad's house and then head to the Canadian border. But at some point plans changed; something about Bobby, Hap, and Piney being attacked at some woman's house over a bunch of prescription drugs, and then Gemma sneaking away from the guys and heading back to Charming. It all culminated with Gem having a small cardiac episode on the TM lot, not only landing her in the hospital, but in federal custody.

Gracie signed off on her last chart and told her manager that she was taking her 15 minute break, running upstairs to the observation unit as fast as she could. She hadn't had a chance to see Gemma or Tara yet since they'd been back, and she wanted to make sure they were alright. When she got up to the unit, she saw the whole club, minus Jax and Clay, sitting in the small waiting area.

Juice got out of his chair as soon as he saw her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and crushing her to him. He had only gotten to see her for a few minutes that morning before she had to go to work. He buried his face in her hair and took a deep breath in before finally pulling back just enough to see her face. "Hey, sweetheart."

Gracie looked up into his eyes and grinned, placing both of her hands on either side of his face. "Hey, yourself." She looked around at the guys, all obviously stressed out and worried, before looking back to Juice. "How is she?"

Juice looked towards the room at the end of the hall and shrugged. "Ok, I guess. Clay said her heart is beating regularly now. I guess she hadn't been taking her meds. But she finally knows about Abel and is currently handcuffed to the bed, so I wouldn't say she's doing very well."

"Do you think I could see her? I've missed her so much."

Juice shook his head. "Not right now. Clay and Jax are in there with her, Tara too." He looked around for a moment and saw that the nearby hallway was empty before grabbing Gracie's hand and pulling her away from the others. "Come on. I need to talk to you about some stuff."

When they were alone, Juice looked around one more time before leaning in closer to whisper. "Abel's in Belfast."

Gracie's eyes widened. "Are you sure? How do you know? Is he ok?"

He just nodded. "We think he's ok. Some woman that Gemma knows in Ireland called her and told her that Cameron took the baby to Belfast; that he was alive, but that we needed to come and get him before something bad happened."

Juice saw the stunned expression on her face as she tried to process everything she'd just heard. He hated to add to the shit she was already dealing with, but he needed to tell her more. "Listen, Gracie Jane. There's something else…the club is tapped. We need to get some quick cash to fund our way to Ireland, and we have a way but I don't think you're going to like it." He sighed when he saw her big green eyes, filled with worry and confusion, staring up at him. "When we were up north, we came into possession of some prescription meds; some of it can't be moved on the street, but there was some Adderall, steroids, and some other shit that can make us some decent money if we move it." He grabbed her hands and held them in his own as he stared down at the floor, too afraid to look at her. "I know I told you that we don't see drugs. I know you hate it. But we need to do this, Gracie. I know a dealer, the same guy that I used to get my stash from when I still used, before we were together. We're going to see him today. I just…I wanted to be honest with you."

Gracie took a deep breath before letting go of Juice's hands and moving them to lace around the back of his neck. She kissed him softly on the lips and nodded. "You're right. I hate it. I hate that you have to do that. But I understand that it's for Abel. Thank you for telling me and just…promise me you'll be careful."

Juice just gave her a small smile before leaning down and kissing her again. "Always, sweetheart."

Several hours later, Gracie was shutting the door on her locker, slinging her purse over her shoulder, and heading back upstairs. The ER had gotten really busy later in the day, and she hadn't had another chance to see Gemma. But now that her shift was over, she was going to try to spend some time with her before visiting hours were up.

She was just walking to the elevators when she saw Clay rounding the corner and she gasped when she saw who was beside him. "Oh my god. Baby, are you alright?"

Juice's head hung low as he walked beside his President, bracing his arm against his side as if every step was causing him pain. When she spoke, he only looked up for a moment before returning his gaze to the ground, but it was long enough for her to see the black eye, swollen cheeks, and bleeding lips that marred his face.

Gracie went to stand in front of him and gently lifted his head with her hands. Her voice was just a whisper. "Baby, what happened to you?"

Juice was looking anywhere but at Gracie. He was too ashamed to face her, too pissed at himself to accept her comfort. I don't fucking deserve it.

Clay patted him on the back and looked up at Grace. "Hey doll. Do you think you can patch up your old man for me?"

Gracie glanced up quickly at Clay and nodded before returning her eyes to Juice. "Yeah, of course." She grabbed one of Juice's hands, lacing her fingers between his own, and pulled him down the hallway until she found an empty exam room. She motioned for him to sit down on the table while she went through the cabinet drawers and found some bandages, iodine, tape, and a suture kit.

She kept waiting for him to say something, anything, to just look at her and let her know that he was ok. But he just sat there silently; looking down at nothing and never saying a word.

Once Gracie had opened up all her supplies she stood in front of him, in between his legs, and placed her hands on the sides of his face. As she tried to guide his head up he tried to turn away, grasping her wrists to pull them back down. But as soon as she felt him start to pull her away, she held on tighter, leaning her face down until he was forced to look into her eyes. "Hey. Hey, don't do that. Juice, it's me. Come on. There's no one else here. It's just me. Look at me, please."

Juice hated himself even more when he heard the sweet concern in her voice, but he slowly raised his head and forced himself to stare into her pretty green eyes. She offered him a small, comforting smile before leaning forward and brushing her lips ever so gently against his. "I love you, Juan Carlos."

Juice nodded and leaned into Gracie's hand as it ran down his mohawk and to the back of his neck. "I love you too, sweetheart."

For the next several minutes, neither of them said anything else. Gracie just cleaned his cuts, bandaging the ones on his cheeks and putting a couple small stitches on his forehead. She unzipped his hoodie and lifted up his t-shirt, sighing when she saw his bruised and swollen ribcage. He had obviously been on the losing side of a fight. She taped up his ribs as best she could and then pulled his shirt back down.

When she was finished she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him again. "Tell me what happened…please."

After a moment, he reluctantly nodded. "The guy that I told you about? The dealer? Turns out I shouldn't have trusted him. I went to his van by myself, like a fucking idiot, to give him the drugs, and as soon as I did I got jumped."

Gracie tried to control the tremble in her voice as she thought about what he went through. "Jesus baby. Who were they?"

Juice just shook his head. "Some Mayan-wannabe fuckers out of Lodi that have beef with the club. There wasn't anything I could do, Gracie. They were on top of me before I could even blink. There was nothing I could do."

"Of course there wasn't." Gracie tried to pull him into a hug, but Juice backed away from her, pulling her arms down and shaking his head.

"Gracie, you don't understand. They took my kutte. I let them take my fucking kutte."

She looked at him in confusion, shaking her head. "That's why you're so upset? It's ok, baby. It's just a…"

"No, Gracie! You don't understand!" Juice cringed when he saw Gracie take a step away from him when he all but roared at her. He took a deep breath before he spoke again, trying to calm his voice. "You don't understand, Gracie Jane. My kutte is the symbol of my brotherhood to the world. It's who I am and it should never come off my back. I should have died before I let them take it."

Gracie crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes filled with a mix of hurt and confusion. "You mean that, don't you?"

Juice looked up at her and nodded. "Yeah, I do. I should have made them kill me for it."

Juice stared down at the floor for a few moments, and when he raised his head back up he saw that the warmth and worry were gone from Gracie's expression, replaced by heartache and anger. When he saw a single tear escape down her cheek, he reached out to touch her face, but as soon as he made contact, Gracie brushed his hand away.

"Gracie Jane?" He hopped off the exam table and tried to approach her, but for the first time in their relationship, Gracie shoved her hands against his chest and pushed him away as hard as she could. He took a few steps back and regained his balance, staring at her in shock. "Gracie?"

She just shook her head as more tears continued to fall. "No, you don't get to touch me right now." She met his gaze for just only a second before turning around and walking to the door. "I can't even look at you."

What the fuck just happened? Juice stood alone in the exam room, frozen, trying to process what had just gone down. No matter what they had fought about in the past, Gracie had never been that upset, that completely and utterly pissed. But once the shock started to wear off, he willed his feet to move and raced out into the hallway to find his girl.

He looked up and down the hall before going to the front entrance. He walked outside just in time to see Gracie's Mustang peeling out of the lot and onto the street.

Juice ran to the parking lot as fast as he could and climbed on his bike, not giving a fuck about how bad his body was hurting. He raced to his apartment and pulled up just in time to see Gracie climb the stairs to their place and walk in, slamming the door behind her.

He parked his bike and took off his helmet, taking the stairs two steps at a time until he got to the door. He walked through the small kitchen and to the living room where he saw Gracie pacing in front of the TV. "Gracie, what the hell…" But he couldn't finish his sentence, his voice catching in his throat when he saw the angry tears flowing out of Gracie's eyes.

"So you wish they would have killed you? OVER A FUCKING KUTTE?" She took a deep breath and tried to calm down, but she had been hysterical ever since leaving the hospital. Something inside her had snapped and she had lost all control over her emotions.

Juice didn't think that he could feel any worse that day, but the hurt that was written all over her face fucking gutted him. "Sweetheart, please…"

"Over a kutte, Juice? You should have died so that some assholes didn't take the vest you were wearing?"

"Gracie, you don't understand…"

"You're god damn right I don't understand!" He watched as Gracie ran her hands over her face, trying to wipe the moisture from her cheeks. "You know, I had to live my entire life knowing that my Dad could have died every time he left on a mission. And no matter how hard that was, I was fine with it, because I knew that if he did, he was sacrificing his life for his country. He would have died for his freedom, for his rights, for his fellow soldiers, but I can promise you that he sure as hell wouldn't have died for his fucking uniform!"

Juice opened his mouth to speak but stopped when Gracie raised her hand up and shook her head. "No! I'm not finished yet." She took a few more breaths, swallowing the lump in her throat, before continuing. "Just like with my dad, I wake up every morning knowing that the person I love most in the world might die that day, because I know that you lead a dangerous life. Sometimes it's awful and it's terrifying, but I'm ok with it. I am, because I know that you do it because of a life that you believe in. On any given day you would step in front of a bullet to save the life of one of your brothers. And I get it! In fact, I more than get it. I'm fucking proud of you! But over a kutte, Juice? You think a replaceable piece of leather is worth more than your life?"

Juice stared helplessly at his girl, watching as she tried to compose herself in spite of her heartbreak. After a few seconds, she finally moved, walking towards him and grasping the sides of his face, anchoring it so that he was staring right into her eyes.

Gracie just looked at him for a few seconds before finally speaking, her voice once again quiet but raw from crying. "Juice, don't you understand? Don't you get it by now? I don't exist without you. My life is nothing without you." Juice tried to blink away the moisture from his eyes as he felt her hands tremble against his face, her voice shaking with emotion. "I've lost so much, baby…so fucking much, but somehow I've always made it back. I've always survived. But losing you? I wouldn't make it. You are everything to me. So if you truly believe that you should have died before losing your kutte, you're not just saying that a piece of leather is worth more than your life. You're saying that it's worth more than mine…worth more than the life we have together. Don't you understand that?"

Gracie barely had time to take a breath before Juice crashed his lips down upon her. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and held on as tightly as she could as he encircled his arms around her waist and crushed her against him. Their kisses were frantic and desperate, only parting long enough for Gracie's constant declarations of love and Juice's begging pleas for forgiveness. Before either of them knew what was happening they were on the living room floor, tearing each other's clothes off as fast as they could, aching for one another.

It wasn't about the sex. It wasn't about desire. It was about the connection. So when Juice sank into her, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, both of their hands intertwined, he took his time. They weren't trying to please each other or chasing a passionate end; they were just together. He tasted the salt of her tear stained lips every time they kissed, breathed in her scent when he buried his face in her hair, and let the sounds of her moans burn into his soul. And she savored the sweat forming on his beautiful skin, traced every curve of his muscles until she could map them by memory, and cried when she placed her lips against his neck and felt his pulse beating through his veins, proof that the love of her life was safe and alive in her arms.

Gracie came with a quiet shudder, her whimpers swallowed by Juice's kisses, and he fell over the edge just moments later. Neither was willing to move; Gracie still embracing him with her entire body, Juice still blissfully inside her.

After a few more minutes, Juice finally pulled back just enough to wipe a stray lock of hair away from Gracie's face. He leaned down and kissed her one more time, caressing her blushing cheek with his hand, and then smiled down at her softly, shaking his head. "Nothing. Nothing is more important than the life we have together. Nothing ever will be. Forever, Gracie Jane."

Gracie just nodded. "Forever, Juan Carlos."

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