Lesson Two: Disaster

12th September 1998

That evening, when Harry entered the headmasters' office for his Occlumency lesson, the first thing he did was hand over the old, battered copy of 'Advanced Potion Making' to Snape. He'd retrieved it only that morning after talking with Ginny and they'd decided that it would be best to return it to its rightful owner.

The headmaster stared at him, curiously and though he did eventually take the book from Harry's hand, he didn't seem to understand. The headmaster seemed intrigued and he stared at the book for a second before turning his attention to Harry.

"Explain," he demanded.

"Well...we...that is, me and Ginny hid it in the Room of Requirement after...well, we hid it...but we figured you should have it back."

"Why?"

"Because it's yours," Harry stated. "It really helped me, I learned a lot from it," he added.

"Perhaps too much," the headmaster replied and Harry sighed.

"It's better than the normal textbooks we use."

"And infinitely more dangerous," Severus said as he placed the book in a drawer of his desk which locked itself, magically.

While Harry couldn't help but agree, he also realised that even as a teenager, Snape probably wouldn't have wanted the book to fall into anyone else's hands so he couldn't help but wonder just how it had come to be left abandoned in a store cupboard in the potions classroom.

"You're thinking far too loudly, Potter," the older wizard sighed.

"...Sorry," Harry said, nervously.

"You should be," Severus stated, cooly, "Since it means that we're about to waste another hour trying to correct that."

Just as Snape had predicted, the hour passed and Harry had yet the repel the man from a single memory. He thought he'd gotten quite close once but that wasn't nearly enough to impress the headmaster and it wasn't quite enough to impress Harry himself, either.

"No improvement whatsoever," Severus concluded, finally lowering his wand.

"I'm...trying," Harry said, breathlessly, running a hand through his sweat drenched hair. An hour of Occulmecy was worse than a full day of Quidditch practice or weight training. It was exhausting.

"That is the point you seem to be missing. It doesn't matter how much you 'try.' You are not going to succeed. You are not capable of Occlumency and if I am forced to repeat myself one more time, I fear I'll be turning into a broken record," Snape enunciated.

"Then what am I supposed to do?"

"The same as everyone else who can't learn it. You accept it."

"Aurors have to know at least..."

"It's not a requirement," Severus interrupted him, "Though it is, of course, advisable."

"And I've got a big enough target on my back as it is. This could help save my life...or other people's lives at some point."

"Then chose a job where lives aren't at risk," the man snapped.

"...Like what?"

"Poster boy?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

"No, thanks," Harry replied, priding himself on not loosing his temper.

"I'd imagine it pays well," the man said, thoughtfully.

"Probably," Harry shrugged.

"Then do it."

"I don't care about the money."

"No...I imagine the Potter vault is full enough as it is," Severus taunted.

"I don't care about..."

"Everyone cares about money," the man said, sneering at him.

"Not me."

"Liar."

"I don't," Harry snapped back, staring right into the older wizards dark eyes. "I never really had any money when I was at the Dursley's and everything I had there was second hand. I got used to it. I don't need money to be happy."

"Oh, well, that is a relief to know that Saint Potter is 'happy' even without his fortune."

"Why do you always have to be so..."

"Yes, Potter?" Severus spoke, calmly raising an eyebrow when Harry trailed off, realising what he'd just said. "What am I?" the headmaster asked.

Harry sighed, his anger fading when he realised just what a mess he'd gotten himself into. He really didn't want to argue with the man but Snape but made it so incredibly easy. In fact, Harry was beginning to wonder if his idea of 'learning Occlumency' was a good idea. Maybe Ron was right and he was barking mad.

"You're...right," Harry sighed, "Maybe I'll never learn Occlumency. But I didn't learn the Patronus charm at first and..."

"This is far more complex than a Patronus."

"But I need this. I want to be an Auror and..."

"Not everyone gets the job they 'want'," Severus scoffed. "You think I wanted to be a teacher? Most just settle for what they can get."

"I don't know what else there is I can do!" Harry exclaimed. "I'm rubbish at everything else and I never really thought I'd need to plan out a career or anything when I'd probably just end up dead anyway!"

That at least, Severus could relate to, but what he couldn't understand was the boy's relentless drive to learn something which they both knew that he never would.

"Fine," Severus began, "You 'want' to be an Auror...but you don't want to learn Occlumency."

"I..."

"I've just spent the better part of an hour inside your head. You cannot lie to me. You find the skill a useful one, interesting even, but you don't care for it. So...tell me why you're here wasting my time before I..."

"I want to learn it!"

"Liar!" Severus hissed, lashing out with his wand and sending Harry hurtling across the room.

"I'm not lying!" Harry shouted back.

"Legillimens!" the headmaster ground out, forcing his way, easily inside Harry's tired and open mind.

Not having looked for the particular reason why Harry wanted to learn Occulemcy before, Severus hadn't seen the particular memory that practically gravitated towards him now.

Harry was sitting with Remus in front of a fire in the man's office and both looked quite determined.

"You're sure about this?" the werewolf asked him.

"Nope," Harry replied, "But I still have to try."

"He won't go easy on you."

"I know...not really his fault if he doesn't though is it?"

"Harry..."

"I'm a rubbish Occlumens..."

"Most people are. I don't think you understand just how rare the skill is. Luckily, Legillimency is pretty rare too so it doesn't really matter. The chances of meeting a Legillimens are...well, most people never do. I'm not saying it's not a remarkable opportunity, but why do you want to try again? From what I heard, it was a spectacular failure last time."

"It was," Harry scoffed.

"Then why..."

"He lied to Voldemort for years, Moony. I can't even keep the memories of what I had for dinner a secret when he's inside my head. I know I'll never be that good but I just want to know how he did it."

"Severus isn't likely to tell you," Remus said after a moment, "Or anyone for that matter. More importantly, he'll find out why you're..."

"Right...can you...make me forget this conversation."

"Harry...memory charms are complicated things and they can go very wrong. I wouldn't dream of risking the consequences on you...especially for something so trivial."

"But I..."

"No."

"But he'll..."

"Maybe you should've thought of that before you tried to trick a master Legillimens," Remus said, kindly but firmly.

"I'm not really trying to 'trick' him."

"Whatever you want to call it," Remus shrugged.

"You're not going to help me?"

"What can I do?" the man asked, "Maybe if you'd come to me before you asked Severus..."

"He was drinking himself silly! I had to do something! At least now he'll be too busy being angry at me for being too stupid to learn Occlumency than..."

"Harry...it's admirable that you care, really it is. But it's not your responsibility to..."

"He saved my life!" Harry exclaimed and Remus' expression softened.

"Yes, he did, more times than I can count. But this is hardly the best way to try and repay him, is it?"

"The Order of Merlin didn't work."

"You didn't expect it to. None of us did but I'd say he's made it more than clear that he doesn't uphold any kind of Life Debt in this case and it's obvious that he'd rather not discuss it all. I'd say you need to be very careful."

"Understatement of the year."

"I'm serious," Remus said.

"So am I. I know I'm being stupid and I know it'll all probably blow up in my face. I was never good at planning things anyway."

"Well, as a professor I can't condone it...but as your friend...and as someone who's trying his damnedest to be Severus' friend...all I can say is...good luck. And for the love of god, be patient!"

Harry took a shaky step back when Severus finally withdrew from his mind.

He could say, though he wouldn't be proud to admit, that he'd seen all the different kinds of anger that the headmaster could display. He'd seen the man shouting and hurling things across a classroom in a fit of uncontrollable rage. He'd seen the man all but attack a student with words that hurt worse than any curse. He'd also seen the controlled power behind a spell and the silent anger as well. The silence was the worst kind. It was the one that sent shivers down his spine. The only one he didn't quite know how to deal with.

"...Professor...I..." Harry began, his voice shaking but Severus stopped him simply by staring at him, his dark eyes narrowing, dangerously.

"Out," Severus said quietly, so quietly, in fact, that Harry wasn't quite sure he'd heard him.

"...Wh..."

"Get out!" the man repeated and lashed out with his wand, sending out a crude but effective spell which splintered the coffee table, shattered the chairs, destroyed the bookshelf and tore the drapes down, bringing the panes of glass from the window with it.

It wasn't the fact that Harry had lied about wanting to learn Occlumency that angered Severus. It was the fact that the boy genuinely cared about him. Since he'd laid eye on the child, his aim had been to hate him and to be hated in turn. Otherwise, the plan would have failed. Of course it made it easier that Harry looked like James Potter, and he really did hate James, so it hadn't been very difficult to be cruel.

Harry's memories were always full of emotion which he simply couldn't hide and Severus had seen and felt that emotion very clearly. He'd seen that the younger wizard had been concerned about his drinking and that he genuinely admired him. That wasn't supposed to happen. It was impossible. Perhaps he had been drinking a little too much lately. But if that's what he chose to in his spare time, then why should it bother anyone else? It was nothing to do with them. Furthermore, how could Potter admire him? How could you admire someone you should hate? It didn't make any sense to him at all. And, as usual, when faced with impossible emotion, Severus reacted with anger.

In the face of such anger, Harry had little choice but to leave the room and the door slammed shut behind him magically locking him out of the small study and forcing him back into the main office.

"That didn't sound at all promising, dear boy," Albus remarked rather cheerfully from his portrait above the headmaster's desk.

"I erm...I might've made a mistake," Harry admitted, walking over to the desk.

"Severus will come round," the portrait assured him.

"I doubt it. He was...really angry."

"Yes, but it usually fades...fairly quickly, actually."

"Doesn't seem like it," Harry said, listening to the sounds of crashing and smashing and spells crackling through the door.

"Trust me, Harry. I've seen it all too often, sadly. So, what was it? Did our dear Severus discover that Occlumency really wasn't what you wanted to learn after all?"

"How did you..."

"I may be a portrait, but I'm not stupid," Albus smiled.

"No...you're insane," Phineas Black retorted, "That's worse than stupid."

"I know it was...a bad idea," Harry sighed.

He really hadn't been able to think of anything else at the time though. He needed a way to talk to Severus even if it was all Occlumency based otherwise, the wizard would probably never speak one word to him ever again. After he left Hogwarts, there'd be no reason to see him again and Harry found himself regretting that.

"I'd hoped it'd take a little longer for him to figure it out," Albus replied.

"Me too."

"It seems that we both underestimated him."

"...Yeah," Harry nodded. "And after this...he'll probably have me expelled," he said.

"Oh, hardly that," the old man chuckled and Harry though, maybe he really was insane. Couldn't he hear the wizards' destructive anger that was happening just metres away from them? "Just give him a few days," Albus said, "Then come back."

"...Back...back here?"

"Certainly," he nodded.

"...But...won't he just..."

"Trust me," Albus repeated.