This is Chapter Thirty-Five Nuke-iverse.

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Chapter Thirty-Five

Strength from Lost Places

The visitation went by effortlessly. David and his staff at the funeral home had taken care of all of the details. There were Oriental Lilies in various colors, deep purple Lilacs, and Blue Girl Tea Roses in the softest shade of lavender. If it wasn't a somber occasion, people would have commented on how beautiful everything looked and how wonderful it smelled. There was Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra playing softly in the background. All of Emma's favorites were surrounding all of her favorite people. The adult Snyders were spread out around the room chatting with mourners while the kids were quietly playing in another room.

There was so much sadness in one place it sometimes felt like there was no air in the room. Luke was just drifting from conversation to conversation. He felt rudderless. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He needed to breathe. He quietly slipped through the room and out into the back parking lot. The cool air hit his face and his stomach twisted. He took in long shallow breaths, trying to calm his stomach and cool his warmed skin. He didn't want any more condolences or sympathies. He wanted to be away from this place. He sat down on the curb and stretched his forearms over his drawn up knees. Luke didn't know how long he sat there until he was had a companion.

"I was looking for you," Noah said as he sat down next the blonde.

"I was trying to not be found,"

"How are you…,"

"Don't ask me that. I'm not anything right now,"

"Ok," Noah swallowed hard and kept his mouth shut. He wanted to tell Luke that he was sorry, that he was going to miss Emma too, that things would get better, there were so many things that he wanted to say, but his voice wouldn't work. Luke was always guarded when he got angry and Noah could tell that he was angry right now. But Noah was not sure where it was coming from or where it was going.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you,"

"It's ok. I understand. Remember when my dad died, I was angry for a while, its part of the grieving process. It happens to everybody," Noah said in a reassuring voice, trying to help Luke calm himself. Luke nodded and looked at his former love. He was leaning back on his hands and his feet were stretched out in front of him. Luke could tell that he was uncomfortable, from the way he was sitting and the mood around them, but it was sweet that he was sitting with him.

"So, where's Oliver?" Noah asked and wished he didn't. He still couldn't shake this sick feeling of jealousy in his stomach whenever he thought about Reid Oliver. Even after all these years, it was still there.

"Oh, ah, we're not um…," Luke hedged around his answer.

"Really? When, if you don't mind me asking," he sat up and moved a little closer to Luke.

"It's ok. About a year ago," Luke said and picked at some small pebbles from under his feet. He tossed a couple across the lot and watched them skip under a car. Noah let him sit and he knew Luke, he just needed time and he would talke. "He got a Head of Neurology position in Austin. Better hospital, bigger budget. I was hesitant to move, I loved Dallas, but this opportunity was too good to pass up. We moved just before Katie's wedding. Everything was great at first. He was always working and I was always working. We kind of became roommates. It sounds clichéd, but we just grew apart. We were sitting at dinner one night and we both just knew. Nothing hurtful, no betrayals, just the end,"

"And now,"

"He's actually seeing a nice pediatrician. Sam Houston," Luke said and saw Noah's raised eyebrow. "I swear, that's his name," and Luke laughed. It felt good and Noah loved the sound of it. It had been a while since he last heard it.

"That's great for Reid, but what about you?" Noah hoped that he wasn't overstepping. He could see that Luke's cheeks were a little flushed. Was he blushing or was it the cool air?

"No one regular. What about you? What have you been up to?"

"I've been working with a few relief organizations right now in Boston and New York,"

"Have you given up your dreams of filming the next great blockbuster?" Luke teased; pumping his shoulder against Noah's. Noah smiled and a light blush came to his cheeks.

"No," Noah answered laughing. "I've moved them to the back burner for now. What I'm doing now is so fulfilling. I can't imagine doing anything else right now," Noah was almost beaming. Luke looked at him and he saw that 19 year old guy that he met forever ago. He had that sparkle. It had been a while since he's last seen it.

"Luke?" Luke and Noah looked over their respective shoulders. Lily was standing behind him, holding a sleeping Ethan. Luke got to his feet and took his brother from his mother's arms. "Everyone has left. I'm going to take the girls home with me and your dad. Can you take Ethan with you?"

"Sure," Luke said and Ethan rested his head against Luke's shoulder. He may be nine now, but he was still his little brother.

"Noah you're more than welcome to come home with us,"

Luke and Noah shared a quick glance, but he declined Lily's offer.

"That's ok Lily. I still have my room at the Lakeview. But thank you," Noah wanted to say yes and spend time with his "adoptive" family, but he didn't want to reinsert himself into Luke's life so quickly.

"Thank you for coming Noah," Lily said and then stepped to give Noah a hug. He held her for a moment; feeling the motherly love that he had missed. Lily pulled away and walked back inside. Noah was nervous; he stuck his hands in his pockets and turned to face Luke.

"Do you want me to come over before the service? I could come by the house and ride over with you," he quietly asked. He was hedging around the subject. He wanted to be there for his surrogate family and more importantly for Luke. But he didn't want to push himself in if wasn't welcomed.

"My mom would really like that. The funeral is at one, so about eleven?"

"Yeah. At the farm?" Noah asked and Luke nodded. Noah lightly brushed Ethan's hair of his face and softly smiled at the young Snyder. Luke smiled at Noah then shifted Ethan in his arms and walked towards his car. Lily may like it if Noah was at the house tomorrow, but Noah wondered how Luke would like it.

Noah woke up just before dawn as always, but it wasn't like he had gotten any sleep the previous eight hours. He would doze off every thirty minutes or so, without really falling asleep. It was hard for him, it was probably impossible for Luke. Noah thought a run would do him some good. He slipped on his running shoes, grabbed his iPod and ran out into the cool fall morning. He covered the places that had been his old stomping grounds when he lived in Oakdale nearly five years before. He passed Oakdale University, dark and quiet before the morning classes woke the place. He went passed Al's, Henry already working and serving the early birds. He continued through Olde Towne and stopped just outside Java. Noah laughed at the number of hours he wasted in there. He had to confess, when he was working, most of the time he really wasn't working. He came to a stop in the small square in the middle of Olde Towne. He sat down on their bench. He took his iPod out of his sweatshirt pocket and scrolled through the playlists, looking for the song. He found the one he was thinking about and hesitated before choosing it. His thumb tapped the screen and the song slowly started.

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Noah remembered this song all too well. They danced to this during their ill-fated New Year's celebration. As much as that night did not turn how he wanted, this song always reminded Noah of them and their relationship.

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

He was lost in the lyrics and watched as the sun rose over the still sleeping town. At this time of day in Boston, there were thousands out and about starting their days. But here…he was just enjoying the morning, being the only one around.

At 10:53 am, Noah walked up to Snyder farm and wiped his hands on his thighs. God help him he was nervous. He opened the screen door and heard the soft conversations inside. He stepped into the kitchen and saw several Snyder adults around the table and a few more at the island.

"Noah, I'm glad you're here," Lily said and gave Noah a hug. He gladly accepted and stepped farther inside. Jack and Holden were at the table with Carly, Faith, and Parker. Luke was at the island pouring himself a cup of coffee. Meg was just walking inside the kitchen as he moved closer to Luke.

"Are we ready?" Meg asked the room. They all looked at each other and agreed now was the time. The young kids were rounded up and everyone split into separate cars. Noah rode with Luke, Lily, Holden, the girls and Ethan. Ethan sat in Noah lap and they thumb wrestled on the way there. The ride was quiet and Luke observed Noah with his little brother. He seemed so relaxed in his own skin. Much more than he was when they were together. It made Luke happy that Noah seemed more confident in who he was now. It seemed like Shawn was having a nice affect on him.

The church was simply decorated. Flowers up and around the altar from places and people that all loved Emma. The organist was playing a quiet tune that gave an already peaceful place an even lighter air. The casket was sitting at the front of the church and Luke's feet felt like lead weights. He couldn't get his feet to move. They were all going to pay their respects privately before the funeral started. Holden and Lily were at her casket, quietly saying goodbye, but Luke couldn't move. He felt a warm body stand just behind him. Luke knew who it was, but looked over his shoulder to prove himself right.

"Luke?"

"I, ah…," Luke's mouth had betrayed him as well.

"Come on. You can do this," Noah said softly into his ear. Noah stepped to his left and slipped his hand into Luke's. Instinctively Luke laced the fingers of his left hand into Noah right. He felt a surge course through as their palms met, like connected a battery. They walked up to the casket and looked down at the peaceful Emma. Her hair was impeccable and she was wearing her favorite blue dress with her favorite red sweater over the top. He didn't know if he should talk to her, or if he could touch her, or anything. This was the first time anyone he was really closed to who died. He just couldn't imagine what being without her would mean. Noah squeezed his hand and pulled Luke out of his thoughts.

"It's ok. I'm right here,"

"That goes for you too," Luke assured Noah and the brunette smiled at the blonde. The minster came into the church a few minutes later and asked the family to join him in one of the private rooms. The assembled Snyders followed the minster down stairs and waited for the funeral to start. Luke held tight to Noah's hand and didn't let go.

Well, how'd I do? Hit review and let me know!

Next time on Time to Say Goodbye - Emma's Funeral and a surprise guest.

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