Thinking of You

Forbidden.

That's what their relationship was.

In every other way, however anyone would look at it, they can never be together.

As a Queen of a nation, most people would expect Ashe, the Frost Archer, to be the one to make the responsible decision and not pursue any kinds of relations, most especially a romantic one, with the feared and dangerous Sinister Blade of Noxus.

But no, it was actually her that chased after Katarina, despite the consequences that will come their way.

Unfortunately, Katarina couldn't bear the thought of destroying everything Ashe has built for herself just because of their 'foolish love'. Ashe painfully forced herself to 'agree' with Katarina's point of perspective and decided to walk away in the end.

That was a week ago.

It has also been a week ever since Ashe accepted the proposal the Prince of Demacia had offered her. For the sake of the alliance between their nations, Ashe agreed in marrying the Might of Demacia.

Looking at herself in the mirror, admittedly, everything about her screamed beauty and regality. The crown perched atop her head gleamed nicely under the chandelier's light and the white mermaid dress she has on fitted her body perfectly.

She wanted to cry, so badly desired to weep, yet her face remained free from any tears that may ruin the perfectly-applied make-up on her face.

The soon-to-be married archer was just about to turn away from her reflection, when her eyes spotted a form through the mirror. The person, who's clad in leather and possessed a red mane Ashe can never forget, climbed over the balcony and inched towards her, making her stand rigid from her position.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, eyes casting downward and away from the assassin's reflection. "Are you here to whisk me away like what I've been hoping for?"

A brief moment of silence was all that reached her ears before words were spoken and said back to her.

"No, I'm not."

At her right, in her peripherals, the wedding bouquet of red and white roses were held out for her. She traced the holder of it and found herself looking into two emeralds that she longs to gaze into for an eternity.

Desperately...

Ashe desperately wanted to wrap her arms around Katarina, demand her to take her away, proclaim her love for the assassin over and over again, make her realize the life they can still build for one another in each other's arms.

But she didn't do any of that.

She pushed the bouquet of flowers to the side and stepped towards the redhead, latching both of her hands behind the other's head and pulling her in for an unexpected kiss.

Katarina stood there, caught by surprise as Ashe moved her lips against hers. When Katarina felt herself return the kiss, she felt her resolve weaken greatly, but the sensation wasn't enough to break through it.

Before Katarina could even push Ashe away, the archer took the initiative and pulled herself away, ending the kiss that none of them desired to end.

"Hopefully," Ashe reached up and gently ran her forefinger over Katarina's lower lip. "That kiss lasts me for an eternity."

"Ashe..."

Glassy eyes stared back to Katarina's. Spinning around, Ashe took the bouquet of flowers from Katarina and forced herself to not face the Noxian.

"Leave."

"This is for the best." Katarina said, but the Du Couteau felt like she's lying through her teeth.

And she is.

"We can never be."

"I'd appreciate it if you leave now." Ashe said, fingers clenching around the handle of the bouquet.

"Ashe..." Katarina pursed her lips for a few seconds before continuing. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your apologies that I want..." Ashe's fingers twitched and flexed reflexively. "You know very well what I want, and if you cannot give it, then you can just take your leave."

"Why can't you see that there's no happy ending for us?" Katarina asked. "It's painful, I know, but you have to come to terms with it."

Ashe wanted to throw the bouquet at Katarina's face, shout at her and unleash her anger at the redhead. But, she couldn't do it. Instead, she chose to just voice out a set of words that excruciatingly stabbed her broken heart.

"The most painful memory I have of you is when I walked away..."

Turning back around, she gazed at Katarina with eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill and ruin her make-up.

"...and you let me go."

"If I had let you go, then I wouldn't be here."

One by one, drops of tears slowly ran down Katarina's face as the redhead maintained a neutral expression. Regardless of that, the pain Katarina currently felt within her tortured her in the most agonizing way possible.

"Even when you get married to him, I will never let you go." Katarina took in a mildly shaky breath. "I'll forever hold on to you."

Ashe released her hold on the roses and moved towards Katarina, a mixture of emotional pain and anger swirling inside of her and flashing in her blue eyes.

"Then take me away from here!" Ashe shouted, fists clenching and knuckles turning white. "If you really mean what you say to me now, then get me out of here!"

"I can't." Katarina grunted.

"You're lying to yourself!"

"Ashe, I can't!"

"Yes, you can!" Ashe snarled out. "You just don't want to!"

"Fine! Alright!" Katarina grasped both of her shoulders, her gloved hands warm against her cool skin. "I don't want to! Why? Because I don't want you to fuck your life up for someone like me!"

"You just said...-!"

"I know what I said! Ashe, these feelings I have for you? They won't disappear! I know that! I know this will sound fucking cliché, but I love you enough to push you to the right direction, even if it means I won't be there to walk alongside you!"

"Katarina, please," Ashe clutched the Noxian's leather sleeves in a desperate grip. "Just take me with you... That's all I ask..."

"I love you, Ashe."

Katarina pried her hands off of her and ran to the balcony, not giving Ashe even an ounce of a chance to chase after her. Once the assassin jumped over the railings of the balcony and out of her sights, Ashe felt her legs give in from beneath her.

Her wedding dress splayed around her as she sat on the ground, eyes blankly staring at the open balcony.

She waited hopelessly for Katarina to come back, claim that she was wrong and that she's willing to save her from the 'right direction'. No matter how pathetic she may look, she didn't move from her place on the carpeted floor and her gaze never wavered from the balcony.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Eyes still remaining on the balcony, she half-noticed Lux open the door of the room and walk in, a greeting smile on her face.

"Are you ready for the wedding?" Lux's smile faded once she saw Ashe sitting on the ground. "Ashe?"

Lowering her head and finally redirecting her gaze, Ashe wanted nothing more but to scream until her throat is sore and her lungs could no longer work. She can envision herself crying like an immature child, and if possible, flood the room with her own tears.

Yet, only one crystal clear drop fell from one of her eyes and landed on her lap.

xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx

Dressed in nothing but a simple-looking silk nightgown, Ashe sat on the left side of the king-size bed. She raised her head and looked at her wedding dress, which is currently being donned by a headless mannequin. Beside it is a striking black suit Garen had worn at the wedding earlier.

Ashe casted her eyes downward, looking at the gold band around her finger given to her by none other than the Might of Demacia.

She couldn't believe she lasted throughout the wedding ceremony and reception without breaking down. The smiles she presented and the chatters she exchanged with the guests were all feigned, but no one noticed.

The door of the bathroom opened and Garen walked out, dressed in a pair of dark blue trousers and a plain white shirt. When Ashe lifted her gaze and their eyes met, Garen offered a smile of reassurance.

"We don't have to consummate the marriage tonight." He said as he approached her. "I can wait until you are ready for such deed."

Nodding, Ashe looked down to her lap and distractedly watched her fingers twiddle along with each other in a leisure pace. The space at her right dipped slightly as Garen settled himself beside her, a concerned look in his brown eyes.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his words laced with worry for the archer.

It took a moment, but Garen patiently waited until Ashe was able to gather enough strength to reply.

"No, I'm not." She admitted quietly.

"I know this must be hard for you," Garen stated. "Being married to someone you barely know."

Ashe wanted to clarify her problems, but she couldn't bring herself to bring it up now. Just by thinking of the assassin's name, it sent a painful ache in her chest.

She turned her head and looked at Garen, who seems to be saying something. His words never reached her, to be honest. Each syllable never registered in her brain, but she could care less.

Everything about Garen is different from Katarina.

Garen has brown hair, Katarina has red.

Garen has brown eyes, Katarina has green.

"Maybe a night's worth of sleep is all you need." Garen said to her. "I'm sure it's only the fatigue setting in."

With a small smile, Garen stood up and went around the bed to go to his own side. As the Demacian slipped half of himself beneath the warm blanket, Ashe shifted her position until she was facing Garen, her legs now over the bed and blanket.

"Garen?"

"Hm?" The swordsman hummed in question as he looked towards her, the process of pulling the blanket up to cover his body halting.

Ashe didn't say anything at first. She left her seated position and crawled towards Garen, who watched and waited for her to say something. She stopped once she was right beside the Demacian, only an inch or two away from physical contact.

"Can I ask something from you?" She asked, her gaze not even flickering away from Garen's eyes.

"Of course," Came her husband's immediate reply. "What is it do you need?"

Actions spoke louder than words.

Garen suddenly began to stumble with his next words as Ashe moved and settled herself over his legs, their gazes not at all breaking for even a second. Two soft hands cupped his defined jaw and rendered him powerless in looking away.

"Kiss me."

His eyes widened, clearly surprised with her request.

"A-Ashe, I, uh, are you sure?"

She merely stared back at him before leaning forward and placing her lips over his own. Her lips are definitely softer than Garen's and honestly, the Demacian vanguard felt like he was being kissed by an angel.

'Her lips...' Ashe thought as she tried coaxing Garen to part his lips open. 'They're much softer than his...'

Garen hesitantly gave in to her ministrations, nearly jumping when he felt her tongue slip inside his mouth. Ashe kept her eyes closed as she deeply kissed the Might of Demacia.

She felt a pair of hands shyly take hold of her hips.

'Her hands... They're slimmer than his...'

Her arms slowly encircled around Garen's neck and when she ended the kiss to give the man a chance to refill his supply of air, she surveyed his reaction for a second's worth of time before pulling him in to the warmest embrace he has ever experienced in his life.

"Ashe...?" Garen managed to ask after a couple of seconds, feeling her breath grazing against his right ear.

Garen slightly stiffened once he heard quiet sobs and whimpers originating from the Frost Archer, the female trembling mildly on his lap. He moved his arms and wound it around Ashe, one hand stroking the Freljordian's back to soothe and comfort her.

"I want to forget about her..." He heard her whisper in a quavering manner. "But I can't..."

Garen may not know who Ashe is referring to or exactly know the whole picture, but the archer in her arms is obviously suffering.

"Whoever this person is," He slightly tightened his hold around Ashe. "She seems to be special to you."

"She is..."

"Then don't try to forget about her."

"You don't understand... You won't understand..."

"I may not be able to understand it, but I want to help you with it."

Slowly, Ashe pulled back and made eye contact with him again. He brought his hands up and brushed Ashe's hair back and away from her face, unveiling more of her tear-stained face.

"Just tell me how."

Her heart pounded loudly and practically against her ribcage, her lips trembling a bit as she stared directly into Garen's dark colored eyes. Every time she would blink, her mind would play with her and change the Demacian's original eye color with the hue of green before reverting it back to its brown tint in literally a blink of an eye.

"Make me forget about her."

Garen's eyes widened. "W-What?"

"Please."

"Ashe, I... Are... Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Ashe, listen." Garen took her face in his hands. "I don't want you to make a decision you'll...-!"

"Just," Ashe cut off, taking in an unsteady breath. "Just make me forget."

Garen made no move or show of protest when Ashe leaned in again and initiated another kiss, a kiss that he participated in a heartbeat. He can feel Ashe's hands wander over his shoulders and trail over his back, her nails clawing over the fabric of his shirt.

Ashe can feel countless emotions whirling within her like a violent storm. She can feel hurt, guilt and many more. They confused her, angered her and toyed with her, driving her into a corner until she has no choice but to become suffocated with them.

She may be kissing Garen, and it may be him that's holding her now...

But the only person she could think of is Katarina.

xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx

Author's Note: The very first angst I've written that involves my effin' OTP...

What the hell am I doing? O_O

In all the honesty around the world, me beginning to ship Ashe x Garen is a spur of the moment kind of happening. _

I'm still a Frozen Lotus/Katarina x Ashe shipper to the very core, but I guess I'm trying... experiments? @_@

Obviously, the pairing of Ashe x Garen is a crack ship, but here I am, trying my hand with them. I don't really know why I chose two of them though. O.O

By the way, this certain one-shot, it has a possibility in evolving into a full-blown story. Yes, you read right. There is a big possibility for me to make an Ashe x Garen fanfic, but I will not make any promises. ••

Inspired by the song "Thinking of You" by Katy Perry.