PD – Chapter 37

Floating…

Where am I? Why is it so dark in here? And where the heck is here?

Numb…

Why am I so weightless, not feeling my body? Ah, right, I'm floating.

Cold…

Darn, it's cold here. Not a good idea to float in the water when it's so cold. Water?

Adrift…

What? Wait, I'm floating in the water? How did that happen? Did I go overboard? No, no that can't be right. And why is it still so dark? If I'm adrift, they won't find me. I need to start swimming. But I'm so numb, can't really move. Maybe it's not so bad to keep floating a little more, it is kind of comfortable… if it weren't so damn cold.

Steve is not aware that he is making his way back to consciousness. He is still sedated and on strong pain medication, but his mind is already fighting against it, even though his body is too weak to help in any way. He is still listed as critical and in the ICU after his second surgery. A ventilator helps him breathe and he is attached to all kinds of equipment. There are more tubes going in and out of his body than anyone cares to count.

The most intrusive one is the ventilator that is down his throat supplying him with air. A little bit lower at his left collarbone is the central line, four bags on a stand next to his bed emptying their contents right into it. Sneaking out of the bandages covering most of his chest and immobilizing his right shoulder and arm is a tube that was needed after his left lung collapsed during surgery. A little below the chest tube the drainage is sticking out that helps drain the abdominal gunshot wound. In his left arm leads yet another IV that is attached to a bag of blood hanging on the stand with the other four bags of medication, saline and TPN.

Of course there is also the not visible obligatory Foley catheter. The collection bag hangs next to his bed and is filled with slightly pinkish liquid. It's a very good sign that his kidneys started working again after just one cycle of dialysis.

It's his second night in the ICU and his doctors and nurses are more than surprised with his progress. His BP is slowly stabilizing and they are very happy about his blood work. He has just received his last bag of blood. In a few minutes his surgeon will check the chest tube and probably remove it.

Even though he is still listed as critical it's a good sign that no infection had set in. The wound caused by the bullet is healing well and the drainage will be removed in a couple of days. His chances increased immensely after he survived the last twenty-four hours. His doctors changed their assessment to cautiously optimistic after their grim prognosis in the early morning. And after his temperature settled on a manageable 101.

But they are still very reluctant to say anything about probable brain damage due to the fact that he flat-lined three times and had numerous seizures.

Andrew Winchester comes into the ICU to check on McGarrett. If anyone had asked him this morning about the commander being on the mend at this point, he would have told them not to bet on it. But McGarrett is stubborn and is fighting for his life. Winchester has no idea how he managed to do it, but he made it through the day. It was touch and go for most of it, with one crisis after the other, but in the early evening he finally stabilized and Winchester was watching the vitals in wonder.

It seemed that the commander had gained strength and now shortly after midnight they are even debating taking him off the ventilator, after one of the nurses told him that the patient gagged a few times before he settled back into deep sleep. A sure sign that he is starting to fight the assisted breathing despite the sedation.

"Dori, how is he?" Major Winchester asks his assistant as he enters McGarrett's cubicle.

"He seems a bit restless. I think he is in pain when he moves, but he settled down when Lt. Rollins or Detective Williams was with him," Sergeant Dori Winchester informs the surgeon.

"Did he wake at any time? He should not be aware of anything, maybe we need to up his sedation," Winchester muses aloud.

"No, he never woke up, or came even close. But it seems that he is either dreaming or fighting against the medication. And he reacts when spoken to," Dori was very surprised when McGarrett turned toward her voice when she talked to him last time she checked on him. "I think he is trying very hard to wake up."

"His vitals are looking good, and his breathing has improved a lot. I think we should ex-tubate him and let him wake up for a while. We could finally check his brain functions. After that we could sedate him again if necessary." After making up his mind, Winchester prepares Steve for taking the breathing tube out.

First he checks the chest tube and decides to take it out, the last x-rays looked good and he's sure the tiny hole in the lung tissue is closed by now. Steve never even stirs when the tube is pulled out of his chest cavity, or when Winchester closes the small hole with two neat stitches.

Next he checks the drainage, but that needs to stay for another few days. The bullet did a lot of damage while traveling with high speed through Steve's abdomen from back to front. It nicked an artery and the right kidney on its way and ripped muscle tissue and intestines. Steve was incredibly lucky not to have bled out on the scene or to have developed any infections from the waste that spilled into his abdomen from the damaged organs. He has to thank Drs. Mallard and Bergman for that.

They did an incredible job stopping the bleeding with their 'surgery' while Steve was still lying on the concrete floor. Without them he would be dead for sure.

*~* *~* *~* Hawaii Five-0 *~* *~* *~*

Something is pulling at his chest, and with that the fire in his shoulder starts to burn with great intensity again. Steve tries to voice his agony, but finds himself unable to do so. There is still something stuck in his throat. Probably the same thing that made him gag a few times now. He is too out of it to realize what that torture device is that is down his throat, but he is with it enough to feel the pain of being prodded and handled by nurses and doctors.

He has been in that not quite awake state a few times now, which always brought intense pain and fear. The fear of not understanding what was happening, where he was or why he was there. He can't remember any OP that went wrong. How he got obviously seriously injured. Was anyone else hurt? Where is my team?

From the last few times of waking up he mostly remembers pain and darkness. But this time was different, he can hear voices. Granted he can't understand what they are saying and it is still dark, but it's a new sensation. And he figured out that he is lying in a hospital bed. That at least cleared up where he was. He can clearly hear all kinds of monitors and is wondering if they are all attached to his body.

Speaking of 'body'. Where the hell is my body? Steve finds his own question a bit odd, but he can't really feel his body. There are points of more or less intense pain, but the rest is just not there. There is the agonizing fire in his right shoulder, the low throbbing in his right side, the stabbing pain in his lower back and the intense pulling pain in his groin.

But he can't feel his legs, or his left arm. He wonders why he is on such strong drugs that he is so detached from his body, but still in that much pain? Something seems to be very wrong about it. He'd rather feel his body and not have those intense pain experiences.

Maybe he should try to make someone aware of his distress? He again tries to open his eyes, but find that an impossible task.

"arghnnngggghnfuckngn" The white hot agony engulfs him when his shoulder is moved and soon after he is gone again.

*~* *~* *~* Hawaii Five-0 *~* *~* *~*

"Commander? Commander McGarrett, can you hear me?" Major Winchester was quite shocked when his supposedly sedated patient suddenly cried out in pain when Andy moved his arm out of the way.

Winchester gently lifts Steve's left eyelid, but it's clear that he is deeply unconscious again. "I think you're right, he's trying very hard to wake up." The major very carefully arranges the right arm back on Steve's chest.

His patient's shoulder is immobilized but his forearm is not included in the bandaging. They needed free access to his chest, and his arm would have been in the way. Major Winchester had pulled out the chest tube and wonders now if his patient had been aware of his prodding. But he hadn't seen any reaction from Steve.

"Okay, I think it's time to wake him up and see if he can breathe on his own. Please inject the drug." Andy looks carefully at the heart monitor as Dori injects the medication that should wake Steve up in a matter of minutes. So far his heart rate has been at a steady 80 beats per minute, a bit too fast, but not unusual considering the injuries. Even though the drugs roaming around the commander's system should have kept it around 60.

It only takes two minutes until two glazed over eyes are looking back at Andy. "Commander, can you hear me?"

Major Winchester is rather concerned, his patient opened his eyes, but they are completely unfocused and he can't detect any recognition in them.

*~* *~* *~* Hawaii Five-0 *~* *~* *~*

Steve sees a blurry blob in front of his face and hears a voice that is urging him to look at something. But he can't really understand what that annoying voice is saying. Try as he might he's not able to get the blob in front of him to clear up, it's just a whitish shape of something, making noises that are hurting his head. Not to mention that the blob is touching him and that is pure agony.

There is a fire burning in his shoulder he somewhat remembers from before. Steve is sucking in a breath… or tries to. He only ends up gagging on the blockage in his throat, which intensifies the pain radiating from his shoulder all the way across his chest.

Steve is now fighting against the thing in his throat that is keeping him from breathing. He tries to sit up and would have screamed from the incredible pain lancing through his right side if the damn tube wasn't still stuck down his throat.

Steve is in full panic mode. Not realizing what it is that is keeping him from breathing, or as he feels like it is keeping him from doing so. He is thrashing on his bed, very weakly but still enough to send his doctor into action.

Afraid that his patient might seriously hurt himself Andy makes one last attempt to get through to him before he sedates him into oblivion again.

"Commander! Stand down!"

Steve's not sure who was just yelling the order, but he obeys regardless and stops all movements. Now lying absolutely still he can feel how his chest is moving on its own and how air is being pressed into his lungs. Slowly realization dawns that he's on a ventilator. Knowing that of course doesn't help with the strong urge to gag against the tube.

"I'll take it out in a moment, Commander. Hang in there."

Stop yelling, that hurts. Steve wishes all that noise would calm down, it's making him dizzy and very disoriented. Noises are coming from all angles and he feels overwhelmed by them. And then suddenly most of them stop and the rest is not as loud anymore.

Major Winchester saw his patient's distress and turned the sound off on most of the monitors. Andy learned years ago that people waking up the first time after being unconscious for a while are very sensitive to noise. McGarrett seems to be an extreme case, judging by his reaction to what was happening around him.

"Commander, try to relax. I'm going to take the tube out now," the major tries to calm his patient down some more before he takes out the tube that was assisting Steve with his breathing.

Steve really tries to keep calm, but it's hard not to freak out. He was obviously seriously injured and is in the ICU of a military hospital, if the officer in front of him is any indication. But he really has no idea how he got here or what happened to him. And why the heck isn't he in Hawaii? He already figured out that this is not Tripler, which he knows too well from his various visits, but another hospital somewhere in the world.

Was he on a reserve drill and got injured? No, can't be, you're not due for any drills for a few months. An OP then? That must have been so classified, that even I don't know about it. That thought actually makes him smile. Or what can be called smiling with a tube coming out of his mouth and lines of pain on his face.

All his thinking is not getting him any answers but it manages to calm him down.

"Okay, we're ready to take you off the vent. I want you to cough when I tell you to. Okay? Do you understand me?"

Steve nods his head after he thought for a moment about what the officer wants him to do. He is a little worried that he needs so long to process what is said to him, but doesn't have time to contemplate that any longer when Winchester tells him to cough. Which he does as best he can, but pulling the tube out still hurts and he starts gagging and coughing even more.

Ice chips appear out of nowhere and he eagerly takes them into his mouth. The moisture feels just heavenly going down his abused throat.

"Thank you," Steve croaks out to whoever gave him the ice.

His vision is still slightly blurry but it's a lot better than before. He can at least see that the officer in front of him is a major, which means they are equally ranked.

"Commander, I'm Major Andrew Winchester, and I was your surgeon. Do you remember what happened?"

"What?" Steve is still stuck on trying to understand the part about who the guy in front of him is.

"Do you remember what happened?" Andy repeats the question and looks with a critical eye at his patient. It seems that McGarrett is having a hard time focusing on him, his eyes roaming all over the place. "Commander, try to look at me please."

Steve tries to do what the major wants from him, but he isn't able to keep his eyes from rolling back into his head. He is not aware that he is having another seizure.

"Damn. Dori, 10mg Diazepam IV," Andy tells the assisting nurse.

Major Winchester was hoping to avoid having to administer more of the sedative since one of the strong side effects suppresses the respiratory system. But with Steve seizing it's unavoidable. They can only watch as the seizure runs its course. McGarrett is scheduled for an MRI and a consult with their Neuro specialist in two hours, to find out why there is still sporadic excessive neuronal activity in his brain.

As far as Winchester knows they already received McGarrett's medical file from Dr. Hope. Who even offered to come to Washington but their resident Neuro surgeon wanted to wait until he did more tests.

First of all the commander needs to stabilize before they can even think about wheeling him around the hospital from one test to another.

"Dori, we need to closely watch his breathing. He might need assistance again," Andy tells the longtime head nurse. "Better prepare BPAP for him, just in case."

Andy hopes not to have to use another ventilation on McGarrett. Although it's non-invasive, it's still not much fun.

Even with the administered diazepam, this seizure lasted a lot longer than the last ones. Over two minutes. That was cause to worry. Winchester read McGarrett's medical file, and with all the head trauma he had received over the years, it was even possible that the electro therapy caused irreparable damage. They could very well be looking at PTE. Winchester still hopes that the abnormal neuronal activity is an aftereffect of the prolonged exposure to the electro shocks. That McGarrett didn't develop Post Traumatic Epilepsy.

Andy Winchester continues his examination of his patient, but it seems that the seizure didn't do any damage to either the drainage or any of the stitches. "Dori, I'm going to talk to his family again. I'm sure McGarrett will sleep for a few hours. Please inform me of any changes. And please keep a special close eye on his breathing."

"Of course, Andy. We're all rooting for him," Dori tells her husband, Major Winchester. He is not her CO, she isn't even in his chain of command. They would not be allowed to work together, or to be in a relationship for that matter. A charge of 'conduct unbecoming' loomed over their heads when they fell in love five years ago. And only after Andy asked for a transfer could they make their engagement public. Being in a relationship with a subordinate is an absolute no go, even more so than in civilian life.

"Good, I'll check on him again in an hour." Major Winchester makes his way out of the ICU to inform McGarrett's friends of the new development.

*~* *~* *~* Hawaii Five-0 *~* *~* *~*