"Cal?"

"Sorry….." came a voice from the sofa as Eve wandered bleary eyed into her living room to find him sat alone in the dark, "… did I wake you?"

"No, no I woke myself and then went to check on you and you weren't in Sammy's room."

"I couldn't sleep."

"Can I sit with you?" she asked, a little nervous of the kind of colossal grief he was suffering. Even Sam's loss, life changing as it was, couldn't compare to the darkness in Calvin's eyes. She knew that nothing she had ever felt could even come close. It made her nervous, like she might appear even more as a child than normal to him. "Do you want company?"

"Your company?" he asked, finding a smile just especially for her tilting his head, "Always."

"I'll go get my comforter."

"It's not cold Bambi….." but it didn't matter, he realised, as tottered back barefoot toting her blanket and threw it over him. Setting herself down she snuggled into his chest and nested them both under the cover, her mother's instinct to nurture and care for those she loved never stronger.

"I know it's not cold but it's nicer this way…." and it was nice, he thought, as they lay entwined together. It felt good having her close. "Hey Cal?"

"What?"

"Do you think Texas is okay?" just when he thought he knew her she found a way to surprise him. Thinking of his friend was such a giving gesture it moved him beyond words. Then, having taken a few moments to gather himself he replied.

"I text her. She's okay. I'll see her tomorrow."

"You wouldn't rather be with her tonight?" asked Eve, not out of jealousy or selfishness but because a small part of her feared he was only there because of her.

"Nope."

"But are you sure? Because you can say. I wouldn't mind. I don't mind. I know she was so close to your Mom and the two of you are like family and…."

"Evie there is no place in the world I'd rather be right now."

"No?" she swallowed, so earnest and frank was his statement she couldn't help herself but seek affirmation.

"Are these duckies?" he asked, suddenly focusing on the pattern on the comforter covering them. "Do you have yellow duckies on your bed?"

"It's really old…." she flushed, feeling suddenly such a kid. "Don't look at that. Pretend they're, like, flowers or something. Daffodils."

"You're adorable."

"I just never got around to buying a new one and I've had this since I was first born, since my Mom first brought me home from the hospital. Fin bought it for her. Well, for me. There was a matching towel set. I'm gonna shut up now."

"No, no it's just….." finding his first grin in what felt like forever Calvin snorted, "…we just can't ever have sex on this thing."

"Cal!"

"Duckies."

"I just need you to know that even though you say you're fine if you turn out not to be….." she swallowed, switching topics abruptly but feeling compelled to say that which she had wanted to the whole time, "…. I'm here."

"Tell me about something."

"Tell you about what?" she asked, sighing contentedly as she snuggled in close to him and pulled the comforter up over her chin. Lying spooned in his arms on the couch she half closed her eyes and listened for his reply.

"Anything, I dunno. Plant sex. English kings who can't keep it in their pants. Crop rotation in Asia. Any of the crazy shit you usually babble on about."

"Did you know that Ulysses Grant was pretty lousy at West Point?" reaching for something with which she knew he could identify Eve recalled some of her American History class.

"I did not know that."

"He was pretty good at math and something else I can't remember but he wasn't, like, first in his class or anything."

"Is that right?" they were both as tired as each other, dozing in the warmth and comfort of tightly cuddled bodies and murmured voices.

"He was also kind of a prude. I read that. He didn't like cussing."

"So he was fucking boring?"

"Calvin!"

"I'm teasing."

"I know." She laughed, twisting to kiss at his arm as it draped around her neck. "His wife called him Dodo."

"What?"

"Maybe I should call you Dodo….." she was drifting off now, in that somewhere silly place between awake and sleep she giggled, "… but it's kind of goofy though, not very presidential."

"You can call me whatever you like Bambi."

"I'm sleepy so if I don't answer that's why….." she mumbled, finally succumbing and closing her eyes with one final whisper on her breath, "… I love you."

"Sweet dreams Evie G….." he sighed, hugging his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder with a contented smile, "… sweet dreams."

"You know you don't have to fake it for me Cal."

"Huh?" asked Calvin, applying a light pressure to Sam's leg as they completed his daily physical therapy drills. "What's that?"

"I'm fifteen not an idiot. Your mom died. She OD'd and she died and that sucks. You don't have to be okay."

"Yeah, yeah I guess…" smiled Calvin with a bleak amusement at Sam's frankness, "… but I'm fine honestly."

"I'm not my sister. I'm not my mom. I'm a kid peeing in a bag because he was pretty much roadkill not so long ago. I got your number. I know what you're doing and I'm just saying I might not know what it's like to go through what you're going through….." it was as cathartic for him to admit it as it was for Calvin, and smiling faintly Sam confessed, "… but I do know what it's like to feel like you gotta be okay so you don't scare the crap out of people."

"That how you feel, little buddy?" he supposed he'd always know it to be true. There was such a quiet, stoic sadness in the youngest Stabler. It was unrealistic to imagine he was completely accepting and pragmatic of his injuries, but it staggered Calvin to realise the emotional maturity he possessed. It was heart wrenching to hear the depth of Sam's unspoken burden.

"Maybe."

"You wanna talk about it?" as Sam draped an arm around his shoulder Calvin hoisted him with relative ease up out of his chair and back into bed. As he sat him down gently and helped him move his legs back under the sheets the two boys enjoyed an easy silence for a moment while Sam considered whether or not to open up.

"I'm pissed…" and then with the kind of simple, unaffected bluntness that only a teenage boy can elicit Sam shrugged, "…. aren't you?"

"Yeah, yeah I am."

"I love Vee. I love her more than anyone in the world but it's not fair. She's always been the fastest, the smartest, and the best looking. Come September she'll walk out onto that field Friday nights with her team. She'll get to hear that crowd, see those lights; be part of it all. When she graduates she'll go off to college the way she's always wanted. I'm trying so freakin' hard not to be that guy who thinks his life is over but things are just about as bad as they can get."

"No they're not."

"That's all you got for me?" he couldn't help but laugh. Sometimes Calvin's lack of words was just comical. "I give you all that gold to work with and you give me three words back?"

"You have every right to be pissed as hell Sam."

"So do you. I mean doesn't it bother you? That your mom was the way she was? I mean how is that fair? That you got her? That out of all the moms in the world you got the one who'd rather get off her face than stick around to see you grow up?"

"It's not that simple, buddy."

"Aren't you mad at her? You got screwed over! We both did!"

"You wanna know something Sam?" scraping a chair across the floor and flopping down into it Calvin ran a hand through his hair. "You want me to tell you how I see this?"

"Sure….."

"You're never gonna walk again and that fucking sucks. It does. You're not gonna get to play football in the fall, you're not gonna get to do some of the things you planned on doing. At least not the way you planned on doing them. You know what though? Things are not as bad as they can get."

"No?"

"You could be dead."

"I…"

"I mean that car coming at you side on? You're lucky you can still move your arms. You're lucky you can still talk and you're not just lying there drooling over your shirt right now."

"If this is you trying to make me feel better then….."

"My Mom shot so much shit into her body it killed her and now I have to clean up her mess the way I always do and I can't even think about it. That's how pissed I am. I'm so fucking pissed I can barely fucking see straight."

"I'm sorry I…."

"But you know your Mom and Dad they let me crash at your place last night. Fin and Melinda? They're letting Texas stay with them. That's not nothing Sam."

"No, no I guess it isn't."

"It's not about faking it. It's not about pretending that you're okay when you're not because they know you're lying. You get to be pissed, bud. You're fifteen and crippled it fucking sucks and you get to feel that. What you don't get to do is give up."

"And your Mom died….." said Sam quietly, a little smile conveying the empathy he felt for his friend, "…don't you get to feel that too?"

"You're a kid…." came the gruff, mumbled reply as Calvin twisted a smile, "…what the hell do you know?"

"Can I smell pancakes?"

"I'm sorry I was just up anyway and so I thought…."

"Oh gosh honey don't apologise!" smiled Melinda Warner warmly as she wandered across Fin's living room and ruffled her thick mane of curls. Now flecked with grey strands they betrayed her age where her unlined, strikingly attractive face did not. There was something almost regal about her, thought Texas as she flipped the contents of her skillet. "Any house guest who provides me with breakfast is a welcome one."

"There's fresh coffee in the pot."

"Darling have you done my laundry as well?" bending to investigate Melinda noticed that there were clothes tumbling around in the washer.

"I'm so sorry if that was an overstep? I just saw it there and I…."

"Texas, honey….."

"I'd normally just have a million and one things to do is all! I'd get up early and then help get Vivian dressed and ready. Make breakfast for everyone. Do chores. Take her to her meeting. Go to work. Come home, take her to another meeting and then make dinner and put her to bed again. Where's Viv? That's all I thought about all day every day. Where is she? Is she safe? Is she away from any triggers? I just don't know what to do now with all this time!"

"Okay, okay honey, come on, come sit down a minute….." walking around the countertop Melinda removed the slice from Texas' hand and grabbed at both her wrists, "… you can't be working yourself up into this state in your condition. Come sit with me."

"Your pancakes will go cold….." managed Texas weakly, as Melinda bundled her across to the sofa and insisted she take a seat.

"We'll make fresh ones….." came the swift reply from Melinda as she stroked at Texas' face and forced the young woman, for the first time in as long as she could remember, to be the one being take care of, "… or even better we'll have Fin make new ones."

"She was such a mess. Right from the very first day I met her and she was drunk out of her mind Vivian Arliss was a train wreck."

"I'll be honest and say I've heard some stories."

"She was still the closest thing I ever really had to a Mom. She might have been more of a friend most days, and not a particularly reliable one but….."

"You loved her very much….." that much was clear, and Melinda didn't underestimate for a moment the profound depths of Texas' grief as well as Calvin's.

"Nothing will ever be the same now she's gone."

"It'll get better again. It will. Right now you're grieving and it's so, so hard but…."

"It's just been the three of us for as long as I can remember."

"You and Calvin grew up together?" she already knew as much but Melinda felt it politic not to betray just how much Fin had shared with her. "You've known him for a long time?"

"Yeah."

"Texas…."

"I can't do it anymore."

"Do what, honey?" nervous, her heart rate increasing to see the sudden surrender in Texas' face. Something wasn't right. Something was very, very wrong and she felt suddenly entirely unequipped to handle the situation. "Texas did you want me to call Calvin?"

"I'm so sorry to put this on you I just know I'll go crazy if I don't tell someone. I've shoved it further and further down inside of me but it isn't going to go away. I can't lie anymore. I love him. I am so in love with him and I thought that if I just waited long enough this thing with Evie would burn out and in time maybe he'd forgive me and…."

"You're still in love with Calvin? Is that what you're keeping bottled up?"

"No, no that part has never really been a secret…." she laughed grimly, rolling her eyes and turning away in shame.

"What is? What would he need to forgive you for?"

"Nothing!" suddenly remembering herself, realising what she was about to do, what she stood to lose, Texas shook her head quickly and flashed a smile. Bouncing up from the sofa she breezed, "I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me. How do you take your coffee?"

"Black one sugar….." replied Melinda, narrowing her eyes and watching Texas grab mugs from the dishwasher and busy herself with doing once more.

"What kind of coffin were you thinking of?"

"I wasn't."

"We really just need something simple, right Cal?" offered Texas, leaning forward in her seat as Olivia accompanied the two teenagers to the funeral directors later that day. "Your least expensive option would be great, sir….."

"Sweetheart don't think of the money….." came the soft voice from their far left as Olivia subtly, discreetly dismissed her concern and spoke on behalf of both herself and Elliot, "… it's taken care of."

"Look we just gotta pick a box. We just need something to put what's left of her in. Ma lived in the dirt most her life she doesn't need a fucking pink satin lined ocean liner now. Just that one, that one there, that'll be just fine."

"Cal!"

"Let him go….." sighed Olivia, as Calvin stormed from the office and Texas stared dumbstruck, "… just let him go, sweetie."

"Calvin wait!"

"Texas!" called Olivia, but it was too late she was already out the door. "I'm sorry about this I…." she rushed, gathering up her purse and cardigan and continuing to apologise to the funeral director as she made her own swift exit and followed after the teenagers.

"Leave me alone, Tex!"

"Why are you being like this? Why are you shutting me out now, now when we need each other more than ever!"

"What the fuck was that note Texas?" he asked, pivoting sharply on his heel and glaring at her as they stood alone in the parking lot. The hot sun blazed down and Texas swallowed hard. What was about to happen next had been inevitable form the start. She had been a fool to hope otherwise.

"I thought I'd make it easier for you."

"To think she fucking killed herself? That's messed up. That's messed up even for you."

"She loved you so much Calvin but you would just never believe it! You would just never let her all the way in!" came the emphatic cry as months and months, years even, of dormant feelings erupted out of the cataclysmically troubled youngsters.

"And you wonder why?" Catching the door before it slammed Olivia held back. Hesitating before wading in she debated whether to intervene or to just let the scene play out.

"I wrote that note because I just wanted you to believe that she loved you because she did, she loved you Calvin."

"You're lying."

"What?" gasping for air, knowing that look in his eye, feeling that nauseating trepidation when it was only a matter of time before the wheels fell off and everything went to hell. "I don't know what you…."

"I know you Texas. I know you better than you know yourself. You forget that sometimes."

"No…."

"Something's been off for weeks. You haven't been able to look me in the eye since I got back with Bambi. You writing that note hasn't got a fucking thing to do with whether Ma loved me or not."

"I…."

"Is this about us? What we used to be?" he asked, and Olivia felt suddenly as though she ought not to be there. The moment was so intimate, the tension so palpable. She had always known them to have been lovers previously but she had never seen it until that moment.

"No."

"Because you know I love you. You know I'll always love you, Boots. Nothing will never change that. Nothing ever could. You were my first….." and rounding his shoulders, because though their relationship had been primal, carnal, heavily based on the physical it had also been so much more, "… everything."

"I just need you to know that I never meant to lie….."

"The fuck, Tex?" he just stared at her. Long and hard, like there was nothing and no one else in the world but her. The little girl whose garden he'd landed in one summer a million years ago and who'd had his heart in her pocket ever since.

"I never meant to lie. I'm so sorry. Please, please, please believe that….." covering her mouth with both hands her forehead creased and her face crumbled to tears, "… I'm so sorry, mijo."

"Why?" he asked calmly, as Olivia stared wide eyed. It was like seeing two vehicles headed toward each other at break neck speed without being able to do a damn thing to stop them colliding. "Why're you sorry Texas?"

"I just thought it would all be okay somehow. I was so scared. It all happened so fast. That night in the club and finding out I was pregnant in the hospital and then you were so good to me. You were so sweet and kind the way you always are and I just couldn't bear to ruin that. I could stand to lose the one thing I've got. You're my whole life Calvin."

"Tex I swear to God if you don't just say whatever it is you've got to say then…."

"I slept with Johnny."

"Oh God…." murmured Olivia under her breath, her stomach rolling as she watched Calvin's face twist and contort until finally the same realisation dawned for him that just had for her.

"When?" he growled, as Texas stood trembling like an animal caught in headlights with her eyes boring white hot holes in the asphalt. "Fucking look at me Tex!"

"Six months ago."

"So she's his?" said Calvin, all the life draining out of him as he pictured the baby they'd seen on her sonogram. "Your kid's Johnny's?"

"Calvin I love you, I love you and I'm sorry and please, please I am begging you just….."

"Leave me alone!" he yelled, throwing his arm back and ripping her hand from his wrist as she implored him to stay.

"I can explain! Please let me talk, you don't have to but let me, just let me talk please!"

"Get your hands off me!" he roared, reaching to the door of his truck as tripped on the hem of her jeans and missed a step. Falling onto a knee she felt her body flush hot and her head spin. "You hurt?" he asked, turning back and waiting for her to answer.

"No, no I'm not I'm fine…."

"Then get up."

"Cal…."

"Is that how he had you? On your knees?" clambering to her feet she just swallowed slowly and took it. Saying nothing she knew his anger, his bitterness, his wounded hurt at her betrayal was all justified. "Johnny? Seriously?"

"I know. I know and trust me you can't hate me anymore than I hate myself Cal but you have got to believe it's not that easy…."

"Evidently you are."

"I deserve that…." said Texas quietly, bile rising in her throat she burned in her own disgrace.

"I was ready to give up everything for you Tex."

"I know."

"Would you ever have told me?" he choked, shaking his hair disbelievingly.

"I don't know I wasn't thinking straight I was just….."

"I never judged you Texas. Not once. The coke head, the thief, the cheat. I loved you all the same. Every fucking part of you good and bad and you were part of me. We were both bad blood and we understood each other. Well I don't understand this and you're no part of me anymore."

"Calvin…."

"I can take this kind of crap from everyone else but not you. Anyone but you. You're a lying whore Texas….." clambering up into his truck Calvin slammed the door, hard, and spat, "… and we're fucking done."

"CALVIN!"

"Sweetheart!" rushing down the funeral director steps Olivia ran across the parking lot and looked to a tear stricken Texas desperately.

"Go! Go after him Olivia! Don't leave him on his own! Don't let him be alone right now!"

"You got your cell? Then you call Fin okay? I'm gonna go after him but you call Fin and you have him come get you?"

"Okay, okay I will just go, please! Go!"

"That boy is wound up tighter than drum and I'm scared to death Elliot."

"I thought this Texas was a good kid? Fin seems to think so and he's just about the best judge of character I know." There were many points on which he and Detective Tutuola disagreed but the latter's integrity was never one of them. Fin was one of the kindest, most truly noble people he had ever met and when he put his trust in someone it was usually deserved.

"There's got to be more to it. There just has to be. We all saw what Johnny Arliss was capable of. Texas is an old soul, she's street smart and shrewd but she's still a kid underneath all that. She's still just a lonely, frightened kid and I'm not about to hang her for this before we hear her side."

"I don't think any of us want to believe the worst in her. It doesn't make it any easier for Calvin. That boy's been through hell and back already and now this?" marvelled Elliot disbelievingly, taking a sip of his beer as he and Olivia sat together on the porch step and attempted to take the edge off the day.

"You should've seen her face in that parking lot babe. I mean Cal was brutal to her, he really was. He was angry and hurt and he spoke to her in a way he should not have but you know something I don't think it was any worse than what she was thinking of herself. It was like watching someone kick a lame puppy Elliot I swear to God."

"So what's our timeline here? Where'd it all start?"

"We're not working a case. These kids aren't suspects."

"She's six months along, right?"

"She slept with him before he raped that girl if that's what you're asking….." said Olivia with a grim quiet as she took a long swallow of her own beer.

"When we're saying she slept with him….." narrowing her eyes, saying only that which Olivia had already thought herself in the painfully silent ride home with Calvin he asked, ".. do we know it was consensual?"

"Nope."

"Where's your gut?" he asked, because it was always the best possible place to start.

"Honestly?" sighing wearily she shook her head, "On this one I have no idea. I mean Texas is no angel. She's got a complicated history with men and with Calvin's family…."

"Liv can I ask you something? Straight up?"

"Always?" she replied immediately, her eyes searching his face with concern. "El what is it?"

"Are we doing the right thing by our family getting so caught in this? I mean we're in it now. We're helping Calvin bury Vivian. We've got Texas staying at Fin's place. Evie is getting more tangled up with that boy every day and Sam thinks the world of him but I dunno…."

"I hear you….." she nodded slowly, reaching for his hand and holding it gently, "… I do."

"I think we gotta watch this one like a hawk, babe. I think on his best days Calvin is a great influence on Sam's recovery and I'm not denying he makes Evie happy but…."

"We haven't seen him on his worst?" offered Olivia, not naïve of how easily she allowed herself to wear blinkers were Calvin was concerned. "I know."

"Don't get me wrong the kid was awesome at Quantico. The guys loved him. I don't doubt that if he wanted to nail his ASVAB and enlist he'd be a marine they'd be proud to serve with."

"But is that the way this is gonna go?" was the question that hung over all of them like a dark, looming shadow. "Is this gonna be how he gets his life together at last or is it gonna be how it finally falls apart completely."

"It's a lot, Liv. Is it too much? The kid is nineteen years old and he's got nothing and no one. His father's in jail for murder. His mother was never much of a mom but she's dead now anyway. His cousin's a rapist and now he finds out he's also the father of Texas' kid. I'm just looking at this with my cop head on and I don't like what I see."

"Me neither."

"Are we a pair of idiots letting our little girl be the one thing holding that boy together?" asked Elliot, turning his body to her and finding her eyes. "Are we those idiot parents we used to want to shake? Are we fools to think a sixteen and a half year old kid can handle being the one good thing in Calvin Arliss' life?"

"I don't know, babe."

"What'd you wanna do?" he asked, stroking a strand of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. "You know our girl. You know what she's capable of. You know her limits. You know her better than anyone. Can she do this? Do we let her do this?"

"I vote we trust her. I vote we trust her to know that we're here, that we're in this with her and that if she feels out of her depth she'll come to us. A year from now she's gonna be going off to college, probably in another state and we can't hold her hand forever. She's gonna be making all kinds of grown up decisions and mistakes and we're not going to be able to do a damn thing about it."

"That's a whole year away and don't you even try and pretend you're ready for that. I know I'm sure as hell not."

"Gosh you know some days I just wish I could have them back as babies again. When I had one on each hip and if anyone so much as looked twice I was ready to run like hell with them both."

"I vote we put her in the Catholic school my Mom went to. Long skirts, early curfew, all girls: all God, all the time."

"That sounds like perfect hell."

"Man I'd kill to have seen Olivia Benson at sixteen and a half….." he grinned, leaning over and kissing her softly, "… I'd love to have known you back then."

"No, no you wouldn't of…." feeling her lips smile against his Elliot pulled away and narrowed his eyes with an impish smirk.

"Is that right?"

"You think Evie's a handful? You think she knows how to get herself into trouble?" he had often wondered whether a combination of Serena's demons and Olivia's stunning looks and fierce spirit had been fireworks in her teens but this was confirmation as such. "You got it easy, mister."

"Mouse? Easy?"

"I can't sit in judgement of her I just can't. I agreed to marry a twenty one year old man when I was younger than she is just to get away from my mother."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" he asked.

"She loves that boy. She loves him in that teenage girl, butterflies in her stomach, texting total nonsense, just wants her Daddy to like him kind of way you're supposed to when you're her age. She's not running away from her life the way I was."

"Because she's got a good life, right? I mean I think we did okay. She's great in school, she's got friends, she's close with Sammy and she talks to you like my other girls never talked to Kath."

"She hasn't lied to me once about him El. Not once. Not even when she knew I wouldn't like what she had to tell me. She's young and she's not perfect but she's smart and she knows the difference between pushing boundaries and crossing them."

"Then trusting her gets my vote too."

"You know you keep pretty quiet about your teens. Post-carrot and pre-Maureen I bet you were no picnic either."

"I can't imagine what you mean….." he grinned, sliding his arm around her waist and hugging her in close for a kiss, "…. I was a regular little choir boy."

"You know I can't help but….." her voice broke slightly and she lowered her eyes, blinking quickly and hating how her own emotions had caught her off guard. "I didn't marry him but I'd have married you."

"What?" mouthed Elliot, blown away by the starling beauty and raw vulnerability of her statement as deep brown eyes lifted to look at him unflinchingly.

"I had nothing and no one either. My father was a rapist and my mother was a drunk. You talk about wanting to meet me at sixteen but I gotta tell you I was a mess. Maybe more so than Cal in a lot of ways. I was angry and lonely and my heart was just so broken and I just see the way Calvin lights up around Evie and I can't take that away from him. I can't take her away from him. Not when I know she feels the same way he does. Her love for him is as real to her right now as mine is for you."

"You think if we'd met each other at that age we'd have wound up together? You reckon we'd have lasted? You've got decades on her, Liv. We're not in high school. There's a difference."

"Not to her there isn't. Not right now when all she can see and think and feel is him. She's still talking about college, she's still talking about Europe and she hasn't given up on all the things we've always planned for her future but…."

"But?"

"Elliot I can't say for sure whether if we'd met at their age we'd have ended up married now or not, but I do think that there's a good chance we'd have found our way back to each other eventually. The same way I think that we need to prepare ourselves for Evie wanting Calvin to be part of her future plans too."

"Wow…."

"Maybe they'll break up when she goes off to college, maybe he'll join the military, maybe she'll meet some Parisian architect and we'll retire to France someday but maybe….."

"Maybe she'll marry Hercules? Is that what you're trying telling me?" asked Elliot with the pained expression of a father not even willing to contemplate the thought yet.

"I'm just saying it's a possibility. I'm just saying if Evie came to me twenty years from now and said hey Mom I've fallen in love with this angry, pig headed cop who's been married twenty years and has five kids I'd tell her she'd lost her pretty little mind. I'd tell her she was insane, that it was a horrible idea. I'd tell her there was no way in hell he'd ever make her happy….."

"Point well made….." sighed Elliot, rubbing at his throbbing temple and smiling acceptingly, "… point well made, Captain."

"Hey, hey Cal, wake up it's me….." tapping lightly on the backseat window of Calvin's truck as it sat parked in the driveway Eve whispered quietly, "… it's Evie. Open up?"

"Huh?"

"Baby it's me and it's raining please let me in?" as he lifted the door lock she opened the door, rain trickling down her face and her hair dripping as her white cotton night dress clung wet to her body. "Let me in."

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, scooting over as she grabbed at his arm and used it as leverage to climb barefoot up into the seat beside him. "What're you doing Bambi?"

"I know you don't want to talk. I know that. I know your Mom is dead and Texas' baby is Johnny's and you're pissed and you're hurting but I can't just lie awake in there worrying about you."

"You gotta go back to bed Evie. You have to go back inside and…"

"No I don't…." she countered unwaveringly, her blue eyes shooting up to his through the darkness, "… I don't and I won't."

"Fine."

"Let's go for a drive?" she asked softly, kissing his jaw and stroking his cheek lovingly. "Just you and me?"

"Where'd you wanna go?"

"I don't know. Anywhere. Wherever. Let's just drive….." some of the best moments of her life, the simplest, the most electric had been driving nowhere in particular with him in this truck. It had always helped her make sense of the world, or it at least made the confusion more bearable.

"I don't remember being here before…" noted Calvin, a while later as they hit open road and he realised he no longer recognised landmarks.

"Faster…." came the coaxing voice from the passenger seat as Eve sat with her bare feet kicked up on the dashboard, her hand stroking dozily at his thigh, "… floor it. There's no one around."

"Okay who are you and what've you done with Evie G?" he chuckled, accelerating slightly and feeling a strange release as a result. She knew him. Better than he cared to admit. "Better?"

"Faster….."

"You hate driving fast….." shaking his head he kept his eyes fixed firmly on the road despite the considerable distraction riding shotgun in her wet slip, "… it scares you."

"There's no one for miles around….." she noted with a cool calm as she craned her neck to note the long stretch of freeway was deserted, "… floor it"

"Evie…."

"Don't think about it….." turning her head to his, messing her hair against the seat her eyes were wide and trusting, "… just fly."

"Are you high?"

"Shut up!"

"Seriously?"

"I trust you….." she smiled, giving a little nod, "… do it"

"Like this?" he asked, working through the gears as the truck picked up speed and she closed her eyes. "You can't close your eyes Bambi! You wanna fly you gotta open them, you gotta open your eyes!"

"They're open!" she screamed, drawing her knees into her chest and flinging back her lashes like theatre curtains as the truck felt to almost take off into the horizon and Calvin yelled his lungs out right along with her. "They're open baby! We're flying!"

"We're fucking flying!" he yelled, again, throwing his head back against the rest and holding the wheel tightly in his grip. Then gradually he took his foot off the gas, allowed the speed to drop, and worked back through the gears. Rolling the truck into a layby he drank in the silence. It soaked through him the way the rain had Eve's nightgown. It broke him.

"Cal?" she whispered, the moonlight catching his tan skin as she peeled his white knuckles from the wheel and dropped his hands to his side. "Baby it's okay, it's okay….." she soothed, his strong resolve shattered like glass on concrete, "… you don't have to fight, you don't have to hold it in for me."

"I'm fine."

"I know, I know you are…." she whispered, rolling her eyes and stroking at his arm and thigh, "…. I know."

"I'm fucking fine… I'm fine…. I'm…" falling forward against the wheel, his whole body wrecking and contorting Calvin's face crumbled in anguish and throwing the truck into park he turned away from her and gasped, "… don't Bambi, don't….."

"Calvin look at me? Look at me….." fighting his resistance she reached to his face, holding his jaw in her fingertips.

"I can't….." he rasped, his voice at a pinched choke as the vice lock around his chest refused to buckle.

"I love you…" she breathed, crawling up onto her knees and falling on him, crushing her body against his chest and kissing him lovingly, "… I want to help."

"Evie…."

"Come here?" murmuring hotly, kissing at his face she clambered into the backseat and encouraged him to follow her. As he fell down beside her she blinked slowly, unbuttoning his shirt and stroking at his bare chest without once taking her eyes from his, "I can't bring your Mom back. I can't change what Texas did. I know you always tell me sex isn't a band aid but love is. I can love you….." it was what she could do, she could hold him, touch him, keep him close and show him all the ways she cared, "… let me love you?"

"I love you Evie…." burying his face in her neck she could feel his warm tears against her skin as he kissed her shoulder blade and mumbled, "… I need you."

"You got me….." she sighed devotedly, inhaling slowly and kissing at his hair and face until his lips found hers, "… you got me, baby. I'm right here. I'm here."

"I…." she could see how hard he was trying to talk, to speak, to free himself but he couldn't. He just stared at her, helpless, lost blue green eyes searching her face and pouring with hurt and confusion and betrayal and years and years of layered pain he couldn't express in words.

"We don't need to talk, it's okay, you don't have to talk…." her voice was like angel breath; it took the sting from his throat and the burning from his chest. As she removed her nightgown and held him tightly he could feel her heart beating against his chest and her skin was warm on his. It felt like home.

"Yeah?" he croaked, sliding his hands up her body and lifting her up onto his lap. He didn't know how he would bear her saying no. He need her closeness, he needed that intimacy, that tenderness and unconditional love she gave. She didn't hesitate, she didn't miss a beat before replying.

"Yeah….." she whispered, kissing his salty lips and helping him out of his jeans.