Chapter 37: Eldin's Volcano
So after getting the Triforce of Wisdom, the heroes flew back to Skyloft. After everyone got to know the citizens, they all ran around doing whatever. At Skyloft's waterfall, Link and Zelda were talking to Sonic and Amy. "Nice talking to you two, but Sonic's going to take me out flying on those birds." Sonic answered back, "I never agreed to that!"
So when Amy dragged Sonic off, Zelda and Link looked up at the waterfall. "It's real nice you're acting like yourself." Link smiled and Zelda talked some more. "I really like you better this way."
They starred into each other eyes and slowly moved closer to each other's faces, until Peter Griffin showed up. "No no, I cannot allow this!" Zelda angrily looked at Peter and said trying to keep calm, "Why is it that when we try to get some alone time, someone always show up!?"
"You two are ruining this story! This adventure is supposed to be about action, violent, and me getting my Cross-Over Crystal back so I can have people pay to see it. But what you two have brought onto this is poisoning the very spirit of this story. Sure some females and gay guys may like this, but what about us straight dudes. There are a very few number out there on this site, and every day they are being driven out by love stories. It is time for us to change all that and focus on what truly is important, potty humor."
(Cutaway Gag)
Up in the sky, Peter Griffin is powering a hot air balloon with his farts. "This is what it means to be a man."
(End Cutaway)
Link told Peter that they really want to be alone so get out. "Well fine, if you're not going to listen to me, then maybe a villain can say otherwise." Peter took out his Green Eye necklace and started calling someone. "Calling in Maskus, are you reading Maskus, over?"
"Peter, how the Hell are you calling me!?" demanded Makus through the necklace. "I just thought about you, remember how they work?" answered Peter. "That's right, so why are you calling me all of a sudden, I am very busy with something."
So Peter told Maskus that Link and Zelda are google eyeing each other. "Well well well, it seems that their bond outmatch my persuasions too quickly. I guess I may have to put in more effort for them to turn on one another. Maybe if, God forbids, Link may actually attacked Zelda; or someone that looks like him!" He started laughing evilly while dramatic music plays.
"So you think that could work?" asked Peter. "….. You heard all that?" asked Maskus through the necklace. "Well as long as those two separate and not spread love, then I won't say a word." He hanged up and walked away. "He cannot be this stupid." said Maskus.
After a good night sleep, even though Metal Sonic left demonic cats in everyone's bed, they all got ready and flew toward the final piece of the Triforce, at Eldin Volcano, a lava land of fire and monsters. Even with lava everywhere, there is still a race living here called the Mogmas. Mole men like people with large claws that prefer to keep their lower part of their bodies in the ground.
Location: Eldin's Volcano
They were even greeted by two Mogmas when they first landed. "Well if it isn't Link and Zelda." said one Mogma. "Haven't seen you for a while."
Link asked them about the Death Masks, Bokoblins, and anything about a golden triangle. "Yeah we've been getting those guys, and a strange white creature." After hearing the Mogma, Peter asked them if the white creature looks likes Snoopy. "Snoopy?" Sonic shook his head and asked if the creature wears a collar and seems like a smart guy. "Yeah, well I would use the term wise guy." answered the Mogma.
Most of the heroes instantly knew that Brian is here. "Where is he?" asked Peter. They told him that Brian is working on something halfway up the volcano. "Hold on Brian, your best friend's coming!" So they marched right up the volcano, but before leaving, Link asked the Mogmas if they've seen Gorko. They told them that they didn't see him.
Link was wondering where Gorko was, they met up with the rest of Peter and Sonic's friends, so why haven't they seen Gorko yet. "Hey Link, come on!" shouted Peter.
After Link caught up, they began to make their way to Brian. On the way, they notice that there were only Bokoblins and Moblins roaming the land instead of Death Masks, they also saw other monsters like the Pyrup (fire-seal like creatures with an antenna from an Anglerfish), and Fire Keese.
Not only that, but they had to cross rivers and lakes of lava. They either had to find a different route, or jump from boulder to boulder. Link would sometimes use bombs to break boulders in their way and use the claw shot to help get his friends to cross.
At a narrow, sandy slope; Link said that they had to sprint up and take rests on platforms. "I'm not going to carry you this time Peter!" Sonic told Peter.
Knowing Peter, Groose took out a piece of rope and gave it to Metal Sonic. He told Metal to fly up to the top and tie it to a rock. Metal followed the instructions and gave a single its o.k.
While waiting for everyone to climb up, Metal was looking around. "How much longer is this!?" he thought to himself. "Following orders from fools just to punish Mecha and Silver Sonic. What I would give to see them suffer."
Metal then started hearing a noise. He followed it on the other side of the slope and found that a barrel of explosives is lite. "I could just cut that rope, or I'll just let it go and continue on my own Bzzzp Must save friends!"
So Metal Peter Mode flew back to everyone to warn them of the explosion. They all started climbing up faster; but with Zelda, Sonic, and Peter behind, the barrels exploded. They slide back to the bottom, with rocks tumbling their way.
Doing the right thing, Metal in Peter mode flew toward the boulders and blasted them with lasers. "Well that wasn't hard." said Metal Sonic. "This needs more violence." So Metal Sonic flew away somewhere.
The three climbed back up to be greeted by their friends. Amy hugged Sonic, Peter and Quagmire bonked heads, and even Link and Zelda hugged.
While being angry with Link, Groose looked around and asked about Metal. "I haven't heard him clearly, but with my instincts, I'm sure he's doing something for the good for use." said Peter. Then Metal came back with a group of Death Masks. "I found these and thought we should fight them."
Now from Metal's Peter Mode stupidity, they had to fight enemies with Sonic, Peter, and Zelda injured. "Why did you bring them here!?" Groose asked Metal. "That random explosion had nobody around, so I found these guys to fight Bzzp ….. What have I done this time?"
The heroes formed around the three injured friends to protect them from the Death Masks. A thief Death Mask was about to attack Amy, but then a Bokoblin came and defeated it. "Where did he came from!?" asked Amy. They all turned to Metal. "I can't control Peter Mode! Bzzp I don't know about these guys."
Then came more Bokoblins and they began attacking the Death Masks. Wondering what is happening, Peter asked, "Aren't they supposed to be on the same team? It's like what happened in Sonic's world only in reverse."
Seeing that the enemies were not paying attention to them, the heroes managed to slip away. The Bokoblins and the Death Masks fought viciously, Scouters slashing at Bokoblins, Moblins pushing Hunters in the lava, and Speed Shields being bombed.
The Bokoblins seemed to have the upper hand, but then came Master Maskus and he helped defeat the rest of the Bokoblins, leaving only a Moblin alive. "What does Ghirahim thinks he's doing!?" He stretched his cloth hand out and grabbed the Moblin by the neck. "Tell me exactly what you creatures are doing!" The Moblin explained that Ghirahim is on to him about double-crossing him. Only the Moblin could only speak in shrieks. "… Well this is effortless." Maskus strangled the Moblin to death, and looked around. "No heroes in sight? Find them."
Farther away, the heroes reached a small camp site with some Mogmas. One Mogma told them that Brian Griffin is staying here. "Oh sweet, Brian here I come!" With Peter leading, the heroes walked around the site. "Knowing Brian, I'm sure he's somewhere writing a book, having sex with a slut, licking himself, or deciding on where to pee."
(Cutaway Gag)
Peter and Brian are at the park, and Brian has a huge computer with him. "By my calculations, the most positive place to pee will beeeeeeeee that tree." He ran to the tree and lifted his leg, but then he thought of something. "Darn, forgot to carry the four."
"Oh just pick a damn spot and pee!" cried Peter. Brian called back, "Hey this is serious business! It's not like taking a dump!"
(End Cutaway)
While looking for Brian, they came across a build that was not known to most of them, but Peter and Quagmire knew what it is. "Is that a ….. Catholic church?" asked Quagmire. A modern church is facing them with bells, stained glass images, and a statue of Jesus beating up Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
Peter turned to Link and asked if there's Christianity in his world. Link said that they never heard of it. "You don't think?" asked Quagmire. So they all entered the church quietly. They looked at the end of the church and found Brian Griffin, the raging atheist, kneeling at a statue of a cross.
"Brian, is that you!?" asked Peter with disbelief. Brian quickly turned around, wagged his tail, and ran straight to Peter. "Oh my God, Peter! You're in Hell too?" asked Brian.
"Hell? This is-" But Quagmire covered Peter's mouth and took out a video camera. "Shut it, this is gold!" So Brian told everyone why he believes this is Hell. "After the Death Masks attacked us, I woke up here in this fire wasteland. I instantly knew this was Hell so I built this church to have my sins forgiven."
"So Brian, why else do you think this is Hell?" asked Quagmire while snickering. "The lava here isn't the only thing. Outside there are mole men, grass have their own hearts and crystals, and there's bats on fire!" Quagmire began snickering louder. "This is going on Youtube!"
So after Peter introduces Link, Zelda, and Groose; they asked Brian if he has seen Gorko. "No I haven't but we need to save the third chosen one." Sonic then asked, "From what?" Brian answered, "From this damnation."
He walked over to the three and started preaching. "They are in Hell most likely because they believe in the wrong faith that the Devil and Fox News started. So I shall teach them about reading the bible every single day and talk about nothing else but God."
Peter then yelled, "Oh no, Brian became atheists' and American Christians' worst fear, a Jehovah Witness!"
(Cutaway Gag)
A Jehovah witness is preaching about God to an atheist. "Would you please stop! I told you I'm not interested." So the Jehovah witness noticed an American Christian coming. "You there, do you read the bible?" the Christian answered, "I told you that I read the bible enough already! Please leave me alone!"
This message was brought to you by the "A & C Org." Atheists and Creationist living together in harmony.
"Hey can I join?" asked an Alien Ancestor Theorist. "NO!"
(End Cutaway)
So the group walked outside while Brian still preaches about God, and Quagmire is still filming it. They told Brian about the Triforce and about Ghirahim. "That's swell and all, but I have to teach Link that homosexuality is wrong!"
"WHAT?" they all asked. "What's that?" asked everyone that isn't Peter or Quagmire. "Well just look at him, he wears earrings, wears a tunic that looks like a dress, and he has a fairy in that bottle."
An empty silent surround them, until moments later Peter and Quagmire burst out laughing. "I ….. I … Never realized that!" said Peter while laughing. The only other person who understood why it was funny was Brian. "Soooooo what is homosexuality?" asked Amy.
Brian did not give the explanation to them, only that another word of it is gay. "So when Peter called my gay, it was some sort of insult!" said someone else. They all looked and saw Ghirahim looking right at them. "Who …and what…. the Hell … is that!? asked Brian.
Ghirahim walked around them slowly while with a curious look. "I came to ask you all something important to me, the Demon Lord Ghirahim." Wondering what Ghirahim is going to do next, Zelda asked with anger, "What do you want to know?!"
"Hm hm hm, I only want is to know if Maskus said anything about stabbing me in my back. You know, betray me like I am some insignificant fool!" asked Ghirahim while getting angry. Noticing everyone, he said, "You do not need to be worried. All my anger need to be unleashed on Maskus. I don't want to disturb you now." But then Brian jumped on him and repeatedly stabbed him with a cross. "You Satan loving demon!"
Ghirahim threw Brian off, and started shaking the ground with anger. "You scratched my face? You all must perish!" He summoned a herd of Bokoblins and they began attacking everyone. Brian got up, took out a large cross and said, "You fiends of Hell must be judged!" Brian ran toward the army and began using the cross as a weapon. He also bit and dug holes too, but now he has a pair of Magma claws that made his digging skill more useful.
With Brian's help, they defeated the Bokoblins easily and saved the Mogmas, but Ghirahim was still standing there smiling. "Good job, you managed to slow me down. I completely forgot about the Death Masks. I still don't know what they are planning, even though Maskus told a complete version of his plan. Yet there is something wrong with them. Farwell, I'll just meet you all back at the Triforce of Power. I would love to see the look on your faces when my side retrieves it." He then vanished out of thin air.
Link took out the Master Sword and it detected the last Triforce piece on top of the volcano. "The Triforce of Power, we still have the ones of Courage and Wisdom, but Ghirahim could become stronger with that one alone. We have to hurry!" said Zelda.
Link told everyone that there is a sort-cut through a cave not far from where they are, but they may not be able to take the heat. Link wears a special pair of earrings that helps him, but they are the only ones that exist.
Clueless about what to do, a Mogma heard them and said that he has something that might be able to help them. Later he came back with red tunics for everyone. "Some Gorons made this. They will help you survive the heat."
They all put them on, Peter made fun about everyone looking gay while trying to squeeze the tunic on him, and then they all walk inside the cave.
Meanwhile, Maskus appeared outside and began talking to his necklace. "The heroes entered the cave and Ghirahim is on to us just like Peter's son. You know what to do when you find Zelda without Link. Na ha ha ha ah!"
End of Chapter
Peter Griffin is now in front of a black screen. "Hello my friends. I am here to tell you all the dangers of love stories on this website." He took out a list and read them each.
1. You drive straight guys crazy with your stupid ideas.
2. You pair up people that would never or should happen. (Sonic ran by while Amy chases.)
3. Some people make gay love story.
4. Love stories are taking too much space.
5. There are stories about Meg!
7. I farted.
8. Love stories are boring.
9. God this thing itch!
10. Amy is a psychopathic pervert! (Sonic ran by to get away from Amy again.)
11. Have you seen the T.V. remote?
12. The number 12.
13. Bad Luck.
14. The gay love stories are about people who aren't gay.
15. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie center of a tootsie pop?
16. There's was one story about Sonic raped Amy. I'm not sure if it was based on a true story, but it should be the other way around.
17. Geese, how many chapters will there be in this fanfiction?
18. Vagina boob.
"PETER GRIFFIN!" yelled out Maskus. "Godzilla2915 got complaints about him being anti-love story and homosexuals! They are calling him Hitler and hating on him about a story he had never read or care about! What have you done!"
Peter shifts his eyes back and forth and then said, "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you did it." He ran off while Maskus chased him shooting out fire.