Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries. A one shot for the amusement of my followers and fans. This is a familiar AU which usually happens in Harry Potter fanfics. Enjoy!
Spell Gone Wrong
It was Bonnie's fault. She had mispronounced one of the Latin words for the spell and now they were on the floor trying to keep baby-Klaus, baby-Stefan and baby-Damon under control. If there was a God out there, I bet he was having a good laugh. Bonnie was trying to figure out how to reverse the de-aging spell, when Jeremy ran up from the basement of the Salvatore Boarding house with a bunch of blood bags I had asked him to get. He dropped them on the floor.
"This is way too weird." Jeremy murmured, watching the three vampires in miniature size.
Klaus fought his way into the tangled mess of bags on wobbly legs that didn't keep up with his upper body. His wide blue eyes and blond curly hair made him look like a cabbage patch doll, but I had to remember he was the Hybrid that used me as his personal blood-bag.
Stefan was the most adorable toddler I'd ever seen. He had hardly any hair compared to Klaus and spend most of the last hour in a fit of giggles. He crawled over to Klaus at vamp speed and snatched the blood-bag from his lips. Sometimes I wondered how this was my life. The spell had turned all three vampires into vampire-babies with vampire-baby urges.
Damon had a head of black hair and was the most raucous out of the three. He threw tantrums when he didn't get his way and if I turned my back a second he would disappear and I'd find him climbing over the furniture or the beams in the ceiling just to annoy me. Damon bit down onto Stefan's wrist and I started, scolding him and lifting him up to my chest. I realised how utterly ridiculous it would have sounded aloud. Hopefully Damon would never remember any of it when the spell was reversed.
"Elena?" Caroline had burst through the doors, looking anxious when she caught sight of Stefan and Klaus having a competition as to who could drink the most blood-bags. I snatched one out from under them and gave it to Damon to drink.
"Thank God! I called you an hour ago!" Damon's tiny fist clenched my finger. I jiggled him up and down, absently while he dropped the empty bag to the floor.
"I think I'll go help Bonnie," Jeremy said hurriedly. I didn't have time to protest. Stefan was tugging on my jeans, jealous of Damon's face against my breast and the soft cooing noises he emitted. Klaus sat in the middle of the empty blood bags, his red eyes wrought with triumph.
"Elena, what are we supposed to do? How long are they going to stay like this?" Caroline said, picking up Stefan. "Ow!" Caroline held her neck, blood dribbled down her shoulder. "He bit me? Stefan bit me?!" I was at a loss as much as she was. We had survived sacrifices, Katherine, werewolves and hybrids, but I was not sure how we were going to survive this.
"I'm sorry! They'll stay like that until I find the counter-curse." A flustered Bonnie yelled from the couch. Jeremy muttered it was dangerous to use dark-magic, his head buried in another grimoire. Bonnie glared at him. The spell Klaus forced Bonnie to perform was supposed to reveal who the other FIVE members were. Bonnie hadn't used it before and accidently pronounced the Latin word wrong.
"Where's Klaus?" I said. He'd vanished.
"Seriously?" Caroline sighed. "I'll find him. You, no more biting," she warned. She put Stefan down. I watched Caroline chase after Klaus. How had things got to this point? Caroline had Klaus tightly in her arms. "I caught him trying to open the front door," she said while Klaus pouted. Then because they weren't getting enough attention both Damon and Stefan started screaming. It was such a disturbing sight that I was taken aback by it.
"Even as babies they are just as annoying!" Bonnie shouted over the din. She raised her hand and their cries were muted. Caroline and I exchanged looks, sitting down on the floor to try and occupy the toddlers.
"Who knew we would be adding baby-sitting to our resumes?" Caroline said, dangling her necklace in front of Stefan's curious nose. I brushed Damon's hair, and played with his tiny feet and hands. It was inappropriate I was sure, and I really hoped he wouldn't remember it, but I was mesmerised by him. I was a vampire now. I would never experience having a baby, having someone grow inside me or feeling the excruciating pain of him or her leaving my body. Instead of creating lives I took them. Damon left my lap, whisking himself over to stare at Jeremy.
"What do I do?" Jeremy asked, uselessly.
"Just keep him away from the grim-" There was a tearing sound and Bonnie smacked Jeremy in the arm. Jeremy picked Damon up awkwardly, trying to tug the ripped pages from his insistent hands.
"No, we need that. Let go."
"Da-da-wheee!" Damon laughed, chewing the corner of the page. Jeremy managed to get it from him and looked disgusted as it was covered in a mixture of drool and blood. Bonnie dropped her head in her hands, "Grams, help me!"
I said I was sorry and called Jeremy over. It would be easier with three of us. He wasn't getting out of helping me. Stefan crawled into my lap. He must have sensed my emotions. I smiled at him. "They are kind of cute at this age," I said, letting go of my anxiety.
Caroline sighed, Klaus was standing up on his wobbly feet, his hands purposely or not purposely pressed upon Caroline's breasts, he was singing a sort of lament.
"Oh yeah, just adorable," she said, sarcastically.
Jeremy had Damon by the wrist, ducking as Damon's face contorted angrily and his other fist collided with his head, "Elena, will you make him stop hitting me! OW!"
"Damon, stop hurting Jer or you won't get any desert!" I warned. Jeremy glanced at me and I shrugged. "I mean ice-cream. You won't get any ice-cream! That goes for all of you who misbehave."
"Nice one Elena," Jeremy said, with a roll of his eyes. It was the only thing I could think of. I gave Jeremy Stefan to watch, which seemed to work, because as soon as I held Damon he stopped resisting and Stefan was content near Jeremy. Caroline still held onto Klaus for good measure.
"Did you ever think if you weren't a vampire, you and Tyler would have had kids?" I said. Jeremy looked awkward, like he was involuntarily sitting in on some mothers' group somewhere. I thought he was probably wondering how he always got roped into these crazy situations. I was thankful Matt was working, he didn't need the drama.
Caroline looked at me, "Before any of this happened I was constantly thinking about boys and sex, but never about having kids, but now I see them, it would have been nice, especially with Tyler-" Klaus punched her in the face. "Klaus! Stop it!" Caroline said, her face contorted in rage as a threat.
"No ice-kean!" Stefan shouted, rolling on his bum with a chuckle. Trust him to be the one who spoke in sentences. Smarty-pants. I thought.
Jeremy smirked, "I think you've insulted him." Caroline reprimanded him and he sulked in her lap.
"How are we going to explain to Elijah that his brother is a baby?" Caroline asked.
"We'll tackle that when it comes. At the moment, we just need to survive right now, and hope Bonnie's able to fix this."
"Eurgh, I thought vampire's didn't need to go to the bathroom?" Jeremy indicated.
I smelt the air and gagged, holding my nose and trying to see who was the guilty party. Caroline picked up Klaus, muttering she couldn't believe she was doing it, and smelt his pants. Jeremy and Bonnie seemed both impressed and horrified by her action. I was left to check Damon and Stefan.
"It's Stefan," I admitted, grimly. He had wet his pants. It seemed they had reverted to babies but still retained the usual baby habits: wee, poo and farting.
Jeremy told me it was my problem: I should change him. Caroline gave me an understanding look and I sighed, slipping off his shoes and wet pants and wondering what I was going to use in replacement.
"Jer, hold Klaus and Damon. I'll get some clothes and nappies," Caroline sighed.
I couldn't do much with Stefan so I let him crawl around the floor without wearing any pants. His bottom would dry soon enough. The whole room smelled rank though and Bonnie looked at me like I'd lost my sanity, forced to spell the whole room with orange scent. Jeremy had been holding his breath for the past five minutes and took in a long, slow breath, startling Stefan.
"Ow! Stef-aan!"
"Steeeeef!" Damon mimicked. Klaus was still staring after Caroline with wide hopeless eyes.
I looked over at Jeremy, like I was looking at him for the first time. How did mum and dad do this? I regretted giving them such a hard time and wished things had been different, but if they had, would I have met Stefan or Damon? What I had with my friends, with Jeremy, was a result of their deaths and no matter how much I wanted to have them here with me, I had to keep reminding myself that I couldn't change the past.
"Do you think we were ever like this as kids?"
"Without the blood-lust and vampire-teeth, sure," Jeremy chuckled. Bonnie's muting spell had worn off. The crying was insane. Jeremy covered his ears. Caroline came back, carrying a large bundle of nappies.
"They only had Christmas style and I only had time to buy three of the same outfit." She showed them the Winnie the Pooh onesies with a nervous smile.
It came to my understanding that I would now be known not as Elena Gilbert: Doppelganger, but Elena Gilbert: struggling single mother of triplet-vampires with a Winnie the Pooh fetish. Jeremy said sarcastically, 'always wanted to be an uncle'. Klaus presumably didn't like the onesies, "No. No. No. WAHHHHHH!"
There was a loud farting noise. I started laughing. My emotions were heightened and Stefan's surprised face wasn't helping. Bonnie didn't even tell us to be quiet. It was Damon this time. Jer groaned. It was worse than Stefan's. Caroline and I were in hysterics. Mother-hood couldn't be this hard, could it? I was already exhausted.
"PHHHHHBBBBLLLBBBT" Jeremy dived out of the way as Damon's fart was accompanied by a loud squelching poo that Caroline and I heard magnified in our vamp-hearing and made us both gag.
"Toi-lut!" Damon demanded, waddling toward Jeremy with his hands out.
"Ah not me, you're Elena's problem."
"Well, he wants you Jer," I said, changing Stefan who was surprisingly good. I looked up at Caroline who was playing with Klaus. She wiped his angry tears from his face, helping him stand on his wobbly legs and pressed her lips against his blond curly hair. She caught my glance and regretted the last act almost instantly.
"Oh god, I can't believe I just did that! Why did I do that?"
"Maternal instincts?" I answered, nursing a sleepy Stefan in my arms. "He probably won't even remember this." Jeremy let out a groan, taking Damon to the bathroom to dispose of the poo. I listened out in case he needed help. Bonnie was immersed in more spells.
"Uh-Elena?!" There was splash. I appeared by Jeremy's side. He had tried to sit Damon on the toilet while he took off his nappy but Damon had fallen in the water along with his poo and was crying loudly. I scooped him up, ignoring the rankness of the situation and washed Damon in the sink, apologising over and over.
"Jeremy!" It was Bonnie calling him for assistance. He left me to clean up Damon. I wiped Damon's bottom and wrapped him in a clean nappy, slightly impressed with myself. He gurgled and mumbled things that sounded like my name. How was it I still couldn't choose who to spend my life with? Was I being selfish, having both? Was Katherine right? I entered the room again to find Jeremy setting up candles around the babies, and Caroline watching Klaus with a strange smile on her face. This whole experience had changed us both. Caroline had changed Klaus into a onesie, much to his dislike. We kept them away from the dangerous flames and hoped that it was the right spell.
Stefan and Damon held each others' hand and Klaus toddled over to sit with them. For a minute there was peace and then the three boys did what they did best. I thought we should rename them the farting amigos. Caroline and Jeremy stood beside me as Bonnie relayed the spell that was supposed to bring them back as adults.
"I don't regret taking this picture." Caroline said, using her phone as a camera. I laughed.
"Klaus is going to kill us." Jeremy said.
"I highly doubt that. Nobody will look at him the same after they see this photo."
Bonnie raised her arms and the candles flickered. Damon, Klaus and Stefan rose to their full height, the clothes adjusting until they were back to normal wearing giant Pooh costumes. Like I said, my emotions were heightened and after the day we just had, could you really blame me? I fell to the floorin a fit of giggles and it was Caroline who rushed against Klaus, trying to keep her face straight and Jeremy, helping Bonnie to her feet while Stefan and Damon assessed each other up and down.
"I get it, no ice-cream," Klaus said, with a long sigh.
It was Caroline's turn to join me on the floor.
A/N: stories that contain de-aging, which inspired this fic: IcyPanther's Parenting Class (freaking hilarious) and WeatherWatch's Mascara (so much fun). Also inspired by a number of youtube videos on toddlers. Please review.